::Again::
Chapter Three: Kakashi
It's so much darker when a light goes out than it would have been if it had never shone.
-John Steinbeck
It had begun to rain…
A storm was raging overhead to wash out the blood that stained the earth. His dislocated shoulder ached, but he ignored the minuscule wound.
He was much more wounded on the inside.
Raw emotion had shaken him as the battle had raged on. His friend, the one who inspired him to change his life, the one who's very words he lived by… was nothing more than a fraud.
Nothing more than a vengeful, traitorous fraud, willing to kill him, to kill his village.
He didn't know if he would ever recover… he had lived through many horrible things; coming home to his father, who had taken his own life; having to witness Obito's "death", standing by as his Sensei had given up his life for the village; and perhaps the most grievous, having to take the life of Rin, the person he had sworn to protect.
But, it had been Obito's words and friendship that had got him through, that made him give up his life for others and bare the heavy burdens of his past. He knew, that as long as he put his comrades first, that he could get through life. He could see light in the world, purpose to life. But now, seeing Obito, knowing what he had done, that he not only survived, but had been the threat to the Leaf all this time… Everything he had ever known, everything he fought for, seemed like a lie.
He didn't know if he could have faith in humanity any longer, if saints like Obito could fall into such depths of deceptions and evil.
But, he wouldn't give up now, his last two rays of light; his students, Naruto and Sakura, needed him still. Sakura who had been by his side during the battle, who had healed him at his darkest hour, helped him scope the fields for Naruto and Sasuke, whom neither had seen since they had locked battle with Madara. Sakura was frantic, tears in her eyes as she searched.
He went on ahead of her as his eyes caught sight of fallen trees upon a hill.
He could sense some faint chakra… familiar chakra…
Upon the hill, lay the dead Madara, and Naruto in his final moments, laying in a pool of his own blood.
The Jonin called for Sakura. She was beside him in a moment, and in the next she was running toward her teammate. Kakashi's eyes widened in shock as a hand emerged from the rubble and grasped Sakura's ankle. It was Sasuke, a blade embedded in his chest. Kakashi felt his heart still. He still had such anger in his heart toward the estranged ninja; who tried to take Sakura's life right before his eyes; disgraced Naruto's friendship; and let himself become so blinded with hate that he deluded himself to thinking that destroying the Leaf Village would liberate him for his torment.
Yes, he had thought he had given up on the boy. But, seeing him laying there, Madara's blade through him, his own in Madara's, and making up the conclusion in his mind… it made the masked shinobi only feel remorse.
Kakashi could hear the Uchiha heir's pleas, his desperation for life, and the copy-nin felt his heart weaken. He watched as Sakura reassured him that she would be back, before continuing on to Naruto. He wasn't a medic, but he knew that Naruto's unresponsive form took priority over Sasuke, who was still clenching the crumbled earth, clinging for life.
The kunochi asked him to stabilize the Uchiha in her absence. He nodded to her in understanding, preparing his heart for what was about to come.
He approached the dying teenager, who watched Sakura as she left him, gasping and choking onto air desperately. The sight made him sick. He knelt down and turned him over so that they could see each other. Sasuke looked up at him… and all that he could see was the twelve-year-old boy he had come to love as a little brother all those years ago, and all his anger was forgotten instantly. The kid's eyes were black once more, free of the Sharingan and Rinnegan, slowly becoming dull, but were determined as ever.
"Kakashi…" he spoke, his voice braking.
"Hold on Sasuke, she'll come back," he said, pulling the boy up in his arms.
"I know." he replied.
Kakashi glanced over at Sakura, who was frantically tried to save Naruto, and willed her to hurry.
He felt helpless with the dying boy.
"You saved him, didn't you? You took the blade…"
Sasuke's dark gaze couldn't stay on him. "… For a minute, I thought…"
Kakashi gave him a firm shake. "Look at me, keep your eyes on me."
