Chapter 3: A Painful Proposal of Marriage.
Lord Melbourne walked with reluctance, as if it were difficult to take each step. He was dressed in a robe that he wore about a nightshirt. His face looked emaciated and his appearance was that of a sick man or that of one recovering from a great drunkenness. When he entered the dining room of the mansion, his friend Lord George was sitting at the table, finishing his meal. George greeted him with a broad smile. Lord Melbourne greeted him with a gesture of the hand that pretended to be dismissive but actually ironic. Lord Melbourne sank into a chair beside Lord George.
"At last you woke up! You're definitely a sluggish, It offends me to think my taxes are administered by a government run by you," George said mockingly.
"Shut up idiot!... What time is it?", said Lord Melbourne hoarsely.
Lord George took out his pocket watch and showed the hour to Lord Melbourne.
"Dammit! Why did you all let me sleep so long? I have a lot of work accumulated," Lord Melbourne said with annoyance as he squeezed himself face with the palm of his hand.
"You were destroyed, I saw no other remedy," George answered truthfully as he got into last bite of food into his mouth and then drank some wine and wiped his mouth with a napkin.
"How can you be so fresh and healthy? My head hurts and I feel a little sick," Lord Melbourne said.
"The trick is to eat enough to neutralize the effects of the liquor, and spend several days without barely drinking alcohol and devoting yourself to other pleasures," George replied with a wink. "About that waiter..." he said to a servant, "bring Lord Melbourne's food and enough coffee.
The servant left at once.
"I'm glad to see that the new 'Viscount of Melbourne' is comfortable in 'his' residence in Brocket Hall! " Lord Melbourne said sarcastically and mockingly.
"Do not worry, my house in London is your house, as yours is mine," George answered jokingly, but honestly.
"Did you come alone or brought...? " asked Lord Melbourne with the interest of a friend, but with difficulty finding the appropriate term.
"My woman and my children? No, I left them at home... in our other house," George replied kindly, but Lord Melbourne did not miss that little shadow of discomfort or nervousness in his friend's gesture.
Lord Melbourne looked at his friend with some healthy envy and some admiration, at the relatively carefree manner in which he lives his life, ignoring the criticism and the rules of society. If only I could be like him...
George and Lord Melbourne talked while Lord Melbourne ate, and later when Lord Melbourne had coffee with his friend. George had prudently diverted the conversation to other subjects, ignoring the "big subject." But when they were talking about their old childhood friends, the butler of Brocket Hall entered the dining room.
"Lord Melbourne, a message from the Palace," said the butler, extending his arm to deliver an envelope to Lord Melbourne.
The atmosphere rarefied as Lord Melbourne, George, and even the butler grew tense. Lord Melbourne took the message and with a knife he took from the table he tore the envelope, and took out a letter written in delicate feminine calligraphy. Lord Melbourne frowned as he read in a quick, shallow way, skipping a few fragments to search for the points that interested him in the letter. Then he looked up to see the butler.
"Tell the Buckingham messenger I'll be at the Palace first thing in the morning," Lord Melbourne said firmly.
But the butler stayed quiet, waiting.
"Anything else, Robert? " asked Lord Melbourne earnestly.
"My Lord, it seems that Her Majesty thought that you were going to write an answer for her and it seems that the messenger was instructed to wait to take for your answer," said the butler as if it were an embarrassing situation for him, seeing the face of his employer.
Lord Melbourne put an angry face on his face and, raising the paper, looked for something.
"I see... tell the messenger to report to the Palace that I'm fine, that I only had a little malaise, but I'm healthy again. I will not send any letters, so the messenger can leave immediately. That's all," Lord Melbourne said in a tone that held no discussion, as he glanced sideways as George grimaced of reprobation.
"Yes, my Lord."
The butler came out.
"You are a fool William! But I suppose you know that, "George said, then took a sip of his coffee.
"Yes, I know, and everyone who knows me long enough knows it. Do you have something to do tomorrow morning? " Lord Melbourne asked with some indifference, but his face was tense.
"No, nothing that can not wait," George replied with empathy, he imagining what Lord Melbourne was going to say.
"I would like you to accompany me to Buckingham. I want to have a friend by my side on such a special occasion, in which 'it will ask for my hand in marriage' - said Lord Melbourne with painful sarcasm and bitterness.
