Authors Note: Warning – this chapter contains a scene that has serious drug use. You've been warned - so don't read it if you don't like it. Thank you.

Chapter 2

"Give me envy, Give me malice."

It was about five in the morning when I took Ville upstairs. I didn't end up going to sleep after he did; I just lied on the couch watching him sleep. Some people weren't very pretty when they were asleep, but it was no surprise to me that Ville looked like an angel even when he was sleeping. I decided to carry Ville up to bed so that he could sleep in, if we stayed on the couch no doubt someone would have woken us up later, at least if he was in a bed with a shut door he wouldn't be disrupted. I huffed in confusion, trying to work out if I could actually carry him or not. As thin as Ville had gotten he was still a lot taller than I was, and I didn't want to try and carry him and then end up dropping him; but there was only one way to find out.

Luckily, he was in a deep enough sleep that he didn't stir when I picked him up and (admittedly quite roughly) slung him about in my arms to get him into a position where I wouldn't drop him. I found that the classic around the back and under the knees carrying method would be the easiest way to carry him. Ville was surprisingly light, I expected him to be light because of his delicate frame, but he was lighter than I had expected even when I took that into consideration. I tried to be as steady as I could when I carried him up the stairs, I trod quietly and slowly to make sure I didn't nudge him when I went up each step. I was going to take him into a spare room but I thought I should probably put him into Bam's room since I knew that was where he slept anyway. I was overwhelmed with temptation… I could just as easily have put him in my bed and chances are no one else would have realised anyway. As tempting as that thought was I had an even better idea.

I turned in the other direction and headed for Bam's room. I nudged the door open as quietly as I could. I was just grateful that his door wasn't shut, I'm not sure if I'd have been able to open a door while I was trying to carry Ville. I turned myself side on so that I could manoeuvre through the door without bumping Ville into the wall or doorframe. Bam's bedroom was dark, but it was just light enough that I could make out where I was going. I found the edge of the bed and gently placed Ville on the mattress. The blankets were already pulled back so I didn't have to worry about trying to get him under them. I looked at them both; neither had woken during all of this. I quietly crawled onto the bed, climbed over Ville's legs and made my way to the middle of the bed. I pulled the blankets over us and pulled Ville closer to me. I pressed myself against his back and nuzzled the back of his neck. I kissed his neck tenderly and wrapped my arm around his waist. Poor Ville had gotten so thin; I was worried that if I pressed on him too hard he might break. I breathed deeply, inhaling the sweet scent of his beautiful, long hair. It wasn't long before I found myself drifting into a peaceful sleep, with Ville in my arms.

I slowly opened my eyes when I realised I couldn't move. I suddenly became very aware of my situation. I felt Bam pressing against my back and I still had Ville pulled against my chest. Bam must have rolled over in his sleep and thought I was Ville, because he was certainly cuddling me like he thought I was Ville. I silently huffed and rolled my eyes. I turned my head back towards Bam when I felt him move. He didn't open his eyes, he yawned and stretched and then pulled me closer to him. I was trying to make him jealous and he ended up using me as a teddy bear…just great. I huffed again and pulled Ville closer to me. If I was going to be squished into an inappropriate spooning position with Bam then I was going to do the same with Ville. Maybe I still had a chance at achieving my original goal anyway. Bam lifted his head and looked over at Ville and I. I looked back at him.

"Good morning, Bam." I said with a mischievous grin.

Bam looked instantly confused as he tried to work out what we were all doing. I could see in his face that he was automatically assuming the worst, and I wasn't about to tell him otherwise.

"What the fuck?" Bam laughed back at me. "How long were you guys…?"

"Oh, I don't know. I was drunk with you remember!" I laughed. "All I can remember is Ville dragging me up here to you, I don't know what he was doing."

"We didn't…?" Bam asked, wide eyed.

"Oh, I don't think so, Bam. Not that I remember us doing anyway." I laughed again.

Bam looked slightly uneasy; I could tell that I'd just planted a seed of doubt in his mind and now he was getting worried. I loved my work sometimes.

"I mean…if you want to…" I winked playfully at him.

Bam laughed nervously, "No way!"

I could tell that Bam was looking at Ville and I. I knew that little details wouldn't go amiss. When I rolled away from Bam I closed my eyes so that he would think I was going back to sleep. I slowly moved Ville's jumper with my hand and let it rest on his bare stomach. Ville was in such a deep sleep that he didn't even flinch, he still looked as peaceful as he did before. I knew Bam was still watching me, and I knew he hated every second of it. I also knew that he wouldn't say anything about it, after all, I wasn't being malicious or deceitful in an obvious way – I was just going back to sleep like I'd indicated to him. I felt Bam get out of the bed and heard him leave the room.