"I'm not ready, Sensei." Sasuke told him, gripping onto his jacket. "I have to..."
Kakashi made the boy look at him again, feeling tears start to well in his eyes at the honorific Sasuke had never called before. "No, you can fight this, you're stronger than this..."
"Go to Naruto, Sensei, watch his breathing." Sakura commanded as she returned.
"Right." Kakashi replied, moving Sasuke into her arms, seeing the small flicker of light that sparked in the Uchiha's eyes when he saw her.
"You have to hurry, Sakura."
"I know." she replied determinedly.
But, as Kakashi left the boy to his female student, he knew in his heart already that it was too late.
Naruto got up and let Sakura rest on the couch, dreams had haunted her the last two nights and was utterly exhausted. Neither incident was as bad as the first night, she only moved around in agitation, instead of crying or screaming, but it was beginning to be something that couldn't be overlooked.
That day, the Hokage got home his normal time, made dinner for her, and wanted her to get some extra rest. Dark bags were starting to appear under her eyes, and she seemed utterly anxious. Her sleeping was better during the day, so he told her to nap right after dinner, ignoring her protests. He sat with her on the couch to make sure she did so.
After about an hour she drifted off into a peaceful slumber, with even breathing, and not the least bit of movement. Content at last, and knowing Minato was already safe and sound in the nursery, he got up to make some instant ramen, hoping Sakura hadn't hidden it from him again.
No.
Still on the third shelf in the pantry. He began heating the water when he sensed someone by the sliding door.
He turned quickly only to be relieved to see Kakashi.
"Sensei…" he let out a sigh of relief.
"You're a little tense tonight, Naruto." his former teacher commented.
"Heh… just a long day." he replied. "Come in, want some ramen?"
"Sounds great." the older man said, taking a seat at the table. "It's very quiet here."
"Yeah, Minato's asleep upstairs, and Sakura's resting in the living room." Naruto explained, handing him the cup of ramen.
"Is she not feeling well?"
"No, she's just tired." Naruto said a bit too quickly. "Minato and I are quite a handful."
Kakashi just nodded. "I saw her on the way to the hospital the other day, she seemed a little… I don't know…"
"Off?" Naruto finished for him, his tone serious.
Did he mean more than usual? For five years Sakura had always been a little off.
"Something up?"
Naruto sighed, he knew he could handle this on his own, but at the same time he was a little worried as well, and felt like he needed to talk to someone.
He sat at the other side of the table. "I don't know… she had a nightmare about three nights ago, not one of the usual, it scared the living hell out of her."
Kakashi narrowed his eyes. "A nightmare?"
Naruto nodded. "It's been re-occurring the last three nights, she won't say anything about it."
"Strange…" Kakashi commented.
Naruto began eating. "I'm sure it's nothing, aren't mothers known to have anxieties after childbirth?"
Kakashi was thoughtful for a minute. "Have you noticed anything around, any stalkers or strange occurrences? Shinobi veterans commonly have trouble turning off their heightened senses... but her anxieties could be warranted."
"No, nothing." Naruto replied, rubbing his eye tiredly.
"Well, just be watchful and trust your instincts, you and Sakura have been through a lot, if you feel that something is threatening you, then you should be on your guard." Kakashi advised. "However, paranoia and worry will only weaken you… I can always keep an eye on both Sakura and Minato during the day hours I have off, if that would ease your mind."
"It would." Naruto replied, his voice lightening a bit. "I'd greatly appreciate it."
Kakashi nodded. "Alright then, have a good rest tonight."
"It's time to go, Sakura." Kakashi told her, gently, taking a hold of her shoulders. "There's no one else here."
His female student looked tragically beautiful in her black kimono that fell just above her knees, her hair pulled up in an elaboratly braided updo, stray curls teasing the curve of her neck, her face painted with perfect skill. She looked the oldest he had ever seen her, no longer a child with stars in her eyes and sticks and leaves in her hair, she was now a stoic, beautiful warrior wearing black, her hair pinned up with silver, to honor the dead that had fallen on the bloody battlefield she had prevailed from.
