A.N. I should say this was never meant to be a "Shout-out" story (if such a thing exists). I am not doing this to make anyone say "thanks." It's nice if you do, but that was never the purpose.
I tried to make the discussion flow as naturally as possible, and so the stories I listed were how I would have presented my case. This was a thought experiment of what would my wife say/do if I was caught on the computer doing something she didn't know about.
I mean fan fiction of course :) So how would that conversation go? Probably a lot more one sided than I imagined…..
Hypothetical, naturally. Being married, I tell K EVERYTHING.
I've (sort of) learned my lesson. I'll list the references used at the bottom of the chapter. Sorry to leave you feeling ripped off with the 'clarifications' addendum.
I don't own Chuck et al. Or Sam either, sadly (I think Wep has dibs there).
Sarah discovers the dark side of Claire.
"Chuck!"
"Sarah? You OK?" he asked as she let him into her hotel room.
"I'm fine…. Oh, God. What time is it?"
"Yeah, well I gave the General your regards, and that you'd be feeling better in time for the mission tonight."
"Schweppes, I missed the briefing. I've never ….. this is all YOUR FAULT!" the finger pinned him to the door she'd just let him in through.
"Me? What'd I d…. Sarah, you OK? You look a little …. tired." Dishevelled would be a better word. Except where his blonde haired, blue eyed protector was concerned, that was a word that didn't fit into his pantheon of descriptors for Sarah. Even when she had bed head (probably the most ….delicious sight in the world to wake up to. Even if it was 'for the cover.'). Right now, however, it was just messy. There were circles under her eyes, and her skin had lost its normally lustrous sheen. And unbathed, by the smell (honestly, Chuck could handle that part), she wasn't bad, just more.
He took her shoulders, holding her to see her better "I'm serious. Are you OK? It looks like you haven't slept at all. If you're sick, Casey and I can….."
"No. I'll be OK, it's just you and your stupid…." For the first time since he'd know her, Sarah looked scared. She backed herself into the room. Stood in the middle, looking around the room, as if seeking an escape. Then her shoulders slumped. She looked at Chuck like she was a kitten with a hurt paw. With that look, he rushed to her. He just didn't quite hug her. He wanted too. It looked like she needed it. Just couldn't quite do it. She looked up into his eyes, saying in a small voice "I was reading the Sam fiction. That you showed me. I just ….. lost track of time."
That wasn't the problem Chuck expected. He made a choking sound. Sarah looked at him. Hard.
"Did you just laugh at me, buster?"
"…No…" he squeaked out through a straight face.
She glared at him. Chuck tried very hard to keep his face immobile. Sarah picked it immediately, but then even Morgan would have noticed that twitch.
"You're not off the hook just yet, sunshine. OK, mission, what'd I miss?"
"Look, it's just a simple in-and-out. Grab the data onto a flash drive. Casey and I can look after it. You get some sleep."
"No, I'm not going to miss a mission because of this."
Casey looked at the rumpled, and unslept Sarah. Once Chuck was out of earshot, he said "Didn't know Larkin was back in town."
Sarah's growl reminded Casey of a particularly psychotic Rottweiler Casey had encountered once. The dog obviously felt that he (Casey) had encroached on his (the dog's) personal bubble. A bubble that seemed to encompass the entire facility. Four uncomfortable hours stuck up a tree. Every damned Christmas, the smell of pine brought it all back.
In the end, Sarah accepted the observer position in the van. Chuck and Casey went in. It was simple job. Getting in and out took longer than getting the data.
When they were leaving Castle, Chuck caught Sarah's arm. "I think you need to get some real sleep. You're coming back with me. ….Um, to my bed…. To sleep. I mean."
Sarah stiffened at his touch, but the babble won her heart. She knew she needed sleep. And she knew if she went back to the hotel, she knew she'd read "just one more" story. Her posture slumped. "OK" was the simple surrender.
When they got home, Ellie's squeal probably annoyed the local canine population, but Chuck shushed her, and then Ellie saw Sarah's condition. The medical diagnosis agreed with Chuck's
"Bed rest. Rest, Chuck."