I picked up a plate and slammed the cupboard door shut. I was so pissed off; I couldn't believe what had just happened. I woke up with Jussi and Ville in my bed and I don't even remember what happened. Anything could have happened and that wasn't even the worst part! Just as I was about to leave the room I turned around and saw Jussi putting his hands over all over Ville - it looked like he was asleep but I wasn't so sure. I always got a bad feeling when Jussi was around Ville; there was something there. I mean sure, they had been friends for a long time and dated years ago but I just got the feeling that Jussi still wanted more from Ville and that made me very uneasy. It didn't seem like something to get angry over, but I was - I was pissed off.

I sighed and put the plate onto the kitchen bench. What was I doing? I was getting angry over nothing. Jussi was asleep when he did that, he wasn't doing anything on purpose to make me angry; Jussi was my friend… our friend. Ville and I both loved Jussi; he was one of the coolest friends that you could ever have asked for. I suddenly felt really guilty; I was acting like a complete idiot. After the fight that Ville and I had yesterday I knew that he was really upset with me and I wanted to make it up to him. The last thing he needed was to wake up to me feeling sorry for myself.

I walked over to the table and put the plate down. I sat down and reached into my pocket. I pulled out my wallet and stash bag. I put my wallet on the table and opened the top of the bag. I tipped the white powder onto the plate and put the bag down next to the plate. I got my bankcard and a ten-dollar bill out of my wallet. I used the bankcard to separate the small pile of power into two halves. I shaped one half of the pile into a smooth line that was about half a centimetre thick. I put down the card and pick up the bill. I rolled it up so I could use it to snort the powder. I knew that some people had standard tube type things (I've even seen people using just straws that are cut in half) that they used each time to snort with, but I couldn't make it obvious that I was doing this, so if I used a bill then I could just unroll it and put it back into my wallet and there wouldn't be any evidence to give away what I'd been doing. I glanced at the clock after I'd rolled the note, 8 a.m. No one else would be up for a couple of hours yet. I turned my attention back to the plate. I put the bottom of the rolled note at the end of the line of powder that was closest to me. I placed my nose over the other end of the tube and closed my eyes in anticipation for what I knew was coming.

I tilted my head back and held my nose with my free hand. The burning sensation I got from snorting didn't change. I thought that over time it would get easier but it didn't, it never got any easier. I released my nose and sniffed a bit to try and get rid of the sensation that the powder had left on the inside of my nose. I exhaled slowly, unable to gain relief from the stinging sensation. In five minutes this would be worth it, once the speed kicked in I knew I'd be okay. Once the drugs kicked in, the discomfort of snorting was always worth it. I inhaled deeply through my nose and exhaled through my mouth. The stinging had passed after what seemed like forever. I picked up the bankcard again and made another line out of the remaining powder. I put the card down and rolled the bill back up into a tube. I grimaced slightly; I knew that this line was going to sting just as badly as the first one had. I exhaled with a slight groan of nervous anticipation and tried to snort the last line as quickly as possible. I dropped the ten-dollar bill on the table and leant back in the chair with my hands on my face. I groaned and pressed my fingers over both sides of my nose for a few seconds, then let my arms fall limp at my side and tilted my head back. I breathed out slowly and smiled slightly. I could feel the effects of the first line starting to kick in.

I washed and dried the plate I'd used. I turned around when I heard someone coming down the stairs into the Pirate Bar. Jyrki had his sunglasses on and was swaying a bit.

"Hey man!" I smiled at him.

Jyrki Looked out the kitchen window at the bright sunlight and grimaced. I laughed.

"Hungover, huh?" I asked, leaning on the kitchen counter.

"Yeah, man," He laughed. "Me and the guys are going to get pizza, you want some?"

I paused for a moment. "Jyrki…it's not even 9 in the morning."

"So?" He laughed.

I laughed too, "Good point, man."

"Can I borrow the Hummer to get the pizza?"

"Yeah, sure. The keys are on the hooks by the door." I said pointing to the key rack.

"Thanks, man. The other guys are coming too. I'll try to not crash." He laughed.

"That makes me feel so much better." I laughed back.

Jyrki yelled up the stairs in Finnish. I had no idea what he was saying, he could've been saying that he was plotting to kill the president of the United States and I wouldn't have known. I heard someone yell back at him in Finnish. The other guys from The 69 Eyes walked casually down the stairs, chatting amongst themselves in Finnish. I noticed that Jussi wasn't with them.

"Jussi not going with you?" I asked Jyrki casually.

"Pffft, he's still asleep. Fuck him, he can wait until we get back to have some pizza." Jyrki laughed.

Jyrki went over to the door to get the keys on his way out and beckoned the other guys to follow him.

"See you, Bam! Thanks again." Jyrki called out as he walked out the door with the other guys.

I huffed and rested on the counter again. I was slightly disappointed because as much as I liked Jussi, I was kind of hoping I could talk to Ville alone when he got up but I knew that Jussi would be hanging about. I guess it wasn't that big of a deal, I could still talk to Ville; I'd just have to find the opportune moment.