Part III
Lothering is reached, and leadership is discussed. Morrigan, Sten and Leliana come along too. The heroes split up to go their separate treaty-enforcing ways.

Xox

"Oh dear Maker, it's you again," said SacredBob when his exhausted mind registered Morrigan standing next to his bed. "What'd I do now?"

"I do not remember inviting such rudeness," she said, scowling. "I suppose you do not remember what happened in the tower?"

"The... tower? Oh. The tower."

"I am glad your mind has so recovered."

"Why, thank you. So... what happened?"

"The usual. Darkspawn overwhelmed you, Mother saved you, I received my due gratitude for the time spent healing all seven of you. Such is life, is it not?"

"Oh. Well, thank you," said Bob, feeling a bit awkward. "What, your mother saved us? How?"

"I am told that she turned into a giant bird and plucked you from the tower in her talons, and that a spirit in the form of a great werewolf helped her in this task."

"A... spirit? Werewolf? She summoned it?"

"That is what she said, though it was not summoned. Perhaps you are watched by those in that realm? Whether you believe her, however, is another story."

"Sounds just lovely to me," said Bob. "Wait... what? Darkspawn overwhelmed us? What happened to the King and all that?"

"The man who was to respond to your signal quit the field. The darkspawn won your battle."

"Loghain? But... what? Are you sure I'm awake?"

"I do not know who this Loghain even is. Perhaps ask Mother of it."

"And here I thought nobility were meant to be noble. Damn that Howe bastard. Er, where's the toilet? How long was I out for? Where's everyone else? Did Cel try to kill me again?"

"I did not even think it possible, but you ask even more questions than that elf woman! I assure you, 'twill be the best for both of us if you go and talk to Mother as soon as possible. She has asked to see you as soon as you awoke."

"Which is to say, now," said Bob, swinging his legs out of the bed and attempting to stand up. "Ow."

Xox

"Bob!" squealed Kalamari as soon as he opened the door. "You're alive!"

"Unless this is the afterlife," SacredBob said. "I'm almost beginning to believe that it is."

"Cel could probably prove that it's not, if you asked her to..." said Billybob, who was sitting on a tree stump nearby. "Is that everyone?"

Hosomaki, along with everyone else, looked around and counted. Seven people and a dog. That was the last thing he clearly remembered doing or thinking before he found himself on the road to Lothering with Kalamari waving a hand in his face.

"I think he's in shock," she announced.

"... sorry?" said Hosomaki, blinking and trying to take in his surroundings. "Where am I...? Grey Wardens...?"

"We're on the Imperial Highway," said Kalamari. "We're going to Lothering!"

"It's the first stop on the way to getting these treaties done," said Billybob. "Keep moving."

"I..." Hosomaki's wobbly train of thought was derailed by him tripping over FlowerPower.

"I think all that stuff back in the tower disturbed him more than we thought," said Kalamari to the others, hauling him up.

"'Tis a great pity," said Morrigan with no small amount of sarcasm. Hosomaki looked at her in surprise. When had this breast-exposing woman joined them?

"It is, actually!" said Kalamari fiercely. "Hosomaki, do you know your name? What do you last remember? How many fingers am I holding up?"

"He is a mage," said the not-princess in front of them. "He's been more useful than I expected."

"Do we need a rest?" said SacredBob at the head of the group, turning around and stopping. "What's wrong with Hosomaki?"

"Some kind of mental trauma, I believe," said the not-princess beside him. "We'll take a break and rest for now."

"That's... kind of what I said," said SacredBob.

"We are almost there, you know," said Alistair. Hosomaki stared blankly at him. "But... maybe a rest would be good."

Xox

"Do you remember... the ogre?" said Kalamari, sitting Hosomaki down on the ground.

"Um..."

"Okay. How about... the Joining?"

"..."

"This doesn't look good," said Alistair. "Have you ever treated anyone for traumatic amnesia?"

"Nope," said Kalamari, leaning back and examining Hosomaki from a distance. "Have you?"

