4280 words
11/4/15
Hey guys! New chapter and it's a long one! Yay? I'm sorry this is late but like I've said in my updates on my profile, I am a college student and my grades come first. Not to mention last week I just returned for New York for my sister's wedding. Then there was Halloween and this whole week I've been playing catch up and what not.
This chapter, kind of focuses on what Lelouch has to do to get his life back on track. Also I hope this will lead out of the Suzaku bashing phase. I don't like bashing him or torturing Suzaku I swear! I honestly do not want this whole fanfiction to be about that. Hopefully this chapter helps with that.
Don't own Code Geass. If I did Lelouch would not have died.
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"Hey roomie, are you going to leave your bunk today?" his cellmate asked as he hung upside down from the top bunk.
Lelouch looked up from his curled up position. His cellmate's name was Mao, the man had apparently shot a woman that he was 'so in love with' five times and was sentenced to fifteen years for attempted murder in the first. He had been in prison for five of those years and the only reason Lelouch knew all this was because Mao had mentioned how much they had in common, having both entered jail as teens, though Mao was nineteen when he entered and had recently turned twenty-four. The man also loved to talk.
Never the less Lelouch wanted nothing to do with the man or anyone else for that matter. He had merely stayed in his bunk on the bottom for the two days, since he entered the prison.
"Come on Lulu, it's not so bad," he flipped off his bunk.
The raven haired teen just went back to staring at his legs.
"Oh I know, why don't we go to the gym? You look like you could use some beefing up," he happily clapped his hands but pouted when Lelouch glared at him. "Oh not the work out type," he hummed then snapped his fingers, "I bet you're one of those academics, huh? There's a nice library that was donated," he grinned.
Lelouch looked at him puzzled, "who would donate to a prison?"
Mao just shrugged, "who knows. Maybe some bleeding hearts that think we can be reformed, or they think we were dealt a bad hand. Oh, or those who just feel guilty for their privilege." Mao was laughing towards the end. Obviously he thought the concept was nothing but insane… just like him.
"What do you say roomie?" he held out his hand. Lelouch had looked at it and sighed. The library might have been better than sitting around and pitying himself.
Line Break
Lelouch laid in his bed wearing his new purple night clothes. He was remembering Mao for some reason. The man was unpredictable and was able to read people well to the point it was scary. It made him a dangerous person but he was also the only one that was a challenge for Lelouch when it came to chess.
The boy rolled over on his side and sighed as he looked at the digital clock. Four o'clock in the morning. Was there even a point in trying to sleep? Reluctantly he stood up and headed downstairs; he might as well prepare breakfast while he was up.
When he reached the kitchen he went straight to the fridge. Now that he thought about it, Schneizel would be up in an hour to head to the office; he might a well cook the man breakfast too.
He took out some of the eggs and beat them with some milk. As he watch the whisk break the yolks and mix the whites and milk with the yellow substance his mind wondered back to Mao.
The man wasn't really a bad person. His down fall was obviously his obsessive nature. The man had explained once about the girl he stalked and shot. Apparently she was one of the first people to be kind to him and they had soon started a relationship, the trouble though was when he began to become jealous over men 'trying to take her away'. From what Lelouch could gather from Mao's messed up view of things she had enough of his possessiveness and left and that was when he stalked and eventually shot her multiple times. Also according to Mao it was lucky they did not find the chainsaw. Okay... Mao might have been a bad person, but as long as no one talked of the girl he was fairly normal.
Lelouch took out some vegetables and began to dice them as he continued to think. Mao had been a great help at times and was a good asset; he could not say though that if Mao ever got out he'd pursue a friendship with the man, like he said he was unpredictable. Mao also had a few other vices, one of those being that he was the main refrain dealer and consumer but that also meant that as long as he was in Mao's favor he was not in horrible danger from the other inmates and had protection.
Lelouch put the vegetables in the egg and mixed it some more before putting it in a buttered pan and turned on the flame. Maybe he wasn't used to the house and that was why he was thinking about Mao. The whole time he was in that cell he always thought of his life outside the gray walls; it only made sense he would think about how it was inside the prison.
