Preschool: Role Call (Until our dear teachers got sick of it)

Author's note: This introduces the rest of Katniss' class. Enjoy!


"I think we're supposed to do role call," Coin was examining her schedule in interest. "After they're all on the carpet, at least."

"Alright, kids, sit down on the carpet or I'll punch your lights out!" Snow shouted. However, no one heard him over the din.

"Perhaps you should sing a song," suggested Coin. "Kids relate better to songs."

"Alright, you sing it," Snow ordered her.

"Nah. I'll be recording you and uploading you to YouTube for extra laughs," Coin replied. Snow, very angry at this, decided to sing a song that wouldn't make her laugh. As a result, he sang the following (sung to the tune of Clean up, clean up!)

Sit down

Sit down

Or I'll punch out your lights!

Sit down

Sit down

Or I'll punch out your lights!

Immediately, two of the children started crying, a bunch of others started laughing, and Johanna (who had been in the process of removing her shoes) two boys who looked like they could be Katniss' brothers balled their fists and growled. Snow shook his head. Well, at least Wiress and another little girl with dark hair and green eyes were crying. Beetee was now awkwardly placing one hand on his new friend's shoulder and attempting to calm her down, until finally giving a sigh and saying, "Wiress, seeing as you are not responding to my first line of attempting to calm you down, I shall have to use what is normally called 'a last resort': nursery rhymes."

"I'll sing for myself," Wiress replied and began to quietly sing 'Hickory, Dickory Dock,' a nursery rhyme that she was extremely fond of. Afterwards, Beetee attempted to tell her why the song was illogical as she murmured "Tick, tock. Tick, tock" over and over again.

The other girl, the green-eyed one, was now sitting on the carpet, tracing patterns. Soon enough, a small boy who had somehow misplaced his shirt came and sat down next to her.

"Noticed you were crying earlier. Kids aren't s'posed to cry on the first day," he told her, trying to sound scolding.

"Hey, you, little brat!" Snow yelled. Beetee stood up and was about to give him a piece of his mind when her realized that Snow hadn't been talking about him. He sat right back down next to Wiress, who was now looking out the window and had ceased her whispered mantra of "Tick, tock."

"Who told you that you could lose your shirt?" Snow continued, his attention now aimed at the half-dressed boy.

"A seventh grader said that I'd look better without it," the boy replied.

"Well, it didn't work, did it?" Snow asked patronizingly.

"It did. A bunch of sixth graders came up to me and said I was cute and that I'd be really hot some day," the boy told him matter-of-factly before putting an arm around the green-eyed girl and coaxing her up from her position of lying on her stomach.

"Ugh. The next Taylor Lautner," Coin snapped as she dragged a small girl to the carpet. When she tried to shove her down, the girl sunk her teeth into Coin's arm. Coin began to scream and flail her arm around, but the child's toothy grip on her never loosened, not even the slightest bit. Finally, with a sigh, Coin set the girl down. She released her sharp little teeth from the irate teacher's arm, and grinned. Coin, having quite enough of this annoying child, stuck her middle finger at the grinning girl... and immediately found it in the girl's teeth.

"Would you get this little vampire off me?" Coin screamed. Snow, however, was laughing too hard to care. Finally, another boy stood up and somehow detached the girl from Coin's arm.

"Thank you," said Coin grudgingly.

"You're welcome. Are you Mrs. Coin? You sure look pretty today," the boy declared.

"Really? Well, thank you. What's your name?"

"Boggs," the boy replied.

"What sort of name is that?" she remarked.

"Mine," the boy replied. "Yes, I have a weird name. I wish my name were Coin. That's a beautiful name." Coin smiled (and looked hideous) as little Boggs continued lying through his teeth, praising her many (nonexistent) virtues before sitting down.

"Why do you do that?" Katniss asked him in as quiet of a voice as she could.

"So that she'll like me. Always good to get teachers liking you. That's what brother says, anyway," the boy whispered back.

"Ladies and gentlemen, shut the **** up!" Snow yelled to get attention. Everyone suddenly fell silent, most never having heard the F word before (with the sole exception of the now barefoot Johanna), so they didn't understand, but his tone worried them.

