Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Touhou characters, settings or any other original material created by ZUN or any other affiliates. All Touhou copyrights belong to their respective owners.
With Reimu, Part 1: Ye Olde Moe
"Mmm… I know I was the one that ignored her but… now I'm worried… Will Yuyuko-sama be alright?" wondered aloud Konpaku Youmu as she made her way towards the Hakurei shrine, "S-She won't die of hunger, will she?" Youmu fretted a little.
Her phantom companion turned to her confusedly.
"R-Right… She's already dead, forgot…" Youmu said to it sheepishly, "Well, I guess that means I have nothing to worry about! Ahaha…" she tried laughing off her anxieties, "T-That's right! I'm here because of Yuyuko-sama in the first place, so she should worry about herself!" she rekindled her conviction.
The phantom stared at Youmu for a moment, before decidedly turning back to the path they were travelling upon. Soon they arrived at a Torii gate, where a path led to a set of stairs.
Youmu sighed, "Okay… Time for my 'husband' of the day…" And she and the phantom began ascending the stairs to the shrine-
A corpse.
"… Wah!?" Youmu nearly lost her footing and fell off the stairs, "A-A body!?"
Next to her, halfway up the stairs, lay face down the body of a small girl. Atop her head precariously perched a dark blue, small round hat, taller than it was wide. Her long gray hair was tied in a ponytail, and she wore a purple skirt and a baggy, triple-layered tunic of gold, green and white layers inside-out. Her body was bruised and her clothing torn in places.
"T-This isn't Reimu-san's doing, is it…?" Youmu and her phantom companion exchanged glances. Youmu shook her head, frightened. The phantom shook even more vigorously. Youmu put her foot down, and thus the phantom reluctantly approached the corpse-
"GADZOOKS! WHO GOES THERE!?" the girl pressed up on her arms, her hat falling off her head down the steps-
"AHHHHHHHH! !" Youmu screamed, the phantom darted away, and both retreated to the far edge of the steps, holding one another tightly.
"EGAD!? What horrifies thee!?" the girl's eerie, blue-gray eyes turned upon Youmu and-
"HYAAHH! ! A-A ZOMBIE! !" Youmu shrieked while the phantom made to shriek, but… could not because it was a phantom.
"WHERE!? Whereinsoever doth this accursed ghoul lurk- Ah! My hat!" the girl felt the top of her head, "My hat did off my head!" and the girl got to her feet, glancing about her anxiously, "Oh! There doth it lie!" the girl spotted her hat at the bottom of the stairs, made to run to it, tripped and… "OUCH! OW! OW! OUCH!" crashed down the stairs.
Youmu and her phantom companion slowly peered over. The body that had lain next to them was now crumpled at the bottom step, her bum up in the air and her knees next to her head, arms sprawled.
"S-She's still alive, isn't she…?" wondered Youmu, just now beginning to realise that the corpse was not a corpse. An awkward moment passed before her phantom companion smacked her on the head.
"Ow! It couldn't be helped!" defended Youmu as she made her way back down the steps, "I was scared!" she told the phantom silently lecturing after her. Youmu knelt next to the girl and…
Lacy side-tie bikini panties… Q-Quite an outfit beneath that conservative clothing… "H-Hello?" Youmu hesitantly asked the bikini-bottomed girl, "Are you alright-"
"Gadzooks!" the girl suddenly sat up and Youmu jumped, "That hurt, forsooth!" she rubbed the back of her head, tearing a little, "'Tis embarrassing, for I to be suffering- no… bothered still from mortal pains!"
"Gah! Don't do that, geez!" Youmu calmed down, then urged the girl gently, "Come on, we need to treat your injuries, you're hurt!"
"Huh? Injuries? Nary!" the girl winced in pain however, then looked at Youmu stubbornly and insisted once more, "NARY! My body is a Shinkaisen's! It doth suffer not from- Oww…!"