He put some cheese on the egg and folded it. It still felt odd being out of that dreary cement building. Only a few days prior he had no future and now the possibilities were endless.
"Something smells good. I forgot you were such a good cook," a voice said from the doorway.
Lelouch turned fast and pointed the spatula at whoever snuck up behind him. His breathing evened out and his wide eyes blinked as he finally realized that it was his brother. The man was dressed in a beige suit. The man also seemed a bit confused, whether by Lelouch's reaction or that he was up at four thirty in the morning, Lelouch would never know.
"You're up early," he turned back to the stove and flipped the omelet on a plate.
"I could say the same for you. I heard you up and thought I'd get up a little early," Schneizel explained as he poured two pre-made mugs of coffee.
"Couldn't sleep," he mumbled as he put the plate down in front of Schneizel's spot. He took the offered cup and lazily drank the black liquid.
"Really? If I recall you didn't sleep well the other nights either," he raise an eyebrow.
"I think it's because I'm still settling in. I wouldn't read too much into it," he sat down and watched his brother start to eat.
"Maybe," he started, "you should start looking for a new psychiatrist. One, may be able to help you settle in, besides it was recommended by the one you saw in prison that you continue with sessions."
Lelouch hummed in agreement, "That would be the smart and rational thing to do." He looked at his brother, who was almost done with the omelet, and sighed, "I'll look through the phonebook today and make some calls."
Schneizel released a please chuckle, "and here I thought I'd have to drag you kicking and screaming to one."
"I am not a child anymore," he grinned, "besides they might be able to prescribe something to help me sleep."
His brother raised an eyebrow, almost disapprovingly, at that and took a sip of his own coffee, "oh is that why you are so compliant, drugs. I should have seen this, my poor baby brother turning into a drug addict or even to selling them."
The man's humor could be as dark as his own, but it at least lightened the tense atmosphere. It wasn't that Lelouch wanted to have a reliance on drugs or another person; a psychiatrist would merely be a form of normalcy for him. After his first year, he often had to attend regular weekly sessions with the prisons psychiatrist. He didn't love them or hate them but it was the place that gave him the idea on how to prove his innocence.
Seeing a doctor, would also ease everyone else's nerves. He did not very well care about how they felt, it was more the issue of, he did not need them breathing over his shoulder and assigning him babysitters in the form of an annoying Suzaku. Yes, seeing one and putting up the allusion of 'recovery' would give him more freedom and reign to accomplish his goals.
He watched as his brother stood with his empty plate and mug and placed them in the sink, "I will be home early today since I have an early start. I might even be able to help you find a good doctor if I'm home before three."
The man walked over and putting his hand on the teens shoulder and smiled, "I am very proud of you." With that he left to get his brief case and departed with a heart felt good-bye.
Lelouch could only roll his eyes once his brother left. The man was always sappy with that mask of his. He was never very sincere even when Lelouch was a child he could see his brother's ability to twist and manipulate things in his favor, even against their father. Lelouch though, could not find any benefit to Schneizel's 'kindness.' Mao might have been able to see through Schneizel, he could see through Lelouch. It did not really matter though, he had a place to sleep, eat, and get his life together and he would use these resources.
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It was around ten o'clock when the bell rang and Lelouch did not even need to guess who it was. There before him, when he opened the door, was brown curly hair and forest green eyes.
He then closed the door in the Japanese youth's face.
"Oh come on Lelouch! You won't even talk to me this time," he heard the groan from the other side of the door and a satisfying knock of the boys head on the glass of the door. With that he turned to the kitchen to make himself a snack.
"Maybe some of those strawberries and that ice-cream, I haven't had that in years," he hummed to himself. For some odd reason shutting the door in the persistent brunette's face had lightened his mood.
While he let the ice-cream soften a bit he washed the strawberries with a damp cloth. The things were like sponges when it came to water and the more they absorbed the less ripe they tasted. He wanted the maximum amount of flavor in his first bowl of ice-cream and strawberries. He wondered if Schneizel had any chocolate syrup and any bananas.
