A/N - Ages ago I mentioned on tumblr that I wrote the scene where Light and L go to have dinner at Light's parents house but I edited it out and said that I'd post it if I found it. I found it yesterday. Chronologically, this would just slip in at the end of the Trouble in the Message Centre chapter. xxxx


k.d. lang's Constant Craving

Has always been
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Being social isn't terribly difficult. Not as difficult as people make it out to be, anyway. If you're quiet, important, good looking, and appear to listen, you can't help but be sought after for social events. Drinking throughout makes everything slightly more bearable, so that's what everyone does. But not in this house.

L's official debut at court with my family isn't going so well, not that I expected it to. Even though I consider myself an expert in orchestrating potentially belligerent meetings, I can't seem to draw on the most effective mindset in order to force a pleasant atmosphere full of good humour, and I blame L for that. I'm frustrated by a very one-sided encounter not even an hour ago, and then, as an insult to injury, L wouldn't let me into the bathroom to rinse my mouth out after blowing him. In fact, he just walked in with a flannel to roughly clean my face with, sat on the bed to harass me into getting dressed in less than five minutes, then pushed me out the door.

As if that wasn't bad enough, it turned out that Kiyomi had sent a car to drop Kira off with my parents so that he'd be here when L and I arrived, only to send the car back to collect him a little while later. Despite Kira being a nightmare child in her absence, she apparently can't face me herself. Her inability to see me was forwarded to me though my mother, who had invited her for a probably vindictive reason in order to cause more pain and awkwardness to all involved and traumatise my son in the process. My mother is talented only at ironing and making comments which you suddenly realise, a day or so later, were actually a slap in the face. I wonder how I ever managed to live with these people in close proximity day after day for a big chunk of my life, but somehow I coped with my mother's passive aggressiveness under a face of insipid niceness, and my father's brutish disappointment about everything in the world ever. Really, I shock myself by how well I turned out, considering my upbringing.

Since it soon became apparent that Kira was possessed by Satan, we couldn't sit down and eat, nor could L and I just leave. While we waited for Kira to be taken away, L, unused to my family's bland dynamic, actually drank the bottle of wine at the table which is merely there for show in this house. He grew increasingly apologetic while I grew more angry and silent with the world as a whole.

Kira's leaving was heaven sent because he blames L for 'stealing Daddy', which I couldn't disagree with, but Kira's very vocal and whiny. Kiyomi's accompanying message for why she dumped our son on me for what was already predestined to be difficult summit talks between L and my parents, was that she thought that I'd like to spend some time with him. I didn't, as it turns out. I struggle to be confrontational with irrational children, so after exhausting every parenting tip I'd glanced over in a childcare leaflet a few years ago, I gave up on trying to control him, and noted that my parents didn't even try. We sat calmly waiting for the car to arrive while Kira beat his hands into L's chest and wailed, and at one point L even had a sip of wine while he was being beaten up by a four year old. I was hoping that if Kiyomi had made an effort to show her approval, then everyone would accept this situation easily, but she didn't — she threw me under the wheels. At least I know that her initial supportive reaction to me divorcing her really was too good to be true, so I'll check over the pre-nup again. It didn't endear me towards my parents, knowing that they probably encouraged Kiyomi to bring Kira here as some kind of trick. As it happens, I found it to be a reminder of how unpleasant it can be to have a small child in the house, dragging you into their tiny worlds full of unimportant but all consuming dramas. I just feel betrayed by all around me for such a blatant plot.

Touta and Sayu couldn't bear this, so they left as soon as they could, thankfully. That leaves L, my parents, and me, with three courses to force down out throats.

After the second course, L went to the bathroom and my parents could only sit with me for one minute before they took the plates out together. Once L came back to the table, my parents were at the sink muttering to each other and scraping left over food into bins, and I didn't want to be alone in my hatred. I leaned over to L and whispered in English: "They hate you."

"They told you that?" he replied.

"More or less."