"It will be my honor," George replied sincerely and pleasantly.
Some time later, Victoria was sitting in a hall of the Palace when Baroness Lehzen arrived to inform her of what the messenger said when he returned from Brocket Hall. She listened with anxiety on her face.
"Lord Melbourne did not write an answer for me?" Victoria asked.
"No, ma'am, the messenger did not receive any letter for you, it was told to him to report that Lord Melbourne is well and that he will come first thing in the morning, and that he could return because there was no letter to send on return... That was all, Your Majesty," replied Baroness Lehzen, her face cold, but with a slight concern reflected in her eyes.
"I see..." Victoria said with disappointment and sadness on her face, and lowering her gaze, "Lehzen, you know that you are like my mother, even more than my own mother" and looked up to see her.
"For me that's a pride, ma'am," Baroness Lehzen said, her voice a little broken and the emotion pouring into her face.
"Lehzen, I'm afraid... I'm afraid of tomorrow's meeting. I'm afraid to see Lord M's gaze when I meet him, I'm afraid to see contempt and disappointment in his eyes" Victoria said taking Lehzen's hand as she did when she was a little girl and she was sad or frightened.
"Drina... Majesty," Lehzen said, sitting down beside Victoria and shaking Victoria's hand in hers. "I do not know much about men, but I've known Lord Melbourne for a long time, and I've seen how he loves you. He may be hurt now, and he must feel puzzled and disappointed, but I'm sure that he still loves you, and I'm sure he'll understand and forgive you. And after all you are the Queen.
"Lord M does not see me just as the Queen, he sees me as a woman, and that's one of the things I like about him... But now it's also one of the things I fear," Victoria replied.
The next day Lord Melbourne and Lord George rode together toward Buckingham Palace. Both were tense, and Lord Melbourne also reflected the nervousness on his face. The two of them were barely talking as they approached the Palace, and as they crossed the door of the Royal building Lord Melbourne seemed that he was going to a trial where he could be sentenced to the Capital punishment. His mood worsened when they saw King Leopold and the Duchess of Kent waiting at the end of the entrance hall.
"The witch and the sinister scarecrow! " George murmured, making Lord Melbourne smile.
Lord Melbourne and his friend came within a few feet of Leopold and the Duchess, face to face with them.
"Your Majesty," said Lord Melbourne, bowing slightly to Leopold, and then turned to see the Duchess. "Your Royal Highness."
The Duchess of Kent extended an arm offering the back of her hand for Lord Melbourne to kiss her, while she smiled a hypocritical smile. Lord Melbourne had to restrain himself not to show a grimace of displeasure at the unexpected gesture of the Duchess (since she never offered him her hand to kiss her)... He knew that the Duchess had always despised and detested him, first because he had been best ally of Victoria when she challenged her, to free herself from her control (at the beginning of her reign), and then because she hated the idea that her daughter was in love with him and feared that she would refuse to marry with her nephew Albert. But now, out of interest, she hypocritically pretended, since they needed him. He felt used, and that annoyed him, but he had to bend his body to kiss the back of the woman's hand that gave him so much repulsion.
"Your Majesty, Your Highness, allow me to introduce you to Lord George Mcphail, Earl of Enniscorthy, and an old friend," said Lord Melbourne, grudgingly obliged to present his friend.
Lord George as Lord Melbourne greeted with a slight nod at the Belgian King and then with a kiss on the back of the hand to the Duchess.
"Enniscorthy? " asked the Duchess with her false smile.
"An Irish title, Your Highness. But I live in England, between Cornwall and London, but I do not frequent the salons of London society," said Lord George with humility and sincerity.
"Do you work with Lord Melbourne in the government? " Leopold asked with his haughty manner.
"No, Your Majesty. I am Tory," answered Lord George.
"Tory! I never thought an intimate friend of Lord Melbourne was Tory," Leopold replied with some surprise.
"I'm not so partisan, Majesty. At least as far as my personal affections are concerned," said Lord Melbourne.
At that moment the palace butler, Mr. Page, approached them.
"Lord Melbourne, Her Majesty is waiting for you," Mr. Page said.
"Of course... with your permission Majesty, Your Highness, George," said Lord Melbourne addressing each of them and then walked behind Mr. Page.
"Will you join us for tea, Lord George?" Leopold asked politely.
