'Thanks mum, lunch looks delicious.' Sabine had brought Marinette's lunch to her room. A platter of breads, cheeses, grapes, figs and butter. Her daughter's stomach growled as the plate was placed at her desk.
'Sweetheart, you have been very tired lately. Are you doing okay?'
'Yes, mum. I'm just working on my gown everyday. It has been keeping me up a little on the late side. But, I'll try and finish it soon so I don't keep myself awake too many nights more.' Marinette grinned wide in hopes to smooth things over with her mother. Sabine gave an incredulous look, but walked away without question.
'Just make sure you have an early night tonight. School is most important right now, and I don't think I can handle you being late again. The principle has called me one too many times this year.' Sabine began to descend down the hatch when she called out: 'Eat lots to regain your strength', before disappearing beneath the hatch door.
Tikki resurfaced as Marinette pulled out another roll of dusty pink tulle.
'Even your mum is starting to worry. Maybe you need to discuss with Chat Noir a new strategy for handling all this stress.'
'I would, but we only know each other inside the costumes. Without them, we have to carry on as though we don't have the weight of Paris on our shoulders. It would be risky to try and contact Chat in costume when there are no threats right now.'
'True. It would be much easier if you could meet him without the masks. Maybe you should find out who they really are. It would make being covert much easier.' The designer stopped dead in her tracks and nearly stitched the dress to her fingers.
'Tikki, are you saying we should meet in civilian form?' She shook her head vigorously. 'That would be incredibly irresponsible! More so than contacting him in costume! We jeopardize everything we've worked on if we reveal our identities. We will put our loved ones in danger!' Her cool was gone. How could she have stayed strong all this time only to have Tikki question the current validity of the decision?
'No, I just think that it would be easier to communicate.' They both calmed themselves and continued on like nothing was said for a while. The kwami did, however, need to question her hero some more.
While pinning the next layer of tulle to the bodice, Tikki probed a little more.
'Do you really think it's a necessity to keep each other's identity a secret? Nino and Alya seem to have no trouble with the truth. And you know who all the other holders are. The only one you don't know is Chat Noir.'
'And Hawkmoth and his lovely army.'
'Marinette, you know what I mean.' The pair continued to pin and adjust the dress. "Avoiding" seemed to be the word of the day. The kwami waited for a reply she knew was never going to come. 'I just want to know: why are you really avoiding knowing the truth?'
'I'm really avoiding because I'm really certain I don't want anyone in unnecessary danger.'
'I know that's only half the truth, Marinette. You can trust me to know and not judge you.' The tulle was abandoned. The young hero placed her hand over her face and shook her insecurities around in her head.
'I-I…,' she started again. 'I don't want to lose my love for Adrien.'
'Why do you think you'll lose it?'
'Because I know I'll pursue Chat Noir if I come to know him entirely.' The room was filled with questions yet to be asked. It was about time she was honest with herself. 'I did keep my identity hidden, at first, to prevent any harm. That was before things changed. I know we could keep the secret, and keep our families safe. But, I started to feel conflicted. Sure, I want to date Adrien and have that dream life I've hoped for. But, when I look at Chat Noir, I feel a bond that no one can replace. Not even Adrien. He knows my moods and my likes and dislikes. He knows my moves in battle and compliments my attacks perfectly. We even move in sync with each other, and catch each other out of the sky. We even manage to make each other smile when we talk. The only time we don't really smile is when I'm rejecting him. For the thousandth time.'
'Yeah, he is persistent. But, so are you.'
'I know, I know. We are similar in so many ways. But very different too. It's hard to reject Chat. I want to keep him smiling. But, I want to see my future with Adrien, too.' The conversion trailed off. Tikki understood that she wanted to love and be loved. Everyone wants that. Even Tikki. There was a silence that was filled with heartache. Wanting to be with the one you love, but feeling conflicted about the love. Tikki knew that Adrien would make Marinette happy, because then she wouldn't have to choose between them. But, this wasn't the end of Marinette's worries. The vibrant kwami knew that for sure.
'You worry that you don't really know Chat. And that if you find out who he is, maybe he won't be right for you.' Marinette's eyes began to tear up again. She'd thought about this every night, and it never got easier.
'I worry that we'll disappoint each other. That we work together so well, and upon discovering that we don't have the same connection out of costume, we lose our amazing ability to work together. If Paris wasn't at stake here I would just swallow my worries and tell him straight up. But, I can't. If we don't work together perfectly, Paris will take the most backlash.' She respected her hero so much more after hearing her true reasoning. Her tiny hands wrapped around Marinette's face in the biggest hug she could give.
'Oh, you amaze me more and more each day. You've come an awfully long way since your first day on the job. You couldn't even imagine being a superhero. Now, I fear you don't know any other way to live. You truly are the rightful holder of the Ladybug miraculous. No one else would take on such a huge responsibility and shoulder it herself.' She paused to look the young heroine in the eye. 'I am so proud of you.'
'Thank-you, Tikki. You've been the one to guide me the whole way.'
'It's been my pleasure.' Tiny hands brushed away the tears and sighed. 'Well, you may be right about the connection part. If you knew who he was, you would definitely not see him the same. His personality is completely opposite his civilian personality. So, you may find him a bit too difficult to adjust too.'
'Wait,' Marinette began. 'You know who Chat Noir is?'
'Of course! You de-transformed in front of one another. Remember? In the crate. I saw who it was, and Plagg saw you. But, I told him to keep quiet. He'll listen to me, so don't worry about your cover being blown.' You could see the conflict on her Ladybug's face clear as day.
'You've known all this time? You've known all this time! No, don't tell me.' She threw her hands up in protest.
'Don't worry, I won't. But, one day you might need to find out. Will you be ready when that day comes?'
'Honestly, I don't know. You've already given too much information about what he's like. I'm already curious and need to know.' She paused and thought carefully about her response. 'I think that you'll tell me if I need to know. You've respected my wishes this whole time, and you'll only do something when deemed absolutely necessary. So, I think I will be ready when the time comes, because you know what's best for me and Paris.' And with that, she returned to her work. Tikki picked up the pins again and resumed helping.
'Marinette, you seem to be doing much better.' They smiled brightly to one another.
'I think I am. Sharing one of my concerns has made it easier to cope with. And I promise to address any others that stress me out. For now I'd like to finish this row. Hawkmoth is resting for now, so I'll be back on my feet as soon as I'm needed.'