I expected outrage because he's been on his very best behaviour, it's quite bizarre, but he lowers his head as if it's only confirmation of what he'd expected but hoped wouldn't be so. He looks at the table like he's trying to work out some complicated conundrum and resolves it by shrugging his shoulders and picking up a newspaper from the living room to bring back to the table to read. Since he's now looking at his watch frequently to see time pass slowly, I think he's given up on being the perfect man for my parents. It's just too big of a stretch.

"Don't let them upset you," I tell him, so he glances at me.

"I'm not upset. I wouldn't expect them to think any differently, in all honesty," he tells me in English, because that's our adoptive language here for talking about them. "Why are you wearing sunglasses?"

"The light bothers me," I say, slouching back in my chair and crossing my arms over my chest.

"I know the feeling," he says, and I let out a bored laugh, "but it's night time and we're indoors. Are you having a teenage rebellion?"

As soon as I see my parents making their way back, I take my sunglasses off and sit straight, while L continues reading the paper when they come back with dessert which none of us are excited about.

"I was just saying to your father that you didn't eat much of your curry, Light. I made it especially," my mother says. Seriously? It's so early for emotional blackmail regarding food.

"I don't eat chicken anymore," I explain.

"Why's that? It's your favourite, that's why I made it."

"I haven't eaten it for years. And I don't eat chicken because of concerns regarding the raising and slaughtering methods which—" I try to explain, until a sharp kick in the shin and L's sideways glance cuts me off. "It's an ethical choice," I say instead.

"Oh," my mother says suspiciously. "But you liked it, Lawliet-san?"

"That was the best curry I've ever had, so I don't mind if I might be lacking in the ethics department, Sachiko-san," L replies smoothly, because he's a treacherous arse. He doesn't even like curry. My mother giggles like a schoolgirl as L goes on to list expensive ingredients which he thinks may have been in the curry to make it so unique, when it's probably just a ready-made paste. He's trying really fucking hard to woo my mother and he hasn't even started on my father, thank fuck. He's probably thinking that if he wins over my mother then it doesn't matter about my father, and in other families he might be right. With this family, though, he's doomed to fail.

I thought that his manner might have changed with them so that he's no longer so desperate for their approval, but he eats the melon mess that followed the curry like he's been starved until this moment. I want him to say that we have to go but he will not take the hint, the fucking idiot.

"Erm, L?" I say.

"Yes, I'd love a coffee. Great idea, thanks, Light."

"Do you want coffee, Lawliet-san?" my mother asks him. She's already standing up.

"Oh, no, don't bother yourself, Sachiko-san. Only if Light was going to make it. I like seeing him try to do things like that. It's so funny when he tries to be a normal human being, isn't it?" he laughs, then starts reading the paper again. "Excuse me for reading the paper at the table, but I don't get to see them so much lately because Light does hate all that free speech nonsense, don't you Light," he says pointedly, like I'm the enemy here. "Light, you're in the paper and you look splendid again! Colour me surprised. Is it candid? It is, look, that was from the other week only they've cropped me out of the photo. Damn their eyes!" he hisses.

My mother sits down slowly again and shares a concerned glance with my father, not for the first time. I watch them and resent them more with every passing second. When I was younger and living here, I'd do the same thing. I'd watch my father like he was a steam engine ploughing against a mountain of evil which only grows. It disappointed me that he could make no real change but still kept trying like an idiot, not knowing the revealed limitations of his character which I saw. It disappointed me that I was nothing but a paper of predicted grades to my mother. It doesn't disappoint me that they disapprove of me so vehemently because of the one flaw in my character that is sitting right next to me. But as in the House, this only gives me strength. This is just like the House. We all know why we're here. Why can't someone just say it?

"So," my mother coughs delicately into her hand, looking at L. "I believe that your mother is Japanese?"

"You can believe it if you want to. I won't stop you," he replies jokingly, and turns a page. My mother doesn't do sarcasm. "We don't speak. She lives on Hokkaido, I think, but I don't know or care. As far as I know she's still alive," he says, then looks up at my mother's increasingly shocked expression. "I'm sorry, you want to know her pedigree?"

