Part 3

There would be no getting out of the NYPD gala that year. SVU was receiving special recognition for a case which Alex had presided over in particular and she had been invited to join in on the festivities. It had been a month since she'd been moved to Narcotics – a move she told Olivia was forced upon her, but in all truth, she had asked. In that past month she had not seen Olivia. She was making a point to be absent from Olivia's life because things were going well with Tom. But now she was invited to this gala and she knew Olivia would be there.

In a way, she was grateful for Tom at her side as they made their way into the grand ballroom. She noticed several of her fellow district attorneys in attendance, several cops she'd worked with, and of course there was the SVU department, all dashing and dapper and dressed up to the nines.

Her stomach sunk when she happened to glance up from ordering a drink at the bar to find Olivia turn in that exact moment, wearing the most skin-tight strapless black dress, her hair blown-out about her face. God, the woman was a Goddess. There was no other way to describe her beauty. Such a fancy event only enhanced what she looked like on a day to day basis and Alex couldn't help but feel her knees go a little weak at the knowledge of what that beauty was capable of when she was completely naked.

Olivia caught her eye, looking away ever so slightly as if guilty of something, and then they were forced together in the flow of the crowd.

"Liv."

"Alex."

They kissed cheeks as if it were completely normal and natural for them to be doing something like that. Perhaps it was the white-tie affair that made it so formal and fitting for them to brush lips against cheeks.

Alex had all but forgotten Tom at her side until she heard him clear his throat. "Liv, this is Tom. Tom Watts."

"Hi, I'm Olivia Benson." She stuck out her hand and Alex watched as the two touched cordially. "This," Olivia turned ever so much to the right and slipped her arm around a young man Alex remembered from the crime lab, "is Jason Sanchez."

"Hi, nice to meet you." The man, who looked younger than Tom, stuck out his hand to shake Alex's and she disliked how enthusiastically he did so. Tom and Jason shook hands and Alex glanced at Olivia, searching for some sort of explanation. For this looked like a joke. She watched the way Jason regarded Olivia, looking at her as if he couldn't wait to bed her and Alex had to laugh for she knew Olivia and knew that that would more than likely not happen.

"When did this happen?" Alex boldly inquired.

"Oh, I asked her to come with me." Jason cut in, beaming, so proud of himself for landing the Olivia Benson at such an event.

"Yes," Olivia smiled tightly. So it wasn't serious. Alex felt the tension in her shoulders release. "Perhaps we can catch up after the ceremony." Olivia offered. "Looks like we need to get to our seats." She was running away.

"Of course." But Alex had a feeling that she wouldn't willingly see Olivia again that evening.


"I've never been to something like this before." Kate glanced around the elegant ballroom.

"Neither have I." Amanda admitted, feeling awfully ridiculous in the outlandish sequined gown Kate had helped her pick out for the event. She wished she'd just gone with the nice black pants and jacket she'd been planning on wearing.

"It's exciting, though, isn't it?" Kate had her arm in Amanda's, and Amanda felt somehow emboldened by the connection.

"Yeah, I guess." Amanda scanned the crowd, looking for a familiar face. She hardly knew many people outside of SVU and so far they were hidden amongst the other guests.

"You look amazing, if you don't mind my saying. I think the dress really works." Kate whispered and Amanda laughed.

"If you say so, but I'm about ready to go home and change into my sweats and call it a night. I don't see anyone I know."

"Oh, come on, we just got here. Think about all the free food they'll have." Kate laughed, urging her forward.

And then suddenly Amanda noticed Olivia standing just a few feet from her. She looked like a statue, so perfectly put together, her tanned shoulders laid bare for all to see and Amanda felt the wind knock out of lungs when Olivia turned those wide, brilliant eyes towards her, noticing her.

"Who is that? She is delicious." Kate stood as still as Amanda.

"That is my…colleague." Amanda swallowed and then noticed the arm wrapped about Olivia's waist. Someone was with her.

Olivia's smile upon spotting Amanda morphed into a confused look before straightening back out into a smile. She turned and Amanda saw a young man at her side, some guy she'd sworn she'd seen before at a crime scene working on the investigation. How had she not known Olivia was seeing someone? Why did it make her blood run cold to see him hanging on her?

Olivia was moving towards her, came to rest just inches from her. "Hello, Amanda."