In her arms she did not carry red roses, cala lilies, or orchids as tradition dictated. No, for her lost love, she carried snow white daffodils. They were bright, fragrant, and hopeful, surely not a common flower for the dead. The flowers that outlasted the long winter that Sasuke did not survive. Sakura remained still like one of the stone angels that mourned and guarded the departed around them, and she did not move until Kakashi tried to move her away from the Uchiha crypt.
"I'll be along soon," she whispered, standing rigid against his hold. "I just need a few more minutes."
Kakashi let his hold on her shoulders soften. "A storm's coming in, you can come back tomorrow."
She still made no move to leave, and only walked ahead a little toward the tomb, away from her sensei's hold. "Does it ever stop? This pain?"
"...No." he answered after a long moment of silence. "It will be with you always."
"How do you..."
"I mourn the dead, but until my time, my place is with the living." he told her. "As is yours, Sakura."
She knelt then, placing her offering of the white flowers on the cold stone steps, but did not rise right away. "We just got him back, Sensei." her voice was soft, as delicate as the white petals she had just placed on the resting place of the Uchiha Clan. "He died on his way back to us."
"Perhaps he has found his family, now." Kakashi told her gently, tucking his hands in his pockets and looking skyward, looking for his wayward student. "Maybe, at last, he is at peace."
"This is completely and totally unnecessary, Sensei." Sakura said angrily from the kitchen as she made some tea.
Kakashi just rolled his eyes from where he sat in the living room.
He had a feeling Sakura would be this way.
"You told me that I should come over more often to see Minato, Sakura." he replied.
"Yes, see Minato, not baby-sit me!" she exclaimed.
"I'm just visiting." he countered. "Don't make anymore out of it."
Minato was in his swing, swaying beside the couch, where Kakashi sat, quite content with his teething toy. He was gurgling happily and Kakashi found himself smiling at the infant.
"All the more, I don't like you and Naruto making decisions behind my back." she said, walking in with two mugs of tea in her hand.
"We do it for your best interest." Kakashi replied nonchalantly.
She sat in the chair across from him with a huff, setting the tea on the table in between. The second Minato saw his mother walk in he started reaching toward her, squealing in delight.
"Well, hello to you too." she laughed as she reached over and held on to one of his outstretched hands.
"Someone's quite fond of you." Kakashi said with lightness in his tone.
Sakura smiled. "I'm quite fond of him too."
"Almost a month now, right?" Kakashi asked.
Sakura nodded. "This Saturday officially… It feels like yesterday when we brought him home."
Kakashi lightly laughed. "To me, it seems like yesterday when you all made genin… so, you can only imagine how time flies for me."
"Who knows, maybe you'll train Minato too." Sakura said, tickling the baby's feet that were kicking playfully towards her.
"I would like to see his father train him, its important for a boy to have that sort of companionship." Kakashi said.
Sakura nodded in agreement, acknowledging how difficult it must have been for both he and Naruto to grow up without their fathers. For Kakashi, losing Naruto's father, Minato Namikaze, would have been like losing a father all over again, where Naruto didn't even have the privilege of knowing him.
It was quiet for a moment as both parties silently honored the deceased Forth Hokage, he who little Minato was named after.
"You're looking a little better today, are you sleeping better?" Kakashi asked.
Sakura nodded, annoyed at her new self-proclaimed doctor. "Yes better, and Naruto has made me rest during the day as well."
"But, you're still having nightmares?" Kakashi asked.
Sakura had no desire to talk about her dreams, but she knew Kakashi could read through her lies better than most, so again she just nodded.
"Every night?" Kakashi inquired further.
"Yes." she answered quietly.
"I'm not the medic like you, but that does not sound very healthy."
