Blaylock hung up the phone. He laid there in his own bed, the dark of the room surrounding him. He had set things in motion. This night has already been one hell of a ride and it was not done yet. He knew he had to talk to Qhuinn personally. He has made up his mind to leave this place and as hard as it was to actually go through with the plan, he knew he had to. After talking to Qhuinn he was going to the king and tell him that he was leaving. Somewhere inside his head, he knew that he should talk to everybody else first, arrange everything first, before going to Qhuinn but he couldn't. He couldn't because he knew that deep inside he still hoped that Qhuinn was going to stop him from leaving. His logical mind knew that was never ever going to happen since the guy probably would feel relief when Blay tells him about his plan, but he was an idiot. Always has been an idiot when it came to Qhuinn.

Him leaving the mansion was the only way to move on. There was no other way, no other solution that didn't involve him watching on the sideline while Qhuinn lived happily ever after with his mate. With Layla. No, no way in hell was he going to do that. No. He loved Qhuinn, he couldn't deny that from himself, not that he ever could deny that. Everyone around him, including Qhuinn knew since it was always be showing in his face. The love he felt for the guy is always reflected in his eyes and he was so damn, fucking tired of it. Always looking, never touching, always wishing and never getting.

Just hearing Qhuinn's voice coming through the phone made Blay shake even harder than he already was. Qhuinn sounded like he always sounded, his voice husky and dark and Blay felt his lips form a smile. Just thinking about that voice, imagining how it sounded in passionate moments in the dark, made him twitch and he felt his cock harden. His imagination went further, he imagined his own hands on Qhuinn's body, just touching all over. Those beautiful abs, arms, chest, thighs, cock...Blay closed his eyes and his hand found his own cock. Immediately he started to stroke himself, his imagination going further. He thought about how it would feel to have those arms wrapped around him, those hands stroking his cock, those lips kissing him, that body hovering over him. He took a deep breath. His strokes increased in speed, his breathing became rigid and fast. He arched his back, closed his eyes even more, while his orgasm ripped through him.

"Fuck...Qhuinn..." he whispered while orgasming. God, it felt good. It was always like this when he thought about Qhuinn and it will probably always be like this. He, by himself with his thoughts and Qhuinn always out of reach. He realised his cock and took few deep breaths.

"Blaylock, you idiot...why are you doing this to yourself? It is pointless, you know that." he told himself and tried not to let the tears come. He had no time for crying, he could do that once he was out of here. Right now he had to gather all the straight he had, could gather, because what he was about to do was going to be the hardest thing he ever had to do. He was going to say goodbye to Qhuinn. Qhuinn has already said goodbye to him in his own way. On the balcony for about 12 months ago, by telling him to "take care" of himself. In Qhuinn world that meant "fuck of". And sure, those words were the reason Blay was staying out of Qhuinn's way, but he has still remained here. Hoping that maybe one day, things would change. Maybe one day, everything will be ok. And like an idiot he was, he was still hoping. But he knew that things will never be different. He would always be on the sideline, and never one and only. He closed his eyes and let sadness find its way to his heart. Once he was out of here, this sadness was going to be all he had left of the guy. This sadness, and emptiness that would come with it. They are going to be his only reminder that Qhuinn really existed. That he wasn't just a fragment of his own imagination. Someone beautiful and special that he has come up with in his own mind. That those beautiful mismatched eyes were real and that they were looking at somebody else. Like they always did. One single tear escaped and dropped on his cheek.

"God, will I be able to do this?" he whispered to the dark room. In his mind he knew he had to so he took one deep breath and got up from the bed. On unstable legs he found his way to the bathroom to clean up. Qhuinn was waiting for him in his room, probably wondering why Blay all of a sudden needed to talk to him. Especially since they haven't called each other during these last 12 months, at all. And the talk wasn't going to be easy, but Qhuinn would probably see it as a good solution. Blay would be out-of-the-way and he was going to be free to mate Layla without worrying about Blay's feelings. Not that he ever did care about his feelings, but still. It would be a huge relief for the guy. He went to his closet, grabbed a pair of boxers, dark blue jeans, t-shirt, socks and shoes and started getting dressed. It felt like thousands and thousands of butterfly's were passing through his gut and his hands were sweating.

"Oh come on, Blaylock, you stupid fuck...it's just Qhuinn for Gods sake", he told himself quietly. And sure, it was just Qhuinn. But it was not his Qhuinn. Not that casual, easy guy he knew. And he wasn't the same Blaylock that Qhuinn knew. They were different. Way to different. It felt like ages and ages ago that they were best friends. It was so long ago that it made Blaylock question if he had made everything up. Maybe they were never so close friends at all, maybe it was all just him and his stupid imagination. His wish of it being more that it really was. Because if they were that close friends, Qhuinn couldn't just throw him aside like he did that day on the balcony without ever looking back or showing any kind of regret. Right? Well, there is no point in dwelling on that right now.

Blaylock shook his head, and headed for the door. If he didn't do this now, he would never. And no matter what Qhuinn had done, he felt like couldn't leave this place without saying goodbye to the guy. He just couldn't. He was masochistic in that way, but hey...he had his whole life in front of him to be alone, to ache, and regret, and think, and cry.