Youmu sighed at the girl's obstinacy, "Look, you're hurt no matter how you slice it. Let's get you to the Hakurei Shrine and see if Reimu-san can do something about it," she suggested, "I'm on my way there myself actually, so…"
"Thou cannot be serious?" asked the girl darkly, and Youmu paused in confusion, "Suggest I go thither, to the shrine for aid? W-Who dost thou think responsible for my condition…?" the girl trembled in fear.
So this is Reimu-san's doing after all…! Youmu shivered. S-Still…
"Haah… Come on! We've got no choice!" Youmu forcefully hoisted the girl, "We need to treat those wounds! I'll go talk to Reimu-san, I'm sure we can work out any misunderstandings."
"No! NO! Where dost thou carry me!?" struggled the girl, her hand stubbornly holding her funny little hat upon her head despite it refusing to stay there, "THERE LURK MONSTERS IN THAT SHRINE!"
"Oh? Youmu-san?" As soon as Youmu and the girl reached the top of the steps, they found the shrine maiden sitting by the porch of the shrine, a cup of tea in her hands, "You actually came- Geh!? Why did you bring that girl back…?" Hakurei Reimu questioned Youmu about the girl she was leading.
"Reimu-san! Why did you attack this girl!?" Youmu demanded, "She's hurt all over!"
"Hah? Youmu-san, did you forget who she was already?" asked Reimu, and Youmu, puzzled, took a closer look at the funny speaking, funnily dressed little girl.
"…? Reimu-san's right… You do look kind of familiar…" Youmu scrutinised.
"Ahh… Have we met afore…?" the girl too began to recognise Youmu. Both gasped at the same time.
"Ah! You're that Taoist hermit from that 'Ten Desires' incident!" "Ack! Art not thou the scary swordsman that vanquished- no… hindered me!?"
Both leapt away from each other. Youmu drew one of her two katanas strapped to her waist and took a stance. The girl drew out a plate-like magic artefact, but soon collapsed to her knees in pain.
"Haah… Of course, she's already injured…" Youmu sheathed her sword and walked over, offering a hand, "You may have been an opponent once, but that doesn't mean I can simply ignore someone who's hurt..." she said, "Your name was… Futo-san, wasn't it?"
"Haah…! This young lady…!" the girl looked up, moved, "She understands our values! Mononobe no Futo is my name!" said Futo eagerly, "Youmu-dono, was it not?" she grasped Youmu's hand with much enthusiasm, "Dare I inquire? Art thou willing to lend thy mind to the glorious teachings of Taoism? A great potential, thou wields, for thou hast naught but a saint's heart!"
"Ahh…! I… don't quite know about that…" sweat-dropped Youmu, "Y-You see, I'm not exactly religious-"
"But insist I must!" Futo stood up, now tightly clinging on to Youmu's arm, "Thou art a compatriot in spirit!"
"N-Now wait just a moment!" Youmu struggled both physically and mentally against Futo. Those puppy eyes of hers…! What does she expect me to do, say yes…!?
"Thou art a fine swordsman, possessive of tremendous skill and discipline, forsooth!" continued a shining Futo, as if she had found a diamond, "Should thou join our ranks, a great many deeds shalt thou accomplish erelong- Ouch!"
"Alright, that's enough of you!" Futo's recruitment was interrupted by a smack to the head from Reimu, who had actually bothered to leave her seat, "Honestly! Your persistent 'missionary work' is what really irritates me!"
"Gii!" Futo clutched at her head in pain, "B-Brutish monster!" she shot Reimu a tearful glare.
"Is that why you attacked her?" asked Youmu uneasily, "That's a bit excessive, don't you think?"
"Trust me, I tolerated her to the best of my ability!" recounted Reimu, "I even listened to her preaching for a whole hour! But when she even followed me into the toilet it really was the last straw!" her temple twitched at the memory of it, "I mean geez! Is watching other people pee some twisted past-time of yours!?" she told off Futo.
