School was usually fairly drab for Peter McVries, and today was no exception. Some of the people he knew, people who were just too polite not to say hello, said hello to him at advisory and then went off to talk to the better friends than him that they most likely had. Occasionally a few people shot him glares or weird looks, but other than that, the hallways were mostly a safe zone.

He took a deep breath, and was about to walk to class when he spotted Ray leaning against his locker. Shit, shit, look the other way. He quickened his walking pace and tried to act like he was immersed in some sort of daydream.
And that was when he walked straight into Ray.

Pete was about to apologize, but he'd shakily grabbed onto Ray's sweatshirt to support himself and the other boy appeared to be at a loss for words. There was almost comical silence between them as Pete kept his hand on Ray's shoulder and Ray just continued to look slightly stunned.

"Sorry," Pete finally managed, releasing his shoulder. Almost everyone else had already made their way into their classes, and that made their silence even more awkward and uncomfortable. "Uh. I need to get to class. See you." He turned around and started down the hall.

"Wait."

"Look, I don't need any more crap about last night, I got enough from my family."

Ray looked down, his face slightly red. "See, we...the thing is...I was mad about the kissing thing because, well...man, this is stupid." Pete treated him to a 'go on' expression. "That was my first kiss."

Pete laughed, although there wasn't much humor in it. "You think that's important?! First kisses don't mean a fucking thing! My first kiss was a girl whose name I don't even remember now! First kisses, first times, first, hell, first pregnancies don't even matter! They're just firsts!" He took a deep breath, laughing had left an irritating ache in his sides.

"I thought...because...my girlfriend...we've never..." Ray motioned with his hands. "We never even kissed."

"I'm going to let my suspension of disbelief kick in here."

"I just...I wanted to kiss Jan, first, and now she's angry at me for even accepting and god, I'm not even...I don't even know you, Pete."

Suddenly he was angry with Ray. Angry with Ray for treating love as something precious and special, because fuck, love was just the opposite, and just when Pete had had some kind of hope that it could be something more, Ray had gone and let him down. Life tended to do that, didn't it?

So Pete pushed him against his locker and kissed him. He knew that he'd probably very strongly regret this later, but for the moment, it didn't matter, because god, it felt good. Ray didn't try to force him away, but somehow his lips felt surprised and almost slightly terrified. His hands were tangled in Ray's hair and then it hit him that they were both probably going to get detention if they were any later.

"W-what was that?!"

"Proof that kisses don't mean anything. See you at track." He slung his bag over his shoulders and started off to class.

Seeing Ray in the hallways and at lunch with his friends and girlfriend was awkward, to say the least. It wasn't that Pete didn't have friends, per se, he just didn't have good friends. Parker and Abraham were probably the closest thing to real friends he had, and they were fairweather friends at best. Of course there was Olson, too, but Olson was an asshole, sure, a fairly dumb and harmless asshole, but if Pete could avoid him, he probably would.

So he usually ate outside on the bleachers, because, as pathetic as it was, it made him look like he had friends by sitting near the small groups on the bottom bleachers, but still allowed him to be left alone. At least, that was usually the case.

"Hello, McVries." Pete looked up from his lunch of salad and an overly caffeinated energy drink. The boy was one he didn't recognize. He looked like the type who got beat up a lot, skinny and blond and carrying a large pile of books.

"Who the hell are you?"

"I saw what you did to Ray Garraty this morning." The other boy smirked. "I'm not sure exactly what sparked that, but whatever it was, I'd warn you, he has a nice, pretty, Catholic girlfriend and has no need for the likes of you."

Pete felt his face heating up. "Answer my question. Who the hell are you and what makes you think you can just walk into my personal life like that?"

"Stebbins." Stebbins laughed. "I'm observant. I've grown to know quite a bit about you. Your hatred for Gary Barkovitch is...potent, to say the least, you're on the track team, you used to be dating Priscilla Mathers until she broke up with you and practically assaulted you with a letter opener-"

"That is really creepy. Look, I know about Ray's girlfriend."

"Cheating, eh? Do what you'd like, but that rarely turns out well." Stebbins sat down beside him. Pete noticed that he was clutching a Ziploc bag that contained a few jelly sandwiches. "Say, McVries, this question is bound to come up sometime, which gender do you prefer?"

"That's not your fucking business!" he snapped, scooting away from Stebbins. "What the hell do you want with me, anyways?"

"I only want to help you make sense of your situation."

"You some sort of relative of Barkovitch's? 'Cause you act just like him, that is, if he actually gained a vocabulary." Barkovitch's vocabulary consisted mostly of "fuck," outlandish insults, and then bouts of manic laughter.

Stebbins frowned. "I would like nothing to do with Gary Barkovitch, thank you."

Pete laughed, getting up from his spot on the bleachers. "Well, Stebbins, it's been fun, but I'd rather eat somewhere where questions about my personal life and issues aren't being thrown at me by someone I've never spoken to."

"Wait!"

"What is it?" Pete turned around to face Stebbins, who swallowed a large bite of his jelly sandwich.

"How would you like to know how Ray Garraty really feels about you?" Something about Stebbins gave Pete the impression that he was probably the type of person who burned ants under magnifying glasses as a child and probably tripped old ladies on the street. "Because I can find out."

"Do you have some sort of weird fetish for invading people's privacy?"

Stebbins flashed him a Cheshire Cat-like grin. "Well, see, the thing is, I know you can't resist my offer. You want Ray Garraty to love you back, because nobody has ever loved you back the way you've loved them. Oh, McVries...you're just the epitome of today's troubled youth, aren't you?"

"How the fuck do you know it's love?" He spat the word out like it was a particularly nasty type of disease. Stebbins' words felt like a slap in the face, and he told himself that it was only because Stebbins was an asshole and they were just general insults. "Fine, you want to find out Ray's deepest secrets. Go the fuck ahead, see if I care."

"Ah, denial." Stebbins sighed. "Thank you for your affirmation that you are, in fact, in love with him."

"You know what? Fuck you."

"Glad to hear it." Stebbins hopped to the ground, leaving Pete standing on the bleachers with a heavy feeling in his chest that he had a feeling would take a long time to go away.


this chapter sucks also i accidentally made stebbins into izaya orihara