-1Chapter 3: What Beautiful Things Cannot Replace
Kohaku returned to the village later that fall. It took longer for him than expected to return. His prowess in slaying demons was known far and wide and he was called upon as he made his way home. Rin was surprised to see him coming down the hill in her direction. She didn't recognize him at first. He looked different every time she saw him. All the fighting and solitude had hardened Kohaku. He'd gone from being a sensitive scared boy afraid of confronting his bloody past, to a mature young man attempting to atone for the many lives shortened by his hands. He had grown tall and had a lean athletic body shaped by strenuous and precise training. He'd become far more capable and deft in the destruction of demons than Sango could have imagined, yet he hadn't lost that soft heart. His boyish face showed the signs of growing into an attractive young man.
"Kohaku!" The girl cried as she ran towards him. She embraced him warmly, thankful for his safe return. He fished around in a bag slung over his shoulder full of wares and gifts collected from the villages where he had slain demons. He pulled out a small lavender sashay made of silk. He handed it to Rin who marveled at the fine handy work of the bag. A cream colored depiction of birds sitting on tree branches with magnolias in full bloom adorned the pouch. A cream ribbon was laced through the top of the bag drawn tight keeping the contents a mystery inside.
"Open it," he said excitedly. The girl did as she was instructed. The bag contained a number of trinkets including some small pretty quartz crystals, rouge incased in a shell for her lips, and a little ceramic jar of aromatic oil that smelled like vanilla and spice. "I wanted to get those to you sooner. It's for your birthday." Rin smiled and expressed her gratitude with a million thanks. She didn't expect for Kohaku to remember her birthday. It felt good to be remembered. She appreciated Inuyasha and the others celebrating with a nice dinner, but his was the only gift that Rin had received.
Kohaku was especially important to her. They had spent so much time together at the end of Sesshomaru's journey to find Naraku. His kindness never failed, and she loved him like an older brother. His feelings were mutual. He felt a strong protective love for Rin and would do anything for her.
As they entered the village talking rapidly, the pair were all smiles. Sango was outside gathering firewood with her newest addition to her family on her back. Her twins trailed behind her carrying spare bundles of sticks in their arms. The girls squealed startling the poor woman. "Welcome back Kohaku." Sango smiled as the two girls dropped the sticks and ran to their uncle excited to see him after almost a season of absence. The days were shortening and there was a pronounced chill in the air. Venturing out to slay demons would be dependent on the weather, and Kohaku wanted have a long visit with his friends before he started out again. When he left that winter, he would probably be gone for the entirety of the season depending on the severity of the elements, and would not return again well into the next spring.
Everyone enjoyed listening to Kohaku's stories of what he had seen and done on his journey up and down the coast of the narrow main island. The group gathered in Kaede's hut and talked long into the night glad to have some new news. Rin tired out easily. The excitement of Kohaku's return left her longing for sleep. Kohaku slept with Inuyasha in the hut he and Kagome shared before she needed constant care during her pregnancy. As they were drifting off to sleep, Inuyasha informed Kohaku of Sesshomaru's sudden absence from Rin's life. "He just left without letting her know when he'd be back or what he was looking for. She's not the same. You can tell she wants to see him, even if she's good at hiding the fact that she misses him." Inuyasha commented thoughtfully. Kohaku remained silent for a moment.
"Then perhaps I shouldn't say anything about demons of substantial power being bested by iron pellets." Kohaku believed Sesshomaru was powerful, but anything could happen while he was away. "The iron is toxic for them, and on my way through a few forests I saw many half decomposed carcasses of demons poisoned from the inside." It was a strange thought, something as old and unchanging as Sesshomaru rotting slowly and festering waiting to die. His true nature would be unveiled. He'd no longer a being able to maintain his hominid guise. He'd be revealed as a massive dog beast lying pitifully on the ground, panting for breath as demonic crows ripped into and devoured his vulnerable flesh.
