So this probably doesn't go in the direction you want it to. Alas, I am not getting the girls together quite that quick. I feel that the way the story was setup in canon means a bit of leg work is needed to untangle their little web. I do hope you'll hang in there.

xxx

The ranch was dark when she arrived home. Sharon was still at work and for that she was grateful. She flopped onto her unmade bed, her head falling over the edge. From here she could see out the window, to the stars strewn across the sky, their tiny pin prick lights shining quietly. It was one of favourite things about living at the ranch, the fact that she could look at the night time sky full of firefly lights.

In her hand, her phone buzzed but she didn't look, sliding the phone under a pillow instead. She could still feel Tessa lips on her, her fingertips in her hair, their bodies pressed together. She burned with the memory. Their first kiss had been a soft revelation. This kiss, however, had shaken her more deeply than she could even understand. It had been fueled by want, by passion, by things that she never felt. Tessa's honey voice echoed in her ear, singing to her, I know you're with me, in a lazy loop.

Her phone vibrated again. She rolled over and stood up, letting it buzz mutely and exited towards the bathroom to wash her face clean. This day could not be done fast enough. It was as she was patting her skin dry that the doorbell rang. She considered ignoring it. The bell rang impatiently again. It would logically be one of two people, neither of whom she really wanted to see but when the door bell rang a third time with an insistent series of knocks, she leaned onto the bathroom sink, looked at herself in the mirror, said, 'don't be a coward,' and went to the door.

"You're not answering my messages."

"Tessa..."

"Can I come in?"

Mariah stepped aside and Tessa stalked in and down the entrance steps, wringing her hands together, her skin white from the pressure.

"So, uh, what just happened? Because that was... I don't know what that was but we need to talk about it."

Mariah watched her as she paced.

"I kissed you. And you kissed me back." she said.

"Yes, you did and I did but I'm... I don't know , I don't know what to think. I don't know what came over me and I'm sorry... but then you ran away like that and...I just. I just don't want to loose you Mariah."

She moved to Mariah and took her hands in her own.

"I can't loose you."

Tessa was looking at her with such earnestness. Those soft brown eyes. Mariah felt herself be drawn into them but before she lost her will, she extricated her hands gently away and took a step back.

"You're with Noah."

"Yes. I am."

"You're with Noah." Mariah repeated again flatly. That was all the context needed.

Tessa took a step closer. Mariah put her hands up to still her advance.

"I don't trust myself around you, Tessa. Not after tonight."

"What are you trying to say, Mariah?"

"I don't know!" she exclaimed, "I don't know what I'm trying to say!"

"It doesn't have to mean anything. You just broke up with Devon and you were upset..."

Tears pooled at Mariah's eyelashes "How can you say that! I didn't kiss you because I was upset over Devon. I kissed you because I have feelings for you! And we can't ignore this like San Fran. We can't put this in a vault and pretend we're just friends! And honestly, I don't want to. But I can't keep putting myself through this, feeling like my heart is being gouged out of my chest, knowing that you don't want me, knowing that you go home to my brother."

Her voice choked up and she couldn't continue for a moment. She swayed on her feet as she gathered herself and then stood up straight with a shaky breath. There, she'd said it. She'd laid it out on the table, unequivocally. She watched Tessa, who was crying too, her mascara running in a black rivers down her cheeks.

"I'm sorry, Mariah, I hope you know I never meant to hurt you." Tessa said sadly.

Mariah believed her. Not that it mattered much to her heart. She had opened herself up to Tessa, made herself vulnerable in a way she never had before with anyone. Tessa has slipped through her barriers and exposed parts of herself she kept quiet and hidden away and like so many other times in her life, she had been burned and she bled from that wound. She would not be so reckless with herself again.

"I need some time to think, Tessa."

There was a pause while Tessa tried to read her. Maybe she was looking for a way to change her mind but Mariah was resolute and her gaze said as much.

