gNat2:We're back! You'll probably never notice this due to the multiple Christmas related fics this archive has. That or someone in denial and alternating the end of 'Angels take Manhattan' But expect a huge update thanks to Meep's imagination of the next fandom after this.
Meep:So I went a little overboard...
gNat2: Quote on 'little'. This part...was hard. I hated this fandom, I still do! I was basically procrastinating on writing this so I had to shove it in Meep's face and say, "Finish it!" So she did and I was like "Flawless victory!" and yea...Fatality!
Happy f*cking Thanksgiving from gNat2 and Meepalicious!
Meep: MEEP!
WE OWN NOTHING!
We landed (again) to another location. "Where are we this time?" Asked Dante. "I might be the one driving it, but I have no idea. We could be anywhere! In another planet, in the future, at the end of time and space, the list is endless. Who wants to go first?"
Silence fell upon us. "SHOT NOT!" Dante yelled. "God damn it Dante, SHOT NOT!" I shouted. Gabbi quickly shot not, leaving Vergil the sacrifice of the new location. "Just open the door, it won't bite…much." I called after him as he leaves for the door with us following shortly behind. The door open and we were instantly breathing in shit.
"Close it!" I shouted.
"What was that smell? Justin Bieber's perfume?" Gab coughed.
"I'm guessing it's his decomposing corpse. Either way, we need to get out and see where we are." I pushed everyone out and walked into a forest. The forest itself was…mysterious, dark and depressing in a way. I think we're in the Forbidden Forest, therefore in the Harry Potter fandom! Sweet!
Suddenly some girl with REALLY pale skin and shiny brown hair appeared out of nowhere. It also looks like she experimented what happens when you put the gun in the oven.
"Have you seen my husband, Edward? He's tall, strong, sparkles, not to mention a vampire. I'm carrying his child and I need to be like him in order to live." Then she just walks off.
That was just…strange.
"Did she say Edward? As in Edward Cullen?" Gab spoke. "No, Edward Elric. What other Edward is there?" I responded.
"I'm getting confused by the minute!" Dante got in the conversation. "That's a side effect, it'll wear off." I said, then I gasped.
"Look! Footprints!" Sure enough, there were random sets of feet setting up a trail. Flashing my screwdriver over it, Gabbi caught the drift and asked, "Please don't tell me…" "I'm sorry, but the Kardashians are in town. LET'S KILL THEM!" I ran in the direction the tracks went. "W-Wait up!" Cried my friend.
~Later~
"So what you're saying is that this world has vampires. These vampires aren't nocturnal, don't drink blood, look like celebrities, and sparkle?" Dante basically repeated what I just told him as the trail went FOREVER!
"Exactly, which is a cause to effect motion into a breeding ground for Sues. Therefore, we need to perform a mass murder that'll hopefully lead to their extinction." My companion answered the question. "Also, does anyone have goosebumps from the sudden breeze?"
CRACK!
The sound of a twig snap made us all face each other back-to-back with whatever weapon we drew first. Gab drew and arrow, waiting to pull it back, Dante and Vergil with their demon slaughtering guns, and me with a sonic screwdriver. How lovely! Not to mention we were suddenly surrounded by people out of NOWHERE! It's like they TOTALLY have super speed –sarcastic meter starts beeping- or something!
"Are these the sparkling vampires you mentioned?" Spoke Vergil. "Yea. Sues all around us." Their sparkling almost blinded us as a cloud decided 'Hey, I want the sun to have light in this place!' and moved to our torture.
One of the Sues had multi colored long hair, wearing a red and black laced corset, the skinniest jeans ever, and 9 inch heels. Ouch.
"What are you doing in OUR territory?" She asked.
I flashed the psychic paper at them. "Don't worry! We're just lone wonderers searching for treasure."
"What treasure?" She growled, fangs exposed.
"The treasure of…Eymaweener."
"Im a..weiner?"