He turned to check the fridge but saw a form coming towards him by the door. He only had enough time to step back before he was pinned to the floor. He shut his eyes panicked.
"Get off!" he punched at his assailant, his breathing becoming more erratic. If he was thinking he would have realized that the only logical person who would break in, would be the dumb Japanese boy he just rejected but at the moment he was too frightened and excited to think. His mind, his only weapon was useless to him. He should have been safe out here!
He felt his attacker pin his arms to the floor and sit on him, "Lelouch calm down! Look, it's just me, Suzaku!"
The slim teen blinked, slowly opening his eyes and when he saw those deep green eyes he glared, "You complete moron! I should call the cops, it's illegal you know to break into a person's home," he yelled. "And what part of your sick mind thought it would be a good idea to break in and attack me?"
"I'm sorry! I just panicked!"
"YOU PANICKED?! I'm on a tile floor pinned down in a rather suggestive manner might I add…" he looked at Suzaku, who happened to be sitting on the raven haired boy's pelvis holding him down… "When I call the police I am adding sexual assault to the charges…"
"You weren't going to let me in, what was I supposed to do?" Suzaku yelled desperately.
"Leave! That is what sane people usually do!" honestly Suzaku was as dim as ever.
"Lelouch, I wasn't going to leave, we need to talk and straighten things out. As much as you want to cut me out of your life I won't leave until we talk!"
Suzaku, was not going to let this go. He was going to persist until he obtained his goal; that was how he always was and Lelouch could see that was how he always would be.
"Fine"
"I know you don't want to but I won't lea-" he stopped. "Wait did you say okay?"
"I said fine, but they carry the same meaning. If it will get you to leave me be then I will sacrifice a few more minutes of my life; I will not however, talk while you are crushing me… NOW, GET OFF!"
Quickly the Japanese boy hopped off of the scowling raven haired teen. He looked very much like a kicked puppy. Lelouch stood up and walked over to the fridge. Schneizel did have syrup and bananas.
"I thought you wanted to talk," he said as he retrieved the items and returned to his bowl to scoop out the sweet chocolate treat.
"Huh? Oh," he stood up and leaned against the counter, "um, I want to apologize for the other day, I said some stupid things but I DO want be here for you."
"Yes, you said stupid things, that's not very new Suzaku and no, you will not 'be here for me' I don't need you to be here nor want you to be," he started as he also started to cut up the banana. "You see Suzaku, I do not care that you feel extremely guilty or that you made a promise to Cornelia and Schneizel, I could care less how they felt as much as I care for how you feel."
"I know you don't care, and you have, good reason," he sounded defeated, "and honestly even if they had not asked me I would still try to weasel my way into your life again." Suzaku was quiet for a moment, like he was thinking of his next words, "And I know that things can't magically be fixed but I want things to go back to the way they were when we were kids… when we could do anything if we were together…"
"If you know it won't be the same then why wish for it to be?" when done with the banana he moved onto the strawberries. His mood before was so much lighter, he wished the annoyance would leave but he could not help but feel a tug at the brown haired boys last comment.
"Because I still care about you… you we- are my best friend."
Lelouch slammed the knife down, "Friends believe in each other or they at least try to. You, like everyone else didn't even want to hear my side. Schneizel even told me not to tell him anything incriminating because he could not legally defend a guilty client."
When he turned to the object of his frustration he continued, "do you know what it's like to have everyone: your friends; family; and even people you don't know, to believe you are guilty of something… something so horrible! Then to get sent to a place where people who committed almost the same horrible crimes also believe you're guilty? Do you know what it's like to be that alone?" He walked up to Suzaku whose face was blank, "I had no one, and now I'm just supposed to accept that all these people who hated my guts actually care about me, now?"
