'Merlin' the voice called. 'Just. Just hold me. Please.'
'Arthur?'
'Merlin' the voice droned. 'Merlin'
'ARTHUR!' Merlin shouted. He was shaking. He sat up in bed and looked around. Gaius was still asleep. No unusual sound could be heard. Merlin lay back down, too shaken to go back to sleep but closed his eyes.
Sunrise.
Merlin was up before Gaius stirred. He went down quietly to the royal kitchens to get a goblet of water and a plate of fruit and bread. He was still shaken from the dream he woke up from last night. He says dream, it felt too real to be a dream. As if Arthur was connecting with him.
He was back on that muddy grass.
They'd been riding for a whole day and a half. Arthur didn't have long.
They were so close to where they had trekked miles to get to. It was too much for the King.
Arthur couldn't go on anymore. He fell to the ground, Merlin holding onto him. He was tired, worn out, he could feel the end looming.
'Just. Just hold me. Please.'
Merlin had no choice but to. Arthur was cradled in his arms. He looked up at the sorcerer's face.
'There's something I want to say.'
'You're not going to say goodbye.' Merlin could feel tears forming in his eyes.
'No. Merlin, everything you've done. I know now. For me, for Camelot. For the kingdom you helped me build.'
'You'd have done it without me.'
Arthur smiled and put his hand behind Merlin's neck. 'Maybe. I want to say... Something I've never said to you before...'
Arthur was fading. His eyes looped slightly.
'Thank you' he said, using the last of his strength to tell the young warlock how grateful he was for everything he'd done for him. The last words that made up for years of treating him like a nobody.
He lay there, still in Merlin's arms. The tears were breaking, Merlin couldn't suppress them. The pain of losing his king. His friend. Losing him forever was excruciating. He couldn't take it.
'Merlin?'
Merlin was snapped out of his reverie, his dark memory of that day. It was Sir Leon who spoke his name.
'Leon.'
'Are you feeling quite alright?' A worried expression formed on Leon's features.
'Yes, I-' Merlin began saying, 'I just need to get this up to Gaius.' Merlin forced a smile and left a worried Leon in the kitchens.
Back in the chamber that Gaius had been resting in, Merlin checks to see how Gaius is doing. 'Gaius' he whispered gently so as not to make the physician have to awake so suddenly. 'I've brought you some breakfast.'
Nothing.
'I'm sorry.' Merlin put the tray of breakfast on the chest by the bed and sat down by Gaius who seemed to still be asleep. 'For everything.'
Merlin gulped then carried on. 'I hated it. Being away from you. I knew I shouldn't have done that but-' he paused. 'I couldn't go back and face being here. Not when it holds far too many memories and I didn't want that not so soon aft- after he died. I felt lost. I wasn't quite myself anymore. I needed to go somewhere, focus on something, push myself away from the memories and allow time so that when the right time came that I was prepared to come back, I still could. And I did.' he paused again. He could hear the knights on patrol duty down in the courtyard. 'I know that I shouldn't have left you like that without writing or visiting. No words will do justice to how guilty I feel right now and the pain for which I caused those I love. But just know this; I am sorry. Truly.'
'What on earth are you apologising to me for?' The physician had indeed been listening to every word Merlin just spoke. 'I'm just an old physician.'
'You're more than that, Gaius. You looked after me. You gave me a home. Hope. You put faith in me. More importantly, you helped me grow into the man I am now. Without you, Gaius, I don't know what I would be or if I'd be where I am now. I owe you everything.' He put his hand on Gaius'. 'What will I do when... ?' He couldn't form the words.
'When I'm gone?'
Merlin with tear-filled eyes looked at Gaius and gave a simple nod.
'Why you must not worry about me. You are the greatest sorcerer that ever lived, Merlin. You've fulfilled your destiny.' Gaius sat up a bit straighter and looked inquisitively at Merlin.
'What happened that day?'
Merlin knew what he was asking. He didn't know what to say.
'I lost him, Gaius. It felt as if a part of my soul went with him and-'
Gaius screamed out in pain and gripped his left hand on Merlin's shoulders.
Panic fled through Merlin.
'Gaius! No! What's wrong?' He flustered, looking around and ran to the door of the chamber, bellowing out, Somebody help!' then ran back to Gaius' side and lowered his voice, 'Gaius, tell me, WHAT can I do, please. I can't lose you. Not now.'
'Merlin' Gaius panted. 'You've already lost me.'
