CHAPTER 3
When Levi was weightlifting in the gym, he liked to pretend that the weights represented any struggles or concerns he had. By lifting those weights above him, he was raising them from his body and dispelling them elsewhere. If he could pick them up, they wouldn't crush him; he was in control.
He had been there for forty minutes or so, his grey top clinging to his skin which was layered in a sheen of sweat. Most of the inmates who had been there before him or arrived at around the same time had already gone elsewhere, and the gym was quiet except for the steady pace of a treadmill and quiet conversation from a corner of the large room.
It had been six days since he had sat down across from Erwin Smith, the big shot author, and participated in what was to be a rather pathetic interview. Only five or six questions had been asked before the man had flicked the switch of his recorder off and stood, making an abrupt exit with a paled face. Levi wasn't sure if he was relieved or disappointed that he was leaving early, but when he spoke out as Erwin placed a hand on the door knob, his mind had decided for him.
"I want you to come back and interview me again," he had said, and the writer had raised his eyebrows, which appeared to be the dominant feature of his face, in surprise.
"You want me to come back?" he asked.
Levi nodded. "I'm sure I just said that, yes."
Erwin's hand lowered from the door as he turned to face him full on. "Why?"
Shit, Levi had thought. Why does he want an excuse?
"It would be a waste of your time today if you only walked away from this prison with only a part of what I had to say," he answered. It was honest. Levi had lots to say about several things; he had only been asked the wrong questions, the questions that made him feel sick to his stomach when he thought about them. Erwin said nothing in reply, but he glanced at Levi for a moment before opening the door and striding through and clicking it shut behind him. At the time, Levi really didn't think he would be getting a second session, but when the guard came to escort him back to the cell, he was told that the interview would continue in a week, after Erwin had questioned some of the others.
Why did he care that he would see him again? If anyone else had been in Erwin's place, Levi would have lost patience with them as soon as they opened their mouth. As it was, he didn't think he liked the author very much, but he kept trying to reason with himself.
Erwin had looked exactly like a stereotypical celebrity: outrageously tall, handsome, with expensive-looking clothes and blond hair that Levi could only hope was natural. However, unlike the celebrities Levi and the other inmates had caught a glimpse at on television or in newspapers, Erwin had only smiled once in his presence. He had remained stoic and impassive for the majority of time, but smiled when Levi had first refused to answer his final question, on why he had committed his crime.
It had irked Levi because he had gone months, maybe even years, without having to talk about what happened when he was sixteen, and suddenly an unfamiliar man had walked into his life and demanded to know about his darkest thoughts and memories. Yes, Levi had given his consent to participate in the interview so he could earn more approval from the prison before his release, but he had assumed the questions would focus on his life at prison and his future instead of his earlier days.
He wondered what the other prisoners had thought when Erwin had asked them the same questions- supposedly. Had they also reacted negatively, like him? They probably hadn't committed anything half as serious.
Erwin had left an impression on him that he couldn't shake. It had been nearly a week, and to his frustration he kept reliving the brief interview and his time in that man's presence.
"I've been looking for you," a warm, familiar voice said, breaking through his scattered thoughts, and Levi looked above the weight in his fists to see Farlan leaning over him. He grunted and carefully lowered the weight back into place, sitting up and wiping his sweaty forehead with a cloth. Farlan sat beside him on the bench.
"You should have just assumed I was in here," Levi grumbled to his best friend, who smiled.
"Yeah, you're right. You always spend time in the gym when you have something on your mind," he replied, watching him closely. "So what's wrong?"
Levi sighed. He didn't want to talk about his feelings, but Farlan had caught on that something was on his mind and it wasn't likely that he would let him continue without discussing it.
"When Erwin Smith interviewed you, did he ask you about when you were a kid?" he asked him.
"Yeah, that was the first question he asked me," Farlan replied.
"Did he ask you why you dealt heroin?"
"Yes...that's why you've been acting strange lately? You're angry about what he asked you?" Farlan looked at him with investigative eyes, grey as a pigeon's feathers.
"No. Yes. I'm not sure," Levi said, biting his lip. "I'm angry that he didn't check my file, because if he had he probably wouldn't have asked me the shittiest questions possible. But..." He hesitated.
"But...?"
"He said he wasn't repulsed by what I did. He didn't even look disgusted when I told him I had killed my own father." But he didn't exactly look thrilled either.
He could easily remember Erwin's intense blue eyes staring at him with solemn indifference when he had admitted to his crime. He had remained as such for most of their time together, but after trying to tell him he was not a monster and other bullshit, he had lost his composure and hurried away when Levi had told him that he thought of himself as monstrous for his actions so long ago. He had let slip part of his self-loathing to this stranger, and he had walked out.