He opened the door and headed down the hallway, to have the most difficult talk of his life.
_

Qhuinn stood in the middle of his closet, almost forgetting what he was about to do. Why was he standing here? Ahh... yes...he was about put on some clothes since Blay is coming to talk to him. So, he found some shorts and a t-shirt, didn't bother with socks and went back to his bed. Laying there, just thinking made him nervous and that vas stupid. This was Blay. Talking to Blay shouldn't feel like this. They were best friends. Well, they have been best friends in the world, before he fucked everything up. Now it felt more like they were strangers, just looking at each other from each side of an empty room. Wondering what did happen, why they were so far away from each other and why they couldn't find their way back.

Far back in his mind Qhuinn knew the answers. Once they were best friends but the love they felt for each other has separated them. And it was all his fault. Blay was everything Qhuinn ever wanted and ever dreamed of. And he loved Qhuinn, but Qhuinn was one confused motherfucker who did not have enough courage in him to embrace the feelings he had. He knew now, with unconditional certainty, that he should have embraced those feelings, thanked the Scribe Virgin for them and been proud of the fact that this perfect male wanted him and only him. But as always, he was an idiot and threw it all away. Blaylock deserved explanation from him. Hell, he deserved so much more from him than that. Qhuinn was aware of what he has done, how much heartbreak he has caused the guy and honestly he would understand if Blay never ever spoke to him again.

Qhuinn closed his eyes, images if the past coming back to him. Blay, his family, his old life. His life has been a hell of a ride so far. His family never wanted a defect like him and they made sure as hell that he knew that. They have always denied him everything, even the simplest things like love and affection that parents naturally show their kids. His never did. His mismatched eyes aren't normal, they told him, not accepted. He wasn't normal and therefore he would never be accepted in their world, glymerra world. And even though he hates myself for that now he needed that acceptance. He needed to be a part of that world so fucking bad and he knew that the love that he had for Blay and Blay for him would never grant him a ticket there. So he lived in denial and cut Blay of. The love of his life, the one and only person that he ever loved, and ever will love. He told himself that he wanted a female in his life, a shellan and a young, and that would help his into glymerra. And then finally, he would be accepted. He would finally be happy. But it was all based on a lie and on a child's dream. When he lost Blay that day on the balcony he realized that he lost everything. His soul, his body, his heart, his life.

What has he done? He has hurt Blay so much and for what. Glymerra? Those stupid idiots. His family? Those bastards that wanted him dead. No, there was more to his actions than that. During his childhood Blay was the only light he had. He has always been there for Qhuinn. Never questioning, never treating him differently, never feeling sorry for him and always making him feel like the most important person in the world. For Qhuinn Blay was, and still is, the greatest perfection, everything good and pure. He deserved so much more than Qhuinn. No way was he ruining the guy. Not only would Blay get him as a mate, a defect and reject, but he would be rejected from glymerra also and how could Qhuinn live with himself if he did that to Blay. So he did everything in his power to make Blay hate him. To make him stop looking at Qhuinn with love and affection that was always reflected in his sapphire blue eyes when they looked at him. He dreaded the day he crossed that line, but kept going. If Blay hated him, then he would move on and find somebody that was worthy of him. Not that anybody would ever be worthy of Blay, but still, somebody much better than Qhuinn. So he lied. He told Blay he did not return his feelings and to rub it in his face even more he slept around. Anybody would do as long as Blay were there to see him. He saw that heartbroken face and it killed him every time but he thought that he was doing him a favor. Blay needed to hate him, to move on. And eventually he crossed that line and his wish came true. Blay hardly ever looks at him anymore and he has a male of worth by his side now. Qhuinn may think whatever of him, he may want to rip Saxton apart and throw away the pieces, but he is a male of worth. And he can grant Blay what Qhuinn never will be able to. Acceptance.

Qhuinn felt pain consume him. He has done so, so wrong by Blay, and honestly he wouldn't be surprised if the guy told him tonight that he never, ever wants anything to do with him again. That Qhuinn should never look at him again the way he did tonight. That was probably why Blay wanted to talk to him now. He prepared himself for that, as best he could. He knew now that he has been so wrong, in so many ways. His actions have been so stupid. Blay was strong and smart. He has always known what he wants, and has never seen any reason to deny himself what he wanted. And once he did want Qhuinn, and only Qhuinn. Now, he wasn't so sure. Qhuinn started panicking, and for the first time in ages, he prayed to the Scribe Virgin. Prayed that Blay's love hasn't faded, that his actions haven't killed every single emotion the guy ever felt for him and that he was going to be able to bring it back. To make Blay his.

And as he prayed, laying in his bedroom, small light from the lamp enlightening the room some what, he heard a quite knock on the door. Blay...it was Blay. He made himself go up from the bed to open the door. He was shaking and trembling but he was standing strong. Opening the door he saw two beautiful, blue eyes looking at him with sadness reflecting in them. Qhuinn let his love, his former best friend, inside and braced himself for whatever Blay had to say.