"I'm not sure I follow your logic on this..." Weis said. It was a dark and stormy Friday night at Patch, with the girlfriends going to visit Ruby's father over the weekend as sort of a mini-vacation. Weiss was eager to escape the confines of the Academy and visiting her (potential) future in-law was always a good idea. Besides, after the stuffy, suffocating posh etiquette of Atlas and Schnee Manor, it would be nice to get back to basics. She was snuggled with Ruby on the couch in the living room, a heavy quilted blanket slung over them with a full spread of a cheese pizza, choco-bomb creme cookies and a two liter of People Like Grapes soda presented on the coffee table like a feast.
"It makes total sense!" Ruby protested. "I always wanted to see a scary movie on a date, so if one of us got scared, they could cuddle with the other one for safety."
"And that's why you rented this terrible b-movie?"
"It's not terrible!" Ruby snapped back. "I asked Yang what a good horror movie for a date is and she suggested 'Dr. Chainsawhands 3-D - The Doctor is Sin' and that's why I rented it!"
Weiss sighed and nibbled on a choco-bomb creme cookie.
"But you don't like scary movies. You couldn't even watch 'The Daydream Before Thanksgiving' without having nightmares." Weiss said. Ruby pouted in a way that wasn't meant to look adorable but made it hard for Weiss to resist her.
"But that's the point! You're supposed to be my security for this. I get scared, you cuddle me. It's a system, Snowflake!"
Weiss just shook her head, realizing it didn't make sense to argue with her girlfriend. Once Ruby's mind was set on something, a herd of wild Grimm couldn't pull her away from it. The platinum-haired heiress slung her arm over Ruby, the silver-eyed sniper resting her head on Weiss' chest.
"Do we have to keep the volume down?" Weiss asked, pressing play on the movie player.
"Nah, Dad sleeps heavy. He's in bed by nine and a bomb could go off and it wouldn't wake him up." Ruby giggled. "Besides, he's giving us our privacy."
The opening credits started to roll and already Weiss could tell this movie was going to be torture. The production values seemed like they were filmed on someone's lunch break at a McBeefy's Burger Joint and the very first scene was, of course, a large breasted woman taking a shower.
"Who showers like this?!" Weiss demanded. "Is she washing or checking her body for ticks?!"
"Sounds like somebody is a bit jeaaalllouuusssss." Ruby teased, knowing the subject of Weiss' bust size was always a way to get her riled up.
"I am so not jealous of those inflated silicone balloons." Weiss huffed. "They are obscene and grotesque." Ruby laughed with a snort at this, seeing Weiss' cheeks get flushed with anger.
"I'm just messing with you, Snowflake! I like your boobies just the way they are. Besides, it's like Uncle Qrow always says - 'Anything more than a handful is a waste.'"
"I'm both flattered and horrified that this is something you've discussed." Weiss deadpanned.
"Eh, you'd be surprised the things Uncle Qrow wants to talk about after he's had a few shots of his Ancient Shenanigans whiskey."
Onward from the opening shower scene, the girls were eventually introduced to Dr. Thaddeus E. Campbell, the protagonist who undergoes the horrible accident that turns him into Dr. Chainsawhands. The actor, if you could call him that Weiss thought, recited his lines in such a stilted, mechanical way that she was convinced he was just a poor guy they pulled off the street.
"I'm confused," Weiss finally admitted. "How did he get chainsaws for hands again?" Ruby groaned and rolled her eyes.
"It's so easy to understand! He was working on an experiment to replace his arthritis hands with robot hands, but when the magnetron machine he built to polarize the hands backfires, it attracts a pair of chainsaws he was keeping in his broom closet!"
"Right, because that's something scientists usually do - keep chainsaws nearby," Weiss said with a wrinkled nose of disgust.
"Just relax and enjoy the movie!" Ruby said, giving Weiss an encouraging peck on the cheek.
The movie went on as the bodies piled and gallons of fake, syrupy blood spilled on screen. Ruby whimpered and yelped with each death, clutching to Weiss for dear life and burying her head in her girlfriend's chest for some of the more intense death scenes. Weiss would be lying if said she wasn't enjoying this part, even if the movie was an exercise in cinematic torture.