"H-hi, Liv."

"I, uh…didn't think you were serious the other day when we were talking…" Olivia's eyes fell to Kate and Amanda realized that she was holding on to Kate as if they were lovers. And while they could very well have been, they had decided to keep things light and easy and friendly.

"Uh, oh…no, no. This is my friend Kate. Kate, this is…this is Olivia." Amanda muttered without turning to look at Kate.

Olivia smiled at Kate and extended her hand to her. "Nice to meet you. This is my friend, Jason."

"Uh, nice to…nice to meet you." Amanda extended her hand forward and grasped Jason's willing hand in greeting. Friend, Olivia had just said friend, hadn't she? Yes, that was better. A friend.

"I think we're at the same table. Shall we sit?" Olivia inquired and Amanda nodded.

"After you." Amanda gestured for Olivia to lead them.

Kate pulled Amanda closer to her, "okay, what the hell was that, Amanda? She is into you."

"What?" Amanda felt her cheeks flair red. "No, no…she doesn't even like me. Like like me as a friend."

"Uh, I would beg to differ." Kate insisted.

There was no way, absolutely no way that Olivia would be interested in Amanda. Little fucked up Amanda. There was no way in the world.

"And you certainly have the hots for her."

"I do not." Amanda spoke through clenched teeth, afraid that Olivia might somehow hear them chatting away over the loud jazz music and conversation in the room.

Kate was laughing. "I can totally see why you left lesbian speed-dating the other night. There was certainly no one like her."

"Stop! She's my work colleague." Amanda was so warm. The stupid dress felt itchy. And as they found their seats at the table, she realized she would then have to sit between Kate and Olivia. There would be no getting out of this awkward hell.


She couldn't help her gaze which lingered on Olivia throughout the meal. She watched her as she held the eyes of all at her table, all that SVU lot who fawned over her, held her in such high esteem. Every one of them seemed to fall for her charms, Alex could see it in their eyes as they watched Olivia's every elegant move. For that dress made every move look elegant, sophisticated.

She was taken with the woman herself, disgusted with herself for feeling the way she did.

Had she not been paying so much attention, she might have missed the very pointed looks that that young, blonde detective was giving Olivia. Like a teenager with a crush on her teacher. Her cheeks were flushed red – perhaps from alcohol, but judging by the looks of it, something so much more. And Alex realized that Olivia was indulging this crush, would lean over and whisper to this new recruit, this Amanda. Amanda Rollins.

The irony was not lost on Alex as she thought about Olivia's pattern of A-named blondes.

But what was this…flirtation? Was she seeing something, was she reading between the lines too much because she was jealous that it was this young woman in a place that she wanted to be?

She was really pathetic, she realized, and sometime between the third and fourth course Alex pushed her chair back and excused herself to the restroom. She could feel Tom's worried gaze following her through the ballroom, but she didn't feel like being there anymore.

She sunk down onto a plush sofa and pulled out her compact to make it seem that she had a purpose in the restroom. Her lipstick was smeared. She pulled out the tube and applied a fresh coat to her lips. Just as she was checking what she had done, for she hated if her lipstick were out of place, she heard the door to the bathroom open and then close and she found Olivia standing there, looking like a toddler caught doing something wrong.

"Jesus." Alex sighed, rolling her eyes.

"I didn't –" Olivia attempted to play it off, but then closed her mouth and crossed her arms. "He looks nice."

"So does she."

Olivia's brow furrowed. "Who are you talking about?"

"Oh don't play dumb with me. It doesn't look good on you, Liv."

"I don't know who you're talking about. I'm here with Jason."

"That kid. Is he even old enough to date you?"

"Alex," Olivia whined, glancing to the toilet stalls to make sure that no one was overhearing the heated conversation.

"Well, I'm sorry, but you can't possibly be taking him seriously…"

"I'm not. We're just here together because, like he said, he invited me and I didn't have a date."

"Didn't have a date. Hmm." Alex tossed her lipstick and compact back into her bag and stood up. "I'm so sick of it, Liv."

"Of what?" Olivia stood so that Alex could hardly make an exit without touching her in some way.

"Of you. You and your innocent little act. As if you have no idea of what you do to people." Alex got close to her, close enough that under any other circumstance they might just have kissed. But instead she was glowering at Olivia, uncontrolled rage flowing through her. She wanted to hurt her, but she held her hands clinched at her sides because that would be idiotic. How did she let this woman get to her so easily? "And just so you know, I asked to be moved out of SVU."