"Thanks being subtle there, Sis."
It looked like Sarah was already asleep when Chuck climbed into bed. When he turned the light off, her arm draped across his chest, and her sleepy "…..anks Chu…." breathed into his ear. Setting off the usual goose bumps down half of his body. Her half. The 'K' of his name turned into a purring snore. In the dim light, he could see she had a smile. He kissed her forehead, whispering "I love you too" and closed his eyes.
When she woke up, they were in their usual position, she was spooning him (less … embarrassing than the other way 'round). Shortly afterwards, Chuck awoke. He rolled partly over, and they locked eyes. His grin drew a companion from her.
"You look a lot better this morning" as he moved loose strands from her face.
"Yeah, I guess I needed to sleep."
"Mmm hmm." He smiled even broader. "So. The great Sarah Walker has a weakness. Brought down by a fifteen year old school girl – or a forty eight year old truck driver posing as one – writing fan fiction."
Her smile faltered a little, but then returned "Well, as addictions go, I've seen worse. Any show with a space ship in it, and poof, there goes my Chuck's concentration….." And she realised what she'd just called him. Oh God.
Gallantly, Chuck ignored her comment (although the backs of his knees did run cold with pleasure – or adrenalin). "Guilty. But it's been, oh months now since I've pulled an all-nighter rolling though a season, or three on DVD. You did know they'd still be there the next day? And better, there might be some new ones?"
"Yeah, but I thought I'd get just one more… and then…."
"Yeah, been there, done that. Even bought the tee-shirt. But you see, I've got this secret, second, after hours, and did I mention secret, other job. And the woman who has to pretend to be my girlfriend would kill me if I wasn't totally focused. She takes her job very seriously….."
Sarah's hand wrapped around the back of his head and grabbed a handful of his locks "Well, if that was my job, I'd want to keep you safe too. Besides, I mightn't kill you, but I can make you wish…."
They were in one of their either 'kiss uncontrollably,' or 'pretend nothing's happening' moments.
Nothing happened.
Or more specifically, something happened that Chuck didn't expect.
"Chuck? What's with the Lovable Bogan?"
"…. Ah, you've ventured into the wild and murky….."
"Chuck!"
"You don't know the POWER of the DARK…."
"Chuck, you're off on a tangent. Again."
"OK. The Bogan, or LB. Hmmm. Tricky. Took me a little to get those, but I got here late. You know that the girl who plays Claire, Yvonne, is an Aussie?" Chuck began to have glimmer that he was dipping his toe into shark infested waters here. While he wasn't the most experienced in this department, he was pretty sure girlfriends (even fake ones) didn't like their boyfriends (even fake ones) knowing too much about a pretty girl. Not even ones on TV. "Well, a Bogan is apparently an Australian expression. The guy who wrote the first ones used an expression to reflect her Australian-ness. What did you read?"
"I started at the beginning, I suppose. Then I found one of your stories on about page 5, from there I started with your favourites."
"I didn't realise I'd saved any LBs in favourites."
"Um, where Claire gets stuck in a traffic jam."
"Ah. Yes, except for that one."
"So Claire just kills everybody, and then has sex with Sam?" she frowned.
"Well, it's not so funny when you say it like that."
"So, when they finally get together, she becomes this ….. bogan?"
"Um, sort of. I think it came from …. You know how Claire always protected Sam beyond just the mission. Like where the pitta shop girl….."
"Lu…. Lisa"
"Yeah" He tried to keep the smile from showing "well, I guess this is just that, taken to the absolute extreme. And then some. But it's more the humour in it, the running gag about every brunette making eyes at Sam. And after waiting those years to be together with her, now he finally gets to have sex with Claire every night. Every night. Regardless of if he wants to or not."
"…or not." parroted Sarah. They both shared a silent moment, contemplating the horror that would be, if the two of them had to have sex every night. For some reason, they both had very neutral faces.
