3rd chapter, finally, I'm sorry it took so long.
Anyway, finally some Puck/Quinn shipping and some M/Quinn friendship.
This chapter is smaller than the other ones, but I loved writing this one. :)
I'll keep asking: reviews pleaseeee!
Chapter III – I don't want to speak about it
Quinn walked quickly down the corridor, well aware of the guy that was almost running to catch her up. She didn't want to talk to him. Why was he always putting so much pressure on her? It was hard even to look at his face, every time she heard him sing she would think about that time he sang Beth to her. And then Beth would repeat over and over again in her mind. Beth, Beth, Beth… And she would have to go through all the pain of having given her daughter for adoption. So, yes, most of the time, Quinn would rather avoid talking or even seeing the father of her child. She didn't enjoy thinking about the things that had happened last year, she was good now, with her reputation restored and dating Sam, who was one of the sweetest guys she had ever met.
"Could you please just stop pretending I don't exist?" Puck shouted, stopping where he was, giving up catching her. Quinn sighed and quitted running away too.
"What do you want now, Puckerman?" She asked, not looking back at him. She heard his steps while he was getting closer to her. Quinn didn't move, she just stayed there.
"I want you to stop pretending!" Puck held her shoulder and turned her, so his eyes could meet hers, but she quickly stared at the floor, feeling like a little doll in his hands.
"What exactly am I pretending?" She fought back, bitterness all over her voice. He took his hand out of her shoulder and she started walking to her locker, with him following near, while struggling with the words.
"All the time, all the time I see you avoiding subjects like adoption, or children, or Regionals, or even the whole last year. You never look at me, the only times you do, you look with despair. All the time you are pretending Beth never happened. And that we didn't have a child together."
His words took her breath away, she stared to the inside of her locker and for a long time she didn't say a word. The tears threatening to start falling at any second. She threw her books inside the locker and closed it, turning to Puck.
"Have it ever occurred to you that maybe… maybe I don't wanna speak about it?" Quinn looked at him, her eyes flickering with rage. "Speaking to you about it won't make me miss her less, speaking to you about it, actually, will only make me think about it!" She was using all her strength to control herself from crying, she didn't want to cry, not in front of Puck.
"So that's your big plan? To ignore it? You think you'll eventually forget? No, you won't, Beth will always be in our hearts because we know she's somewhere out there, a part of us two, together. Avoiding the subject won't make it any easier!" Before he knew, Quinn's hand had flied to his face and slapped him hard.
"Sorry." She gasped, almost scared to what she had just done, Quinn didn't mean to slap him, but the rage just made her body react without her mental consent. "I know…" She muttered and looked to the floor, the tears in her eyes finally coming out, when she lost her control. "I know ignoring doesn't make it easy, but at least it doesn't make it worse." Quinn gazed at him, not caring anymore if he would see her cry, she was feeling so miserable and suddenly having Puck there asking about it made her feel slightly comforted. "You don't know how it is… everything about you makes me think about her, every time you smile, or you talk, or you sing, or you just look, I remember that day. I remember Regionals. I remember holding Beth in my arms knowing I would have to give her up after… I felt so miserable and yet so happy in that day, because I knew I was going to lose her, but I also knew those minutes I had to hold her belonged to us only and would be forever our moment together. Just me and her. Me and Beth."
Puck surprised her by stepping closer to her and hugging her against his chest. His big arms always had that feeling of protection and right in that moment she felt like she could cry how much she wanted to and take it all out of her chest. She never thought she needed, but now Quinn saw that she needed to talk to someone about it. No, not someone, she needed to talk to him.
"Do you think it's any easier for me? I even can't forget Vocal Adrenaline couch saying she looked like you. She did, so much, she was like a mini mini you." He stroked her hair and she just kept weeping in his shoulder. "When you asked if I had loved you, I meant it when I said I did. I loved you so much that day."
Quinn didn't say a word, she couldn't, she was speechless. Puck could be an idiot most of times, but then he would just surprise her with random sweet moments like that one. In fact, she wasn't sure why she kept pushing him away, she wasn't sure either it was because of the painful memories of Beth or the fear of breaking her own heart.
Softly, Puck pushed her against the lockers and looked her in the eyes, then he slipped his arms around her waist and attached his body to hers. They were standing so close he could see every glowing tear running down her face, Puck kissed all of them, feeling the salty taste in his lips. Quinn couldn't fight his embrace, she didn't want to, she felt safe in his arms and the feeling of his chest moving up and down with his breath was warm and protective. One of his hands moved slowly from her waist to her face and she couldn't tell what he did next, because she just closed her eyes and waited for his lips.
When they kissed it was like an old fire was awaking inside of her, making everything burn in the inside, making her recall that night she got laid with Puck. That night she regretted and loved so many times. Sam was a good kisser, Sam was cute and nice, Sam could be safe, but nothing like Puck. The way Puck kissed couldn't be compared with anything else and specially that kiss, so soft, so full of love. It was nothing like Puck regular kisses that were wild, hot, with burning passion, those were amazing, but this one was even better.
But she couldn't do it. She had to pick the pieces of her broken life and put them together and in order to do that she could never stay with Beth's father, it would be like having a cancer. Every memory of Beth was a disease, which would make impossible her life to heal. Being with Puck was huge and mortal cancer.