Mortal wounds at the hands of another demon, and even purification by the most pious of humans with spiritual powers was possible, but a human invention destroying immortal demons seemed far fetched. But wait, where were demons in Kagome's time? Were they driven to extinction by human's mastering the mysteries of the universe. How do you kill something with the power of a god? Kohaku's story was gaining more and more probability. There was much evil in Kagome's time and it was not done at the hands of demons. Inuyasha shuddered at the thought of what Kagome told him of the future.
Many wars and astonishing atrocities had been committed between men without the aid of primordial evil being evident. The representatives of nature such as personifications of the sky, water, earth, and wilderness were defeated by human mechanisms and technology. The spirit of the world was suppressed by science. Her voice was silenced by the unfathomable greed and gluttony that humans lived by. They no longer feared the unknown entities that crept and crawled in the shadows because they harnessed the power of imagination. Man had nothing to fear when he knew everything.
Sesshomaru scoffed when Rin rapidly relayed Kagome's far fetched tails of the future. The frozen boxes that kept food fresh, the huts that scraped the skies, cities comprised of a thousand multicolored flames, carts that moved on their own, and much more. The girl could hardly contain it all in her head.
Jaken scolded Rin and told her she ought to live in present because she would be long dead before any of this would happen. Jaken continuously reminded Rin of her mortality. Yes she knew she would be dead some day and that her life would be fleeting compared the endless spectrum of time. Time was the great divider between Rin and Sesshomaru. He had all the time in the world, and her life would slip away like a short summer.
Rin awoke early that morning, but not as early as Kohaku. She was heading down to the river to gather fish for breakfast when she heard hurried splashing into the chilly stream that ran swiftly beside the village. She didn't want to intrude, but nothing could keep her from peaking to satisfy her curiosity. Sneaking a quick glance from behind a large leafy tree, she spotted a figure moving in the water. Rin knew how cold the water could be this time of year. Whoever was swimming around was crazy, their skin would be on fire. She caught her breath when Kohaku emerged. His wet hair hung past his shoulders. Rin had never seen his hair down before, and she liked what she saw. She'd never seen Sesshomaru in such a private state. He would catch her before she even saw an inch of skin below the collar. Before she could turn around to walk back to the village, Kohaku began to make his way to the sandy shoulder or the shore. His body caught Rin's attention. She blushed hotly in spite of herself. He was just Kohaku.
Rin was getting older and the differences between men and women she hadn't noticed before became strikingly apparent. The poor girl felt embarrassed, and walked back down a game trail trying not to get caught by Kohaku.
It felt strange being attracted a boy Rin considered her older brother. He had grown so handsome and brave in such a short amount of time. He wasn't Sesshomaru though. No one was Sesshomaru, and no one could change the way she felt about the demon. She wanted him from the moment she saw him. It was that old adage: If she couldn't have him then she didn't want anyone else. It did not matter if he refused her, she couldn't love any other man the way she loved him.
She tried her luck at a another spot further down river and caught some very nice fish for the morning meal. The girl blushed inwardly when she spotted Kohaku coming back towards the dwellings. She muttered a muffled hello, and turned to the task of cooking breakfast in a fire pit located outside of Kaede's hut.
Rin had gotten over her shyness by the end of the day and felt saddened as she always did when Kohaku left two days later. Kagome had a successful birth at the beginning of winter and Rin busied herself with helping take care of Inuyasha's new baby girl, Tamako. The
winter moved along as festivals linked the cold weeks together and chased away some of the unrelenting boredom of being stuck inside for months on end. The women made crafts and new clothes for the village with pieces of fabric purchased from traveling merchants before the first major frost. Sango's twin girls were eager to begin learning some new skills to assist their mother in the many chores that seemed to fill her day. The men hunted small game and it was brought back and dried or smoked for use later on in the season. Rin taught the children of the village how to smoke fish and preserve them with sea salt acquired from a distilling trip to the ocean during the last summer.
The memory still felt fresh. It was all she had. Rin felt the sea spray on her face as the tide rose with every wave that broke on the pristine whitewashed shoreline. She jumped back as the water grew higher. Rin sunk into moist cool sand as the waves pulled weakly at her ankles. It was one of the last days of the trip and the distillers had been given the afternoon off to enjoy the shore. A wave came barreling towards the sand and Rin didn't anticipate it being so large. It knocked her off her feet, and down into to the loose soppy sand. The wave covered her and retreated as quickly as it had come. She was soaked and laughed whole heartedly smiling brightly back at Sesshomaru. He'd joined her that afternoon, enjoying the salty earthy breeze rolling off the sea.