"I didn't even know it existed," said Alistair, not very helpfully.

"Well, seeing as we're all sitting down nicely and everything, why don't we go through the proper introductions? That might help things with Hosomaki's memory, and I still don't even know your names," SacredBob said, the last phrase directed at the not-princess and Cel.

"Must we really go through this?" said Morrigan. "We waste enough time as it is."

"Er... yes, we must," said SacredBob. "Plus, it'll help with the ex-Aeducan's whole chain of command thing. We can have a nice and civilised discussion on group leadership. Good?"

"Still a good waste of time, you mean? In that case, I heartily agree," said Morrigan.

"Let him speak," said Tim. "This may prove useful."

"Great! I'll start, then. Hello everyone, my name is SacredBob Cousland and I'm an alcoho- oh wait, wrong introduction. You can call me Bob for short. And this is my dog, FlowerPower."

"You're a Cousland?" said Alistair at the same time as Billybob and Kalamari said, "FlowerPower?"

"Yep, and I was planning to go to Denerim to brutally kill my family's murderer, but then this whole Blight thing happened..."

"Your family's murderer?" said Alistair blankly. "Did I hear that right?"

"Long story," said Bob. "Maybe some other time. Next!"

"Oh, me?" said Kalamari, looking up. "Um, hi! I'm Kalamari Tabris and I live in the Denerim Alienage only I can't really go back because these guards wanted to hang me. It was all a misunderstanding, don't worry! Basically, this Bann raped my friend as well as kidnapping me for later and also murdering one of my other friends, so I killed him." She nodded sadly. "And... that's about it."

"I... see. You all have such... happy backgrounds," said Alistair, still rather blankly.

"As happy as anyone else's in Thedas, I'm sure," said Morrigan.

"Moving on?" said SacredBob, looking at the not-princess. She gave him a glare in reply.

"I am Princess Tim of House Aeducan, as well as a Comman-"

"You mean, you used to be an Aeducan princess," muttered Billybob.

"Come on, no arguing," said SacredBob. "Although he does have a point. The undeserved snobbish attitude really isn't winning you any points in your favour..."

"Just because I happen to be an exile at this moment doesn't mean that I'll never return," said Tim loftily. "In fact, my back-up plan no.24B should have sprung into action as soon as my arrest was announced, and I can assure you that as soon as my rightful rank is recognised again, any and all disrespect, be it in the past or present, will be firmly dealt with."

"If you say so," said SacredBob. "So why exactly did you get the exile, anyway?"

"Wait," said Kalamari slowly. "Did you say your name was Tim? Isn't that a bo-"

"It's a dwarven name," snapped Tim. "And the reasons for my current state of exile are of no consequence to you. Do not affront me with such insolence."

"We live for gossip, it seems," said Billybob. "I bet it's plastered all over Orzammar, anyway."

"Excuse me?" said Tim.

"Nothing," said Billybob. "Is it my turn?"

"Go ahead," said SacredBob, holding up his hands.

"Great. I'm Billybob and you can also call me Bob for short if you really wanted to, and I'm a duster from Orzammar. And because me and my friend bravely dealt with one of the crime lords of Dust Town I was about to be executed. Yeah, Orzammar is fair that way."

"And I suppose your illegal impersonation of a Warrior Caste – not to mention even daring to enter the Proving Grounds in the first place – was of no consequence?" said Tim.

Billybob shrugged. "Guess not."

"No bickering," said Bob, shushing them. "Next?"

"Hello," said Alistair, feeling very awkward with the whole circle's eyes on him. "I'm Alistair and I'm a Grey Warden. You... probably already knew that. Can we move on, now?"

"Well, at least tell us a bit more about yourself," said Kalamari. "Do you like ducks, for example? How about, er, dressing gowns?"

"Ducks?" said Alistair, feeling a little disorientated.

"Morrigan?" said SacredBob.

"What do you wish to know of me?" said Morrigan, a little testily. "You know that my name is Morrigan, and that my mother has forced me into your service, and also that I do not see the point of this happy little bonding session. Is that not enough?"

