It's early. Kurt has only seen the janitor and one other teacher as he walked down the hall towards his classroom, so he is shocked when suddenly a hand appears and places a steaming cup of coffee on his desk.
"Blaine." he breathes, and he can feel his heart start to pound.
"So I figured I'd buy you that coffee after all." he says tentatively. Kurt can see he's finding this difficult, so he keeps his questions to himself for now.
"Thank you."
"I hope it's ok, I didn't know what you would want."
Kurt takes the lid off the cup and inhales deeply. "Mocha? Seriously? That's what I always order. Thank you."
"That's good then. Right. I'll just be going..." Blaine turns and walks towards the door.
"Blaine, please stay. It's nearly an hour before school starts. At least keep me company for a while."
Without needing any more persuasion, Blaine pulls up a chair and sits opposite Kurt. Clutching his own coffee nervously, he stares at his feet as he speaks.
"I'm sorry. About yesterday. I was irritable and rude and I acted like a spoiled teenager. I apologize."
"You're seventeen, Blaine. I think you're allowed to act like a teenager sometimes. Hell, I can still be irritable and rude myself. So really, don't worry about it." he smiles at Blaine, and has to resist the urge to reach over and take his hand. "I was worried about you last night. I didn't sleep too well. I kept thinking about what you said, about having no friends or family."
"Oh. That."
"Yes, that. Is that true?"
"Kind of. I do have family. I have a brother who lives in LA, he's fourteen years older than me so I don't really have much to do with him. And I live with my mom. But she's a buyer in a pharmaceuticals company, so she travels a lot. She's in Chicago this week."
"No dad?"
"No. He left when I was small. No idea where he is now, and I don't want to know either." Blaine's eyes turn dark as he talks, and Kurt can sense the bitterness there.
"But you get on ok with your mom?"
"Yeah, she's great. When she's there."
"So who do you live with when she's away?"
"Myself."
"You stay on your own?" Kurt asks with surprise.
"Well yeah. There isn't anyone else."
"Oh. Ok. So what about friends. Do you really not have any friends?"
Blaine chuckles softly before looking across at Kurt. "I sound like a real pity case don't I? I do have friends I guess, the guys in Glee mainly. And Rachel is my best friend I suppose. But...I don't know...I don't really have anyone I can talk to about stuff...like...you know."
"Stuff?"
"Sex, relationships, being gay...crushes." he answers, trying to keep his blush under control as he stares at the ground once more. "Rachel is fine if you want a debate on Rent versus Cabaret, or to discuss whether Pixar is better than Classic Disney, but sometimes I feel like there's no one in my life who actually knows the real me."
"You'll find someone one day Blaine."
"I thought I had." he replies boldly, looking into Kurt's blue eyes as he speaks. His directness causes Kurt to look away, flustered. Blaine decides to be kind. "So enough about me. Tell me something about you."
"What do you want to know?" Kurt rests his chin on his hand and smiles, eyes twinkling. He's aware that it's possibly a bit flirty, but he's sat opposite a handsome young man who is actually taking an interest in him, and it's been a long time since that happened.
"Oh I don't know. Family history, blood type, love life. That kind of thing." Blaine jokes, although he really does want to know about the last one.
"Ok...Well my mom died when I was seven, so I lived with my Dad. He remarried a lovely woman called Carole, and I have a step brother, Finn, who's the same age as me. My dad owns a garage. He's awesome. Like seriously, everyone loves my dad. He'd like you." Kurt pauses. Why is he sharing this? Blaine is a student. A student. Why does his dad matter in all of this? "Um... my blood is O-neg, and my love life...well you kind of know about that."
"What does he do?"
"Richard?"
"That's his name?"
"Yes. And he works in IT. He writes programs or something...I'm not really sure. Anyway, he got transferred to Columbus, so here we are."
"Are you happy to be back?"
Kurt pauses for the longest time before answering. "I like being a ten minute drive from my dad."