"Okay," Tessa responded in a small voice and the edges of her mouth quivered. Mariah could not afford to be swayed by it so she moved to the door and Tessa followed. In the doorway Tessa stopped and turned, placing a hand on her forearm.

"Call me when you're ready." she said.

Mariah closed the door and leaned her forehead against it, tears hot on her cheeks. She wanted so desperately for this to play out differently and a small part of herself had hoped it might. She'd hoped Tessa following her meant she was feeling something too which was why she'd shared her secrets with her, wrote a song for her, had kissed her fiercely up against the wall of the Underground not even an hour ago. But Tessa hadn't come to make a decaration. She hadn't come to confess her love. Whatever Tessa felt or didn't feel for her was immaterial because she was with Noah. She'd chosen Noah.

Mariah had always felt a distance with the people she'd dated. She'd wondered at this, thinking that maybe she was just built different, or maybe she was just too screwed up to feel things like everyone else. So she'd learnt to shrug it off, wear her defensiveness with sharp tongue and a synical smile, ignoring how other it made her feel. She'd been too afraid to look at this part of herself that was broken, claiming to be proud, even, that she was somehow immune to it all. Only she wasn't.

She stayed leaning on the door until the sound of Sharon's car crunched across the gravel of the driveway. She escaped to her bedroom, slipped beneath the covers and did not sleep.

XxX

She arrived at work at the usual time. In the kitchen, she poured herself a cup of coffee. She opened up her laptop and checked her email and smiled when the line producer passed by. At the morning meeting she pitched an idea and when Hilary tried to dismiss it, she fought for it as if she cared. But her heart wasn't in it. All these actions were done as if by rote, like she was displaced, watching someone else carry out these tasks because but she didn't know what else to do.

Mid-morning, the script draft she was writing has been sitting untouched for a good 10 minutes and she was staring into space when the phone rang. It was Devon.

"Can we talk?'

When she didn't say anything, he continued "What prompted this, Mariah?"

He could put it together, if he thought about it – Tessa's dedication may have been cryptic but not impossible to decipher, and then her sudden 360 at the end of the song. Other things too, like inviting Tessa to San Fran and how he'd noticed the way she looked at Tessa when she was on stage and many other moments besides...

"Did I do something? Is it because you think I still love Hilary?"

"You do still love Hilary."

"I -"

"Don't, Devon" she said. "Don't keep lying to yourself about this. I get it. You want to protect yourself but I'm not the right person to hide behind."

There was a silence on the line.

"I guess I'm just confused about why now. We were doing good, weren't we?"

"We were both hiding ourselves in the relationship. That's what we were doing."

There was another silence.

"I'm going to miss you." he finally said and Mariah was relieved he didn't protest any further.

"Me too." she said, feeling just how true that was. Had Tessa not been there, she would have stayed. It wasn't a great passionate affair but then she'd always been a bit cynical of great romances because she'd never quite believed they were real. To stay with him now, though, had become impossible, now that she'd had a taste of what she was capable of feeling. She also knew that now, she could never settle for what they had. It was too muted and dull, too pale. Mariah had a fire in her and it demanded to burn brightly.

"We can be friends, right?" she asked.

"Maybe in a bit. I can't lie. It sucks to be dumped." He gave a self conscious laugh,"Bye, Mariah."

"Bye, Devon."

She pulled her phone away from her ear and pressed the red phone icon. She placed the phone down, almost jumping out of her skin when Hilary slinked up.

"How are things with Devon?" she asked as she flipped through some cue cards she had in hand. Her tone left not doubt in Mariah's mind that she had overheard the conversation.

"Why don't you ask him yourself?" Mariah asked.

"Maybe I will." she replied and began to move away.

"Say." she said stopping, as if the thought had just passed her mind, "how is Tessa? Haven't seen her dropping by in a while."

Hilary's eyes sparkled a little too maliciously for Mariah's liking.

"She figured you must be tired of always loosing your verbal repartee."

"Or maybe" she purred, "you two had a fight."