EPOV
"Her name is Isabella Swan"
The dish that I'm rinsing falls from my hands and to the bottom of the sudsy sink with a noisy clash. All at once, it feels as if everything inside me has stilled and grown cold. I want to ask Tanya to repeat herself, but I've lost my voice from the shock. It's trapped somewhere in my suddenly dry throat.
And I'm not even surprised that just the mention of her name still holds so much power over me.
"She's a total hag," Tanya giggles, "Well not total, let me not be cruel. She does have a pretty impressive rack. But she's short and has these fat little legs. Her ass is so huge she looks like she could eat three of me."
I scowl, turning to face her, "I thought you said you liked her?"
From here, I can see her transitioning into another yoga pose in the living room.
"Oh, I do. She seems very nice" she says, trying to breathe evenly.
I shake my head, "What did you say her name was?"
"Isabella Swan, baby."
For the first time in what seems like ages, I allow myself to speak her name silently to myself. As soon as I do, warmth engulfs my entire body, making my skin tingle. And it isn't unpleasant at all. My heart has suddenly gone from still to erratic, beating so violently I have to put a hand over my chest before the thing decides to fly right the fuck out of me.
Isabella Swan. The name brings back a shitload of insanely vivid memories.
Could it truly, possibly be the same girl?
… Fuck no.
Get the fuck outta here, Cullen.
They're not the same people.
Last I'd heard, she'd settled down in Florida. And last I checked, Seattle is about as far from that place as you can get in the US.
I would never forget the day pizza-faced Mike Newton informed me that Bella had gone to college there to be closer to her mom, and she wouldn't ever be coming back. He'd been so fucking smug to deliver the news, too, knowing how desperately I'd wanted to reach her. At the time, he'd foolishly believed that he still had a chance with Bella. I still regret never knocking him one, but I digress.
She could've moved back to Washington after graduating… A stupid, but hopeful voice whispers to me.
If that were true, then she'd be in Forks with her dad, I retort, angrily. There's nothing for her here in Seattle.
Except for me…
I growl as I dry the plates and forcibly stomp on that glimmer of hope. I've been down this road before over the years, yearning for that amazing girl so fiercely I would convince myself that we'd be thrown together again someday. That we were meant to be again because chemistry that strong and possessive wasn't something the universe could allow to be thrown away. I've seen her face in countless other women, rekindling my faith in destiny, only to have it squashed again once I realized none of them were her. Life just doesn't happen that way. And I refuse to allow myself to feel the effects of another harsh disappointment.
They're not the same people.
Besides, there is no way anyone would describe Bella as a hag, not even Tanya. Not the beautiful girl that I remember. I'm sure Isabella Swan is just a common name.
They're not the same people.
Although, having to live with someone who goes by the same name as the girl I haven't been able to forget for six years will be borderline hell.
I exit the kitchen and Tanya jumps excitedly into my arms. Despite my mind being elsewhere, I'm able to catch her easily. She plants a kiss on my lips and I manage a smile.
"What are you thinking about, handsome?"
Isabella Swan, the girl who gave me the greatest sexual experience of my life to date.
"Nothing"
She grins mischievously, "I think I have an idea. You're thinking about how sexy I'll look in my new pink teddy, aren't you?"
No, I'm thinking about how adorable Bella looked that one time she walked in late to Biology class, soaking from head to toe from the storm raging outside. She'd had a sweet little pout on her face. Her eyes had been all round and wide, her cheeks flushed with embarrassment. I'd wanted to kiss those pouty lips of hers while I peeled the layers of wet clothes away. I'd wanted to warm her chilled skin by blanketing my body over hers.
Stop fucking thinking about the past!
All it does is remind me of what I'd lost and fill me with regret. I have enough regret these days without adding this to my plate. Those days are long gone and Bella will never be anything more to me than a memory. The sooner I accept that, the better off I'll be.
I hum, kissing her to avoid having to answer. And as usual, she doesn't notice.
When I hear Tanya's voice calling my name, I turn to their table with a smile, and then stare in utter disbelief at the two unexpected, but familiar faces waiting there.
Emmett's presence is the first shock, especially since he's wearing casual clothes instead of the gym attire I'm used to seeing him in every Sunday. Seeing someone outside of the environment you're familiar with them being in is kind of bizarre. Like seeing a teacher outside of school, or a movie star on the streets. You almost forget that they're real people with real lives of their own.
My eyes skim over her next, but I quickly look away because I know that my mind is just fucking with me. I'd known something like this would happen. I'd had several chats with myself before this very moment, warning my still hopeful side not to get all fucked in the head and embarrass me when the time came to meet this Isabella Swan.