"But?" Blaine knows he's pushing, and wouldn't blame Kurt if he asked him to drop the subject, but he surprises him by answering his question once more.
"But I love New York. I moved there straight after graduation, and never really had any plans of leaving."
"So why didn't you say no then?"
Kurt sighs deeply and runs a hand through his hair. "It's not as easy as that, Blaine. Richard is the only real relationship I've ever had. We've been together nearly five years, living together for two. He's very...decisive, I guess. When he announced we were moving I didn't really have much chance to argue about it. He knew I wasn't happy, but he lined up all these job interviews for me, and let me decide whether we lived in Lima or Columbus. He really did try to make it easier for me."
"But you didn't talk about whether it would happen or not! Were your feelings taken into consideration at all?"
"I guess you could see it that way. Or you could look at it like he wanted to move and I didn't want to lose him."
"It just doesn't sound like he respects you very much."
"It's an adult relationship, Blaine, something you know nothing about." Kurt snaps, as he stands and starts to pace back and forth.
"Ouch."
"Shit Blaine. I didn't mean that, I..."
"No, it's ok. I'm just a kid. I get it. I'll leave."
"No! Blaine please..." Kurt reaches out and pulls at Blaine's arm to stop him from walking out of the door. "Please. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. And you're not just a kid. I've really enjoyed having coffee with you. Well, until things got awkward."
Blaine huffs out a laugh. "Yeah. Me too. I shouldn't have pushed so far. I'm sorry."
"No, you don't need to be. Blaine, I...No. You know what? I'm just gonna say this, and I want you to listen to me. Sometimes we have ideas, growing up, about how things will be. Some people want a great career, some people want to be famous, I just wanted to be loved. I know I've got my family, true, and I'm very thankful. But I just wanted somebody to come home to at night, someone to take me in their arms and tell me they love me. I have that, and I didn't want to jeopardize it by refusing to move. The fact that Richard gave me no choice...well I can analyze that over and over, but the fact is, what's done is done. I'm here now." He gives Blaine a trembling smile, feeling suddenly tearful and wondering why it's only now he's noticed what a bad state his relationship is in.
"Are you happy?" Blaine whispers, looking close to tears himself.
"I'm happy that I met you." And suddenly they find themselves standing close together. So close that Blaine can feel Kurt's warm breath on his face, and smell the hint of coffee held there. So close that Kurt can study Blaine's eyes, and realize that there are flecks of brown, amber and gold running through those amazing honey coloured irises. So close that Kurt tentatively reaches out to let his fingers graze gently along Blaine's jaw, tracing over the hint of stubble there. The touch causes Blaine's breath to hitch initially, but then he relaxes into the caress and closes his eyes when Kurt rubs his thumb gently over his cheek.
"Promise me something Blaine," Kurt says softly, "Never change for anybody. If someone isn't happy with you just as you are, then they're not worthy of your love. You're perfect."
Blaine's eyes open in surprise, then widen as he sees Kurt staring at him, eyes dark with...lust? His eyes flicker to Kurt's lips, so full and pink and begging to be kissed. He subconsciously licks his own as he moves forward just a fraction. Blaine is about to have his first kiss, with a teacher ten years his senior, in his English classroom.
"I can't." Kurt breaks the moment and pulls back, a split second before their lips meet. "I'm so sorry Blaine. I can't do this to you." He feels as if his face is on fire, his heart is racing and his palms are sweaty. He knows that if Blaine ignores him and closes the gap he'll be powerless to resist, but Blaine- to Kurt's surprise and dismay- pulls back too.
"This is fucked up." Blaine says with a laugh. "I want you. I want you so bad."
"Oh Jesus."
"It's ok, it's enough to know that you think I'm perfect...For now."
"Why does my opinion matter so much?"
"You know why." Blaine replies, and he's actually grinning now.
"You do know nothing can happen between us though, right?" Kurt asks, and immediately regrets it as he watches Blaine's face fall.