"But…!" Futo teared up again, "No one listened save for thee! I-I had invested much effort in my mission, and did sincerely hope that fortune would present itself to me with this attempt…" she sniffled.
Gah! Reimu and Youmu stepped back in surprise. Did we do something wrong…?W- Why does it feel like we've done something wrong…!?
"Haah… Look," began Reimu hesitantly, "I'm sorry to hear that your um… missionary work isn't going so well, but that's how it is for all religions nowadays… I mean it's not like I don't understand your situation… My own shrine is rather pitiful- Why are you holding on to your hat like that, it's really odd don't you know?" questioned Reimu. And indeed it was. Throughout the entire scene, Futo had one hand up upon her head like a monkey.
"I-I am without choice!" pouted Futo, "Thou snapped my hat's string when thou attacked me!"
Youmu and her accompanying phantom glanced accusatively at Reimu, and Reimu gave a big sigh, "Fine! Sheesh! First you come preach to me early in the morning and now this load of trouble shows up… Youmu-san, please bring Futo-san into the house and I'll see if I can't do something about that hat…" she turned back to her the shrine.
"Reimu-san…" Youmu gazed at Reimu in pleasant surprise. Reimu-san is actually a nice person, isn't she-
"Haah…! Thou hast my gratitude!" skipped Futo happily after Reimu, "Oh, but allow me to correct thee about my predicament. Our group is burdened not by a lack of funds, unlike thy shrine... Nary! Our influence doth steadily flourish by the day-" Futo stopped when Reimu halted and rigidly turned around, fire in her eyes.
"Oi… You really want me to punish you, don't you, you funny speaking brat!?" Reimu raised an angry fist. Futo yelped and Youmu chuckled awkwardly.
"There… That should take care of it," Youmu finished tending to Futo's wounds with some herbal ointment just as Reimu was done with repairing her hat.
"Here you go," Reimu handed over to Futo her fixed hat.
"Hoorah! Thou hast my sincerest of thanks!" Futo adorned her hat with delight, "Heehee… Youmu-dono eke possesses a healer's touch," she beamed.
"Just be careful, alright?" Youmu smiled in return, "The ointment merely provides relief."
The three were now in Reimu's living room, seated about the cosy Japanese-styled table. The screen doors were left wide open, where the spring's breeze and an occasional cherry petal made its way into the room. Reimu had been spending the last few minutes stitching on a new string to Futo's hat while the other two watched, sipping tea.
"Sorry about this, Youmu-san," Reimu said to Youmu, "You're my guest today, but I haven't paid much attention to you, have I?"
"No, not at all!" Youmu replied, "Actually… I-I think you've got it reversed there, Reimu-san," she embarrassedly scratched her cheek, "I mean, I'm the one that's supposed to serve you today, isn't it?"
"Oh, that's right," recalled Reimu simply, "You were supposed to be my wife today."
Youmu spat at Reimu's bluntness while Futo was shocked by the revelation.
"Egad! Thou art pledged to one another!? Forgive me, for I did not know!" Futo sat up straight, face blushing, suddenly uncomfortable about being here, "A-Am I intruding upon thy love-nest?" she fiddled her fingers meekly.
"Hyah!? NO! We're nothing like that!" Youmu cut across urgently like a red light.
"Huh? Art thou not Reimu-san's bride…?" Futo cocked her head.
"No, I'm not! I-I mean… the situation's kind of complicated…" Youmu trailed off, trying to decide how best to explain it.
"Futo-san, Youmu-san is my wife for only today," Reimu sipped her tea nonchalantly.
Youmu slammed her head onto the table while Futo glanced back and forth between the two, before slowly coming to a misunderstanding, "Oh! 'Tis a phenomenon I have heard of! What was it… Aha! T'was called a 'Shotgun Wedding'!" Futo nodded, proud about possessing such modern information, "Alas! The youth are hasty and loose!" the young girl shook her head in disapproval.
Youmu looked up, jaw hanging. Reimu sipped more tea, and replied after a moment's thought, "Well, that's going to cause a few misunderstandings, but that sounds about right…"
"There's nothing right about it!" exclaimed Youmu.