The sun had begun it's short decent into evening. Rin wanted to watch the sunset with Sesshomaru. Jakken had eaten enough crab to kill a horse and was now enjoying a shellfish induced coma. It was nice to be just the two of them. She walked up the shore and sat next to Sesshomaru, who was resting comfortably in the warm sand with his back against a large round bolder. Even with the boulder and the sand giving off their heat, Rin still felt the chill of being soaked through. Sesshomaru noticed that Rin was shivering and he draped his fluffy tail on top of her. She quietly thanked him. The fur that covered her was so soft and warm. She rested her head against the fluff, and watched the sun sink into the ocean. The churning sea sparkled, changing color as the sun's rays were distorted in the atmosphere. Growing smaller and smaller, tinting the horizon scarlet and turning the sea gray green, the sun finally slipped away into the beginning of night. Their moment was over. The fur was pulled away, and the distance between Sesshomaru and Rin had returned. He left shortly after that, and Rin joined Inuyasha and the others for a dinner of seafood stew. That was a favorite memory of Sesshomaru Rin never shared with anyone. It was a private happy thought that got her the cold lonely winter.
Even with all the activity that kept Rin busy, she still longed for Sesshomaru to come back and never leave again. Hopefully he found what he was looking for and would be back by the start of spring to see that Rin had started the process of growing into a woman. During the winter she shot up four inches and her curves began to fill out. Kagome even helped her dress up for New Year's and the young men in the village that barely noticed her that same time last year were commenting on how grown up she was looking. Kohaku's rouge only helped the girl to realize her potential. Rin was on her way to becoming a striking beauty.
Spring came on early, and Rin had nearly completed her training. She'd be 15 this year, and would be considered adult enough to handle administering care to the sick and the wounded. She'd be able to assist Kaede and Kagome when they went to provide medicine to neighboring villages. Although Rin didn't trust humans in general she still felt a strong conviction to help those in need.
The days grew longer and warmer. Rin began to feel desperate. It had been almost a year since she had seen Sesshomaru last. Did he still think about her? She thought about him everyday it seemed. "Where are you Lord Sesshomaru?" She whispered, as she scanned the sky for him.
Kohaku made his first visit to the village half way through the summer. He was surprised to see the change in Rin "You've grown so much, I was barely able to recognize you."
"Kohaku, you're embarrassing me." The girl said chuckling trying to push down the hot blush that was coloring her face. All the new attention was so sudden. She was still young and prone to feeling awkward and self conscience even if her looks and body said other wise. She caught Kohaku staring at her from time to time during his visit. The nature of her relationship with the boy hadn't changed, but Rin noticed he wanted to talk with her more, and that he stood closer to her than he usually would. Kohaku stayed in the village longer than he had since beginning slaying demons. The time Rin spent with him was invaluable in helping cure the blues that had set in towards the middle of the summer. They ran and played together in the sunshine. They spent many days swimming, gathering leaves, roots, and flowers that were to be dried and turned into medicine during the autumn, cooking out, and watching the long hot days fizzle into humid starry nights. Feeling alive again was refreshing for Rin who had the last year of her life pass by. The day Sesshomaru left, something inside Rin shut down and Kohaku seemed to get her smile working again.
One night Kohaku and Rin were sitting out by the Bone Eater's well watching the fireflies dance around advertising for mates. The pair had been quiet for a while and Rin broke the silence with concerns that she dare not share with anyone. "Do you think he'll come back Kohaku?" Rin looked a million miles away as she absentmindedly pulled grass from the ground.
"I'm certain he will. But how long are you willing to wait for Lord Sesshomaru to return?" Kohaku's voice deepened.
"As long as it takes." Rin sighed.
"Don't you ever wish to have a regular life-with a husband and children? Don't you want a home of your own?"