"She was a geisha and won a respected Tokyo competition in the sixties," I interject, because it sounds impressive.

"Well, I think that was just a nice way of saying that she was a streetwalker, actually," L says, and I practically cringe. "She must have been quite proficient at it, though, because my father divorced his first wife at lightning speed to marry her and move her over to Britain. Then she left. That's all there is to say about her, really."

"I'm sorry," my mother says. I don't know if she can decide whether she is sorry for him or if it just adds to how big of a fuck up I've landed myself with and she's sorry about that.

"No need. I appreciate her contribution to my existence," L replies. I break protocol and reach for the wine.

"And your father was a judge?" my dad asks L after a minute.

"Oh my God," I sigh.

"Yes, he was. From the cradle to the grave," L says disinterestedly.

"And... you have two jobs?" my mother asks. "Soichiro says that you have your own law firm as well as working for Light."

"Would that be a problem?" L asks, looking up at her.

"No! I was just wondering how..."

"How I manage working two jobs?"

"Yes."

"Well, it's very simple: I don't," he says, topping up his wine. "Not anymore. Potted history is that I gave Light my resignation, didn't I, Light? We had a little chat and then I resigned, and then I... sort of... died? I didn't, clearly, but I'm sure you know about that. So, now I just have the one job, unless you count living with Light as being a job, which it is, but look, I'm a workaholic and I just can't. Stop. Working," he says slapping the papers. "Light worries his little heart out over it, which is funny because he's just as bad. Worse, even. He's like the little train that could, you know? It's very hard to have a conversation with him about anything else. But I own an international law firm, and when you own a business of that level you can do as much or as little as you feel like doing. The money still keeps rolling in regardless. It always surprises me that more people aren't self-employed."

"Well... Law must be very interesting," my mother says. "Light liked it at college. We were hoping that he'd go into law or join the police like his father... but he found his own way. We always knew that he'd be something special."

"I sense that you're not ecstatic about his occupation, since politicians are the lowest form of animal life, but, yes. Prime Minister. I'm sure you're proud of that."

"Oh, very much... And you were born in –"

"I'm sorry, is this an interview?" L asks, and folds up the paper like a football match is just about to start.

"No," my mother replies nervously.

"Good, because I probably wouldn't do anything differently, but I'd like to know if it was."

"This melon is really great, isn't it, Dad?" I say suddenly, and everyone looks at me in confusion. "I mean as far as melons go, it's really something. The squirty cream helps, obviously. I don't have squirty cream very often these days, and I don't know why people are so snobby about it with melo—"

"Hold on a minute, Light, the grownups are talking," L tells me, patting my arm. "Am I right in thinking that Kiyomi's been crying to you about Light and me?" he asks my mother, and he's met with silence. "Because I have one thing to say about Kiyomi. Well, a few things, but let's get to what you really want to ask me, yeah? You're probably thinking that Light's either had some kind of breakdown or has been brainwashed by a weird religious cult."

"Oh no, we'd never think that!" my mother practically shrieks in the way you'd expect someone would when they've been found out. "Soichiro, say something."

"I don't know what to say about it. It's a shock," my dad says uncomfortably.

"Understandably, Yagami-san. I know that we didn't start off on the best terms, but even with who I am put to one side, it's understandable that you'd be shocked. My father wasn't shocked about me because, well, I think it was pretty obvious, but he was extremely disappointed in me for who I am."

"We're not disappointed in our son, Lawliet-san."

"Oh come on now, of course you're disappointed. You had this perfect son who was respected on the international stage and within his job as the most powerful man in the country. He married a beautiful, perfect woman and had a beautiful, perfect child, who has a very powerful left hook, by the way, but now he's thrown it all away for some deadbeat hafu male lawyer with a dodgy record."

"I wouldn't put it that way but… as I said… it was a shock," my father says with difficulty.

"He's a barrister, actually," I blurt out because, again, it sounds impressive, but just sounds pathetic and hollow now that it's my only real contribution so far. "It's important," I explain to L after noticing him roll his eyes up to the ceiling and back..