"Hey, Youmu-san," Reimu glanced at Youmu through one eye, "All you've been doing until now is tsukkomi… Aren't you going to do anything wife-like for me?"
"All you've done is tsukkomi too…" grumbled back Youmu, "What is this, a comedy? Well, is there anything Reimu-san would like me to do?" she asked.
"Ask properly," Reimu reprimanded, "You're my wife, right?" she reminded, and Youmu flinched. "Just for the record, I don't care much for this 'wife game' your master's got," explained Reimu, "But since you're here to trouble me for a whole day, you might as well do it properly…" she sipped yet more tea.
"… Am I really bothering you that much…?" muttered Youmu sadly, "Haah… Once again, Yuyuko-sama has troubled others with her antics… I understand!" Youmu switched to her 'serious gardener mode', "A master's sin is her servant's sin!" she declared, and got up from the table.
"… What are you doing?" watched Reimu suspiciously, and startled when Youmu suddenly sat before her in formal Seiza-style and bowed her head to the floor.
"Danna-sama?" she asked with utmost formality, "Is there any small comfort that Youmu can provide Danna-sama with?" Youmu looked up with eyes that desired nothing more than to serve her master.
Reimu spat regret along with her tea, "Gah! W-What are you- Cut it out! I was joking, I was joking!" her hands flailed about, "R-Reimu! Just call me Reimu! And there's no need to act like my wife!" she hurriedly urged.
Youmu, pleasantly surprised by Reimu's kindness, felt warmth in her chest. She sat up, her sincere smile troubling Reimu, "In that case Reimu-san, is there anything you'd like Youmu to do for you?" she asked gently.
"Urk… S-Stop it with that tone, you're creeping me out…" Reimu glanced away uncomfortably, and instead met eyes with Futo.
"… Thou may be a violent monster… But thou art possessive of heart!" Futo grinned her approval.
"S-Stop that, seriously! What's with this sudden heart-warming session!?" Reimu looked about with a troubled red face while Youmu and Futo shared a giggle.
The three had a moment of peaceful silence, but suddenly an uncomfortable feeling crept upon them.
"H-Hey… Doesn't it feel like we're being watched or something…?" asked Youmu uneasily.
"Eh? Youmu-dono as well? I have felt the same…" added Futo.
"There is someone watching us…" agreed Reimu, and all three looked out the door-
Kirisame Marisa.
"GYAAAHHH! !" screamed the three girls. The blonde witch in question was openly sitting crossed-legged just outside on the porch, a creepy grin plastered to her face.
"Took ye long enough!" Marisa laughed, "I was here all day, da ze!"
"Whew! That was close…!" Yuyuko drew away from the portal she had been spying through. On the other side were Youmu and company in Reimu's sitting room, "I thought we were almost caught there!" she turned to her fellow voyeur, Yakumo Yukari. The pair were in Yukari's house, specifically Yukari's room, a dish of peanuts and a bottle of sake for each of them. The perfect atmosphere for watching a reality show.
"I told you not to worry, Yuyuko-chan," Yukari reassured her, "My little peepholes won't get discovered that easily… I spy on Reimu like this all the time and she barely detects a quarter of the occasions, and you know she's sharp," said Yukari, "Still, did you plan the whole raffle just to spy on your little Youmu?" she asked.
"Hmm… Not really," answered Yuyuko honestly, "The idea just sort of came to me when I was thinking of what to give for a first prize."
"So basically you're doing whatever whim comes to mind?" asked Yukari with a smile.
"Yep!" grinned Yuyuko, "Do you hate it, Yukari-chan?"
"Nope! I love it!" said Yukari, and the two clinked their sake cups together.
Chapter End
I would like to first off apologise for butchering the archaic English language... and English in general, actually... Though I would like to secondly say that it was kind of fun. Attempting to use archaic English that is, n-not the act of butchering it…