He was shaking and he was pissed and he felt completely alone because for four years he was and still was alone. He was about to start yelling again until Suzaku wrapped his arms around the raven haired teen's shoulders. They were strong and warm and comforting and Lelouch wanted none of that. He started to struggle but stopped as he felt a wetness on his shoulder and soon noticed the trembling of the shorter males shoulders*.
"I'm sorry… I'm so, so, so sorry…" the weak voice came from the once strong Japanese boy. It was sincere and broken. "I want to change how I acted, Lelouch, I really do. I want to go back and be there for you… I hate that you were alone. No one should be alone and that's why I want to be here now," he held Lelouch tighter, "I don't want you to be alone again."
Lelouch couldn't really say anything. It all felt awkward.
He sighed, "Suzaku, get a hold of yourself. You can't live in the past, you have to move forward."
He pulled away, though with a little difficulty, and when he looked at Suzaku's red puffy face he couldn't help it… he laughed. He laughed hard.
"Oh lord, you should see your face," he covered his mouth as he tried to stifle the laughter.
Suzaku only looked confused but Lelouch kept laughing, "You look like the time when we were ten and that cat rejected you. Remember you cried so hard even your nose was running!" he kept laughing until he realized what he said and looked at the shoulder Suzaku had been crying on. "Oh, gross you actually got snot one my shirt!"
He went to get a napkin but stopped when he heard giggling coming from the other, "you're worried about your shirt. I'm sobbing over our broken friendship and you're worried about a shirt."
"It's disgusting," Lelouch huffed as he wiped his shoulder off and then handed Suzaku a tissue.
"You haven't changed, have you, Lelouch," Suzaku took the tissue and blew his nose.
"I have changed plenty. It is you who has not changed; you are still a blubbering sap," Lelouch huffed and took his now half melted ice-cream and started to eat.
"Please, you're still up tight and obsessed with cleanliness," his green eyes sparkled.
Lelouch rolled his eyes as he took another bite, "your snot is gross who wouldn't be more worried about their clothes."
He let a small smile slip. This didn't feel that awkward anymore, it felt more like old times, almost natural but sadly those days were gone. He was about to tell the other that but one look at that puppy face and Lelouch rolled his eyes.
"You won't leave, will you? You are persistently going to show up at the door every day," he sat at the kitchen table.
Suzaku followed suit and sat across from him, "and when you close the door in my face, I will just sneak in through the living room window."
"Is that how you got in?" Lelouch tilted his head.
"Yeah Schneizel does not have very secure windows," he said and reached over swiping a strawberry from the bowl.
"Hey, I did not make this for you!" Lelouch glared at him but merely held the bowl closer to himself and took a cautious spoon full of ice cream.
"Still stingy too, huh?" Suzaku laughed.
"If you must know this is my first sundae in years. I will not be sharing," the raven haired boy sneered and took another bite.
"Wait they didn't have ice cream?" those large emerald eyes looked horrified.
"Well sometimes they did but I'm not the largest person, Suzaku and they tended to steal the ice cream from small frail Lulu," he said as he dramatically threw his hand over his eyes. That unfortunately gave the sneaky Japanese boy an opening to steal another strawberry.
"Hey stop that!" what was he a ninja? Lelouch guarded his bowl with such an intensity he was surprised the Japanese boy did not burst into flames.
"Oh come on, it's just a strawberry," the sneaky boy laughed.
Suzaku's shoulders seemed lighter to Lelouch; he wasn't so tense or acting like he was walking barefoot on eggshells. He honestly could not understand why Suzaku was trying so hard to re-enter his life either. It seemed like not long ago, the other was cursing his name and threatening his life.
He looked back to his ice cream and took another bite. It was a little odd actually; when Euphie had died Suzaku wanted almost nothing to do with Lelouch and when Lelouch had pleaded for the boy to visit… well he could still remember the feel the bruises Suzaku left, all those years ago. It was actually a marvel the young man across from him had believed Lelouch to be innocent so easily. That was something that had bugged the amethyst eyed boy since Suzaku reentered his life.