"Anyway," L says, looking back at my parents. "So, you're wondering what's happened here to make Light do this dreadful thing. Truth is, I've known your son for a long time now, and I apologise but I emphasise the known, and I've liked him for at least half that time. Things were fine overall, but, you know, unacceptable by political standards. So Kiyomi rocked up in her wedding dress and Light sprogged her up. I try to imagine the night of conception sometimes; it must have been like Rosemary's Baby. 'This is no dream, this is really happening!'" he says to me and laughs before turning back to my parents. What? "But it didn't work out and she's been very good about it. She knew a long time ago, anyway." What?

Hives spread quickly up from beneath my dad's collar up his neck and colours his whole face like some new superhero who needs anger management classes. This will end in murder.

"That might be so, but we know nothing about you Lawliet-san. Nothing good, anyway," my dad tells him. "I'll be honest with you. As you know, I was Chief of the NPA, so I have links in order to look into someone's background if I have need to."

"Yes?"

"I attempted to look into your background, your dodgy record, as you say, and it looked like your records have been tampered with and wiped," he says. Yes, well, that might have been my doing. I feel invisible and partly grateful for that, because L sits back in his chair.

"Really? Well, I have no comment about that, obviously," L says. "So, you want to know about me now? Took you long enough."

"What do you mean?" my mother asks him.

"He knew about it long before now, too," L tells her. Just when I think that he couldn't make this more nightmarish, he does.

"What is he talking about, Soichiro?" she asks my dad, but when she doesn't get an answer, she looks to me.

"Dad walked in on us once in my office," I explain. "Although I didn't think that he saw anything," I say to L.

"He saw," L says, like he knows for certain, and he and my dad stare at each other with some burning hatred. 'Well, Yagami-san, what can I tell you about me? Rule Britannia. I studied law for too many years, I own a profitable, well-respected firm, several properties and a share in a casino in Shanghai, a lot of stocks and shares, your son, and a gold DeLorean. They're incredibly rare. I'm very wealthy, all told. I've worked hard all my life for no good reason that I can think of, and I'm not on good terms with my family and never was. I didn't have parents like you, because I can see that you care about Light and you think he's making a terrible mistake, but who are you to say? I can understand, because if I had a son… Well, I'd be very surprised and demand a paternity test because that wouldn't happen, but still, I wouldn't want him being with someone like me, so you have my sympathy. It's his decision, though. I regret that you've all been caught up in this, but at the end of a very long day, Light and I are quite happy a good forty percent of the time, and I think that once the election's over we could hit sixty percent during the summer months. If he doesn't win the election, then he'll probably resign in a strop and then we'll hit a low of maybe... minus twenty percent happy? Still not bad percentages there based on the norm for people in relationships. What would you estimate your average happiness percentile with Kiyomi to be, Light?" he asks me, and I'm a bit confused by this whole turn in conversation, I admit.

"Um. Kiyomi has been a good friend to me."

"Ahhhh, see? Friend. I'd think that ideally you'd rather Light was with someone who wasn't just 'a good friend' wouldn't you? Even if that someone did happen to be me," L throws at my parents and they look as bemused as I am. "I won't bother you. I don't do birthdays and I don't do family gatherings. Just forget that I'm alive and we'll all be happy, yes?" he suggests. "Good. I knew that you'd be reasonable about this. Chin chin, everyone," he says, lifting his glass.

"Whu... Light?" my mother says, looking at me, but L sets down his empty glass before he speaks.

"This can't be too much of a shock now; you've read his statement. That's why we're here."

"Yes, we have," my father says, glaring at me. L massages his ear lobe sadly and slouches. What the fuck?

"I'm sorry," L says.

"You shouldn't be sorry. It just would have been nice to have been told by our son and not have to hear about it in the news," Dad replies, still glaring. He crosses his arms, so I stand up. L turns his face towards me, my parents both stare at me, but I still leave the table to stand on the back doorstep with a glass of water I don't intend to drink, anyway. The door is ajar behind me, so I can still hear the painful conversation at the table, with the addition of some jazzy bluesy crap streaming in from a neighbour's house to compete with it.