"I know." He pulls himself together and plasters a fake smile on his face, but Kurt knows. Already he can tell when his smile is genuine and when it's being used as a mask, because it doesn't reach his eyes. "But friendship is good. We can do this. We can be friends."
"Why are you so sure all of a sudden?"
"I'm not, Kurt. I'm absolutely terrified that I'll say something or do something that will turn you away for good. But I'd rather have you in my life as a friend than nothing at all, so I'm willing to take that risk." Blaine looks up through his lashes at Kurt, almost shyly. He's out on a limb here, more vulnerable and exposed than ever before. He can't hide his feelings, there's no sense in even trying to. He can only hope that Kurt will agree.
"Coffee tomorrow? After Glee?"
"Cool." And this time the smile is genuine.
They decide to meet at the Lima Bean. Partly to avoid suspicion by meeting in an empty classroom, but mainly because they know they can't be trusted alone with their feelings. Neither acknowledge this of course, they just carry on as if it is perfectly natural for a teacher and his student to get coffee together, and as if nothing is amiss when either one blushes, or shifts awkwardly in his seat.
Despite the overwhelming sexual tension, things go well. They discover more about each other, like the fact that Blaine can box really well, but never has any intention on using his skills to actually fight someone as he would be too scared to hit another human. Kurt tells him he likes to cook, but what he really loves is ordering takeout pizza and eating it while wearing pyjamas and watching a film. He becomes wistful as he mentions that it hasn't happened in a while, as Richard is a health freak, and moans too much about the calories and the mess takeout on the sofa creates. Blaine laughs at this and tells him he eats Pop Tarts and Lucky Charms in bed when his mom is away, usually while watching a Disney film.
"See, I knew my Dad would like you." Kurt laughs.
"Why?"
"He's a Disney nut. Secretly, of course. But he's seen all the films, and I've caught him singing along to Little Mermaid on more than one occasion"
"Sounds like my kind of guy." Blaine smiles, and then adds "Does he like Richard?" He's pushed things again, he knows. Sometimes he just can't help it- can't play cool any longer- and that nervous, infatuated teenager side to him comes through.
Kurt sighs, and drains his coffee cup. Looking out the window, he pauses for a long time before answering. "Um...no. Not really. He's tried, I guess."
"Oh. Does Richard like your dad?"
"No, definitely not. That's the problem. Richard says my dad is too protective, dad says Richard is rude and arrogant, and not good enough for me. He says...well he says I've changed too much since I've been with him."
"I thought you told me to never change for anyone."
"I did."
Blaine can see the misery etched on Kurt's face as he stares across the parking lot, clearly wondering why he can dish the good advice out, but can't take it.
"Well, I wouldn't worry too much," Blaine tries to console him, "You don't seem that terrible to me."
"That's because I'm a different person when I'm with you."
"Oh." Blaine is momentarily worried. What if he's falling for a fallacy? What if this Kurt is all an act, and in reality he is actually an entirely different person?
"When I'm with you...I'm myself." Kurt continues, allaying Blaine's fear, but replacing it with more worry about the turn this conversation is taking. "I can be who I want to be, without fear of reprehension, or being put down. When I'm with him I..."
"You what, Kurt? Tell me." Under the table, Blaine reaches across and takes Kurt's hand in his. Squeezing it tightly, he tries to urge him to continue, but it's too late. The walls are up.
"Nevermind." Kurt says, returning the squeeze briefly before standing. "I have to go."
"Um...Ok. Sorry, if I pushed too far again."
"You didn't, Blaine. I just...I just have to deal with some stuff on my own, that's all." Kurt buttons up his jacket and shoulders his bag. He fails to mention that the touch is what really threw him. That he wonders if there will ever be a time when him and Blaine can touch hands without sparks flying and pulses racing. "I had fun today." he adds, in an attempt to erase the worry written all over Blaine's beautiful face.
"Me too."
"Same time and place next Wednesday?" Kurt asks hopefully.
"Sure." For now, Blaine must be satisfied.
