"Are you in pain?" Christian asks urgently as he walks towards me.
"No Christian, I'm fine" I reply coldly.
"Why were you screaming?"
"I just… I wanted to turn the TV on. It's a little hard to do it myself since I can't move."
Christian silently walked over to the TV on the wall and switched it on. "Anything in particular you want to watch?" he asks.
"No" I reply. "It doesn't matter."
He turns it to PBS and then sits in the chair next to me. "I saw earlier that they're showing the Anne of Green Gables movie on this channel. I know you love that book."
"Thank you" I respond as I look away. "Where have you been?"
"Filling out paperwork and talking to doctors. I didn't realize you were awake."
"Well, I haven't been for too long" I sigh.
There's a long awkward silence between us that I finally break.
"So… you're committing me?" I ask sharply.
"I'm having you admitted to a residential facility with a very good reputation."
"So it's a ritzy nuthouse?" I reply as I roll my eyes.
"What did you expect Anastasia?" he asks angrily. "I found you ready to jump off a bridge-"
"So you thought you'd prolong my misery" I say as I start to cry.
"No, I thought I'd save your life."
"It's not going to work you know!" I yell.
"What's not going to work?"
"Shipping me off somewhere isn't going to turn me back into the person I used to be!"
"Ana-"
"I'm sorry Christian. That woman is gone. The sooner you get over it the better. The sooner you get over me the better."
"Why are you saying all of these awful things about yourself?" Christian asks in a horrified tone.
"Because they're true!"
"Damn it Ana, no they're not!"
"Christian, I can't feel anything. Not for you, not for our kids. I'm a terrible mother, a terrible wife, a terrible employee, and friend, and daughter, and person. I'm no better than…"
"Don't!" Christian yells interrupting me. "Don't you dare say that again. It isn't true. You're my Ana. You're my wonderful Ana. You're just sick baby. I know you don't see it that way right now, but you have postpartum depression. It isn't going to last forever. Maybe you need meds- that's okay. We can deal with that. What I couldn't deal with is losing you. You don't need to give up. That isn't your only option."
"This doesn't sound like you" I reply bitterly. How many doctors have you talked to about me?"
"Ana, I'm going to get you help. We are going to get through this."
"Is that what they told you to say?"
"Ana-"
"Christian, really. Stop it. Stop wasting your time with me when you could be…"
"Could be what?"
"Could be finding someone better?"
"Someone better?" Christian asks as if I've just suggested something utterly ridiculous. "Ana, baby there is no one better than you."
"Christian-"
"You're sick, but it isn't permanent. Your life can be like it was before. We can be like we were before. We can be a happy family, the three of us. Ana, do this for the kids."
"The kids would be better off without me" I cry.
"Better off without their mommy? Ana, those kids adore you!"
"Which is why they'll be better off without me. Christian, I can't be what they need. I'm only going to break their hearts."
"So fight" he says challengingly. "Fight. Fight to be what they need. You can do it. I know it might not feel like you can right now, but you can. I promise you, you can. You've helped me so much Mrs. Grey. Now it's my turn. I'm going to help you. I'm going to help you fight through this, and we're going to make it out the other end even stronger."
"I wish that were true" I cry.
"Then believe it" he says softly as he wipes the tears from cheeks. "Believe in yourself. Believe in us."
"Christian-"
"Just take it one step at a time. Do what the doctors tell you to do."
"Okay" I shrug. "I have nothing to lose."
"And everything to gain" he adds. "I swear to you Ana, you're going to get better" he adds as he kisses my head.
"I'm going to have Taylor gather some of your things at the house. I have some more provisions to make for you. Watch your movie. It's all going to be okay baby."
"Okay" I reply softly. Is Christian right? I'm I really going to get better? Can I really let myself believe that?
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