"What?" Olivia's face fell.

"I can't work with you. Not like this...not…" Alex slunk off, deflated. Olivia was like talking to a blank wall. If she came out and told her that she loved her and wanted to be with her it would only make Olivia run far, far away.

"Al," Olivia reached out and tried to take her hand, but she pushed her away. "Alex, I am sorry, but I'm not…I can't do it. As much as I want to."

"You want to?"

"You know it would end badly. For both of us."

"So what, you just want to fuck me here in this bathroom and then go back to your little man-child date and act as if you don't know me?"

"I – uh…" Olivia swallowed.

Alex nodded. "That's what I thought. Olivia, I am done. I can't…I can't." And then she reached for the doorknob and walked back out to Tom, steeling her features so that she wouldn't look as upset as she felt on the inside, burying her face in the wine that was freely poured because she couldn't cry. Not in front of everyone.


Amanda slunk away from the party, finding a side exit to the street where she could smoke. She'd left Kate talking to some tall, older District Attorney with legs for days. She was quite certain Kate would not miss her.

She leaned up against the cool stone exterior of the event space and blew a stream of smoke towards the sky. What Kate had said earlier was still swirling around in her mind and it was becoming insufferable to be inside with all of those people, with her, so close to the detective with those charming, dark eyes. It couldn't possibly be that Olivia was at all interested in her. They were work colleagues, barely even knew one another. And Amanda was quite certain that when Olivia truly got to know her she would certainly not want to get involved. Amanda had too many skeletons in her closet.

She heard the door open and then a whiff of familiar perfume swirled about her. It couldn't possibly be…but there was Olivia glancing out the side door, as if she was about to take off sprinting down the street.

"Liv, where are you going?" Amanda stood up from where she was leaning, startling the older woman.

"Oh, I…" Olivia brushed a hand through her hair, looking caught off-guard.

"They haven't even started the ceremony. You couldn't possibly leave now." Amanda laughed, but noticed that Olivia was distracted.

"I…I guess I just came out for some fresh air." Olivia's hurry faded away. She had been poised to run, but now she would not.

"Me, too." Amanda held up her cigarette and sighed.

Olivia shook her head, a slight smile forming on her lips as she regarded Amanda. "I never like these events."

"I can see why. I can't wait to go home and get outta this ridiculous dress."

"Ditto." Olivia slid a finger delicately into the top of her gown and adjusted it, her breasts moving with the motion. Amanda looked away. "I'd be much more comfortable in my pants."

"I almost wore pants. Kate, convinced me otherwise."

Olivia glanced curiously at her. "Kate seems nice. Are you…"

"Uh, no. I mean, I met her at a lesbian event but we…we're just friends." Amanda blushed a little at this admission. Though she felt like she might test the waters by admitting to having attended a lesbian event at the very least.

"So…you just, decided to give dating women a try?" Olivia eyed her curiously.

Amanda shrugged. "I mean, I haven't…done anything, but…you know, why not."

Olivia stared across the street, as if her mind had wondered somewhere else entirely. The same haunted expression returned to her face, as if Amanda had said something wrong. "I don't think it's really a choice."

"Oh, I didn't…I didn't mean to sound flippant about it. I was just…just curious. About myself."

"Don't you think you'd know, though?" Olivia glanced at her.

"Maybe not." Amanda shrugged. "Sometimes I'm not too good at bein' self-aware about things. Why I jumped on the opportunity to start over in New York. Get away from my shit."

"Did it work?" Olivia sucked in a breath of air, as if begging Amanda to answer in an agreeable way.

"No." Amanda shook her head and blew out a stream of smoke. She butted the cigarette beneath her heeled toes. "We should…we should get back inside. Don't you think? It's kinda chilly."

Olivia nodded, holding the door open to follow Amanda inside, as if she might still turn and run away. And what was she running from?

Thanks for all the reviews and kind words. You are all very kind! Yes, I want to get this out as quickly as possible because I'm on a break of sorts, so lucky you. Hopefully I will get this done and you will enjoy the journey. I still am undecided as to what will happen next but it's coming along! Thanks again for the reviews. You're all very nice. :) I hope you enjoy!