"So, you are..." my mother says awkwardly. Yes, we are. His penis was in my mouth less than three hours ago, so get that picture firmly planted in your mind, mother. I'll film it next time and send it to you on Facebook.

I turn to look through the gap in the door and see L put his elbows on the table to lean towards them. I don't know what's wrong with him. I'm ashamed of him for acting this way. So apologetic when he has nothing to apologise for.

"Look, I know you wouldn't choose for your son to run off with me of all people, but the shoe fit me, so to speak."

"Lawliet-san, I can't say that I'm happy about what my son is doing," my father says, and I close my eyes. I don't care what you think. "Despite what you say, it was clear to us that he was happy with Kiyomi and his son, and I don't know how you've done this but –"

"You don't like me," L interrupts, and there's such a long silence after he does that I take my phone out and check my messages. No messages, but, oh, there's a promotion at Hankyu Men's Tokyo! Nothing else, though. No news is not good news, it just means that no one wants to tell you anything.

"I don't know you," I hear my father say.

"And what you do know is bad, I know. Yagami-san, you have no reason to like me. I'm not a good man. In fact, I'm probably the worst man you've ever met," L tells him. And now we should definitely leave. I turn around in horror, which catches my mother's attention. "But I love your son," he adds, and I feel only a fizz of embarrassment run through my veins at hearing him say that to my parents. It becomes so pronounced that I seem to lose hearing in one ear for a second until I turn away again and hear him continue. "I'm sorry about the trouble your family is going through because of it, but the fault isn't really ours. You can see that, can't you? This shouldn't have happened. If he'd been open about me then he wouldn't have been made Prime Minister, and that's not right, is it? He was with me before he was Prime Minister and he's been with me since he's been Prime Minister, and no one complained about him until now that they know about me."

"You were together while he was married to Kiyomi?" my mother asks. Fuck's sake, L.

"Before, during, after, but you're missing the point, Satchel-san."

"Sachiko."

"Gesundheit, but you're missing the point. He shouldn't have to choose. He shouldn't be judged on something like that. You've seen how the government reacted. It was the only reason he lost the vote. I was the reason that he lost the vote. I was the reason there was a motion of no confidence in the first place, I know that... I want to kill all of them, Light."

I turn the side of my face towards him to see him doing the same towards me. Not looking at each other directly, but ashamedly. Thank God, L. I thought there was something the matter with you. How are you holding yourself back? I don't know whether to admire it or curse you for not using what you have to better means.

He turns back towards my parents, who now look incredibly pale.

"For what they've done," he explains, like that'll make it acceptable to them now. "I'm sorry. You see, I've had to deal with this sort of shit all my life and it has no effect on me anymore and I expect it, but Light's not used to it, so I'm angry on his account. His introduction to it is a damn sight worse than what I had. I mean they might as well drag him through the streets for a public flogging, it's just... Anyway, as you can tell, because I'm being painfully honest here, I'm aware that I'm unpleasant and just fucking rude most of the time. In fact, I have nothing to recommend me except that I love your son. Although I am very rich – does that help? It doesn't help," he says sadly when it obviously doesn't get a positive response. "Well... when I say that I love him, it's not... It's the purest thing in my life. I only want the best for him, like you do. You don't have to like me, just don't let it change how you feel about Light, because this is really brave, what he's doing, and he's doing it for us. For me. That's commendable, I think. He's doing it for me, because he could have ended it and know that I'd come running if he asked me to. He's putting enough at risk and losing enough without losing your support as well. There's no difference between Light and I and you two or Sayu and Matsuda or anyone else. You love each other and you chose to be together, and Light and I want the same thing for the same reason – there's no difference. Please don't see me as a mistake that Light has made. I'm not a mistake. This is not a mistake, and people who think we're wrong are the ones who are wrong. I don't care who they are or how many there are, they're just fucking wrong."

