Chapter Two:

Fine, So You're Telling The Truth. Kill Me Now?

Jerry's POV

"Well, you know dude, I don't think this is a good idea. Are you sure?" I asked with concern.

Billy rolled his eyes, something he'd been doing a lot lately, "Jerry, what other chance will I get? The kid's totally afraid of me to begin with, so the only way to get to him is to force us together. It's the perfect situation."

He had this notion that staying in Ned's house for a week would make Bigby fall in love with him. I knew that was completely unreasonable and dumb, but we all know Loomer's mental capacity...

Okay, okay. I shouldn't be insulting my friend. I don't take that back—Loomer isn't the smartest—but I shouldn't comment on that fact. Who knows, maybe there is something going on in that brain of his.

Still, he really pulled a 180 sometime last year. First, he was all obsessed with Moze, and then suddenly he liked Ned. Since then, I can't seem to get through to him that Ned doesn't want him. Billy thinks that secretly, Bigby digs him. I think he's crazy.

But, I guess we'll see if I'm right. I kinda hope I get proved wrong though—just to see what happens. Either way, the next week should prove to be incredibly interesting, and I can't wait to hear all about it.

Man, there should be a TV show dedicated to this next week. I'd film it myself, but chances are nothing would happen if there was a camera in their faces.

Then again, I could get Cookie to wire up Ned's house to do some surveillance... Cookie was always nice to me once I joined the sewing club, I could get him to do that...

And then, I had my evening planned out for me. I would be placing a very important call to Cookie...

"I SAID, 'It's the perfect situation'" Billy reasserted, looking at me expectantly.

"Oh, right," I mumbled, "Indeed, I agree." It wasn't a total lie.

Well, not really.

Ned's POV

Sitting in Moze's basement, we had our ideas on post-it notes, stuck up on the wall to admire. As we knocked off the bad ones, I crumpled them up and tossed them at the garbage can. I mostly missed, but sometimes I got them in on the first try.

"Okay, so that leaves the bribe/blackmail him to be nice to you; the 'Ask if Jerry can take him' thing; Cutting off Loomer's limbs so he can't get to your house; and the 'Make Billy get a new girlfriend so he's never home' thing." Moze summed up the last four post-its.

I sighed, "Cutting off his limbs isn't a good idea, is it?" I asked.

"No, no it's not. Why is it in the top four?" Moze asked.

"Wishful thinking," I explained, pulling the note off the wall and tossing it to the garbage.

Miss. Big surprise.

"You know, I never knew you were so bad at aiming, Ned," Moze commented, watching me for my reaction.

I gave her a look, "I'm no Seth Powers, but I'm not that bad," I argued.

She shrugged and we both turned back to the wall, looking at the three ideas. Not one of them would really keep Loomer out of my house, except the Jerry thing. That was basically a lost cause though. Still, it was worth a shot...

"Well, I think Loomer's actually gonna stay at your house, Ned," Moze said with a shrug of finality.

And as much as I wanted to fight that idea, to tell her she was wrong—I couldn't. I knew she was right. Loomer was going to stay at my house for a week, and that was that. I could try to sweeten the deal a bit, but the fact stood that I couldn't truly get rid of him.

With a sigh of resignation, I slumped onto her couch, "Okay, so we call Cookie? He'd have Jerry's number, and from there we can call Jerry and try to talk him into having Loomer over..." I trailed off.

Moze nodded, taking a seat in a reclining chair that rocked. She plucked the cordless phone off of the stand on the table beside her and dialled Cookie's number, waiting for a few rings before talking to Cookie's mother.

I sat there watching, praying that Cookie had Jerry's number.

"Hey Cookie," Moze greeted, "We need Jerry's number. Do you have it?" she paused, listening, "Oh, really? What about? ...Okay, okay. Tell me later then. So... Well, okay. Sweet! Thanks!" she hung up then dialled another number and held the phone back up to her ear.

"What??" I whispered. I wanted to know what Cookie said; what was he going to tell Moze later?

Moze waved me off, talking to the person on the phone, "Hey, is Jerry there? Oh, it's Moze. ...Yeah, that Moze." How many Mozes could he possibly know? "Okay, can you put him on the phone for a minute? ...Why not? ...Okay... Alright... Yeah, I think I... Oh, okay. Why didn't you say so sooner?" she laughed, "Yeah, thanks!" then she hung up.

"Well??" I was dying of curiosity, shifting around in my chair uncomfortably, "What happened?"

"I talked to Billy on the phone," Moze answered.

"Billy....Loomer?" I guessed.

She nodded, then continued, "Anyway, Jerry isn't an option—he's going out of town for a few days and his parents won't let Billy stay there even if they were going to be home."

I snapped my fingers, frowning in defeat. Next were two options I didn't want to need to use; bribing or blackmailing Loomer to be nice to me, and/or getting him a girlfriend so that he wasn't ever around. Both were difficult. First: who would possibly go out with Loomer? Suzy was done with him, and so was Missy.

"Hey, Moze, have you ever thought about g-"

"No."

"But I didn't even fini-"

"No, Ned. No."

I growled, flopping back into the couch hopelessly. There were no girls to date Loomer, even temporarily. Even Moze wouldn't do it.

Not that I blamed her or anything, because I really didn't. I couldn't imagine dating Loomer, even if it was to help Moze. That was an uncrossable line.

I smacked myself on the forehead, "What am I supposed to do?" I whined frantically. This was my last free day, then Loomer would move in tomorrow. There was nothing I could even do about it, that was the scary thing.

So, should I resign to my fate?

Oh please, when do I ever surrender peacefully? If I go, it'll be kicking and screaming.

Just bring it, Loomer. Bring it on.