They are not the same people, I growl to myself. They are not the same fucking people, Cullen.
With renewed determination, I quickly look to her again.
I still see my fucking Bella, and her expression is an equal balance of shock and fear. Those wide and achingly familiar brown eyes reveal everything to me, and that's how I know that this isn't just a mind trick. She never could conceal her emotions well, and those eyes are just too expressive to belong to anyone else.
Against all odds, she's fucking here. It's really her. They are the same people, after all.
We stare wide-eyed, stunned beyond comprehension, and I vaguely wonder how obvious we're being. Either way, I'm helpless to keep myself from gazing as my feet carry me over.
My eyes drink her in greedily. She looks so fucking beautiful, even more so than I remember. Everything I'd admired about her in high school is enhanced now. Her hair is even thicker, and more chestnut brown. Her eyes are brighter, her lashes longer. Those full lips are parted teasingly, and my desperation to fucking taste them hasn't lessened at all over the years.
I'm bombarded with images from the only night that I'd been able to. The night that I'd had her all over me, and I'd been all over her. The night I'd claimed that sweet, tight body of hers by burying myself so deeply and harshly within it. I swallow hard, and I can still perfectly recall the flavor of her delicious sex on my tongue.
Even though the thought of finally facing her terrifies me, my dick stirs in my pants.
I've spent a lot of these past six years thinking about that night from various angles. Sometimes, it's the inspiration behind my more intense orgasms, self induced or not. Others, I look at it from a critical standpoint, trying to figure out what had gone wrong. To me, that night had been a long time dream come true, nothing short of perfection. Why hadn't it been for her? Why had she decided to forget I existed and never look back? I'd had such high hopes for us, and she'd fucking destroyed them all.
Sometimes, thinking about it angers me to the point of near violence, and others I'm overcome with a ridiculous amount of remorse at the uglier possibilities.
Could I have taken advantage of her? I'm almost positive that she'd been sober and aware throughout the whole thing. I hadn't imagined the clarity and passion in her eyes as I'd taken her. At least… I didn't fucking think I did.
What if I'd only been seeing the things I'd wanted to see? What if she'd been drunker than I initially thought? She had been a virgin, after all. And from what I've heard, most virgins don't give it up on a whim to guys who aren't even their boyfriends. But even still, it was different with the two of us. For months prior to that night, we'd danced around each other, burying our true feelings and putting on that ridiculous, teenage front. I'd wanted her more than I'd wanted anybody in that school. Probably more than anyone had wanted anyone in that school. Because I hadn't just wanted her body, I'd wanted her. I was fucking crazy-obsessed with everything that was Isabella Swan. And that night, I thought that maybe, just maybe, she felt the same way.
But I was obviously wrong.
Fuck, the idea that I could've taken advantage of her that night, terrified her so much that she couldn't even speak to me afterwards, makes me fucking sick to this day. What's worse is that it makes perfect sense. This could very well be the reason why I'd received an automated voice instead of hers every single time I'd called that summer.
I want to deny the possibility, but as I watch the fear grow on her face the nearer I get to the table, the more assured I become.
Despite how sick I feel, I force myself to appear unfazed as I reach them.
I greet Emmett first, genuinely happy, though still confused at seeing him. Everything about Emmett is carefree and relaxed, even when we're working out. He always pushes for the best, but he's still quick to smile at a decent attempt. He's sort of come to represent support and motivation for me, and his presence now is helping me project those feelings onto this tense, uncomfortable moment.
Tanya asks how we know each other, even though it should've clicked for her when she put the facts—that his name is Emmett, and that I know him—together. I explain anyway, beyond used to it.
Bella is silent and I can't help but stare again. As soon as my focus is on her, she visibly pales, and I fucking hate it. The fear on her face eats at me in a persistent way, and I'm filled with a guilt-ridden self loathing that I've never felt before. How could I have done that to her?
"You must be Bella" I finally say. "Nice to finally meet you"
I figure I'm taking pity on her since it's obvious she would be incapable of explaining how we know each other at the moment. She can barely look me in the eye. But then her face completely crumbles with something far deeper than what I'd been seeing. She looks… hurt. Deeply wounded, right to the core. She actually thinks I don't remember.
I put everything I have into delivering the message with my eyes.