"Some part of me wants those things, but I believed fate matched Lord Sesshomaru and I together for a reason." She smiled wistfully remembering Kagome shared the same belief in fate that Rin did. "You'll hear the calling of fate someday Kohaku, and then you'll be swept away too. You'll know her when you see her." Kohaku responded to Rin's singsong melancholy tone with a well placed arm around the girl's shoulder. Rin leaned against the boy, welcoming the embrace. He placed a light kiss on the top of her head trying to soothe Rin's heartsickness. She didn't pull away or scold Kohaku for acting so brashly; the companionship he provided warmed Rin from the inside. They stayed together in the stillness of the night listening to the beings of the undergrowth call out to each other in the dark.
Rin looked up to the sky and spotted a shooting star and wished for Sesshomaru with all her heart. Kohaku made a wish too, but he knew that it would not be fulfilled, so he changed his request and asked for Rin's happiness. Kohaku felt certain that the red string of fate was tied between Rin and himself. Sesshomaru was so cold and he could never possibly understand what Rin needed. He'd was grateful to the demon in many ways, but he couldn't help but to see the error in Rin's infatuation. Perhaps one day she'd see the folly of wanting Sesshomaru. Kohaku was quite positive that Rin loved Sesshomaru, but he was not assured that Sesshomaru could or would ever love Rin the way she hoped he would.
Rin and Kohaku walked back to the village and said their farewells for the evening. The next morning Kohaku left with just an hour's notice claiming he'd been slacking on his duties as a slayer, but he promised to return by the fall.
Kohaku's absence left Rin feeling empty once again, but her resolve to complete all her training before she turned 15 became all the more imperative. She needed something to take her mind off of the wait for both Sesshomaru and Kohaku to return to the village.
One morning towards the end of the summer Rin awoke in a great mood. She'd dreamed of her lord and felt that he'd be back soon. She had been keeping a tally of the days after Kagome had told her that each earth year contained 365 days. She even showed Rin how to used the calendars that were available in the 21st century. By Kagome's estimate it was August, and the days were hazy and sweltering. Rin counted the hash marks she had made on a small piece of parchment with ink and a bamboo brush. It been 361 days since Sesshomaru had gone to the continent. As she went about her daily chores her elation at believing she'd see Sesshomaru again did not go unnoticed. Inuyasha commented that he hadn't seen her look so happy in a long time as he carted Tamako around on his back. Something about that day reminded the girl about the last time she saw the dog demon, but she was still startled when out of the clear blue mid day sky the figure of A-un descended from the west.
The beast landed in front of the girl who could not help but to embrace the two headed pack lizard whom she'd come to love. Jakken jumped off A-un with a bundle wrapped in silk. Rin's heart beat rapidly looking for Sesshomaru. "Hello Master Jakken, how are you?" The girl chirped rapidly.
"In a hurry girl, open the bundle." The little toad sounded flustered as usual, but his annoyance couldn't even kill the girl's euphoria. She opened the package as Jakken had instructed, and halfway into undoing the knot on the top of the silk bundle she asked the little demon where Lord Sesshomaru was.
"You actually believe he'd come to something as inconsequential as giving you a new kimono. And by the looks of you you've grown even taller and skinnier than before." The toad scoffed. Rin was used to Jakken's blunt words but this time her eyes began to well up. She attempted to swallow her tears and look away from the scrutinizing goblin. There were a few things in the bundle that Rin had not expected. Sesshomaru had sent along a string of red cultured pearls cast so they laid in short tiers, and a decorative comb for Rin's long thick hair. These were gifts you'd give to a woman Rin thought, but they didn't matter. The absence of Sesshomaru was breaking her heart. The new kimono was as lovely as the others she had been given by Sesshomaru. The creamy yellow of the silk would compliment her nicely, but the gesture felt empty to the girl.
"When will he return Master Jakken?" She said softly.
"You're an ungrateful girl. You have displayed not a single ounce of gratitude for the gifts that the master has sent for you." Jakken was angry at having to leave his master's side to bring his pet gifts in Sesshomaru's absence.
