"Did you know that when a male octopus mates, he rips one of his arms off, which is also used as his penis, and he inserts it inside of the female octopus before swimming off to die?" Sammy asked.

I lean my head against the steering wheel of my car and muttered, "And to think, I'm in love with you…"

"What was that?"

"I said that a form of execution in the twentieth century was to have a woman piss in the mouth of the condemned until he drowned."

She stared at me for a few seconds before turning the music up. "Dork," she whispered.

I leaned over to poke her cheek, in which she replied by sticking out her tongue. I rolled my eyes and turned off the radio.

Sammy glanced over at me, noticing the look on my face. "Noooo…" she pleaded.

"The naaame gaaame… Sammy! Sammy, Sammy bo Bammy, banana fanna fo Fammy, fee fy mo Mammy, Sammy!"

A burst of giggles came from her mouth and she sang, "Casey! Casey, Casey bo Basey, banana fanna fo Fasey, fee fy mo Masey, Casey!"

"I sure as hell ain't the only dork here, love."

"Technically, 'ain't' is not a part of the English language."

I parked my car in front of my house and pounced on her, pressing her against the car door. "Technically, you're my Valentine so quit making fun of me."

That made her blush, especially since I had never said out loud that she was my valentine. She felt around for the car handle and opened the door so that we tumbled out of the car and onto the ground, me on top of her. She squirmed underneath me and teased, "Okie dokie, Loki."

I rolled off of her and just laid there before leaning over to kiss her cheek. Making sure to avoid looking at her surely red face, I picked myself up from the grass and grabbed her hand to help her up. She gripped my hand tightly and refused to let go, so I led her into my house until we made it all the way to the back room with the glass walls.

It had just started drizzling outside and I was a bit anxious as to whether or not I would be able to take Sammy out for a walk in the park where we would meet up with Billy and Marissa. I would be more than happy, however, if I could have Sammy all to myself today. Yesterday, I gave Billy and Marissa about a hundred pictures of me and Sammy, taken over the span of four years.

Four years.

I told them to hang them onto the ceiling by strings so that they were everywhere in the room while Sammy and I hung out and ate.

She stared at the pictures silently and I got a bit anxious.

"If you don't like this whole thing, Billy and Marissa were the ones to set it up."

She hesitated before asking, "What if I love it?"

"Well, the whole arrangement was my idea."

She smiled and dragged me to the center of the room where I had laid out a blanket with a basket of food. "You're really cheesy sometimes, Casey."

A smirk threatens to tug at the corners of my mouth, but I restrain myself and instead say, "You know in the original story of Little Red Riding Hood, the girl and the wolf ate the flesh of her grandmother together."

She groans and pulls out a red cloak from her bookbag. "You had to tell me this after I buy this Red Riding Hood outfit?"

"Why do you have that?"

"IT LOOKED COOL, OKAY? BUT NOW IT IS WORTH NOTHING."

"…you can be a vampire."

She pondered this for a moment before shrugging and draping it over her shoulders. She began to sing, "Mama, we all go to hell…Mama, we all go to hell. I'm writing this letter and wishing you. Mama, we all go to hell. Well now Mama, we're all going to dieeee…"

I pushed her onto her back. "You're a vampire, not Death."

She sprang up playfully. "But that's the thing. I wanna be the Grim Reaper now."

"Uhh…no. You be a vampire."

With a pout, she hissed, "I vill suck your blooood."

I reached into my pocket and replied, "I'll give you something else to suck on actually…"

Her eyes grew wide and she exclaimed, "What!"

I pulled out a ring pop and gave it to her with a confused look. "This? What did you think I was about to say?"

She ran a hand through her hair and greedily ripped the plastic off the ring pop to suck on it. "Nothing," she mumbled.

I snickered and leaned over to kiss her nose. "I was hoping for that reaction. I thought you were going to kick me for a second."

Sammy rolled her eyes and muttered, "You're a dick."

"You mean I have a dick. And I thought you were such a stickler for grammar."

"You do not have a dick."

I put a hand to my heart in fake sadness. "How would you know?"

"You won't kiss me."

I paused and just stared at her for a few minutes while she quietly sucked on the candy. I began taking the food out from the basket and when she had finally crunched down on the last bits of the ring pop, I leaned over to grasp her chin firmly and tilt her head up so that she would meet my gaze.