"Of course, Your Majesty," Lord George replied gently, although in the background the idea caused him little enthusiasm.
Mr. Penge drove Lord Melbourne down a long corridor, while Lord Melbourne, in his nervousness and moodiness, thought how ridiculous all this staging was, for in his many audiences and working meetings with Victoria there was not so much formalism. And he suspected that behind that display of formalism was the influence of Leopold and the Duchess. And when he saw Baroness Lehzen waiting for him outside the room where Victoria was, he cursed everyone.
'All that's left is for the damn Albert to come out of his grave to welcome me, too, ' he thought with annoyance. Mr. Penge asked permission from Lord Melbourne and Baroness Lehzen to retire, and left them alone.
"Baroness Lehzen," said Lord Melbourne, trying to sound gentle, but without much effort, his face serious and tense.
"Lord Melbourne," said Baroness Lehzen, with an unusually friendly smile, for face as hard and cold as hers.
They both fell silent for a moment. In the background Lord Melbourne had always felt some sympathy for Baroness Lehzen, although the feeling was not mutual. Lord Melbourne appreciated Lehzen's love and devotion for Victoria, and he thought it was precisely the overprotective instinct of the Baroness with her adopted daughter who made her rough with him, suspecting his intentions. That's why he tried to be nice to her, but that day he had no desire to be charming to anyone, not even patient. But now the roles had been reversed, for it was the Baroness who seemed to want to be nice to him, not quite knowing how.
"Lord Melbourne, the Queen is eager to..." Baroness Lehzen said in a friendly tone.
"You do not think this is a déjà vu, Baroness," replied Lord Melbourne.
"A déjà vu, Lord Melbourne?", Lehzen asked confused.
"Yes, it reminds me of that day in Kensington, when my first audience with the Queen. You left me waiting in a room, you went to speak to Her Majesty and then came back to tell me that she could receive me, and she received me alone, to your disgust, for you expected to attend the meeting as a chaperone - said Lord Melbourne coldly and expressionless.
- Oh, that! Well, a lot of things have changed, Lord Melbourne. But I did not do it in bad faith," Lehzen replied, embarrassed, with a shy smile.
"I know, Baroness. You always think of Her Majesty's welfare. But today I would not mind you joining us and being present at the meeting," Lord Melbourne told him.
Baroness Lehzen laughed, with a small nervous laugh, thinking that Lord Melbourne said it as a joke. But when she saw the hard gesture on Lord Melbourne's face, she fell silent and felt uncomfortable.
"Lord Melbourne, I do not think it would be convenient that someone... for what Her Majesty and you should talk about, it's better if you two are alone," said the Baroness.
Lord Melbourne saw her with a look that left the Baroness bewildered and somewhat intimidated.
"Her Majesty awaits you, Lord Melbourne," said the Baroness, regaining her seriousness and giving up her attempt to approach Lord Melbourne.
Lord Melbourne thanked her, and while the Baroness stepped aside, he opened the door and entered the room, closing the door behind him.
Victoria had her back to the door, wringing her hands in a sign of nervousness. When she heard the door open, she turned and anxiously saw Lord Melbourne entering the room. Victoria stepped forward, but Lord Melbourne walked toward her with more vigor and speed. When he reached her, Victoria made a gesture as if she thought he was going to hug her and she was ready to receive his embrace. But Lord Melbourne dropped one knee to the ground and stood in the position where he used to stand to kiss her hand. After a moment of embarrassment Victoria offered him her hand and he kissed the back of her hand, a kiss that was barely a touch of the lips, shorter and less affectionate than usual. Then he stood up with skill and stepped back several steps to establish a greater space between them than usual.
"Your Majesty," Lord Melbourne said, and his face was hard and cold, with no trace of the lovely, affectionate gesture he used with her.
"Lord... Lord M," Victoria said, her voice cracked with emotion, a lump in her throat.
They both remained silent for a few moments that seemed eternal.
"Ma'am, do you think it opportune that we should sit down?" Lord Melbourne asked in a calm but serious voice.
"Of course," Victoria replied.
Victoria sat on a chair and Lord Melbourne waited for her to be seated, to sit in front of her in another chair. They were seated the way they used to when they talked about various subjects (from State matters to personal issues) in their private audiences. Only this time there was no enthusiasm and joy but a tension that made the air between them unbreathable.