"I am very grateful." The girl said tearfully, "but I just want to see him even if it's only for a moment." She fell to her knees and leaned against A-un.
"Lord Sesshomaru's search is far more important than visiting you. Honestly I don't understand what he sees in you. You're a skinny homely human girl. You can offer him nothing. You have no power, and simply by being part of his life you burden him with rumors." Jakken's scathing appraisal of all things that made Rin reduced her to two inches tall. She clutched the parcel to her chest and got up drying her tears.
"I understand. Send Lord Sesshomaru my gratitude for the beautiful things and tell him that…" The girl wanted to say that she wouldn't bother Sesshomaru anymore, "tell him that I look forward to seeing him again." Her voice was terribly empty. She stroked A-un looking for a bit of comfort from the demonic animal who enjoyed her touch.
Jakken flew away as quickly as he had come and Rin was left behind with her package. Try as she might to stop them, her tears flowed liberally when she was alone. She pressed her face to the silk bundle and cried. Rin had dried her eyes and became angry for staining the kimono that Sesshomaru had sent for her with her tears. She walked slowly back to the village trying to suppress the hiccups that accompany such a release of intense emotion.
Kagome had caught some of the interchange looking for firewood to cook dinner with later that night. She came to the girl quickly, noting the dejected and hopeless look on the girl's face. "He didn't come back." was the only thing Rin could say before she headed off to her sleeping space in Kaede's hut. Kagome was taken back by the storm brewing behind Rin's eyes. She wanted to follow, but the girl had walked away so swiftly. Kagome thought it was best to leave her be until she sought someone out. The girl wasn't looking for consolation this time. She was looking for a place to be alone in her unhappiness and anger. "He doesn't care," the words ran through her head over and over again with each quick step to the hut. Rin was relieved to find the dwelling empty. She sat down on a long tatami mat thankful to be in the cool dim hut.
She spread out the kimono and took a look at it. It was more lavish than anything he had presented to her before. It was a kind of pearlescent yellow that could be found in the first flowers of spring complemented by a vibrant plumb colored obi. Perhaps she was growing older now and he realized that it was time he dressed her like a woman. Were the items simply meant as a parting gift? Her heart sank thinking that he was really writing her off. Couldn't he be bothered to even say his farewells properly? She fingered the fine pearls, their color was rare and exotic, and more than likely cost him a fortune in trade. The comb was exquisite as well. It was made of a fine dark lacquered wood with the image of a clear night full of stars depicted in cut moonstones over a waving sea made of small pearls.
She thought of the nights they had spent by their fire in contemplative silence. She would have rather been stargazing by his side. She stowed the gifts away not really wanting to show them to or discuss what had just happened to anyone. She was startled by a scratch at the privacy flap that separated Kaede's hut from the outside world. It was Kagome with a basket in one hand and Tamako in the other arm in the middle of a crying fit. Rin smiled attempting to hide the fact that she was upset.
"Would you mind going into the field just beyond the forest path. The berries there are ready to be picked and Tamako is just too fussy to go right now." Kagome sounded flustered swaying the baby on her hip.
Rin agreed to help gather the berries and took the basket from Kagome's hand. The sun shone brightly overhead as a hot breeze blew through her hair. She looked to the west and saw storm coming over the forest. She set out on the same path she had followed the last time she saw Sesshomaru. She felt like stopping off in the same hidden field of wild flowers, it seemed only appropriate. There was nothing wrong in reliving a memory.
She heard a commotion on the path a head of her, but she was not quick enough to avoid being seen by two bandits in the middle of a robbery. She veered off the path, dropping the basket and broke into run. She sprinted down a game trail disappearing to the center of the forest with her heart pounding loudly in her ears. The sound of people running after her pushed her on further. "What a pretty little thing." one of the bandits called after her. She was running as fast as she could, kicking the cumbersome sandals off of her feet so she could go faster. She was breathing heavily with sweat pouring down her brow. Please help me Lord Sesshomaru! She called for him again and again her mind. Kohaku! She knew the men were still after her and that she might not be swift enough to get away. She looked for a place to hide.