"*cough* but it's really about the humour. Some of the best bits are how the big guy, Clancy deals with it. Have you come across JustSam? I think he's Australian. He wrote scenes with an internal monologue. There was one where the LB part of Claire's mind was dressed as a cheerlead….you know, it's funnier when you read it for yourself." Chuck realised that might not be the safest direction to go.
"But there's stuff where they're not even close to being what the show is. The one where Claire is a thief, with the name from that heist movie" Sarah brought up.
"Well, those are more about the personalities on "Sam," not the show premise. Was that "The Vegas Job?"
"I guess so. I loved it when he talks about "the make out with Sam timer going off."
Chuck grinned "Yeah, I think that's it. Did you…" Warning, waring Chuck Bartowski. Mentioning the infamous chapter 20 would only throw chum in the water.
"….you find….." nope the 'Wednesday' by the Stainless Steel Rat would be worse. Um…. The wrong-foot about kissing while half asleep isn't as bad, but still I need something safer …. Ah "Kaymac's 'Lies Etc?' it takes Claire's point of view from the kiss in the hanger, and goes episode by episode until, well until Sam breaks through….."
"I started that, I think. Really good. I get the Clair….." she trailed off.
'Ah Hah. The foots on the other hand now Cramer' thought Chuck "Breakfast?" he asked, moving to safer ground.
'Yeah. I don't thing I ate much yesterday."
"Pancakes?"
"That'll do for a start."
"Ahh, hungy?" he asked. Her reply involved the rear end of a low flying duck.
Ellie was in the kitchen when they got there. "Doctor's orders. You two are taking the day off. Sarah, you need to rest. Chuck, make sure she does. OK? I've already called in sick for you, Sarah who do I ring for you?"
"That's OK Ellie, I can look after that." She grinned at Chuck.
After Ellie left for rounds, they two were sitting in the lounge.
"So, you'll probably try to stop me from reading some more fiction, huh?" asked Sarah.
"Actually, I was going to suggest we do some research on the fics."
That drew a puzzled expression from her.
Chuck continued "I've had an idea….. how 'bout we write a fiction. Together?"
"What are you saying, Chuck?"
"How about we write a scene where Claire disturbs Sam while he's online writing fan fiction?"
"…..Oh, where he's acting all guilty, and trying to hide what's on the screen?" Sarah got the idea, and began to think this could be interesting.
"Um, you mean Sauvé and discreetly …."
"I was there, Chuck. You were about as discreet as…."
"OK, OK. Right, you start making some outline notes. I'll get the computer. We need the names of the characters from the fictional show that Claire the Bogan likes….."
A.N. Must admit, this chapter was harder to write than the first – The first pretty much wrote itself. This felt more deliberate when writing. It probably reads that way too.
And so, who's who in the zoo….
The fifteen year old girl (or very nearly so) is the brilliant Indigogold – who's skill and style put me to shame.
The Claire stuck in traffic is naturally the "405 gets plowed" by Frea O'Scanlin. So funny, I had to read it in segments.
JustSam is of course JustChuck. He's not an Aussie, but he's funny enough to pass for one ay. And it's the "Mind's Eye." Hoo boot that (sorry mate, too much South Park).
'The Vegas Job' is really MoonlightPilot's "Walkers Eleven." 'nuf said about chapter 20.
It's not 'Wednesday,' but "Tuesday" by Armadilloi (or his Missus).
The 'half asleep kissing' is Farringtongirl's "What hurts the most." I had to read it twice to make sure I hadn't made a mistake.
Kaymac is KateMck and her lovely "Sarah vs covers, lies and ticking time bombs."
For those of you who are not Australian, a Bogan is the closest thing we have to Trailer Trash. The name is thought to derive from the Bogan River in central New South Wales, not far from where I grew up (The Bogan River should be better known as the Bogan Small-Bone-Dry-Gully-Nine-Years-Out-Of-Ten).
Technically, I am a Bogan. That was my school house. Nothing to do with the Ugh boots I wear.
I formally release this concept back into the wild (where it belongs). If you wish to tame it, good luck.
And, I suppose, congratulations to the Poms for retaining the Ashes. Well played, you bastards.
