Disclaimer: I don't own.

Gift!fic for the amazing Antigone Rex. She's amazing. Yeap.

Again, this is very light and not to be taken very seriously. If you do, you're in the wrong place. Also, it's not beta'd so any typos, I'll try to clear up on subsequent read-throughs. Excuses done - let's start!


Mustang noted two things on entering light of the hospital. The first was that just as Riza had said, his son had wet himself. The second was that, by the miracle of leaching, said urine had been transferred onto his own crotch. Presumably he hadn't noticed the process due to the disconcerting fact that anything south of his chin was dead to the world. So there they were: the Mustangs. Wired, wet and ready to have a baby.

The ward staff rushed forward on seeing Riza, hooting with concern. A few of the nurses scowled worriedly at Mustang. He was, after all, covered in red spots, sporting a damp crotch and trembling like a leaf.

"I'm having a baby," he said to them by way of explanation, then feeling Olly stir on his hip added: "Another one."

"Yes, sir," one of the nurses said with a roll of her eyes to a colleague.

The staff eased Riza into a wheelchair which she accepted with a sigh. She turned to look at the chief nurse and pulled a slip of paper out of her pocket, handing it to him.

"Can you call this number, please? Ask for Lieutenant Breda and tell him to come here."

The nurse nodded. "Yes, ma'am. Can I let him know why?"

"My husband needs security detail."

The nurse's eyebrows disappeared beneath his fringe. "Security?"

Riza humoured him with a smile. "Yes. He's-"

"I'm a very important man," Roy said, a hint of conspiracy in his voice. He winked and followed it with a burp. "Very important."

The nurse looked at Riza for some kind of support and she gave a little shake of her head. "Right," she said, throwing a thumb towards the main section of the ward. "Shall we?"

Another nurse positioned himself behind the wheelchair and began pushing. "Are you comfortable ma'am?"

"Quite," Riza said, and Mustang got the sudden impression that she was trying to put the staff at ease, rather than the other way around. He grinned stupidly and made to follow them. A young nurse appeared out of nowhere and stood in front of Roy, smiling with broad, white teeth.

"Hello, sir."

Mustang looked over the woman's shoulder to where his wife was disappearing around a corner.

"You're in the way," he said simply.

The woman's smile faltered for just a second before it spread across her face again like an opening sail.

"I'm afraid you'll have to slip into some scrubs if you're to go into the room with your wife, sir."

Mustang cocked his head at that. He spun on his heel, Olly in tow, to look at everyone else moving around in their green and blue 'scrubs'. Not bad.

"Give me."

The nurse smiled and deposited two sets into his outstretched hand. "Just put the top half on your boy there. There are spare nappies for him in the ladies' bathroom."

"Yeah..." Mustang said beginning to move off.

"No spare underwear though, I'm afraid."

In the ten seconds or so it took Mustang to register the remark and turn around, armed with an incredulous retort, the nurse had disappeared.

Stalking into the ladies' bathroom, Mustang mumbled to Olly angrily, "Stupid nurse... big teeth." He pushed the door closed with his backside. "Like a deer."

He put Olly on the low bench and set to work. Five minutes later, both man and boy were bone dry and dressed head to toe in their scrubs. Mustang felt very pleased with himself.

"How about that, kid?" he asked Olly, jiggling him. The boy started to stir. Mustang groaned and switched the boy onto his shoulder, rubbing his back with one hand. "No, no, no, no, shh." If Olly woke up then he really would have a situation on his hands.

Olly struggled for a while, his tiny fists bunching the thin material of Roy's scrub shirt. After a moment's unrest, he settled again. Mustang heaved a sigh of relief and hurried out of the bathroom.

When he reached the ward again, he was met by the same deer-like nurse. His face darkened.

"Hello, sir," she said. She tilted her head and gave him a good looking-over.

"My wife...?"

"Where are your clothes?" she asked, confused but smiling... grinning. She glanced down to his hands to see if he was holding them.

Mustang chuckled with forced airiness. "In the bin. My son had a little accident, so-"

She smiled. "The scrubs go over your clothes, sir. What will you wear when you leave the hospital?"

Mustang closed his eyes feeling a migraine start to push its way through the fuzz of his medication. When he opened his eyes, he tried to muster his nicest, most charming smile. Given that half of his face was still dead, however, he managed little more than a disturbing grimace.

"Look, miss," he started. "I'm sort of high right now, and my son here is too." As if to prove it, he gave Olly a little poke with one finger. A string of slobber fell from the boy's mouth. "My wife is being attacked from the inside by a baby who wasn't supposed to show up for another five weeks, at least, and," he breathed deeply, "if I'm being totally honest, I don't really know what's happening. I have the chicken pox and your teeth are kind of big."

Roy Mustang – Flame Alchemist and youngest General in Amestrian history was respectfully asked to go immediately to his wife's private room. It had been years since he'd made a girl cry and it was just as unpleasant as he remembered.

Riza wasn't there when he arrived. Thirty minutes later, she still wasn't there, and five minutes after that, a sombre-faced surgeon entered the room. The doctor checked that Olly was sleeping soundly before he crouched down in front of a red-eyed Mustang. The man placed one hand on Mustang's knee.

Mustang looked up at him through bleary eyes. "Where's Riza?" he croaked.

The doctor sighed. "General," he said. "I'm afraid there's been a complication."

Mustang's heart leapt in his chest. Suddenly, he didn't feel very wired any more.

His son chose that moment to wake up. Irritable and sore, he began crying immediately.


Thanks, and try to review if you can - it's starting to feel a bit lonely. T_T

antigone - just one more... I PROMISE.