Chapter Three: Fight or Flight

Ami walked steadily back to her study, after another day in the infirmary Wynne had allowed her to return to 'light' duties. She wasn't to practice magic until she had recovered and so was restricted to paper work while her classes were handed over to another mage. Ami had protested but Wynne's icy glare had silenced that. She was determined not to be defeated and more importantly bored. So she decided on finding a mountain of books on the Grey Wardens and more importantly the taint.

She sighed, she hated being taken care of and coddled. As her mind drifted and her view of the hallway blocked by the tower of books she carried she practically walked into Cullen shoulder as she turned the corner. Both of them had turned at the same time and met each other with a thump, though Cullen remained standing. Ami, on the other hand, was sent back flying and she cursed, loudly, at the pain in her shoulder. It hurt and would bruise but it would be fine, eventually. Her barely covering robes did not provide much cushioning against plate metal and the floor and the two combined did not usually end well. Though there were exceptions. She hushed away the thoughts that pattered through her brain. She sat up and looked around to see her tower of books scattered along the floor of the hallway and Cullen, still standing, offering only a look of fright and relief.

"I-I'm sorry, a-are you alright?" he stepped towards her and let out a hand.

"N-no I-I'm fine. Sorry … I should've been looking where I was going. Silly me," she blushed, taking his hand as he pulled her to her feet.

"Do you need any help?" He asked but he was already picking up books as she replied.

"Y-you don't have to do that you know, but thank you," again she smiled at him.

"Well you can't carry all of these on you own and expect not to fall or walk into someone again. I'll carry a few for you. Save you the embarrassment of walking into someone else." He joked.

She laughed, "Thank you Cullen. You are a great help."

With a bundle of books in hand they slowly walked towards the chambers. After a few moments of awkward silence Cullen sighed and finally picked up the courage to talk to her.

"So, how are you feeling?" he asked, glancing to her face and then her stomach.

"Well I feel fine. Wynne has told me to refrain from using my talents. She thinks that was the main cause for my exhaustion," she smiled "but other than restricting me to paperwork and my thoughts. I'm finding myself bored indeed." She remarked her eyes lowering to the ground or something far off.

"Ah … I wondered why you felt differently." He remarked.

"Excuse me?" Amilia stopped suddenly and looked at him raising her eyebrow at him, "I feel different?"

Cullen's ears reddened as much as his hair. His mouth was opened to protest, his eyes wide. Panic

"I-I-I didn't mean it like that I-I. Dear woman!" he paused "I meant your powers. I hadn't sensed them around you. I certainly didn't mean …" then he realised she was laughing and he sighed, she was joking and he had fallen for it.

"You did that on purpose!" he said chuckling pointing a finger at her.

It started off slowly and with short gasps but then mixed with her laugh it only encouraged him to laugh more. Cullen couldn't believe it when she nodded her entire body shaking with laughter and he shook his head. She really had come back and she was really here and she was laughing with him. Maker he had missed her company.

They turned a bend and they were met with the prying eyes of the assassin.

"Ah my dear Warden, I wondered where you had gone off too. And with a templar no less."

Between the fits of laughter Ami finally replied while wiping the laughter tears away.

"H-hi Zev, were you looking for me?" she smiled and glanced up at Cullen whose face had returned to the fixed expression of a templar.

"I was not wondering, I was merely seeing if you were alright with your present company?" the elf eyed the templar and then turned his smiling gaze back to Ami.

"Why?" she laughed, "Cullen is a templar; I've known him since I began my training here. You need not worry about me Zev." She smiled mischievously "You should perhaps worry about what Oghren is doing with your Antivan wine," she smiled at him and he chuckled at the thought.

"My dear Warden, my wine is quite safe. After all I am a master at keeping to the shadows, it makes sense that things I find valuable also hide that way. May I take those for you?"

Cullen flashed a quick scowl but quickly replaced his templar mask. He thought it was more a demand than a request from the elf to hand over the books. His eyes narrowed and he relinquished the books to the elf and then turned to Ami. His presence was obviously not welcomed by the elf.

"I will see you later Ami, good day," she smiled and nodded and within a few moments she had gone. Cullen returned his gaze to the elf who had remained, who smiled slyly at Cullen.

"I will give you one warning dear friend. As much as you may like and may know my friend she is my charge. She has been through more than anyone should have to go through in one lifetime. Do not hurt her, friend or I will see that your actions are paid for through to the fade itself."

"You care for her don't you?" answered Cullen quietly, his eyes fixed with the Antivan's and this seemed to make him shuffle albeit slightly.

"I care more for her than my life itself. She let me live after I was hired to kill her. She is my dearest and most precious friend and as much as I would like it to be more than that I know it will never be. For that reason her happiness is my ever concern so I warn you be careful. I will be watching."