Of-fucking-course I remember you, Bella. How could I possibly not? I remember every single fucking detail of that night, from the sweet way you moaned my name, to the rosy color of your aroused nipples. And I remember the way you used to blush and hide behind your dark curtain of hair in Biology class, every time I teased you. And the way you used to bite your lip when you caught me staring at them for too long, fantasizing about kissing them. Don't be silly, baby.
"N-Nice to meet you too" she finally says weakly.
And finally, her expression tells me she knows it's an act, and I can't help but smile in relief.
Movement on her shoulder catches my attention, and I watch as Emmett strokes his fingers along her creamy skin. It's insanely intimate, and my stomach automatically curls.
He looks at her in askance, and Bella tries to smile in answer. They're having a silent conversation and it's making me incredibly uncomfortable. Especially since his fucking fingers haven't stopped touching her.
What the fuck…?
Could those two possibly be… together?
Then I feel like I've been punched in the gut as realization dawns on me. Emmett told me he was married, and his wife was pregnant. Could Bella be his wife? He's never mentioned a name before, so it's possible.
No, no, no, no…
Bella says something—though I can barely hear her over the chanting in my head—and then rises from her seat. She walks swiftly away, and I catch a glimpse of her amazing figure. She doesn't look pregnant, but that doesn't necessarily mean she isn't. The ass, the amazing ass that Tanya had talked so much shit about was honestly the nicest, roundest, plumpest piece of ass I had ever seen. And her legs were luscious and long, with shapely thighs. She's grown so much from the adorably awkward, skinny girl she used to be. She's all woman now, having gained sinful curves in all the right places.
Emmett watches her retreat with a worried furrow in his brow.
"Are you guys ready to order, yet?" A waitress asks softly, breaking the silence.
"Umm, in a minute, my friend just stepped out." Emmett says.
Relief floods me and I exhale loudly with it. He said friends, they're just friends.
"Well, I'm going to order now because I'm starving" Tanya pouts, "I'll have a garden salad with broccoli soup and a glass of water. Thanks."
The waitress nods, and looks to me for my order.
"A coke, please, but I'll wait to order too" I say, and Tanya frowns at me.
I ignore her as the waitress takes Emmett's empty glass and walks away.
I wonder about the expression on Bella's face as she stormed off. There was no denying she was in complete distress, and it was all my fucking fault. The thought makes something ugly knot in my stomach. Even though I'm likely the last person she wants to speak to, I have the urge to storm after her and finally make everything right between us.
She and I need to have a nice, long talk. It was long overdue. It's the talk that would finally bring us closure and settle all the questions she left unanswered with her disappearance. She must want some answers, too. I can't imagine myself being the only one feeling empty about our resolution.
"So this is pretty wild, huh?" Emmett says eventually, "Bella moving in with you two"
"Yeah, small world. So, she's a friend of yours?" I hedge.
"Yeah, we go way back. Met freshman year of college, and she's my wife's best friend. She's actually lived with us for the past like…year."
I raise my eyebrows in surprise that they went to college together, "You're from Florida?"
I immediately regret the words once they're out.
Emmett frowns in confusion, "I'm not. I've never lived outside of Seattle in my life, what gave you that idea?"
"I… I thought you mentioned it once before, my mistake." I lie. "So… did you guys go to Udub, then?"
"Yup" he nods.
I can barely wrap my head around the fact that Bella has been in Seattle all along. And as fucking close as the home of the guy I've seen every week for over a year now. I'm actually kind of fucking angry that it took so long to discover. Had we met sooner, we could've already resolved our situation and I would have saved myself from an entire year of pondering all the 'what ifs'. Who knows where we'd be now if we'd had our talk a whole year ago.
After a moment, the waitress returns with all our drinks while I silently promise myself to punch Newton right in the fucking gut if I ever see him again. I should've known he'd lied.
Emmett says, "I'll tell you one thing, you guys are not going to regret having Bella as a roommate, I promise you. She's the best."
I nod, bringing my glass to my lips. I have no doubts. Meanwhile, Tanya leans forward, staring at Emmett inquisitively.
"Okay, you and Bella are totally boning aren't you?" Tanya announces.
I nearly choke on my drink.
I wait for her to giggle or say something to show that she realizes how ridiculously fucking inappropriate she's being, and admit it was just a tasteless joke. But she does nothing but stare, waiting for a reply as if he actually fucking owes her one.
Both Emmett and I look incredulous.
I want to apologize for Tanya's huge fucking mouth, but I'm still too embarrassed to do much other than a fish imitation.
"What—?" he starts.
She cuts him off. "I mean, it's totally okay if you are. I don't judge. You guys have just been touching, and giggling, and doing flirty eyes all afternoon, and—"
'Tanya" I bark, irritated.
