AN: Hey guys, long time no update. So, this chapter takes place after the first two but it no where near angsty. Heck, I dare to say it's chuckle-worthy.
Since this is a series of oneshots, if any of you have always wanted to read a specific ShikaTema story, I'm open to requests. Most of these will only be faintly related, so it can't hurt to ask, can it? And, as always, reviews make me write more.
The sound of a fan clicking shut resounded through the otherwise silent bedroom.
Shikamaru twitched, but dared not move any more. If he rolled over or opening his eyes, she would see. She would attack.
A twitch was a normal response for a ninja, though sleeping while someone perched over you wasn't. That was okay for Shikamaru. He could feign sleep for an extremely long time.
He just hoped her patience outlasted her anger.
Shikamaru could feel it radiating from her body; it would choke him if she didn't first.
The fan clicked open and then closed again.
She was keeping time with it, he realized, annoyed. She was counting how long he ignored her, probably to throw it back at him in the argument they were bound to have when she broke down and "woke" him.
Shikamaru decided to end it before it went on for too long. It would be troublesome to deal with an upset woman. Temari liked to hit with that fan too.
He was subtle about it, though. If she wanted to interrupt his daily nap, he'd throw her off her game. He'd start by throwing her off his window sill.
His shadow jetted out, much faster than he ever would, and flung her onto the open side of the bed. Shikamaru waited for an outraged shriek or scream; he heard neither so he thought it safe to roll over.
Temari glared at him, but didn't move to get up. That was a good sign. If she planned to fight him - she almost never brought her fan with her if she wanted a peaceful conversation - she would have shot back up immediately.
"Hey," he greeted, voice still hoarse from sleep.
Her expression softened slightly; she must have thought he had been faking it the whole time. Truth was, he had only just woken up, and had no idea how long she'd been there. Damn troublesome, how used to her he was getting; he didn't even wake up immediately when she came into his room anymore.
"You're an idiot."
He shrugged one of his shoulders and continued to stare at her.
For a long time, she didn't respond. They just stared at each other, waiting the other out. This annoyed Shikamaru even more than being woken up. He could be sleeping.
"There a reason you're here?"
She took the question in stride and just scowled at him. Then she looked away.
This confused him. No blush stained her cheeks and she didn't look very far, just over his shoulder, but she didn't meet his eyes.
"I heard something," she finally said. "After Asuma… I heard something."
"Yea? I've heard some stuff since then too," Shikamaru responded dryly.
He ignored the pang Asuma's name still brought him.
She stared hard at the wall before asking, almost dreamily, "Is Kurenai pregnant?"
Shikamaru blinked then frowned.
"Yea, but why woul-"
He didn't finish his thought. Another one had come upon him, one that should have come across a genius far sooner, but only entered a man's brain when it was too late. He leapt from the bed, landing between the windowsill and the door. He looked ready to bolt in either direction.
Startled, and more than a little confused at the sudden show of energy, Temari sat up.
"What's gotten into you?" she demanded, though her expression was far from stern.
"If you want a kid, get out now," he said flatly. Shifting eyes betrayed his panic.
"What?"
"I'm not marrying you," he offered as an explanation, calculating which way was a better escape route. A sudden vision flashed through his head; he was tending to the deer on the Nara compound while Temari called from the house that supper was ready. He nearly fainted at the thought.
The real Temari didn't look anyplace near domestic enough to bake supper, but Shikamaru was a man first, genius second.
"Did I ask for a proposal?"
He paused, still tense in case this was a trap.
"You mentioned pregnancy," he supplied.
She scowled again and threw her fan at him.
"That doesn't mean I want to get knocked up you moron."
He cursed and considered throwing it back. His panic was broken and he suddenly realized how foolish that was to assume that.
"You don't want a kid?" he asked tentatively.
"Hell no."
"And you don't want to get married?"
"Who in their right mind would marry you?"
Because the thought of marriage (not so) secretly terrified him, he didn't take this as an insult.
Instead, he slumped back onto the bed, his head resting in her lap as he stared at her apologetically.
"You're an idiot," she said, voice soft.
"Yea, I know," he agreed.
They fell silent for a minute. In that time, Temari broke her resolve and began to smooth back Shikamaru's bangs.
"It Asuma's?"
"Yea."
"How long were they married?"
"Not long enough."
It was the way of the ninja. The two gave Asuma a moment of silence before resuming talk.
"And you're going to be its uncle?"
He groaned and tried to roll over. Temari flicked him in the nose and he stopped.
"I promised to take care of the brat," he muttered, staring at her mournfully. He never promised his services (other than to Konoha, of course, which was still troublesome) and he couldn't believe that he'd volunteered himself to help raise some kid. Those things needed raising for twenty some years if you were lucky, more if it came out stupid.
Temari gave him a strange look, as if she were weighing her options. Having come to a decision, she leaned down and brushed her lips against his before her lips curled into the smile of a fox.
"At least it will prepare you for when we have kids."
His window rattled dangerously as he ran as far away from the woman as he could, her laughter chasing him out.