"Well, Hosomaki probably didn't know that," said Bob fairly. "Feeling any better?"

"Um," said Hosomaki, not really feeling any better. He honestly couldn't remember what this Tower of Ishal was that everyone kept talking about, and wasn't really a hundred percent sure that he had actually taken this 'Joining'. Still, he tried not to worry about all that. "My name is Hosomaki. My surname is... um, Surana," he said out loud.

The others stared at him, waiting for more. (Except for Morrigan and Cel, who were wearing identical expressions of angry boredom.)

"Um," he said again. "I think I remember something about my friend Jowan being a blood mage and Duncan rescuing me, but I'm not really sure."

"... right," said SacredBob. "How about the Crazy Elf Lady?" He looked towards the glowering woman sitting apart from everyone else.

"What's your name?" said Kalamari, undaunted by that glower. Hosomaki trembled a bit under it.

"You know, refusing to talk is only going to get you so far," said SacredBob. "Pretty please?"

"Come on," Kalamari said. "We're just trying to be friendly."

"Tell me your name or my spell will freeze you into the next Age," said Morrigan.

"Add that to a strategically placed knife in your back," said Tim. "Perhaps some skilled torture will loosen your tongue?"

"Er..." said Alistair. "Do we really need to resort to violence?"

"... why not?" said Tim, looking a bit bemused by the question.

"Do your worst," rasped the elf. The group froze and stared at her.

"You spoke! That's a great start." Kalamari beamed.

"I wish only for death," said Cel. "No shem or shem-lover deserves to know me, save as your murderer."

"Perhaps you should run headlong into the next group of darkspawn, then," said Morrigan.

"Somehow, I can't help agreeing," said Alistair, watching them both with great suspicion.

Xox

"You know," said Billybob as they came within sight of the small village of Lothering, "as the last Grey Wardens ever-"

"Alistair said that there's more in Orlais," interrupted Kalamari.

"- yes, whatever – and seeing as we're the only ones ever to know about this Loghain's change of heart, and seeing as this man is now the most powerful man in Ferelden, do you think he might be trying to hunt us down?"

There was a silence as everyone contemplated this idea.

"Of course he is," said Tim. "No sane person would hesitate in disposing of such threats, especially when we are in such a weak position. I have only been wondering how to avoid such an outcome."

"We're all impressed," muttered SacredBob under his breath. The recent 'civilised discussion on group leadership' had turned into a display of 'who could throw the most painful mocking insult while still looking like a stuck-up noble' between himself and Tim, and thus he was not feeling in the most generous mood towards her. Although everyone now knew that he could kick her ass with hilarious innuendo - though it was vice versa when it came to subtle yet devastating (and all politically correct) insults – the talk hadn't really accomplished very much else.

"So... what did you come up with?" said Kalamari.

"There will no doubt be lies and slander spread wherever this Loghain has passed in his retreat. Presumably this town's guards will have been alerted to a group of seven Wardens. We separate and move into the town in small groups, careful not to arouse any suspicion."

"Separate?" said Hosomaki vacantly.

"We reconvene after restocking our supplies and acquiring information on the next best move, and camp for the night on the other side of this Highway. We can then discuss our further options there. On no account whatsoever should any of us reveal our true identities. That means no names, no fighting, no Grey Wardens, no mages. Do not let yourself stand out."

"Does Loghain even know our names?" said Kalamari. "He seemed a bit... overwhelmed, what with the whole six of us new recruits."

"We will stay on the safe side," said Tim. "Any further questions?"

"Yeah," said Billybob. "How are we splitting up?"

"Dibs on not going with Cel," said SacredBob.

"I call seconds," said Alistair, backing away from her.

"I will accompany Billybob," said Tim, in a tone that would have been more appropriate if Billybob had been a sea slug. "Since we are both dwarves, it will attract less attention. Perhaps you should split into racial groups too?"

"That way, we don't have to worry about Cel. Done!" said SacredBob.