"You know," I whispered, "For so long, every time I tried to get close to you, you would push me away. You damaged my self-confidence and I became so afraid of rejection. And then, you were ready. And I was scared. I knew you liked me, but there was always this sliver of doubt that I was wrong and you would just push me away again."

"You were wrong though."

"About what?" I asked cautiously.

"I don't like you."

"Oh." I let go of her chin and shrank back, looking down at the red and white checkered blanket. I felt her fingers weave into my hair and pull my head closer to hers.

"I love you, dork. I can't believe you didn't see that coming."

I looked up at her and stared. "Can I kiss you?"

"Is pi equal to 3.17?"

"…no."

She stared at me. "What."

"Sammy, pi is equal to 3.14…"

"I fucking hate math."

"Sammy—"

"Just kiss me."

I eagerly pressed my lips to hers and I was just gone.

Kissing Sammy is just…

Fucking bliss.

I cupped her cheek with my palm and pulled her face closer. She opened her mouth slightly to lick my bottom lip and tug on it with her teeth. Around this time, I had to pull away or else I would have spontaneously combusted.

"I can't believe I went three years of my life believing that pi was equal to 3.17."

I was still speechless from that kiss, which I would like to point out, that I have been waiting for about four years. And Sammy is worrying about pi.

"Casey, I'm hungry."

"You can kiss me again."

"I will eat you."

I give a breathy laugh and give her a plastic container of macaroni and salsa, watching her closely when she digs in gratefully. "I love you," I say.

"Did you know that a punishment in ancient Greece for adulterous men was the insertion of a large radish into their ass?"

"What are you trying to say…?"

"Don't cheat on me when you go off to college."

She had decided just yesterday that I was going to college whether I liked it or not. So I chose NYU. New York University accepted me, but noooo apparently I wasn't good enough for any universities in Santa Martina or Sisquane or freaking anywhere else in California.

"I could never cheat on you, Sammy. But I can make sure we don't ever grow apart. Okay?"

"Okay." She smiled and polished off the rest of her food.

Unfortunately, the rain did let up and Billy called, demanding we get our butts over to the park.

Billy.

Is.

A.

Cockblock.

Marissa is too. As soon as she saw Sammy, she grabbed her wrist and whisked her away, kidnapping her and leaving me with Billy and his chicken hat.

I pointed in the direction that Marissa took Sammy and accused Billy, "Your girlfriend just stole my girlfriend."

He grinned and commented, "You must be Stacey's mom, cause you have got it going on!"

"Stick to the rattlesnake jokes."

"Case?"

"Yeah?"

"What's going to happen with you two?"

"What do you mean?" I asked, playing dumb.

"You know what I mean."

"I will go to college and Sammy will finish high school. And we will still date. I won't let anyone else have her, Billy. She's mine and I'm hers."

"Good."

And that was all that was said between us on the subject.

Sammy's POV cause dude, it's my story and I said so

"I cannot believe you and Billy were gambling on my relationship with Casey. You guys suck."

Marissa squealed and hugged me tightly. "Sammy! You and Casey! You have to let me enjoy this!"

A voice from up in the trees snapped, "What?"

A scraggly looking boy climbed down the tree and walked up to me. He was maybe a head shorter than me with bright blue eyes and dark hair. "Why?" he asked.

"Why what?" I asked.

Marissa glared and hissed, "Go away, Lestat. You are not going to ruin this."

"Marissa—"

"This is not up for debate. Leave now."

He glared at her before looking back at me. "Why him?"

Marissa muttered under her breath, "Why am I related to a freshman?"

Oh fuck.

Lestat McKenze.

Brandon's little brother.

A freshman.

Casey was going to lose his shit.

"Please don't tell me you're the Fresh Freshman," I breathed.

"Sammy, I fell in love with you the day you came to my brother's pool party that summer three years ago. But I didn't think you would give me the time of day because of the age difference and the fact that we were in two separate schools. Now though, now we're in the same school. I'm a freshman, yes, but I'm mature for my age. I'm right for you."

"F-fuck," I stammered. "Lestat, you have to leave. Now."