Cullen merely smiled and nodded. He knew this man was deadly, an assassin is one thing but he knew he was a Crow, well an ex-Crow. The elf smiled, "I'm glad we have an understanding, please, enjoy the rest of your day."

Zevern nodded again and walked towards Ami's study, her books in hand. All Cullen could do was turn and walk back to his station sulking that the elf had spoiled a pleasant conversation.

~v~

Amilia walked into her study and placed the books she had down on it. Her hand felt the wood of the desk as she sighed heavily at the turn of events. She had to think of the future, hers and the child's, she wanted to be around for more than thirty years to see how this would turn out. However, the only thing at that moment was how her friend had interrupted a pleasant walk with Cullen. She sighed.

I must not dwell on this; I've been here before and look where that got me, pregnant and alone, with only three people in the world around me.

Four. Four people. Including Cullen. Was she even going to consider Cullen? As a friend again? She shook her head as she sat down at the desk.

I am a fool, she thought, a stupid fool. He is still a Templar and you are still a silly Mage Amilia, a silly silly mage! She said to herself. It can't and never will be more than friends, never, might as well accept it now.

She sighed and looked to her pile of books. Pulling out some parchment and ink, she then reached for the first book. Well, she thought, might as well get started on this reading.

A few moments later she heard a quiet shuffle. Without looking she just spoke to who it was standing in her doorway.

"Zev. I know your looking out for my best interests but do you really have to go and threaten one of my Templar's?"

"One … of your Templar's?" an all too familiar replied.

Ami froze and closed her eyes. Her hand in mid-air with a quill and ink above her clean piece of parchment, she didn't dare look up to see his face.

"There are two of us now is it?" the voice continued jokingly.

She breathed deeply and slowly put down the quill, bracing herself as she lifted her gaze to his. Alistair. He smiled at her. Curse that dam smile she thought, how many nights had it saved her from going insane!

"I take it by your face that it wasn't me you were expecting?" he sighed as he leant against her doorframe. He was dressed in his basic Kingly armour looking at her with those big hazel eyes, looking at her. She turned her gaze away and shook her head; she didn't want to look at him.

"Well then, surprise perhaps?" he laughed his hands wide in a shocked pose.

"No," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. "I knew you were coming. I thought you wouldn't get here till tomorrow evening." She said looking anywhere but in his direction.

"Well I decided to press on and get here sooner after I was sent word you had fallen and were ill," he faltered after that and entered the room fully.

She quickly turned to see Zevran behind Alistair, his face dark and menacing, with one of his daggers slid out. She shook her head and watched him vanish back into the shadows before Alistair closed the door between them. She swallowed and then made herself look up to Alistair, his light hearted face replaced with shock and despair. She knew what was coming next.

"Why didn't you tell me Ami?" he began, he looked at her desperately. She had no illusions about what he was talking about.

"I didn't know Alistair! I only found out after my fall!" she dropped her head into her hands.

"And you drank your way back here! What were you thinking?" he replied, unhappy with her answer.

She twitched and looked back at him, angry now. "What I was thinking? What are you thinking? You shouldn't even be here!" she glared at him, hands still clasped around her head.

"Oh I shouldn't be but you should be? Really? Is that your logic?" he began pacing between the door and the front of her desk.

"Logic has nothing to do with it. I did my duty and I came home, I came back to the place where I belong, where I should be! A Mage in the tower!"

She was standing now, glaring at him across the desk, one hand tapping on the desk the other at her side palms clenched.

"Your place is by my side! Or have you just been pretending this past year?"

"Don't start this Alistair" she growled, "Don't," Ami scowled and pointed her finger at him, then looked away from his eyes. She turned away she didn't want him to see the tears in her eyes. She was so angry and hurt because being here with him caused her to remember everything that had happened since that night.

"Oh no! You're not getting out of it that easily!" he yelled pointing his finger at her.

"Were you even going to tell me Ami? Really? Were you just going to give birth and then ramble off to Maker knows where and raise our –our child?" at the word ramble he wafted his hand in an unknown direction, his eyes livid.

"I don't know Alistair, I don't! But I know for a fact I'm not going back to Denerim!" she yelled.

"Why the hell not? It's my child too Ami!"

"Because!" She spun around and slammed her hands on the desk. "You are the King Alistair. I am a Mage!" she pointed to herself. "Or do I need to remind you of your dammed Chantry and their laws?"

"You're the one who made me bloody King!" he spat back pointing at her.

"I did what was best for Ferelden!" she replied, straightening her posture.

"What was best for Ferelden! Best for Ferelden! Damn you woman! You wouldn't know what was best if it kicked you in the arse! You didn't even ask me, you didn't even tell me your plans!"

"Oh really! As I remember it, it was my arse that kept you alive after the spectacular failure of your leadership skills!"