The trees of this forest were ancient and wound around each other fighting for sunlight. Many stood hollowed from the inside providing shelter in the downpours that hit the country from time to time. She scoured the area, nearly out of breath when she found the perfect spot. If Sesshomaru were here, this wouldn't have happened. Rin would be safe and happy, but there was no Sesshomaru to save her now. She was so deep into the forest that even Inuyasha couldn't hear her call. She ran to an old tree and crawled into it's depths. She balled herself up trying to conceal her body. The space was tight, and there was no hope for the girl. The bandits had spotted her white yukata adorned with blood red poppies and geraniums from far away. The sound of feet coming her direction made her spring from her hiding place and attempt to run away again. Unfortunately, her efforts were useless. She was grabbed bodily by one of the men. He was much larger than she, and his strength was evident in the way he handled her fragile frame. He began to fondle her mercilessly, and the brains of the operation came over and yanked Rin from the strong man's grasp.
"Not this one." The smaller man growled, appraising Rin as he held her wrist above head. She saw heat behind his eyes when the man looked her up and down. Her smooth skin shone with the glistening sweat that clung to her body. The apples of her cheeks flushed. Her hair clung to her skin and face in a tussled mess. The thin yukata was snatched open during the run in exactly all the right places. Rin felt the flame of rage run through her, and she swiped at the man's face catching him across the cheek with sharp nails. He took the blow as he tossed disheveled Rin back at his cohort. "She's worth more to the Madame intact." The Large man pulled Rin towards an over turned cart. The first thing Rin noticed on the trail ahead of her was a dead woman, her garments ripped from her body to suit the men's needs. Next was the wreckage of ambushed cart full of wares. The older man who had been driving the cart had his death dealt to him swiftly from a slice to the abdomen with a sharp blade. He'd tumbled from the cart with his guts spilling out around him in dirt. Rin's heart filled with terror as she remembered the death of her family. Bandits, those filthy pack animals, they'd stolen everything from her. First her family, and now her freedom. She assumed that they'd plan to sell her. To whom? She did not know, but she was afraid to find out.
The bandits tied her writs to the larger man's belt. Rin knew she couldn't over power either of them, and the larger man would have a lot less trouble with restraining her.
They packed up the assorted items from the cart that they knew would bring them a quick buck on the black market. The day had turned into dusk during all the chaos, and Rin felt uncertain of what the future held. She prayed for her safety as the cart rattled away with her included in the wears. It seemed only fitting, for she had a price now as well.
The storm she had saw forming to the west had now covered the forest and released a deluge upon the treetops. The loud sound of rain drops racing to earth in sheets on the canvas of the cart lulled the girl into a light dreamy doze. She was so tired, her emotions were exhausted, and she longed more than ever to see Sesshomaru, and to tell him how she felt. To tell him that she loved him more than anything. She wouldn't care if did not feel the same way, or that her human emotions might repulse him. She wanted him to know because she was afraid she'd never see him again.
The girl had slept through the night, and the two men had stopped for breakfast consisting of dried fish and sake. Rin was offered a meager portion of the men's meal. She wasn't hungry though she ate mindlessly. Rin discovered that the smaller man called himself Osamu, and the giant of a man was named Sakai. Sakai was built larger than any human Rin had ever seen. He had a mean stupid look in his eye and spoke slowly if at all. He looked Rin up and down all day long as the cart moved on through the countryside. They were headed far north, farther than Rin had ever been with Sesshomaru. On their second night on the road, the three broke for camp. The men never addressed her and Rin wondered how many women they had smuggled this way. When they turned in for bed that night, Sakai demanded that Rin sleep next to him. She was untied from Osamu and passed off to Sakai. He pulled her down to the ground with him and she was forced to lie next to him throughout the night as he rubbed his fully erect penis on her. Osamu slept on without a clue. Sakai whispered in her ear, "If Osamu can't catch a good price for you, you'll be coming with us again. If anything happens" he paused for a moment, pulling her tighter to his body, "well, that will be your fault, won't it?" She could hear the smile in his voice. She closed her eyes shut tight trying not to cry. "Please help me Sesshomaru." She screamed in her mind.