"He didn't seem like a bad person," Farlan said. "Maybe he was too impassive, but I don't think he had any reason to try and offend you. He's just writing a novel to give his readers a better view of prison; it's a good idea."
Levi grunted in response. He probably was over-thinking. That doesn't change the fact I thought he acted strangely.
"He's got blond hair," Farlan commented innocently, and Levi tensed.
"Yes, I noticed. What of it?"
"You've always had a thing for blonds," Levi's friend laughed. "He's your type."
"Of course he had to be a blond. What an asshole."
"It's cute you've been thinking of him all week."
"Fuck you," Levi elbowed him roughly, but Farlan continued to smile. "You're insane."
"Don't pretend you've not been thinking about him," he replied. "You wouldn't have given him a second thought if he wasn't attractive."
Levi had thought about it. Often. It wasn't the love at first sight nonsense that you would find in a tacky romance movie, but he couldn't deny he had a small attraction to Erwin. It was humiliating; Erwin Smith was probably the last person on the planet who would be interested in a convicted murderer. The idea was ridiculous enough that Levi smiled.
"What?" Farlan asked.
"I can't believe we are talking about this. Just because I don't think he's ugly doesn't mean I want anything to do with him," Levi said. The conversation was starting to piss him off; a lot of the prisoners had been talking about Erwin all week, like he was some miracle-worker. All he was doing was talking to them and recording their answers, and getting rich off of their stories. It wasn't exactly saintly.
Farlan raised his palms in defence. "Okay, I get it. I was only teasing you."
They sat together in silence until a shrill alarm went off to signal the return to their cells.
Levi and Farlan stood, and walked out of the gym and up the staircase to the second floor. Their cells were relatively close, which was how they had become friends in the first place. Many of the men surrounding them looked weathered and a lot older; the younger inmates had a tendency to group together.
"When you see Erwin Smith tomorrow," Farlan spoke as they strode down the corridor with guards behind them, "Answer all of his questions. You won't have to see him ever again after that."
Is that really what I want? Levi questioned himself. Do I really want this stranger to leave and never come back? So far as first impressions went, Erwin was very unreadable. Levi couldn't stand it. He had shared more with the writer than he had shared with the majority of people in his life. He hadn't even revealed that much about himself, but didn't he at least deserve a reaction from the person he spoke to? Erwin had just sat there and looked at him with eyes like ice.
He was loath to admit it, but he also wanted to know more about this best-selling author. His sister adored Erwin as a fan, but he had actually met him, and he wasn't at all impressed. Erwin had been frustratingly cryptic.
As he entered his prison cell, which smelled strongly of soap and disinfectant, he sat on the edge of his bed and cupped his face in his hands.
Levi wanted to finish the interview and walk out of the room forever. He wouldn't be happy, but in was in his best interest. Erwin Smith was only an obstacle in his way as he headed towards his release, after so many years.
The lake was like glass, motionless and bright with the reflection of the lampposts that tinged the black water orange around the edges. The air was cool on Erwin's face, and silent as nobody was around to disturb his thoughts.
Picking up a flat pebble, he rested it between his thumb and forefinger and hurtled it into the water, causing it to skim three times before finally disappearing below the surface. The only traces of its presence were the gentle ripples it had created, which slowly spread out. Erwin repeated the process countless times until his fingers were aching.
The past week at Halmarsh Prison had went by in a blur; he didn't know if that was because the interviews had been easy, or because he was anticipating his second attempt of an interview with Levi.
The way I see it, Mr. Smith, anyone that participates in the death of their parent is a monster.
The words had been imprinted on his brain. When Levi had initially said them, he had felt a sickening jolt in his stomach and an urge to flee that was beyond the power of his self-control. He didn't know Levi, and Levi didn't know him. They were nothing alike, and yet their biggest similarity was something only Erwin was conscious of. He finally knew someone who had a flicker of the same past, even though they were practically opposites.
When Levi had asked for him to come back, he hadn't expected it. Although he had definitely spoken those words, the stormy look on his face had given Erwin a reason to doubt that Levi meant it.
He had left the prison quickly, only pausing to speak with an officer to arrange his next visit with Levi when he was finished interviewing the other selected inmates, which would take at least a week. Erwin knew he had got off on the wrong footing with the prisoner, and he was embarrassed about his exit. He wanted to finish the interview successfully, without making a fool of himself.
He picked up another pebble to throw into the water and watch it sink under the water, before turning away and walking down the gravelled path to his car which waited alone in the car park.