Cue my group (minus Vergil) laughing like idiots. "Classic…" Wheezed Gab.
The vampire girl, who is more pissed than last time, was about to say something, then a BOOM, CRASH sound was heard. Next thing you know, the vampire girl lies on the ground lifelessly (oxymoron) and her friends come to lie on the ground as well. "Well, that escalated quickly. " I said. "Who shot them?"
"Wasn't me!" Gab placed her arrow back and dropped her bow as the twins drew back their guns. "You would've known it was me like, 10 seconds ago!" She backed herself up. "Obviously arrows can make a loud crack unless you're Robin Hood." I darted my eyes to the brothers. Vergil just gave me the coldest stare ever, "If it was me, they would've been dead when they appeared." He finally spoke, THE SILENT ASS TALKS! "Also, Dante would've been reckless and use more than the needed bullets." The blue coated Sparda added in. "Then…who was it?"
To answer our needed question, a man in a red coat and hat appeared out of nowhere. We couldn't see his eyes through the darkest shade of black hair (Can't wait to find the other 49) because of a small orange lens glasses was being reflected by the unknown light this damn place offered.
"D-Doctor, is that a Sue?" Gabbi asked as we all stared at the random dude who had appeared in the clearing. Just as I was about to answer, the figure decided he wanted to say something to us after killing off all the Sues in our immediate area.
"No, I'm not a Sue!" The dude laughed. Gabbi pulled her arrow back out, knocked it into her bow, and aimed at the dude. "Who are you then? And why did you help us?" Gabbi asked. The dude chuckled. "My name is Alucard. I 'helped' you not because I wanted to help you but because I'm a Sue hunter, and a vampire hunter, and I was going to kill them anyway. This fandom is running wild with what these people call vampires and Sues. Besides, these sparkling fairies give real vampires a bad name." The dude, Alucard, explained and took off his glasses to reveal eyes that were crimson red. I looked back at Dante and Vergil, who just looked confused and wary. Gabbi was staring at Alucard with her pondering face on. Alucard raised an eyebrow at her. Then she grinned as if she'd just won the lottery.
"One would think that after living for thousands upon thousands of years, you'd have come up with a better alias than spelling your name backwards." She told Alucard, who just smirked at her. Gabbi took a huge step away from him. "Someone want to explain what's going on?" Dante asked, annoyed. "Dante, what's Alucard spelled backwards?" Gabbi asked. Vergil and I smirked, finally catching her point.
"Alucard backwards is Dracula but…Oh." Dante finished lamely when the aforementioned vampire badass raised an eyebrow at him. Gabbi, Alucard and I all started snickering and Vergil face-palmed. "Alright, we're Sue Hunters. That brings us all here for the same purpose. What would you say to a temporary alliance, Alucard?" I asked after we stopped laughing at Dante. Gabbi, at this point put her arrow back in her quiver. "So long as your friend doesn't shoot me." Alucard replied with a pointed glare at Gabbi, who rolled her eyes. "I won't. Not unless you give me a reason why I'd have to shoot you." She replied. "Good. I believe we have an accord." I smirked, knowing full well that Gabbi would understand the Pirates of the Caribbean reference, and shaking hands with Alucard.
*Gabbi's POV*
"Would you happen to know where the other Sues in this canon are?" I asked Alucard after he shook hands with Patty. Suddenly, blood curdling screams and wolf howls filled the air. "I do now." Alucard answered, looking in the direction the howl had come from. "Helpful." Patty retorted. Alucard rolled his eyes and motioned for us to follow him. He led us through the forest and the sounds of a battle became much louder. What the hell is going on over there? I thought.
Soon we came to a clearing in the forest and saw an epic Supernatural Sue battle going on. There were giant wolves the size of horses and annoying, sparkling, 'perfect', wannabe vampires all trying to kill each other. I picked the girl we'd seen earlier, Bella, out of the crowd. She was sitting on a rock conveniently placed on the other side of the clearing with a good view of the fight with her head in her hands. I rolled my eyes. What a Sue! I thought. I also picked out Edward and all the other Cullens and nearly gagged.