"Ma'am, I think we must begin with the most peremptory thing... I present to you my resignation as Prime Minister of Your Majesty's Government," Lord Melbourne said solemnly.
"And I accept your resignation, Lord Melbourne. With the eternal gratitude of your Queen, for your loyal service to her and the country. You taught me to be Monarch, and I'll never forget that," Victoria said excitedly, her eyes moist.
"I think we've worked well together, Your Majesty," said Lord Melbourne, who, despite his anger, could not help feeling a little touched, and made an effort to keep the tears from appearing in his eyes.
"Undoubtedly, Lord M," Victoria said, and some tears were already streaming down her cheeks.
"I suppose you would summon Sir Robert Peel today to commission him for the formation of the new government," Lord Melbourne continued, trying to divert the conversation away from emotion.
"I will do so Lord M," she replied.
Again an uneasy silence between them, as Victoria gathered her strength to speak and lamented that Lord Melbourne's eyes, those eyes that seemed so beautiful to her, refused to see her directly and shunned her. She also lamented that he was so cold and serious with her, even a little hostile, instead of being charming and loving as ever, which only made things more difficult for her.
"Lord M, I... I..." Victoria was overcome by emotion, almost pouting, so Lord Melbourne could not help but look her in the eye. "I do not know where to begin, I do not know how..."
"Ma'am, if allow me to give you some advice. There are uncomfortable or difficult situations in which it is best to approach the problem in a pragmatic way, and go straight to the point... It is clear that you have something to ask me, it is absurd to pretend ignorance... so the best thing is to do it, if that is your wish, as they have communicated to me," said Lord Melbourne as a teacher who tries to explain something to a student little applied, doing an effort not to lose patience.
"Yes, of course," Victoria answered, encouraged by Lord Melbourne's words, but at the same time ungratefully surprised by his lack of affection for his conduct, "Lord Melbourne... Lord Melbourne, would you do me the honor of being my husband? " Victoria asked, not sure that these were the right words to make the proposal, trembling with emotion, and with tears running down her cheeks.
Lord Melbourne saw her for a moment of silence, which made Victoria more nervous.
"I will do it, ma'am... For me it will be an honor to be Your Majesty's husband," replied Lord Melbourne with feigned courtesy and no shred of joy, as if he were a soldier in a war and asked him if he would volunteer on a suicide mission.
Victoria felt mixed emotions, on the one hand, she felt relief and a certain satisfaction, but on the other hand she felt something hurt by the lack of emotion and the anger that seemed to feel Lord Melbourne.
"Thank you, Lord M! The honor will be mine... " Victoria said with a sweet smile and tender gesture on the face "Lord M, I would like... I owe you an explanation... An explanation, about 'my current situation'... I need to tell you what happened, because I know my behavior should seem to you..." said Victoria very nervous and anxious, but determined.
"Ma'am!" said Lord Melbourne loudly and firmly, startling Victoria a little. "You do not have to tell me your intimacy, you do not have to put your modesty aside with me," he added seriously.
"But Lord M you have a right to know! It's something that concerns you, too, if you're going to marry me" Victoria replied in surprise and as if she tried desperately to explain her actions to a person offended by them. "And I care what you think of my! That's why I need to explain...
"Ma'am! You know that I am not a particularly religious man, but there is a passage from the Bible that I really like, which is one that says there is a time for everything in life... A time to love and another to hate, one to build and another to destroy, and so on... Believe me, ma'am, when I tell you that if there is a moment for your confession, it is not this one... Believe me that talking about it right now, would not do to you or me or anyone else, any good. I'm not prepared to hear it, and you're probably not ready to say it. It is better to wait for the right moment.
Victoria saw with surprise a face of Lord Melbourne that she did not know, that of a man raging with jealousy, and who barely kept control of himself so as not to be carried away by indignation.
"I understand, Lord M," Victoria said, looking him down in embarrassment. "I just want you to know that I would never offend you or hurt you intentionally."
Lord Melbourne was silent, and Victoria looked up to see him.
"But there is one thing I must tell you... I promise you, I swear by my life and my honor, that I will be a devoted, faithful and loving wife..." Victoria said, very touched, crying, and with a sad puppy expression on her face, while stretched out her arm and placed her little hand on Lord Melbourne's hand. "I will consecrate my life to make you happy, and to bring you the warmth and peace of a home. I want you to feel satisfied and proud of your wife."
