Chapter 3
"This was my favorite spot to come whenever life would get complicated."
Kahlan glanced at Richard and saw that he was studying her face as she spoke of her past. "When I was young it was about dealing with the other kids not wanting to be friends when my powers started to develop," she continued, toeing at the dirt with her foot, watching the swirls of dust she was creating. Despite the passing of time, the memories still hurt her. "When I began to take over actual Confessor duties, I'd come here after particularly disturbing and violent confessions. Some of the things that people did that I had to listen to..." She looked back up at him, and getting a nod of encouragement she finished, "...it was just too much sometimes, there wasn't anyone to talk to about any of it. So I'd just come here and sit. I'd stare out over the edge of the cliff, listening to the roar of the river, feel the wind on my face and hope that it would all helped blow my worries away." She walked closer to the edge, emulating her story and closing her eyes, soaking in her surroundings. She heard Richard walk up behind her, and he enclosed her in a hug, pulling her back into his chest.
After a day of exploring the city, she had brought him here with the promise of a beautiful sunset framed by the mountains and Wizards Keep, with the lights of the Palace and City behind them. Richard was glad that they were going to spend tonight in a place that meant a lot to Kahlan already. He hoped that this would give her a place to come when he was gone, a spot that reminded her of them.
Moving her hair away from her ear with his nose and chin, he first gave it a delicate kiss, then whispered, "Well today you have me to lean on." He gave her another squeeze and then released enough so he could turn her around. He looked into her eyes, then rubbed his nose on hers before capturing her lips in a sweet, chaste kiss. Pulling back from the kiss, he encouraged her head to rest in the crook of his neck.
They stood there for a long time, just happy to be holding each other. "We need to talk about tomorrow morning," Richard said, finally breaking the silence. He felt her sigh against his neck, and quickly added, "I don't want to leave you here, alone, but I have to check on my family and to let them know that I'm alive. I made sure that you were placed on your throne in Aydindril." He moved her away from him so he could look at her face. "I had to make sure that you would be alright and in a place that you were safe before I went back to Hartland." He loosened his hold when he felt her pull away.
Kahlan walked over to the tree line, and holding back her tears, she finally spoke. "I know that you have to leave, I understand the need to be with your family, especially after all that we've been through." She looked back to him, and he stayed where he was, allowing her space to say what she had to say. "Richard, you're the only family I have" - she heard him catch his breath - "I feel lost without you." She paused to let him take it all in, then added, "I wish we could have more time to just be together before you rode off. I don't know how long it will be until I can follow you back there..." she had a sudden thought, what if he didn't want her to follow him. A frown marred her face, crinkling her brow.
Richard could see the hurt cross her face and closed the distance between them. "I love you, Kahlan. Never doubt that I'm lost without you, as well." He reached up and placed his hands on her upper arms, rubbing with his thumbs, small soft circles that were meant to sooth. Except for staying, there was no way for him to ease her pain. "We will see each other again." He moved a hand up to the side of her face, entangling his fingers in the thick, dark hair.
She leaned into his touch, rubbing her cheek on his palm. Of all the ways that he touched her, she would miss this the most. The warmth and pressure of his hand on her cheek always seemed to calm her. She would look into his eyes and feel a connection with him that she'd never felt anywhere else. "I don't know what I'll do when you aren't here," a tear escaped and she felt his thumb slide over and wipe it away. "My days will be full of taking confessions, attending to Midlands disputes and being the Mother Confessor to the people. At night, when you aren't here to talk to, to hold me, to just be with me..." the tears were flowing freely now, she couldn't control the depression that she was spiraling into.
Richard leaned in and kissed the tears off her cheeks. He whispered soothing words to her, trying to bring her back from the depths of the sadness that had overcome her. Seeing her like this was breaking his heart, leaving tomorrow was going to rip it out of his chest. "My nights will be spent dreaming of holding you, wishing I could just see your face again. The day you return to me will be the happiest day of my existence." Seeing the sun was turning the sky deep shades of reds, purples and oranges Richard put a bit of space between them and reached down to grab her hand. When she opened her fingers to let him join their palms he intwined their fingers. He gave her a small, strained smile and pulled her with him as he started to walk back toward the cliff's edge. Placing her facing the beautiful sunset, he moved behind her again, back in the position that they were in earlier. This time he embraced her more fiercely, enveloping her with his essence. He placed his head on her shoulder again and said, "Just remember this moment. When you come here after I leave I want you to think about how it felt when I held you."
She leaned her head back and twisted her body slightly to look at him. Reaching up with the hand not connected with his, she pulled his head to her, connecting their lips in a kiss.