I don't think anyone has ever sworn in this room before, and even the walls seem shocked. The perpetual quiet after he's finished speaking is so pronounced now only because no one would expect L to say anything like that, least of all me. I don't know whether to break it by laughing it off and thrilling everyone by a seamless change in subject to discuss possible improvements to the road network or how I'm considering withdrawing recent bill proposals and doing something politicians never do – admit that I've made a mistake. I always saw L as a mistake, but privately I've known for a long time that he's the best mistake I could have ever made. Now my real mistakes are easier to recognise and accept, and I have been humbled by him so that I can be humbled before the country and not be perfect. I've been aiming for the wrong things.

I dip my head and walk back inside after a few moments, closing the door behind me. L is so loose-limbed, propping himself up on the table with his elbows as if pleading a lost cause to a jury, and that every word he said is tearing at him. I don't know why he feels like he has to say anything and I don't know how he has. To lay yourself bare like that for anyone is practically unthinkable, and on top of that, doing it for people who are effectively strangers to him? He looks up at me and the corners of my lips raise for a second before I pat him on the shoulder.

"Why don't you..." I say.

"What?" He asks, and I tilt my head to one side while I stare at him.

"Just go outside for a minute," I say as I sit down while he stands. He leaves, going into the hallway, and I straighten my back against the weight of my parents staring at me. "He's not very well at the moment," I explain, taking a sip of water. "Work-related stress and maybe something to do with his gallbladder."

"Is he drunk?" my father asks.

"L? Not really, no. It's his gallbladder. Actually, no. That's just the way he is."

"So, he's usually like that? What was he talking about? Wanting to kill everyone?"

"He's had a bad few weeks. Don't listen to him. I don't."

"He seems very nice," my mother says, and I frown.

"No he doesn't."

"He does!"

"No, you're lying. The last word I'd use to describe him with is 'nice,'" I say with a dismissive shake of my head.

"Light, I demand that you tell us what you're doing with that man," my father tells me, and I raise my eyes to him aggressively. You want details?!

"What do you mean, what am I doing?"

"I don't care what's been going on, but you need to sort things out with Kiyomi and stop all this."

"I'm not going to do that, Dad." Shocking plot twist in the Yagami household. "And you're not in a position to tell me what to do."

"But you love Kiyomi."

"No. No, I didn't and I don't," I say. God, can you imagine it. "Not in that way."

"Light –"

"I shouldn't have to explain myself to you or anyone and neither should L. This is ridiculous – us being here and all this pretence. It's none of your business what I do or why, but if you really want the truth then I'll give it to you because I don't care. I'm having to get used to answering questions like this and I'm just sick of it."

"Light, you don't have to explain if you don't want to," my mother says, but I doubt she means it.

"No, I just don't understand why I wasn't quizzed like this about Kiyomi or Misa or anyone else I was with. I'm with him now because... I didn't know it then, but the day I met Kiyomi, I loved him, and the day I married her, I loved him, and for all the days between then and now. I'll feel the same way tomorrow, no matter what you say. And you know when he said that we're happy forty percent of the time? I could be happy a hundred percent of the time with him. Well, ninety-five percent."

"Oh," L sighs behind me. I look to the door to seeing him standing there, not really hiding.

"I thought you were staying outside?" I say grumpily, because he's ruining my speech.

"Our statistics have gone up," he says.

"Yeah."

"A hundred percent."

"Ninety-five," I grumble, "but it hasn't happened yet. It's a probability dependant on various factors. Best case scenario," I add before turning back to my parents. "So that's why I'm doing this. It's not a big deal, but you and the House and the media are making it a big deal for some reason." This isn't sinking in for them, so I grab L's paper. "On the front page of the paper, let's see. Oh, it's about me and my gay lawyer in all our gayness. Oh, and I'm wearing a nice suit again so there's a segment about how to dress like me on a budget. Nice. And on page twenty: 'Two hundred dead in air attack in Syria.' Well. Good to know that we all know what's important, isn't it. Page thirty-two: 'Killer of family in knife attack still at large. Public advised not to approach.' Of course that has no importance to anyone, but me and my gay lawyer, we definitely are a public concern and no one should approach us either. Oh, look at this dog that can wash laundry on page four –"

"You're the Prime Minister, obviously they're going to be interested in you," my mother tells me. Give me strength. She always sticks up for this fascist paper because of the women's section and TV listings.

