Complications
Part 3
He didn't want to say yes and he didn't want to say no, all he could do was look at Jackson willing him to understand the mess his head was in right now.
"It's alright." He knew the answer, knew Aaron was struggling to find a way to let him down gently.
"No, no its not. I love you, I'd do anything for you, you know I would but..."
"You don't want to marry me."
"I didn't say that."
"I didn't hear you say yes."
"You didn't hear me say no! Its just..." He didn't know where or how to start explaining what he was feeling right now. And it didn't help that he was annoyed at Jackson for dropping this on him so unexpectedly, "We've never talked about it."
"No, would it have made any difference if we had?"
"I'd have had some warning..."
"Warning? You needed warning about it?"
"I didn't mean it like that."
"No I know, sorry." He was hurting and that made him oversensitive, he had to put a stop to that or he'd end up saying something he'd regret.
"It's just that ..." It sounded stupid to him so he wouldn't be surprised if Jackson didn't laugh in his face when he told him.
"What?"
"It scares me."
"Why?" There was very little that scared Aaron.
"Everyone we know, my parents, yours, Paddy, Marlon..." He could go on endlessly, "...they all ended up divorcing, splitting up...
"You think marriage is the kiss of death to a relationship?"
"That's my only experience of it Jackson."
"Not every marriage ends in divorce, just like not every non-married couple stay the distance..."
"What do you mean by that?"
"Only that married or not couples split up."
"Meaning we could?"
"No, I didn't mean that! I was just making a point." They were both way too touchy now, the way things were going they would end up arguing and he didn't want that. "Let's draw a line under it now, forget about it, and get on with enjoying the weekend."
How could Jackson just shrug it off like that, he couldn't, not now he'd realised that no matter what he said, whether his answer be yes or no it would somehow come between them, "Yeah like we can now!"
"Of course we can and we're going to. And we'll start by going to that club you've heard about." They could get wasted, and in the morning neither one of them would remember a thing about tonight.
"I don't want to go."
"You were raving about it before."
"Yeah well I'm not in the mood anymore..."
"Well I am."
"Go on your own then, you don't need me to have a good time!"
"You're right there!"
After paying the bill he'd walked out and left Aaron sitting there. Hailing a passing taxi he asked the driver to take him to Razzes, he hadn't come all this way to argue, he hadn't come all this way to mope about, he'd come to enjoy himself and he wasn't going to let a miserable prat like Aaron Livesy stop him.
He'd got to his feet and followed Jackson out of the restaurant, just in time to see him get into a taxi. Did he follow him? Was there any point? It seemed even talking about marriage could put the mockers on a relationship! By asking him to marry him Jackson had thrown a spanner into the works, complicated things just when everything was going right for them, when it was all going so well.
Why did he have to go and spoil it all by suddenly wanting to marry him?
It wasn't all of a sudden though was it? It wasn't a spur of the moment thing. A romantic meal for two in a posh restaurant hadn't given him the idea. Jackson didn't do anything without giving it some thought first, not that he lacked spontaneity or anything, he would do things on impulse too but nothing that carried any weight, nothing he might spend a life time regretting. He'd obviously put a lot of thought into the proposal, had put his heart and soul into it... that's what this weekend was all about, he'd been planning it for god knows how long, wanting to make it special, to show him just how much he loved him... and he'd just trampled all over it.
Aaron had been right about the club, it was buzzing. He was getting plenty of attention too, was being eyed up right, left and centre. It was a welcome boost to his ego but not what he was here for. But by standing all alone by the bar he was looking like he was available and he wasn't...not anymore. That was where a wedding ring would come in handy...was that a pun? He couldn't be sure, he'd had a bit too much to drink so his brain was addled... but anyway... a ring on the third or was it the second finger of his left hand would ward off unwanted attention. It would tell the world that someone had put that ring there for a reason! He would have liked to put a ring on Aaron's finger...oh god he was getting all maudlin now or did he mean soppy? Again he couldn't be sure, he'd better not drink anymore he wouldn't be able to remember the name of his hotel if he did!
Now he come to think about it, he couldn't actually imagine Aaron wearing a ring, he wasn't into jewellery, he didn't even wear a watch. He wouldn't be happy taking part in such a formal ceremony either, making vows...being the centre of attention, he hated being centre of attention. What had he been thinking? Aaron marry him? Never in a month of Sundays!
Suddenly he was aware of someone standing next to him, in the getting ready to make a move position, it had been a while but he hadn't forgotten how it all worked. He could barely hear the voice above the music and wished he hadn't.
"Do you come here often?"
Please no, he hated that chat up line, it had to be older than his granddad; he turned to look at the owner of the voice ready to give him the brush off only to find he liked what he saw.
TBC