He could taste the salt on her lips from her tears. He deepened the kiss to try to get her to forget that he was leaving. Disengaging their hands, he used his to turn her all the way towards him, kissing her with reckless abandon. His arms wrapped around her, pulling her body flush with his. The sounds that she was making were driving him insane, they were desperately trying to be as close as possible. Dipping his tongue into her mouth, exploring it, drinking her in as if he hadn't had water for a month. He could hear their breathing becoming fast, neither of them could pull in enough air, but they weren't going to separate long enough to take in enough oxygen.
She put her hands under his shirt, moving them up and down on his back, attempting to draw him even closer. She was starting to lose control, her need for him was beginning to overwhelm her and the thought that she might never see him again was clouding her judgement. Kahlan grabbed the hem of his shirt and tried to pull it off him. Suddenly she felt him pull away from her. Sucking in air to even out her breathing, "What's wrong, Richard?" searching his face for an explanation on why he would stop kissing her.
"I won't be able to stop if we keep going," he answered.
"I don't want to stop, you're leaving tomorrow for who knows how long!" The anguish of him leaving was creeping back into her, "I want you to love me Richard, more than anything else."
"I want the same thing, Kahlan. But I don't want our first time to be because of a goodbye." He saw some confusion cross her face and continued, "I want it to be all about joy, pleasure, and being together. I don't want anything sad to creep into us making love. I don't want there to be tears that aren't there due to happiness."
Kahlan understood what he was telling her. She knew that he was right, but that didn't cool her desire to be with him. She needed him close to her until he was gone, though. "Will you still hold me tonight?" she choked out her wish. As she saw a smile cross his face she knew that he wouldn't deny her this.
He reached out to draw her back into his embrace. "Of course I'll spend the night with you, clutching you as close to me as I can." He gave her a gentle squeeze, "I have one condition, however."
"What's that?" she mumbled into his shoulder where her head was resting.
"We have to have clothes on." He heard a bark of laughter leave her throat.
"Ok, deal. But I don't want to be more than five feet from you until you get on that horse and gallop off." She gave him a brave smile, trying to be strong despite the fact that he was leaving in a matter of hours. "Lets get back to the Palace and get some dinner. I'm sure Zedd is wondering when I'll be back so they will serve supper, since I'm the one who arranges those kinds of things." She heard him chuckle and they started to make their way back.
Trying to prolong the contact between their bodies, their hands grasped each other and held on tight. The last few warm rays of sunlight at their back, they soon had left the cliff behind.
The Confessor's Palace was as busy as always when they entered it, servants and diplomats from all over the Midlands bowing and lowering their gazes when the Mother Confessor passed.
Reaching the dining hall, Richard and Kahlan weren't surprised to see Zedd, already sitting at the huge dining table, appearing impatient. Smiling at each other and reluctantly letting go of each others hands, they entered the hall, attracting the wizard's attention.
"There you are! Where have you been? I'm starving!"
Chuckling, they just shook their heads in mirth, glad that the depressing air of a few minutes ago had cleared away, for now.
As soon as Kahlan was seated, servants filtered into the room, bearing plates full of delicious smelling food.
Zedd's stomach growled in answer to the scent, but he hardly noticed; so intently he eyed the nearing food.
Sharing a knowing look, Kahlan motioned to the servants to serve the food to Zedd first, knowing they would be all the happier for it later, not having to endure his grumblings.
They ate their dinner with companionable chatter, relishing the last evening spent with one another. It would be hard to split up after all those months together traveling and fighting side by side.
Watching Richard and his grandfather joking together about a private matter, a melancholy smile settled itself over Kahlan's lips, despite her best efforts not to let the impending goodbye cloud her mood again. Noticing Kahlan's expression, both Zedd and Richard were reluctant to end the evening, but they faced an early morning start and needed their strength for the journey ahead.
Understanding their reluctance but also knowing of the need for a good night's sleep, Kahlan smiled at them warmly, reassuring them that it was alright to head to bed now. "Don't worry, you two. We still have breakfast tomorrow. Together."
Zedd chuckled. "I wouldn't miss breakfast for anything, my child. Especially with such nice company," he joked, and they all laughed.
Halting at an intersecting corridor, Richard and Kahlan bid Zedd a good night, before walking in the opposite direction to their chambers.
After a walk in comfortable silence, they stopped in front of the Mother Confessor's rooms.
"You promised, remember?" Kahlan whispered, a shy look crossing her face, when she awaited Richard's reaction.
"I do. And I wouldn't dream of breaking that promise," he said sincerely, opening the door and holding his hand out for her to precede him into the room. Stepping in after her, he softly closed the door and followed his love into her bedchamber.
He would hold her again tonight, and hope that the morning would not come too soon.