"Alright, you miserable brats, I'm your teacher, Mr. Snow. And that over there is my assistant, Mrs. Coin," the children still didn't like his tone, but most didn't understand them. Well, Johanna did, but she was too busy unbuttoning her shirt. "We'll be doing role call now. It says here in the daily schedule printed up by some bureaucratic fool that when I say your name, you get to stand up and say something about yourself. Pointless. Anyhow, I'll start calling names now, in no particular order, because I defy the government at every turn, and you should as well. Haymitch Abernathy!"

A boy with black hair and bright gray eyes stood up. He was one of the two who could be Katniss' brother, appearance-wise. Snow disliked him already.

"I'm Haymitch. You're the ugliest man I've ever met," the boy said and pointed at Snow before sitting down.

"Think up a better insult next time. I hear that a lot," Snow replied, not really perturbed. "Annie Cresta!"

The green-eyed girl, who had been sitting next to the young Taylor Lautner, timidly stood up and smiled.

"I'm Annie Cresta. I don't like loud noises," she declared.

"TOO BAD!" Coin yelled from her corner. Annie clapped her hands over her ears and sat down very slowly. Shirtless boy put an arm around her.

"Cashmere del Sol!" Snow shouted. The girl from earlier stood up and simpered.

"I'm Cashmere. I like fashion," she declared.

"Gloss del Sol!" Snow called. A boy with the same green eyes and blond hair stood up and waved.

"I'm Gloss. I like knives and fashion," he announced. Wiress suddenly felt an inexplicable jolt of terror and shuddered.

"Scary," she muttered to Beetee.

"I agree. Just to warn you, his parents are some of the most irresponsible people I can think of. They gave him a pocket knife," he replied. Seeing her questioning look, he added, "He was ripping apart falling leaves with one of the blades and laughing evilly this morning as I passed him, walking to school. The thing that bothered me was that his parents were cheering him on." Even as he said that, Gloss sat back down and Snow called the next name.

"Foxface Adams! AKA the stupidest name anyone could ever be given," Snow voiced his earlier opinion as a small girl with orange-red hair and curious eyes stood up.

"Can I eat that?" she asked, pointing to a marble that was on Snow's desk.

"Feel free," Snow replied. Foxface immediately popped the marble in her mouth, meanwhile sneaking one of Snow's pens into her pocket. No one saw that, as they were shocked to see her suddenly start coughing and turn blue. Vaguely aware that he was required by law to do something, Snow watched in disappointment as Shirtless Boy punched her in the stomach and the marble flew out. Gosh, these kids were harder to get rid of than he'd thought.

"Margaret O'Callie!" he called, hoping Margaret had met her death on the way to school. However, a small girl with curly hair stood up.

"Call me Mags," she insisted in a heavily accented voice, even for a four-year-old. "Mum and dad do."

"We'll call you whatever we like, Margaret! Now sit back down," Coin declared. Snow just nodded and called the next name.

"Claudius Templesmith!" Claudius stood up.

"HELLO, THERE! I'M CLAUDIUS TEMPLESMITH! MY MOMMY IS ALWAYS TELLING ME TO SPEAK MORE QUIETLY!" Claudius declared in a booming voice that seemed to reverberate through the room. Annie Cresta started crying, and everyone else put their hands over their ears.

"Shut the h*** up!" Johanna screamed from under her shirt.

"No more profanity, little brat. Sit down, Claudius," Coin declared.

"Lesson #1: And that is precisely why loudspeakers took so long to develop," Snow said. "See, kids? School is easy! You learn new things every day!"

"On the contrary-"

"Shut up, Barney! You're ruining my reputation! And if I just made that fact up, deal with it!"

"My name is Beetee," the boy mumbled. Wiress patted his shoulder and went back to looking for the weak place in the wall. Always useful to know.

"Gale Hawthorne!" Snow called. The other boy who looked like Katniss' brother stood up and scowled at Snow before sitting back down again.

"Tell us something about yourself, Gale!" Coin commanded. Gale stood up again, his steely gray eyes flickering in annoyance.