"Well, as a medic, I can assure you that they are just dreams." Sakura pointed out.
"Sakura." Kakashi said in a serious tone, one that she hadn't heard him use since she was about sixteen.
However, few could match Sakura's stubbornness. "I'm sure they'll pass…"
Kakashi looked up to the heavens in annoyance. "And if they don't?"
"They will."
"And will your anxieties just go away with them?" he asked.
A frown tugged on Sakura's lips. She wasn't too thrilled with how much information Naruto was sharing without her consent.
"I'll admit they've made me a bit more jumpy than usual, but there is nothing wrong, I'm sure I'm just imagining things…"
"Have you thought of why they are occurring… I mean, this time of year is close to…"
"No, it doesn't have anything to do with that!" Sakura cut him off sharply, upset he would even bring up such a thing.
Kakashi sighed patiently. "His death has affected us all Sakura, no one would think less of you…"
"Please, don't." she pleaded quietly.
"I only ask, because he has been on my own mind recently." Kakashi told her.
"Sensei, please." her tone was warning now.
Kakashi frowned.
It was just as he thought.
"Sasuke was part of your life Sakura, you can't change that, your mind will be much more at peace…"
"I'm not having this conversation now!" she stood abruptly. "I'm fine."
With that she took her empty mug into the kitchen, ending the conversation.
Kakashi sighed as she walked out and glanced over at little Minato. No matter how well she seemed, how much she had moved on, he was always concerned for Sakura in the matter of losing Sasuke. His death had been traumatic for her, more so than Naruto, and he knew she would carry that burden for the rest of her life. She was healing, but at the expense of the memory of Sasuke being repressed from her mind and unspoken by all around her.
And that was no way to find peace.
He cast his gaze downward. He knew this because he had lived it many times… Sasuke was just the most recent, and perhaps the most difficult, because he had been responsible for him… He saw himself in the boy, and without a doubt would have followed his path if there had been anyone to seek vengeance against for his lost love ones… to which there was no one.
"Hey."Naruto said, upon opening the door, looking relieved to see her.
"Are you okay?" Sakura asked worriedly, taking him in.
He was disheveled, tired and his eyes red from tears that he had wiped away, to her dismay, she smelled some alcohol on his breath. "I heard you on my answering machine, you scared me a little."
"Yeah, sorry, I know it's late... I just..." he just shook his head. His voice was raspier than usual, if that was possible... He must have been screaming.
"Thank you for coming."
She forced a smile and rubbed his arm affectionately. "Are you going to leave me out here in the cold all night, baka? Or are you going to let me in."
He chuckled, though it sounded pained and sad, as he stood aside to allow her access into his home. "Sorry, come in."
To her surprise, his apartment was clean. Not overly neat like her own, but it was more orderly than she had ever seen it before. "It looks nice in here."
"Yeah, I haven't been sleeping much, so... I needed to do something." he drawled.
Sakura nodded.
"Are you hungry?" he asked.
She wasn't. "Sure."
He began to make his way toward his fridge, but staggered in his step a little. "I uh, was drinking a little with Kiba tonight... But, I'm fine though, I don't get drunk."
"So I see." Sakura replied, helping him take seat at the small coffee table. "Why don't I whip something up, you can just talk to me, okay?"
"Okay." he nodded.
And talk he did.
He talked about everything and anything: his last mission, things he liked and disliked about all their friends, different ramen flavors, his favorite to least favorite, Kakashi, Tsunade, Jiraiya, Iruka, his parents, Team 7, by the time he reached Sasuke he was in tears again, by Hinata he was sobbing.
Sakura came to stand beside him and held him to her chest as kept apologizing to her, letting the ramen she had prepared for them go cold.
After he settled a little, she hoisted him to his feet. "Let's get you to bed."
He said nothing as she guided him to his bedroom and then watched her as she pulled back his covers and fluffed his pillow. "Thank you, Sakura."