"For what reason though? L's right. None of this should be happening because it shouldn't matter to anyone if it doesn't affect the running of the country, but I'm still on the front page and all the real news starts on page seven, if anyone reading it gets that far. I released proof of all corruption in the government, but somehow my personal life is still more important, and I don't understand why. Now you're more interested in that."

"But you're our son, Light."

"Ok," I sigh, sitting back. "I'm with L. It's done now. I don't really care if you accept that. If you don't accept L then that might be a problem for you but it won't be for me. Also, I hope you can see now why I didn't want to tell you about this before I made the public statement. Look how you're interrogating us. I know that he's difficult but I like him that way."

"Is he why you've done this? All this," my dad says suddenly, smacking the paper. "These are things that shouldn't be made public but you made it into a national crisis."

"And that attitude is exactly why it became worthy of a national crisis in the first place, Dad. How can we be fit to govern when everyone's corrupt?"

"I don't understand."

"That's not very important to me."

"Light, don't talk to your father that way," my mother says.

"I'm sorry, but obviously there's disapproval coming from both of you and I want you to know that I don't care. This is my decision and you just need to get used to what I do or not. That's up to you. You've bought this paper for years and you know what that says to me? That you go along with what it says and it's a fascist, bigoted paper, so you must be, too. I judge people on what papers they read, and you read a fascist paper."

"We're not fascist, Light," my mother objects.

"That's not what your paper says."

"Enough. What about Kira?" my father asks.

"Kira will be fine," I mutter.

"How can you say that? You saw how he was tonight!"

"Yes, but I'm sure that everything and everyone will be much better off after this. Kira's a child, but in time I'm sure than he'll be more understanding and accepting of my situation than most adults have been, even though he's been directly affected by it, and I'm sorry for that. You haven't given L a chance and I knew that you'd be this way. I didn't want to come here. L said that we had to sit here and take what you had to say to us, but I've had enough of being told that I'm wrong and made to feel like I should be ashamed. This is all pointless. I knew it, but I don't need your approval. If you're disappointed in me, that doesn't bother me. Kind of bigoted, but it's ok. Like the rest of them. I don't have any expectations of people," I say as I stand to leave. They both look at me in complete silence again, because that's all I have to say and this was the disaster I anticipated it to be. There's no point staying any longer.

"Light, sit down," my father demands, with exactly the same tone he'd use when Sayu and I were children in this house.

"No, dad. This is pointless. Maybe it's sad that you don't like what I'm doing but, to be honest, I don't give a fuck." And if anything was going to prove to them how unconcerned and angry I am then it's that.

"Light, apologise," L tells me angrily from the doorway.

"No. We're going," I reply, already walking past him, taking my coat and putting my shoes on by the front door. "Don't use my son as a guilt trip device against me again. He shouldn't have been here," I shout through to my parents before I open the front door. My guards spring to life like puppets when I open the door and walk out to my Lotus, while one waits for L.

I sit in the passenger seat and wait in the darkness, but L doesn't follow immediately. A minute later I'm so angry that I reach over to beep the horn once and cross my arms, but he still doesn't come, so I keep my hand pressed on the horn until it's like a long siren noise waking the neighbourhood. About twenty seconds into it, L gets in the driver's side, and I go back to crossing my arms and staring out the window.

Five minutes into driving, with a security car in front and behind us, I press play on the radio just to break up the silence.

I'm crazy like a fool. What about it, Daddy Cool?

L turns it off. I can't say that I'm not grateful for small mercies.

Still staring out the window at the lights flashing past and feeling like a ghost in L's car, I'm reminded of something and turn around to check if we're alone, but we are. Maybe Ryuk's on the roof, hanging on like he's in that Liam Neeson film that I accidentally saw once? I check the side mirror but can't make anything out. More minutes pass. My eyes dart around the inside of the car guiltily. I just feel an overwhelming sense of being universally disapproved of, even by L now for some reason.