Xox

"Hello!" said Kalamari as they approached the "toll takers" at the steps of Lothering. "How are you today?"

"Huh?" said the bandit, a little off-put. "We're... great. Now, this is a toll booth, and we need ten silvers from all travellers passing through. Got it?"

"That's great!" beamed Kalamari. "I'm good too. But I didn't know there was a toll booth here! That's really annoying, actually..."

"Ten silvers," said the man.

"That's the rules," said another.

"Do you have ten silvers?" said Kalamari to the other two. "I... don't."

Hosomaki didn't have time to reply before a scream of pain ripped through the air. They whirled around to see one of the "toll takers" drop to the ground, a bloom of blood spreading across his back, with Cel standing behind him and giggling madly.

"Oh, Andraste's curtainbutts," swore Kalamari, before leaping in to help Cel. "What'd she do that for?"

"That... didn't even make sense..." said Hosomaki, trying to imagine what a curtain's butt looked like.

A few frenzied minutes later, the "toll takers" were lying dead on the ground and Hosomaki looked as if he was going to pass back into traumatised shock.

"Hosomaki?" said Kalamari. "Come on, we should go."

"Erk," said Hosomaki.

"They were probably bandits, anyway," said Kalamari. "Everyone knows that the Imperial Highway fee is really eight silvers."

Xox

"I knew we shouldn't have let Cel into a human settlement," said SacredBob, kicking aside a dead bandit's arm.

Morrigan – who was wearing a borrowed tunic from Kalamari – looked down at the blood-splattered scene. "The less annoyances on this road, the better, I say," she said.

"Whatever," said Bob. "But didn't that stuck-up princess say 'No fighting'? Ah well, let's just get to this town's inn and have some drinks already. Whaddaya say?"

FlowerPower barked happily.

Xox

"How's it shaping?" grunted Billybob as they passed a caged prisoner.

"Fine," said the prisoner. Billybob squeaked.

"Now what is it?" said Tim, turning around. "Must you really be quite so irritating?"

"That giant just said 'Fine,' to me," said Billybob. "I wasn't expecting a reply..."

"And who are you?" said Tim to the giant in the cage.

"I am Sten."

"What are you doing in that cage? A prisoner of war?"

"This is my atonement."

"Gets straight to the point, doesn't he?" said Billybob.

"Be quiet, duster. Atonement for what, exactly?"

"I killed a family. I wait for the darkspawn to come upon this village and complete my sentence."

"I see," said Tim. She turned to go.

"Hey!" said Billybob, grabbing her arm. She shook him off, scowling. "He's a giant. He could help us with the Blight if we help him out of there."

"And why exactly would I want a convicted murderer to be travelling with us?"

"Er... because he can murder the darkspawn?"

The giant watched them, expressionless.

"Enough. We're going, Billybob," said Tim.

"Would you help fight the Blight if we released you?" said Billybob. Tim made a sound of disbelief and tapped her foot impatiently.

"My atonement is in death."

"Yes, but you could atone better if you helped save the world, couldn't you? Who's got the key to your cage?" Billybob said.

"The Chantry's Revered Mother. I am content with waiting for death here."

"Okay, we can go now," said Billybob to Tim. "So, Tim... want to go the Chantry just for a looksee?"

Xox

"Doing good deeds for people makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside," said Kalamari as they unpinned the fulfilled request from the Chantry board.

"These coins make it even better," said Hosomaki, counting the silvers inside the jangling bag. "Are there any more notices up there?"

"And Cel likes it too!" said Kalamari as she read through a few more pleas for help. The recent slew of bandit killings had really energised their companion. She was practically dancing with glee at her recent chain of four consecutive decapitations.

"But Kala," said Hosomaki, suddenly remembering something, "didn't Princess Tim say not to fight or draw attention to ourselves? And I was doing a lot of magic back there too..."

"Oh yeah," said Kalamari. "Um. About that."

"Still, I get the feeling that it doesn't really matter," said Hosomaki, creasing his brow. "It's probably all fine."

"Let's hope you're right," said Kalamari. "Hello, arguing people! Can we help?"