"Ohmygods! He shoved that guy's head into a pencil sharpener! How is that even possible?!" Ruby wailed at one of the more grotesque scenes. Weiss just shrugged, casually running her fingers through Ruby's crimson tipped hair.
"I'm not sure, to be honest. I'm more impressed earlier when he stabbed the chef to death with a loaf of bread." Weiss said.
"YES! That was so cool! The way he said, 'Another one bites the crust!' was so scary." Ruby squealed with terrified glee. "I'm glad you're enjoying this movie."
"I wouldn't go so far as to say I'm enjoying it, Ruby, but more I'm...tolerating it. For your sake." Weiss said, a slight smile tugging at the corner of her lips.
Ruby beamed with a happy smile and cozied herself again on top of Weiss to watch the remainder of the movie. Soon, her full belly from gratuitous amounts of cookies and pizza, the comfort of her Weiss Pillow and warmth of her quilted blanket proved to be too much for the RWBY team leader and she drifted off to sleep, softly snoring in her girlfriend's arms. Weiss, however, was wide awake. Her crystal blue eyes were locked on the screen, as she bit her bottom lip. Now that Ruby was asleep, she could let her guard down and embrace the fact that this movie had her terrified. She didn't want to admit it, she has an image to protect after all, but somehow the cheap rubber props, sludge-like fake blood and obscene amounts of nudity all came together in a way that made the heiress uneasy. It didn't help that a pop-up storm was raging outside the Xiao Long house, sending cascading waves of rain against the windows as thunder roared in the midnight sky.
Weiss' body was tense as a beam of iron as the final moments of the movie came to their violent end. The last survivor, a teenage girl, managed to trick Dr. Chainsawhands into falling into a vat of corrosive acid, the camera making sure to catch every grisly detail as his body melted away into globs of rubberized faux-flesh. All of it seemed to end on a somewhat happy note before Dr. Chainsawhand's melted hand burst through the bubbling green liquid in a final, defiant act as the text "THE END...?" faded on to the screen. Weiss sighed, letting her body relax and unwind. A quick glance of her scroll said the time was now 2:49 AM and she and Ruby had planned on going strawberry picking the next morning, assuming this storm ever lets up.
"Ruby...Ruby..." Weiss whispered, gently shaking her girlfriend. "Movie is over, it's time for bed."
"Buh...? Wha? Snuh?" Ruby said, her eyes fluttering like two butterflies. "...what..is..? Bed?"
"Yes, you dolt," Weiss said with a slightly harder shake. "I'm not carrying you up the stairs, so unless you want to sleep on the couch, I would strongly suggest you wake up."
"F-fine..." Ruby said, stretching her wiry arms in a mighty yawn. "you don't gotta be so...so demanding."
Weiss rolled her eyes a bit and helped Ruby up, before making sure any leftovers were probably stored away, the blanket was neatly folded and returned to the closet, and the digital movie was shut off as well as the television. She was a houseguest, after all.
"W-wait! Before we go upstairs..." Ruby said with another yawn, struggling to keep her eyes open. "we gotta...we gotta decide something first."
"If you're inquiring if I plan on being...intimate...tonight with you, I'll have to pass. I'm much too tired and I would feel weird with your Father literally right down the hall." Weiss said quietly, her cheeks blushing a light shade of scarlet.
"No, no, no," Ruby said, rubbing her eyes. "We gotta decide who's gonna be the big spoon tonight."
"Seriously? This discussion again?"
"YEP!" Ruby said, now slightly more alert. "Rock, paper, scissors. The winner is big spoon!"
"This is so childish," Weiss said with a sigh, before thrusting her hand out to initiate the game.
"One! Two! Three! SHOOT!" Ruby said excitedly and threw down a solid rock which triumphantly beat Weiss' scissors. "Looks like I'm the big spoon tonight, Snowflake!"
"As if that's a bad thing..." Weiss said under her breath, following Ruby to her room. Ruby gently closed the door behind them and gave Weiss a sweet, slow, loving goodnight kiss. It sent goosebumps up and down the heiress' spine, making her moan ever so softly into Ruby's open mouth.
"I gotta go pee..." Ruby said bashfully, finally breaking the kiss. "But don't go to sleep yet! I gotta spoon you first."
"So romantic," Weiss said with a sarcastic chuckle. "My girlfriend - the queen of pillow talk."