"Can you believe them?" I laugh. He doesn't reply. About ten seconds later, I turn to look at him. "It's alright, L. I don't mind sticking up for you," I tell him. Yes, look, now I have nothing. My parents hate me now – their perfect son, tarnished by you. I hope that you remember this.

He nods his head slowly, so I turn back to the window to smile.

"Spoiled fucking brat," I barely hear him mumble. Must be a delayed reaction to his assault by Kira. I'll treasure that memory for all time.

"Don't talk about my son like that," I say because I suppose that I should. "He's a child. And he's right, saying that you stole his father."

"I wasn't talking about Kira. I was talking about you," he says in that dark, pissed off tone he keeps especially for me, it seems. Pardon fucking me? I turn to stare at him with my mouth hanging open, but he just looks straight ahead, then gets fed up of following the security car, speeds up and overtakes it, putting the radio back on at the same time.

Daddy! Daddy Cool!

It goes without saying that I turn that shit off immediately.

"What!?" I ask him.

"I will never understand why you are so determined to destroy every blessing in your life. I don't think you're actively trying to do it, but you just don't care."

"Oh my God."

"They didn't say anything to take offense to. And even if they had, we should just fucking take it."

"Did you even hear my dad?" I ask, incredulous.

"He was so polite that for a minute I thought he was Morgan Freeman playing God. You know, I went to see a priest once for a laugh, but then I kind of got into it and he threw me out of the confession box, and this was before I started killing people by a demonic book. I can't be defended, but you're handing them ultimatums without even trying to have any understanding of what they're feeling. By the way, they're worried about you," he says, looking at me for a second before shunting the gear into fifth. "You're lucky that they care about you and always have, because you sure as hell take it for granted."

"Oh, I'm sorry, yes, we should be repentant."

"No, just try to put their minds at rest."

"We're fucking, L. That's all they're bothered about. They want a straight son who has lots of the most boring straight sex imaginable, but only with an approved of wife in order to make lots of straight grandchildren for them to show off. Did their disapproval just completely pass you by? You must have heard them tell me to go back to Kiyomi."

"You really don't see how this has come out of the blue to them. As far as they can tell, you've made a huge mistake. You're divorcing a woman who until now you've made everyone think you were blissfully happy with, you've all but abandoned your son, coincidentally fucked up the country in revenge, and you've done all this for someone like me, who doesn't have a good reputation however you photoshop it."

"Would you rather that I hadn't?"

"Of course I wouldn't, you idiot, but I'm saying what it looks like to them, and to them you woke up one morning and were suddenly gay and insane. This all might come as a surprise to them, Light, but you could have saved this. You could have explained to them that their opinion does matter to you."

"But it doesn't."

"Yes, it does. Can't you see that? They're good people and they want the best for you. You did nothing but sulk and be defensive and they didn't deserve it. Seriously, how old are you? And why are you dressed like Mihael?"

Oh my God, I've never been so offended.

"This?" I indicate towards my suit. "It's Calvin Klein. Mihael doesn't have the monopoly on leather and he hasn't got the physique to do it justice."

"I'll tell him that you said that and that you're trying to edge in on his bad boy image but failing. I don't think Mihael would have put together a coming out costume, anyway."

"I can wear whatever the fuck I want. It's not a costume and I'm not coming in or going out anywhere."

"Light, I'd think twice about wearing that in The Kit Kat Club, let alone at dinner with your parents. Anyway, my point is that they deserved answers and confirmation that you're not completely fucking up all over the place because you know what you're doing."

"Maybe I don't know what I'm doing," I mumble.

"Great. It's good to know that you've really thought this through."

"What you were expecting from my family, L?" I ask him, because I really think he was expecting to be made to stand against a wall and shot.

"It wasn't your family I expected anything from, it was you."

"I don't know what else you expected. I told them that I loved you and all that shit."

"Oh yeah, all that shit, yeah." he scoffs bitterly.

"What the fuck do you want from me."

"To stop hurting people."