Her eyes widen innocently, "What?"
"Could you watch your fucking mouth?" I growl out.
Her eyes spark in shock, and then narrow in anger. "You're the one who needs to watch his mouth, Edward." Then in a whisper "How dare you curse at me in public?"
I know it's shitty of me to curse at a woman—even more so my woman. And I know it's even worse to do so in a public place. But being with Tanya, I would need the patience of the Lord himself to keep from swearing.
"It's fine" Emmett says, trying to break the tension. He's carefree as usual now that the initial shock has passed. He probably doesn't want to be in the awkward position of witnessing the two of us fight, either.
Tanya crosses her arms and looks away from me—her way of telling me that the groveling for forgiveness should commence now.
I roll my eyes mentally. I really don't have the energy to pull the remorseful act at the moment, at least not one she'd be satisfied with. But I also know that the longer I take to do it, the more irritating she'll become throughout lunch. And that attitude will extend towards Bella and Emmett, too, even though they have nothing to do with it.
I place my hand over hers—the one clenched tightly on the table.
"I apologize" I say, trying to sound sincere, and rub my thumb over her skin.
She softens, and then smiles. I'm a little shocked, but eternally grateful at how easy that was.
When I look back up, I see that Bella is back and her eyes are fixated on my and Tanya's joined hands.
After a moment, she looks away and paints a smile on her face.
"Sorry about that, I had to make an important phone call."
"Don't worry about it" I say as I remove my hand from Tanya's, feeling guilty all of a sudden.
She makes eye contact with me, but it barely lasts a second before she looks away.
"Did the waitress come by, yet?" she asks.
"Yeah, but I told her you stepped out. She should be back soon." Emmett says.
"Oh, God, sorry Em. I know you're hungry, you all should've just ordered without me."
"Nah, that would be rude." Emmett says.
He looks pointedly at Tanya for a moment, and I have to suppress a small chuckle. She looks away sheepishly, playing with her hair. It is fucking rude. Especially since they'd waited for us to arrive before ordering.
Not too long afterwards, the waitress comes back to take everyone else's orders and informs Tanya that her food is on its way.
We make small talk while we wait. Bella looks less panicked now and manages to keep the conversations flowing. But when it comes to me, she keeps everything short and formal. No matter how hard I try to capture her attention, she is unable to make direct eye contact with me for longer than one point five seconds.
Despite that, it's obvious that Bella isn't the same social pariah she was in high school. There's a flirty lilt to the way she speaks now. She knows how to maintain someone's interest in a conversation. It's a joy watching her and listening to that sweet voice. I could almost hear the collective groans at our table every time Tanya cut her off to tell a tale of her own. Mine included.
I'd found her shyness endearing in high school. I'd seen her as adorable, but defenseless, someone in need of guarding. But her confidence now is downright sexy. She's grown a bit of a feistiness that makes me go hard all over. She's witty and lively, and any man would be proud to be able to claim her.
And I immediately start thinking about whether there is a man in her life lucky enough to call her his own. The idea doesn't sit well with me. Not one fucking bit.
When Tanya's food comes, I think we're almost glad about it. It means less of her interruptions, as fucked up as that sounds.
Before long, we're all fed and waiting for the check to arrive.
Bella takes out her wallet and starts fishing for some bills, but Emmett snatches it away.
"No, Em, I promised you." She complains grabbing for it, but he holds it out of her reach.
"Did you really think I would make you buy me food?"
"You're not making me do anything. I offered."
"Shut up, it's really not a big deal."
"Right, so just let me pay."
"Bella." He says sternly.
"Emmett" she says, just as stern and without missing a beat. Yeah, she's definitely feistier.
"You're not getting your wallet back, so you might as well sit your little ass back down and give up."
She stares him down, obviously trying to intimidate him, but he doesn't give in.
Finally, she huffs agitatedly and slumps back into her seat. A giggle escapes as she shakes her head at him.
"Fine, but only because Rose would probably burn her costume if she found out you did make me pay."
He laughs too, "Damn straight, and then I'd have to kill you both."
He tousles her hair, and she gasps before reaching out and pinching his bicep. They roughhoused like siblings.
"Wow, you guys are like, really close, huh" Tanya says.
Her comment sounds innocent, but I know her well enough to know where she's going with it. The woman just doesn't know when to leave shit alone, apparently.
Bella, still giggling, says, "Nah, can't stand him."
Emmett chuckles, "You know you love me, B"
They briefly poke and pinch at each other again, and Tanya clears her throat uncomfortably.