She pushed him away, breaking the kiss, but when his arms let go of her and his body retreated, Quinn felt like she was going to fall and break down with the lack of Puck near her. "I… I... I can't do this." Puck stared at her and was she delusional or was that sadness in his eyes? "You're right, I'll never be able to erase Beth of my life, but I'll never be able to get her back either." She felt the words hurting in her heart, she just wanted to be with Puck right now, she didn't want to push him away again, but she knew that was what she should do. "Noah, I could never be with you, first of all because I can't trust you. Everytime I gave you a chance you blew it away, you could never be faithful and you know that… so why do you want so much to break my heart again?" Puck meant to say something, but her eyes immediately shut him up. "And it's not just that… I can't have you when you only make me think of Beth. I have to put my life together again, I have restored my popularity and my position has head cheerio and that is what I need: my old life back. Sam gives me stability, which is also something I need and you could never give to me. I have to heal, Noah, I'm too young to live the life of the hurting mother that had to give her daughter to adoption, don't you get that?"
"But Quinn…" He bit his lower lips and seemed to be unsure about hugging her again or stepping a foot away, in the end he decided to step back and she was not sure if she wouldn't have preferred him hugging her again. "You're right… I would like to make you believe I can give you that stability, but maybe I can't even believe it myself and the last thing I want is to break your heart." Puck slipped his hand from his head to the back to his neck and sighed, looking at her. This time she was sure that was sadness in his eyes and that killed her, she wanted Puck much more than she wanted her popularity or Sam or even her stability, but he was the wrong way to walk, she was better off without him. "And if Sam makes you happy… doesn't matter how much I feel like punching his Ken face, you just should stay with him. I want to see you happy, Quinn, probably you don't believe me, but I want to. And Beth… well, it's truth, she won't be back to our lives and if memories of her are painful to you then I'll just shut up about it. Even if you don't believe me, I just mean to do the best for you." He tried to smile for her, but all he managed to was a little twist of his lips, then he shrugged and headed to the choir room, it was Glee club time.
"I believe you." She shouted making him stop for a moment, like if he was wondering if he should say something, but he just gazed back at her and then returned his pace.
Quinn stayed there for a while, her mind going blank trying to keep her thoughts way, but then the memories came and hit her like a train. The warmth of Puck's kiss… the tears came again and her legs' strength faltered and she fell on the floor crying. She could not be so weak, she had to move on her life, but still, she just stood there weeping like some little girl. She thanked that the day school was over and she was still there just because of Glee, as otherwise that corridor would be full of people, instead, she was there alone.
But then, the last person on Earth she wanted to see in that moment stopped in front of her. And no, it was not Rachel Berry. It was that one that she desperately wished they were still friends so she could help her. But they were not friends anymore, or were they? She was not sure in what step they were after she decided to join Glee club that morning. Yes, M was there, standing still in front of her, looking to the girl crying at her feet. And Quinn was sure she was going to tell her something mean and then walk away to go to the choir room, but M did not, instead she sat next to her and held one of her hands.
"Whatever it is, it's going to be fine, Q…" Fabray could not help herself and she collapsed crying against M shoulder. Hearing her old friend voice, being sweet to her again and calling her as she used to almost 2 years ago, before all the pregnancy nightmare, was the thing she needed the most in that moment. And that was the only reason she had agreed with M joining Glee club, because in the deep of her heart she wished they could get their friendship back.
"Why, M?" Quinn asked with her voice muffled by the strawberry blonde's hair and the base of her neck, and then she lifted her head a little bit, to look into those gray eyes. "Why do you come and go? After the pregnancy drama you should never talk to me again, right? You don't hang out with people scandalous people."
"Well, but you totally got your popularity back, you're top in the Cheerios' pyramid again, aren't you?" M replied back, shrugging, but she didn't look very sincere.
"The true reason?" Quinn had already calmed down, M's arms wrapped around her gave her the comfort she needed and all she wanted at the moment was to be sure that she wasn't going to be a bitch to her again.
"Doesn't matter now. I'll tell you eventually, but I can't do it at the moment. Besides, we have Glee practice, so we only have time for you to tell me why you are shrunken in the floor in the middle of the corridor."
Fabray tried to decide if she could really trust the other girl or even if she should trust her. After what she had done to her, she was not sure it was the best thing to do. She wiped the tears out of her eyes and stared at M grinning.
"Well, I'll tell you eventually, first I need to be sure I can trust you again." M smiled and stood up, giving a helping hand to Quinn. When the other got up, she wrapped an arm around her waist.
"And we still have Glee to go, so as a start to gain your trust back we're heading to the girl's toilet so I can fix your make up and avoid a bunch of people asking you what happened to you, alright?" Quinn laughed and rested her head on the taller girl's shoulder, also wrapping her arm around her waist.
"It seems like a good start. Thanks, Madison." And she laughed again when M groaned, she knew she hated to be called by her first name, not that it was an ugly name, she just thought being called by the first letter was more badass and a better way to identify the HBIC of that school.
And even though they were unsure about the other's friendship or willing for friendship, they were both happy to be together again. Because both had missed each other.
Really, if you are reading, review. It's not hard and it means a LOT to me :D