He looked crestfallen and I felt bad, but—

"Fucking whore!" he shouted.

"Lestat, shut up!" I warned.

"All women are the same! They say they want a nice guy and when one comes around, they throw him to the side for someone who's hotter or has a car! Well, where will you sluts be when your vag is too loose to keep a guy? Huh? This goes for you too, Mari! Does Billy know you fucked Danny right before he got sent to jail?"

I pushed him against the tree and held him up by the collar of his shirt while Marissa started to cry. "How do you know that," I said in a monotone voice through gritted teeth.

"I read her diary," he said defiantly.

"You little twerp!" she shrieked. "I'll kill you if you tell anyone!"

I wanted to punch him.

I was about to.

But four arms pulled me back and I doubt any of them belonged to Marissa. She would have gladly watched me smear his blood against the tree.

Casey let me go to walk up to Lestat and grip his collar. "I believe you just called my girlfriend a fucking whore, you stupid freshman."

"Did you also hear the part about Marissa losing her virginity to Danny when she was fifteen?" Lestat spat.

Billy's grip on me wavered, but it remained nonetheless.

"You're a bit of a douchenozzle, aren't you?" Casey asked calmly.

"YOLO, don't hate cuz I've got more swag."

Casey laughed and turned to us. "Would it be so bad if I kicked his ass right now?"

"I'd enjoy it," Billy said. "But I doubt NYU would like seeing assault of a minor on the rap sheet for an incoming college freshman."

Casey glared down at Lestat before letting him down onto the grass. "Get the fuck out. Stay away from my girlfriend. And grow up."

Lestat stuck his tongue out at him and winked at me once before running off towards his bike. I pulled away from Billy while he went to go talk with Marissa and I hugged Casey. And that's how we stayed for about ten minutes. We just stayed there in each other's arms, peeking over at Billy and Marissa while Marissa cried into Billy's chest and Billy comforted her, telling her it was okay because she loved him and he loved her or something like that. We totally didn't sneak behind them to eavesdrop.

We're too classy for that.

When we joined them, Marissa asked, "Are all freshmen that stupid?"

"Nah," Billy said. "We weren't like that. And I know for a fact that there are at least three other freshmen who don't suck major monkey balls." (*cough* You guys know who you are.)

I snorted, "Pfft, Billy, you were the worst freshman ever. You asked the algebra teacher if she was the spawn of Satan and when she asked if you were stupid, you replied with, 'YOOOOOLOOOO'."

"Yeah?" Casey added, "Well, in our World Religions class, he asked Ms. Pine if a demon can impregnate a woman."

"STOP BEING NOSTALGIC ABOUT MY HIGH SCHOOL YEARS."

A/N: DID YOU KNOW THAT I STARTED THIS STORY WHEN I WAS A FRESHMAN? I UPDATED IT WHEN I WAS A SOPHOMORE. AND NOW I AM UPDATING IT AGAIN AS A JUNIOR. I'LL PROBABLY FINISH IT WHEN I AM A SENIOR LIKE FUCK MY LIFE I AM SO OLD.

I have been feeling very nostalgic lately and I realize I have spent most of my time on this damn website. I do not regret it though. I mean, I found this website when I was in sixth grade. I made this account when I was in seventh or eighth grade. My first story was when I was a freshman. My favorite people ever, I know them because of this site.

THIS FUCKING SITE, MAN.

AND WHERE IS OPTIMISTIC4EVER SOMEONE TELL ME THAT BECAUSE SHE HAS NOT BEEN ACTIVE SINCE HER ONESHOT ABOUT WHAT KILLER CRUISE COULD HAVE BEEN LIKE SO SHE BETTER GET BACK ON HERE.

I MEAN IT, I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN.

I WILL HUNT YOU ALL DOWN.

AND GIVE YOU A COOKIE AND A HUG RIGHT BEFORE I TIE YOU TO A CHAIR TO UPDATE.

But yeah, I just wanted to say that I really feel like I owe a lot to this website. And we all know that Sammy Keyes fanfiction was kind of like a phase for some people. They wrote stories and left, never actually finishing them (JERKS (jk guys come back)), but I will never ever do that. Mostly because I have no life. This is my life. And I have like a million more shitty stories for you all to put up with so deal with it.