Victoria saw that Lord Melbourne saw her with a somber, sad expression, with no emotion in his eyes, and then as he looked away again. At no point did he attempt to take her hand resting on his hand...
"Ma'am, my experience in life has made me understand that it is better to go to marriage without expectations. The greater the expectations, the greater the chances of failure. It is better not to expect anything, and so maybe you can get something positive... and if no, it will not hurt so much, because you did not expect anything. In an older man like me, caution replaces the passion of the young," said Lord Melbourne with sadness and bitterness.
Victoria was distressed to hear him, and withdrew her hand slowly.
"In any case, ma'am, what is at stake is much greater than our lives and our own happiness. That must always be in our minds," said Lord Melbourne with the same coolness with which he would speak of a state affair.
"I understand... Lord M, now that we are engaged in marriage, if you wish, you can call me Victoria... It's just a little strange that you still call me Majesty or ma'am," Victoria said with a shy and sweet smile, and with a gesture almost pleading in the face.
"Excuse me, but you know I'm a bit outdated... I'd rather that until the day of our marriage things go on as they are, and we'll apply the rules of etiquette, out of respect for tradition, ma'am," replied Lord Melbourne.
"I see," said Victoria sadly and disappointed to see that he refused another attempt at rapprochement on her part.
"Ma'am, I think we have a lot of work ahead, of us to get this marriage done. I must do my part and that's why if we do not have anything else to talk about ..." said Lord Melbourne.
"You're leaving! But can you have dinner with us tonight at the Palace? " Victoria asked anxiously.
"I doubt it, ma'am, I have many things to do today to prepare the transfer of power to Peel and also to arrange my release as leader of the Whig Party. Everything has been so unforeseen, it will require a lot of work, from me. I probably have to work late into the night. I'm sorry," Lord Melbourne answered.
"I see," Victoria replied sadly and disappointed. "Then I will not take you any longer," Victoria added, standing up regaining some dignity.
Lord Melbourne stood and Victoria extended her arm so that he would kiss her hand, for she had no hope of him wanting to kiss her cheek. Lord Melbourne took Victoria's hand, but to her surprise, he held her in his hands, stroking her.
"There is one thing you must understand about marriage, ma'am," said Lord Melbourne without daring to see her, his gaze on her hand, which he stroked in his hands. "Even when there is love, it is something tremendously difficult... It is something which is built day after day, it is about knowing and understanding the feelings of the other person, it is about recognizing the signs, reading between lines and interpreting the silences. It is about faith, and to avoid disappointment... Because of the disappointment pain is born... and the pain is something extraordinary, ma'am. It arises from disappointment and feeds on resentment and frustration but the most extraordinary ma'am... " he added while put his mouth over her hand and gave her a kiss on the back of hand "it is that the greatest and genuine pain, can only be caused by the people we really love," concluded Lord Melbourne and lifted his head to see her, and then Victoria shuddered to see his eyes wet, his tears on the verge of overflowing.
Then Lord Melbourne let go of Victoria's hand and turning his back on her, hurried to the door, hurriedly opened it and he hurried off, almost running away from her. Victoria went after him...
"Lord M, please wait!... Do not go! " cried Victoria, crying, but when she looked out she saw that he was already far away.
Lord Melbourne went to the drawing-room where Leopold, the Duchess of Kent, and Lord George. He excused himself quickly and rather roughly, with the King and the Duchess, and almost dragged George out.
Lord Melbourne and George waited for the servants to bring their horses, while Victoria saw from the window of the room where she had the interview with Lord Melbourne. When they brought the animals, Lord Melbourne climbed his horse with audacity and agility. Lord Melbourne looked up and saw Victoria at the window, their eyes meeting in the distance. Lord Melbourne spurred his horse roughly, and the horse did a courbette, and then set off on a speedy ride, amidst the protests and curses of Lord George who was barely climbing his mount. Victoria saw Lord Melbourne's horse walk away, weeping disconsolately. Baroness Lehzen came into the room and approached her.
"Your Majesty, are you all right?" Lehzen asked with concern.
"Lehzen, I've hurt him! ... He's suffering because of me! " cried Victoria, sobbing and pouting, as she threw herself into the arms of her former governess, who embraced her tightly "I do not deserve his love!"
Next chapter:
Chapter 4: Lust will not set me free.