"Mousetraps hung from branches with flowers instead of cheese don't work for trapping hummingbirds," he declared and sat down again. Then, remembering something, he stood up again and continued, "I am going to be a big game hunter some day." Then, he sat down and stayed down.

Snow looked at his list again.

"Caesar Flickerman!" he decided. The boy stood up. He was wearing a blue shirt and jeans, but no one noticed that. They did notice, however, that he had green hair and that he appeared to have colored his eyelids and below his eyes with a green marker.

"See? I match! Do you like that, Mr. Snow?" Caesar asked.

"You look hideous," Snow replied candidly. "For once, I found someone uglier than me."

"Glad you are in a good mood today!" Caesar said cheerfully.

"Sit down before I kill you and eat your heart for lunch," Coin snapped. Caesar flashed her a grin and sat down.

Mumbling something about 'worst parenting skills ever', Snow decided upon the next name.

"Madge Undersee!" Snow shouted. A pretty girl with blue eyes and blond hair stood up. She was wearing a pretty white dress.

"I'm the mayor's daughter," she informed Snow.

"And I'm the son of the emperor," Snow replied. "Of course you're not the mayor's daughter."

"I came to school in a limousine," Madge shot back.

"Just sit down, okay?" Coin snapped from her corner. Sighing, Madge sat down.

"Lavinia Freedman! Okay, what's up with all the Roman names?" Snow asked as a girl with bright red hair stood up, nodded a greeting, and sat back down.

"Lavinia, can't you say something?" he asked in a frustrated manner. She stood up and shook her head.

"Lavinia can't talk," the boy sitting next to her explained. "Never has."

"Who are you?"

"Darius Whales."

"Okay, Darius, you're here. Johanna Mason!"

Johanna Mason stood up. Everyone immediately noticed that she was completely and totally naked. Katniss gave a shriek and buried her head in her hands. Enobaria wanted to bite her. Beetee, meanwhile, closed his eyes and covered Wiress' with his hands.

"This is a scene totally unfit for people under the age of eighteen," he told her. She nodded and stopped struggling.

"WHY AREN'T YOU WEARING ANYTHING?" asked Claudius.

"The teacher betted that I couldn't!" she replied.

"Johanna Mason, get some clothing on right now or I'll electrocute you," Snow shouted. Johanna sighed and shook her head. After more threatening, she finally put her clothing back on.

"I'll come naked again," she warned.

"I'll remember to bring my electric chair. Finnick Odair!" Finnick Odair, as it turned out, was shirtless boy.

"Don't look yet," Beetee instructed Wiress and put his hands over her eyes again. "A couple of our classmates appear to have vendettas against clothing." She just nodded.

"Sit back down," Coin ordered him sharply. "Peeta Mellark!"

A boy with curly blond hair and bright blue eyes stood up and looked excitedly at everyone until his eyes rested on Katniss.

"Hello. I'm Peeta Mellark. My parents are bakers," he announced, eyes still on Katniss. She giggled when she saw how hard he was looking at her. Finally, he sat down.

"Ugh, I'm sick of this. Haymitch Abernathy."

"You called me already!"

"Effie Trinket!"

A girl wearing a bright pink wig stood up and grinned.

"Happy School Year! Let's hope we all make our teachers happy!" she chirped and sat down.

"I hate the cheerful ones," Coin muttered. "And I'm sick of this."

"Fine. One more name, then we're done. Katniss Everdeen."

Katniss stood up, and for some reason, the class finally fell silent.

"I'm Katniss Everdeen. My daddy is a coal miner and my mommy is a doctor. We are very poor, but daddy and I sing and are very happy. My mommy says-"

"For GOODNESS sake, sit down, child!" snarled Snow.

"I'm still talking," Katniss replied cheerfully. Suddenly, the class all started murmuring. Snow and Coin were in shock. They'd been sassed by a four-year-old. As soon as she was done, the entire class clapped for her.

"What's the big deal?" Haymitch snapped to Peeta.

"You obviously have no idea. The effect she has," Peeta whispered in reply, looking adoringly at her.


A/N: For those of you who don't know, the scene with Madge is based on a scene from Sagwa.

Also, until I think up good last names, this'll be all we get for role call!