"I can't talk to pillows...?" Ruby wondered. Weiss was about to interject, probably calling Ruby a dolt, when Ruby held up her hands in protest. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding! I know what pillow talk is."
Ruby excused herself to the bathroom, leaving Weiss behind, sitting on the bed. The storm was just as violent as before, the winds howling through the trees and the lightning lighting up the room like daytime. Weiss hated to admit it, but she was getting rather uneasy being in the room like this. She knew Dr. Chainsawhands wasn't real, she knew the movie was absolutely terrible in every way and yet she still found herself spooked and on edge.
'It's just a movie, Weiss. Remember, you're a Schnee. You're better than some low-budget splatter flick.' Weiss thought to herself. But whatever train of thought she had going was quickly interrupted by the sound of a heavy thump coming up the stairs. There was no way that could be Ruby, as she was using the upstairs bathroom and she's not that heavy and it certainly wasn't Zwei, so who could it be? "H-hello?" Weiss asked, her words partially caught in her throat.
No response. Just silence.
"Who...who is there?" she asked again, but still no reply. The heavy thumping became louder, working its way down the hall and towards Ruby's room. "Y-Yang? Is..is that you? I thought you were staying back at the dorm?" Weiss stammered, knowing it was a long shot but still hoping it might be Yang making an unannounced, last-minute visit. But again, no response, just silence. Without thinking, the heiress jumped from the bed and locked the bedroom door from the outside, her heart hammering in her chest. "If that's you, Ruby, this isn't funny!" she said, her voice cracking. The doorknob wanted to turn, but the lock prevented it from fully opening, frustrating whoever was on the other side. "Please...if this is not Ruby, just...just go away!"
Silence.
The doorknob twisted some more, before Weiss heard a sound even more terrifying than the heavy thumping - the click of an unlocked door, meaning someone has a key. Now terrified beyond rational thought, Weiss panicked and summoned a glyph at the last second, using it as a battering ram and flinging it at the assailant, hoping to knock them to the ground. It worked, sending the mysterious thumper flying across the hallway with a loud THUD.
"OW! What the...? Weiss?" said Taiyang, rubbing his head. He was in PJs, a simple pair of black sweatpants and a grey faded Beacon Academy tank top. "What in the name of Remnant did you do that for?!"
"I...I thought you were someone else..." Weiss said, suddenly feeling embarrassed. "I heard a thumping sound and I kept asking who it was and no one replied...I'm sorry, Mr. Xiao Long."
"First off, I told you to call me Tai. Secondly, that thumping you heard was me. I went downstairs to see if you girls had any pizza left and I tripped over Zwei and hurt my ankle, but as I was trying to make my way back upstairs, I saw you left your Scroll downstairs so I came up here to give it to you. As for not hearing you," Tai said, pulling out two earbuds. "I was listening to the radio because I can't sleep and this helps with insomnia. "
"Oh." was all Weiss could say, wishing a bolt of lightning would hit her at this very moment. Tai grumbled a bit as he stood up, clearly favoring his ankle.
"Some ice and Aura should fix this..." he said to himself. "Where's Ruby, by the way?"
As if on cue, the sound of a flushing toilet and sink seemingly replied to Tai's inquiry, as Ruby stepped out, still yawning, her body hunched over in an almost awake-sleep-walk.
"Huh? Why is everyone in the hallway? DAD? Are you okay?"
"I'm fine, Ruby. Just...a bit of a miscommunication with Weiss. Why don't you girls go back to sleep and I'll make us omelets in the morning? Bacon, mushrooms and cheese sound good?"
"It sounds delicious, Mr. Xiao-I mean, Tai. I would like that very much." Weiss said, her cheeks on fire from embarrassment.
Ruby gave her Dad a goodnight hug and a quick peck on the cheek and shuffled her way to the bedroom, patting the bed for Weiss to lay down first to be spooned.
"Are you okay?" Ruby asked, her eyelids getting heavy.
"I'm fine, Ruby. Just...from now on, let's just stick with romantic comedies, ok?"
Ruby only replied with soft snoring, her arms locked around Weiss' waist in a vice-like grip. Weiss closed her eyes and let sleep take her, happy to put Dr. Chainsawhands and his low brow gore behind her.