"I'm going to assume they're all fighting over Edward, Bella and Jacob respectively." I stated as we watched from the cover of the last few trees before we hit the clearing. "So it would seem." Patty commented. "What's our plan?" Vergil asked. Patty looked at Alucard expectantly. "You're the expert on this crap." She told him when he gave her a weird look. "Just follow my lead." He smirked and leapt into the fray and fighting like a boss. Dante immediately pulled out his sword and jumped into the battle. Vergil rolled his eyes and we followed after the more reckless of the twins.
The battle was utter chaos. Dante and Vergil soon realized that swords were no use on the sparkling vampire wannabes and started taking out the wolves. Patty's sonic screwdriver and psychic paper worked on both wolves and vampires. Whatever Alucard had done to the other vampire Sues was working and half of them were dead before I had shot my second arrow. I fought back to back with Patty most of the time and shot down the wolves. A few vampires came at me but were quickly killed by either Alucard or Patty, whichever of them was closest at the time. It didn't take long to kill all of them. I'm guessing that Alucard got bored after a while and just did his weird Jedi mind trick or whatever it was to kill the Sues that were left. After the battle we all met in the middle of the clearing.
"That didn't take nearly as long as I thought it would." I stated. Dante and Vergil nodded in agreement. Alucard snickered. "That, my dear, is because you've never fought with me on your side before." He stated. "Yeah, remind me not to piss you off." Patty commented. "Now what are we going to do?" Dante asked. "We should probably go see where the nearest city is; we need to get some stuff before we hit the next sue-infested canon." Patty answered. "The nearest city is Seattle, which would be about five miles in that direction." Alucard added, pointing west and writing something on a piece of paper and folded it up. "Thanks! What are you going to do now that all the vampires and Sues in this canon are dead?" I asked. "I am going to hunt vampires in some other fandom. Perhaps we'll all meet again one day. Good bye!" Alucard told us. "Bye." Patty and I chorused as Alucard left. He dropped something on the ground as he did. I raised an eyebrow in confusion.
"He was pretty cool. Kinda sorta creepy, but much cooler than I thought Dracula would be." Dante commented once he was gone. "Ah, but he wasn't Dracula. He was Alucard. And yeah, he was a badass." I corrected. "Is there a difference?" Vergil asked. "Probably." I answered. "Okay, let's hit Seattle and then get the hell out of here." Patty changed the subject. "Hang on a minute, I think Alucard dropped something." I said as I went over to see what he'd dropped before he left. My eyes widened to the size of dinner plates when I picked up two fifty dollar bills folded in a piece of paper. I handed the money to Patty and read the note out loud.
"'For you to wash up and get the stench of Sue off you. Good luck! ~Alucard'. If we see him again, remind me to pay him back for this." I said upon finishing the note. "I don't think we're going to see him again. But I say we take his advice and rent a motel room so we can shower quickly before we leave." Patty told me. We all agreed that that was the best idea we had, so we walked to Seattle, rented a motel room so we could shower, picked up some stuff at a supermarket, and then went back to the TARDIS.
"Well, you guys know the drill now. Hang on to something and always trust The Doctor!" Patty yelled as she pushed some random buttons and pulled a lever.
Meep's Author's note: I know that was short but I hate Twilight. Nat and I both do, so why we went there is a mystery to me. But yeah, Alucard's appearance was Natalie's idea and she let me go crazy with it. READ AND REVIEW PLEASE!
gNat2: A round of applause for the obvious OOC Alucard! -crowd goes wild- and thank you Meep for helping me out on the world's worst fandom being exterminated...Nope, no Dalek here...
Dante: So...about those fifty bucks...
gNat2: NO. Bad Dante -water spray-