It bothered him so much so that he voiced his curiosity, "Suzaku, what makes you so certain now, that I did not kill Euphie," he was also ever so blunt about it.
When Lelouch glanced quickly up to Suzaku he saw confusion on his face. He as quickly though, returned his eyes to his ice cream.
He was a little surprised after a long pause when Suzaku answered, "Honestly Lelouch, I don't know. I think from the start, the thought of you killing Euphie didn't seem right and felt wrong. The evidence though, I mean you were covered in her blood and right next to her. It made sense but didn't at the same time. With no other possible suspects though, I guess I felt like I had to believe it… I needed someone to blame." The forest green eyes looked intensely at the table.
"Hm, I see. So evidence is the deciding factor," Lelouch said and he couldn't deny it, most people relied on fact. To most fact and evidence could not lie and the evidence against Lelouch had been extensive and convincing. The problem though was that the evidence did not tell the whole story.
"I'm sorry, I should have believed you… maybe if I did-" Suzaku started.
"I would have still went to prison," Lelouch stated, "I did have a lot of overwhelming evidence against me. Whether you believed me or not would have made no difference."
"But if I was there for you, you might have been able to get an appeal earlier, with my help or at least you wouldn't have had to deal with everything alone!" the Japanese boy slammed his fist onto the table obviously angry at himself.
He was oddly enough, more surprised that Suzaku's self-deprecation didn't sit very well with him. He honestly did not know how to deal with it. For a long while, he had wished that people would realize their horrible mistake. He had focused on the fact that he had no one and that they didn't believe him and the wound of their abandonment soon festered. It had turned to despair then to anger and to despair again many times until he decided on indifference and let the emotions simmer under the surface. They had become his main motivators on the long nights reading news articles and on the rare occasions he was allowed internet access. Now that he saw how the guilt ate up at Suzaku, he wondered if it was really what he wanted. Of course, he wanted to prove his innocence to everyone, including the brunette, but did he want to see it fester in Suzaku, like it had done to himself? He didn't know nor did he want to dwell on it and so awkwardly, he continued to focus on his ice cream, instead of the boy across from him.
Why was it always so much more difficult to deal with Suzaku?
"Lelouch," he looked back up to Suzaku, "I know I am not your favorite person right now but please don't lock me out."
He sighed and looked at Suzaku, "If I promise to not kick you out do you promise to stop being so annoying and mentioning every couple of minutes how sorry you are? I get it already." He stood up and deposited the now empty bowl of ice cream in the sink. "I also do not want to be reminded of that god awful place every second," he said as he turned around. Maybe having the boy around wouldn't be so bad if they avoided the subject of all their angst and it would also help, like with the psychiatrist, put Schneizel at easy and make it easier to accomplish his goals. With Suzaku around, it would lessen any suspicion Schneizel had.
He knew his brother was keeping tabs on him; knew it was not mere coincidence that the man was up early. He had done it the other morning as well and he took note of how his brother was home an hour before he was usually supposed to be home; not to mention he also called often during the day. His brother, wanted to be sure Lelouch didn't do anything stupid or reckless. With Suzaku around and a psychiatrist around, Schneizel might loosen the reins. He knew if Schneizel was aware of Lelouch's goals he would not let Lelouch leave the house. That was why it was so crucial for Schneizel to feel comfortable to leave Lelouch alone.
"Really?" Suzaku really was like a puppy, as he had lit up like a dog with a bone.
"I will tolerate your presence but do not take this as friendship. It just seems like too much trouble to try and get rid of you. Besides, I don't know if I can even break that stubbornness of yours and I would rather you not pin me to the floor after breaking into my house every day," he leaned against the counter and he crossed his arms.
Suzaku looked even happier. Sadly for Lelouch, this resulted in an unusually strong hug (by normal human standards) from Suzaku. He very much hoped, he would not regret this decision.
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Well this is chapter three hope you enjoyed. Also these are self-edited and I'm not the best at grammar. If anyone is and would like to BETA please message me.
*Suzaku is actually shorter than Lelouch huh?
Thanks for reading R&R!