"You've always been there for me, Naruto, there is no need to thank me." she told him sincerely.
In the next moment, she felt him standing directly behind her. The kunochi turned in confusion, only to freeze at his close proximity. "Naruto..."
Without warning, he took her face in his calloused hands gently pressed his lips against hers.
Sakura's eyes widened at the contact, but was too stunned to move as he moved his lips over her desperately.
He pulled back, pain still in his eyes. "You're still here, Sakura, you're still here."
"I..."
He kissed her again, pulling her closer to him as if she was his life line. And, for a moment, Sakura closed her eyes, half-tempted to just pretend, to forget everything for a while... but, she tasted the alcohol on his lips, the saltiness of his tears, and she couldn't. Her heart stopped as he tried to lower her down to the bed and she stood firm, pushing against his shoulders, turning away from his kiss... trying to find some sense in the daze of his eyes.
The blonde blinked then, once, twice, before it dawned on him what he had just done. "Sakura, I'm sorry... I shouldn't have done that."
"I-It's okay." she found her voice trembling, as she took hold of his shoulders and encouraged him to settle into his bed. "Y-You're just tired, it's fine."
"Sakura..." he tried again, still able to see the damage he had caused even in his dazed state.
"Naruto, I'm fine, we're both a little out of sorts." she reassured. "Just get some sleep, yeah?"
His argument died on his lips when his head hit the pillow, his eyes drifting shut almost immediately. Though shaken, Sakura still tucked him in and took care of the dishes, before she put on her coat to head home.
Though, as soon as she closed and locked his door behind her, she slide down the outer wall of his building and wept.
"Damn it!?" Naruto exclaimed, earning a smack from Sakura upside the head. They had just returned home from having dinner at Sakura's parents and Naruto was having a little trouble opening the door.
"Don't swear in front of Minato!" she scolded in a hushed whisper.
"He's asleep!" Naruto hissed back.
"Well, you're going to wake him up with that yelling, and I don't want him freaking out, just because you locked us out."
"I didn't lock us out, I just left the key on the inside…" Naruto moaned at his own stupidity.
"What the hell else would you call that?" she asked.
"Now who's swearing in front of the baby?" Naruto asked, matter-o-factly.
SWAT!
"I didn't yell." she said stubbornly.
He rubbed the back of his head. "Okay, okay, I'm going to kick it in."
"You are not kicking my door in, just go around and get the spare key."
"We have a spare?" he asked surprised.
Sakura rolled eyes. "Yes, oh great and wise Hokage… it's under the stone turtle on the back patio."
"Oh… Great! Be right back." he said, sprinting away.
Sakura shook her head and snuggled Minato closer to her as he slept in his little bundle of blankets. Alone on the porch, it got quiet immediately, and the darkness made her uneasy, even with the glow of the orange lanterns.
She glanced around worriedly, anxiety washing over her as she sensed someone near again.
A light noise, like the roll of a stone caught her ears and whipped her head toward the street. There she saw a lone shadow figure that stood tall only several feet away. She let out a gasp and prepared to scream as it made a movement toward her, but Naruto opened the front door from the inside making her jump out of her skin instead.
"What's wrong?" Naruto asked, startled by her reaction.
She opened her mouth to speak, turning back to the streets to point at the ominous being standing in the street, only to find that it had vanished. Her eyes widened, as she turned in all directions, before her eyes fell on her husband, whose dark blue orbs were filled with confusion and concern.
"I… I thought I saw something… or someone." she said in a hurry, looking back down the street. Naruto's eyes narrowed as he pushed her and Minato behind him, into the house.
Sakura watched from the door frame as he stepped out into the streets, listening and searching. After he about a minute, he looked back at her and shook his head.
There was nothing there.
"All's safe." he assured, leading her the rest of the way into the house, however he did another sweep of the area with a narrowed gaze before shutting the door.