Tanya has an insanely jealous streak. The idea of a man and woman just being friends has never sat well with her. So, naturally, she thinks there must be more to the two of them than they're letting on, even though nothing about their actions suggests anything sexual—it's actually pretty similar to how my sister and I act on a regular basis.
She's staring at them really hard. I only hope that she doesn't fucking say anything else to embarrass us.
Bella squints back at her, perplexed.
"What is it?" she asks.
Tanya shrugs, "Oh, nothing, it's just really….nice of Rosalie to let you borrow her husband for an entire afternoon. It's really something"
I silently groan to myself, wishing I could curse Tanya's huge fucking mouth one more time.
Her underlying meaning is not lost on Bella at all. She raises an eyebrow really high, and is it weird that it kind of turns me on?
She looks at Emmett, as if to ask him if he'd heard her too. He just looks down with a slight shake of his head. He knows exactly what's going on in Tanya's head.
"Well," Bella finally says, "Emmett's his own person, not a possession to be borrowed as you put it"
"Oh, of course not, hon" Tanya rushes to say, giggling as if to lighten the gravity of what she'd been implying.
There's a long, awkward silence. Tanya has effectively managed to singlehandedly ruin an otherwise pleasant afternoon. But a part of me is grateful that it hadn't gotten any worse.
Until now.
"I'm just saying," Tanya continues, "It's really great that she trusts you to be around her husband so much."
She curls her arm around mine. I don't miss how Bella's eyes narrow on the sight.
"I know I'm really wary about other women being around Edward, especially beautiful ones—that's why I picked you to be our roommate, Bella."
The silence that follows is deafening. It's like all the air has been sucked right out of the room. If we were in a movie, this is the part where someone would yell, "Oh no, she didn't!"
Emmett and I look back and forth between the two women, unsure of what to do, almost expecting Bella to lunge right out of her chair and make a grab for Tanya's hair.
Alice had been absolutely right when she'd said you couldn't bring Tanya fucking anywhere. Why, again, had I agreed to this?
I didn't know what I expected from Bella, but it certainly wasn't what happens next. The Bella I knew in high school probably would've cried a little bit.
But she giggles. First softly, but then progressively louder.
Tanya giggles too, even though she obviously doesn't get how offensive she'd been, or why Bella is laughing. Emmett joins the laughter, and because it's all so bizarre, so do I.
Bella is laughing at Tanya's stupidity, but Tanya doesn't seem to understand that. She obviously thinks they're laughing together.
"You really are a bitch, huh?" Bella finally asks.
Tanya immediately stops laughing and frowns.
The rest of us continue, me even louder than before, and only stop when the waitress comes back to drop off the check.
Emmett and I argue over who will pay it like macho men, before Bella wisely advises us to just shut up and split it.
As we exit, Tanya is still silent.
Bella says she'll see us tonight when she fully moves in with the rest of her belongings. She'd already moved most of her things in yesterday when I hadn't been home. I tell Emmett I'll see him at the gym tomorrow, as per usual, before we part ways. As we walk to our respective cars, I take one last peek at Bella from over my shoulder.
I'm surprised to find her eyes on me too.
My first instinct is to look away, but her eyes have me trapped. Her beauty and inner radiance captivate me now just as deeply as they had in high school. Maybe even more so now that they're more outwardly apparent. I expect her to look away too, but she doesn't.
It gives me hope that maybe she doesn't hate me, after all. Because I really, really don't want her hating me. We still need to have our talk, but I'm confident now that it won't be as fucking dreadful as I'd thought.
They reach their car before we do, but our gazes stay locked the entire time. Just before she disappears inside the passenger side, she flashes me a breathtaking smirk.
I can't remember the last time I felt my insides melt the way they do right now.
No… that's a lie.
It was six years ago.
Thanks so, so much for your reviews. They're truly, deeply appreciated!
Quick Question- What is the extent of your relationships with your first timers/cherry poppers/de-virginizers? I'm incredibly curious to know!
Lol, as for me, he and I just ran into each other two days ago. Extremely awkward, but much better than I thought it would be. We ended on good terms, so what the heck?
Lol Thanks for reading, and please leave a review!
***BTW, I realize that Edward comes off as...well, a pussy to be honest. BUT he has his reasons for being with Tanya and I just haven't brought them up yet. The Edward i've written wouldn't be with a girl like her if he had a choice. Obviously, he doesn't feel that he does. Please be patient and have faith. I promise, things are really not as they seem...