"Look, stranger, I've a hundred silvers if you'll-" started the merchant, before Cel quickly drew her rusty old dagger across his jugular. Kalamari groaned and covered her eyes. Hosomaki wondered what he could have done to get the hundred silvers.

Xox

"Another ale over here!" shouted SacredBob. There was an "aye" sound from the barkeeper and a bustle of motion.

Morrigan looked at him with disgust. "I suppose this is the best you can do with the darkspawn at our heels?"

"Oh come on, Morrigan, you just need to lighten up a bit," said Bob, taking a gulp of his newly arrived drink.

"I don't know," said Alistair. "Are you sure this is the best way to go? Shouldn't we be using the treaties and finding Arl Eamon?"

"Drink your ale and stop being such a party pooper, Alistair! Besides, you know we can't do anything until tomorrow, thanks to Tim's wonderful plan."

"Yes, but-"

"So, boys, weren't we asking around for a Grey Warden of this description just this morning?" said a low and menacing voice from behind Bob. He yelped and looked around.

"Actually, Morrigan here's a gi-"

"And here we've got one in the flesh. Isn't that right, boys?"

"-rl," said Bob. "So am I, actually. Yeah. Hey, what d'you mean, one?"

"Does he mean me?" said Alistair.

"That's right," said the low and menacing voice. "Get them!"

"Just like what happened last time I went drinking," muttered Bob as he whipped out his sword and shield. (He had been sitting on them as part of the no-weapons-disguise.) "Wait, where did that Chantry girl come from?"

A scuffle and a spilt drink later, the owner of the low and menacing voice was begging for mercy on the floor. FlowerPower was sitting on him, looking pleased with himself.

"I say he dies," said Morrigan. "Surely letting him go running back to his master would no doubt draw more attention to our presence."

"No!" said the Chantry sister. SacredBob looked at her in surprise. "Show them mercy. They do not deserve to die here."

"I don't know if you noticed, Morrigan, but we've already drawn a whole inn-ful of attention," said Alistair.

"Er... yes," said SacredBob. "Go and tell Loghain that we're coming for him. Oh, and buy me another mug of ale."

Xox

"I'll make this simple," said Tim, advancing on the woman. "You give me that key around your neck now, and nobody gets hurt today. Yes, I can take care of the murderer – and you. No, you will not be calling for help. See these weapons here?" She nodded to Billybob, who reluctantly stepped behind the Revered Mother and put a knife to her throat. "And no, I will not be donating anything to this superstitious human nonsense of yours, so kindly shut up."

A few minutes later, Tim strode out of the Chantry with a key in her pocket and Billybob trailing behind her.

"What in the Stone did you do that for?" he said.

"And here I thought bullying would come a bit easier to you, duster," she said, glaring at him. "If you hadn't insisted on this whole idiotic venture in the first place, I wouldn't have had to resort to such crude tactics. A pity that subtler approaches were not possible with this case."

"How about the art of gentle persuasion?" said Billybob incredulously. "Miss Lady Aeducan, huh? And the whole 'don't draw attention to yourself' thing?"

"You wanted to release a sentenced murderer! How are we not supposed to draw attention with that kind of behaviour? Ancestor's breath, I swear, except for this Blight behind us there is nothing else in the Deep Roads or beyond that would stop me from twisting this dagger into your eye socket right now!"

"So now this is all my fault?"

"Yes, you the immature and irresponsible good-for-nothing duster who sulks and threatens me with a Proving to the death – as if you're even worthy of such an honour in the Provings, you casteless thug – right here in the middle of this village if we don't immediately drop all our priorities to release an oversized killer back into society!"

"That was a joke!" said Billybob. "Don't take yourself so seriously next time, then! And what do you mean, casteless thug? Your head seems to have a problem with remembering that A, you're just as casteless as anyone up here in your exile, and B, your little stint with that Chantry mother showed just how much of a thug you are."

"Don't be impertinent," said Tim. "My exile will not last forever, and when I am properly reinstated, you can count on it that you will be dealt with."

"Sure thing, milady. Let's just go and unlock the giant."

Xox

"Wait a moment," said Bob. "So... what?"

"I-I know that sounds... absolutely insane, but it's true! I had a dream... a vision!" said Leliana, the helpful (and surprisingly violent) Chantry sister now covered in blood.

"More crazy? I thought we were all full up," said Alistair, "what with the deranged elf lady and the Witch of the Wilds here." Morrigan did not look impressed.

"A... vision?" said Bob. "Come again?"

"The Maker sent me to you, I know it. I can help you! I can fight – and more than that – and I know that you must need all the help that you can get."

"Righty ho," Bob said, backing away a little. "I don't know what you've heard, but we're not actually Grey Wardens. I'm the Queen of Navarra, actually."

"How much did you have to drink?" said Alistair.

Xox

Kalamari, Hosomaki and Cel did not have to go very far on the road leading north out of Lothering before they found the camp. It seemed that the rest of the group had set up the site without them, but with the addition of a few new members.

"Hi guys!" said Kalamari, bounding in. "Morrigan, do you want to keep my clothes for a while? Ooh, new people! Are you both helping us with the Blight and all?"

"It appears so," said the larger one.

"His name's Sten," said Billybob. "He says he's a qunari, whatever that is. He doesn't talk very much..."

"Nice to meet you, Sten," said Kalamari, holding out her hand. He didn't take it. "And what's your name? I'm Kalamari."

"Leliana," said Leliana. "Oh! You have elves? How delightful!"

Cel hissed from the shadows.

Xox

"So I think we should split up again," said SacredBob, unrolling a map of Ferelden. "We need to get a treaty looked over by these three groups-" he pointed at the three appropriate locations, "-and I don't thinking wasting time by traipsing all over Ferelden is going to help much with the Blight just there."

"Really?" said Hosomaki. "I... don't think the spread of the Blight depends on how long we take... does that make sense?"

"Er... no," said Bob. "But never mind. Groups of three or four should do, since there're eleven of us. Good?"

"What about Arl Eamon?" said Alistair. "Shouldn't we send a party to ask him for help too?"

"Oh yeah," said Bob. "Okay. Er... how about we stop by Redcliffe on the way to Orzammar, then?"

"We need to set a date to reassemble our group before we march to confront Loghain. We don't need any of us to waste time in inns while wondering when we can proceed," said Tim with a sharp look at Bob.

"Orzammar's a long journey," said SacredBob. "If we have to take a detour to Redcliffe for a few days to discuss politics with Arl Eamon, that's going to take even longer..."

"And how in Andraste's armpits are we supposed to find the Dalish?" said Kalamari. She looked at Cel, who pointedly ignored her.

"At least the Circle Tower will be straightforward," said Bob. "I hate this."

Xox

"So that's me, Cel, Morrigan and Sten to find the Dalish," said Kalamari the next morning, counting on her fingers.

"And where do you propose we shall start to look for them?" said Morrigan, now back in her usual clothes, or lack thereof. "'Tis a waste of time, searching this endless forest here for the help of a few unsociable elves. At least that is the impression I get from our Dalish companion here."

"No idea," said Bob. "Good luck with that! Remember, we meet in Redcliffe in exactly four weeks time. Please don't forget because that would just be annoying. And don't let Cel kill anyone else."

"I suppose you're hoping that the fact that they are Dalish elves like herself will help with that," said Tim. "Tell me again, why are you coming with me to Orzammar? Still trying to challenge me for the right to lead, are you?"

"I... forgot my reasoning," said Bob. "We'll sort it out on the road. Come on, FlowerPower." Alistair followed behind all three of them, well out of the way of Bob and Tim's leadership arguments.

The other three – Hosomaki, Leliana and Billybob – set off north for the Circle Tower, and wondered which of them should be the leader. None of them really felt up to the job.

to be continued

A/N: Might not be updated for some time after this chapter, sorry. I'm... actually starting to ship Bob/Kalamari. Eh?