Alistair slammed his hand on the desk, making Ami flinch but she didn't physically register it, their eyes met and then Alistair walked away running a hand through his hair before turning to face her again.

"Ami they wouldn't know, just come home." He sighed and said quietly.

"I am home!" she growled her eyes cold, she would not give in this time. "And you are so very wrong about them knowing if I did go. How much danger would we be in if we both lived in Denerim? How much danger would you be in from the nobles and Anora's supporters? No I will not let our child live in the politics of your world I will not!"

"And your safe here? Don't I even get a say in this? You know my feelings on this Ami! Or have you forgotten everything we stood for?"

Ami's mouth gapped open and Alistair visibly retreated regretting those words.

"Everything we stood for! Are you even hearing yourself! It was not me that needed reminding of the 'values' that we stood for the last time we met Alistair! I will not be your secret lover in the dark and our child the secret bastard of the Theirin line! It would never be a secret if I went back with you and you know this! You'd really want me to watch as you slip out of one woman's bed into mine? You know it would break my very being Alistair!"

The tears were now streaming down her face and she put her hand to her face to wipe them away. He looked at her; he so desperately wanted to kiss her and hold her like before, before all this and wanted to never let her go. He sighed but Ami wasn't finished venting her bottled fury at him. She screamed at him defiantly and hammered her hand against the desk again.

"You chose to walk out! You chose to walk away. And then! Then you had the gall to turn around and ask me to stay. After what you did Alistair, after what you did can you really blame me for leaving?"

Alistair stood silenced by her words and nodded.

"No, your right, you're always right. Dam you woman if I could change it I would and you above all other know I would but-," he looked at her softly, begging "what is going to happen? I want to be part of this; you can't shut me out of this. I won't let you!"

"I don't know yet Alistair. I don't know." She sighed and returned to her chair.

"They will try and take the child Ami, I need to know. I won't have my son or daughter be raised in the Chantry, I won't."

"Well at least that's something we both agree on." She half-laughed.

He walked towards her, kneeling so he was level with her and cupped her face.

"Why is it that when you drive me completely insane I am reminded of how much I love you?"

"I don't know Alistair. It hurts me as much as you but we cannot be together it will only cause more pain. That's why I left even before I found out I was with child. There is too much hurt and pain to go back. Now things are more complicated I can only see us being apart forever but in this we will always be together in. For the sake of our child we have to be apart and live our own lives for its safety as well as ours. I couldn't bear to lose you to death, but I can bear to lose you in this, knowing I have part of you here with me."

Alistair smiled at her. Even with the possibility of loosing everything she was going to be allowed one thing, a precious and perfect thing.

"Ami I love you but I-I don't know how I'm going to live without you?"

"You will." She smiled. "Here is what I think we must do. And we must Alistair for if we don't we condemn our child's future and that, that would be the death of me."

~v~

Zevran stood outside with Cullen. The elf had grabbed the templar after seeing the King, just in case he had any ideas of forcing his friend back to Denerim without a fight. They were waiting and listening to the two warring adults in the mages study. Cullen's face was white, never had he heard such arguing even with Greagoir and Irving. He sneaked a glance to the elf and saw the same fear.

"I've never heard her this angry," Cullen said quietly.

The elf smirked, "I have, and my friend if she could have killed the arch demon by shouting at it she would've killed it long ago. She is terrifying, but it's such a delightful experience to see."

Cullen snorted but continued to listen.

"But, if he lays even as much of a finger on her I will gut him like a fish and make him eat his own bowel," muttered the elf, fingering the blade of his dagger.

"You'll have competition then," replied Cullen, "though judging from the sound of things she's winning."

"She always does my friend. Though, I myself would find it difficult facing the wrath of a beautiful highly skilled and powerful, pregnant, mage and not want to shake in fear."

"Has she always had such a temper? I had never seen it."

Zevran laughed.

"Only he would pull it out of her. He is a fool, but an honest fool. He does love her that I have no doubt, but she chose duty and the future of everything over her own selfish needs. She has nothing else but that child and he knows it because unlike her he could not have made that choice and come out stronger."

The elf shifted his feet and continued to polish his daggers.

"She chose to make him King and sacrifice what they had so the future of the country would be secure. She is a true 'hero of Ferelden' and I am proud to call her friend."

Cullen looked at the elf, awe and admiration was in his gaze. He looked to the door as the yelling and shouting began to calm and the gentle hum of conversation between the two warring alpha's quietened. They had heard the majority of the conversation and as the King stepped out his face flushed, he glared at Cullen.

"You!" Alistair's voice boomed at Cullen.

Ami quickly came out behind him.

"Cullen … I- Oh-h," her cheeks flushed and she looked from him to Alistair.

Alistair's face frowned and scrunched as he looked between her and Cullen.

"So this … this is the other Templar?" he quietly said turning his gaze to Amilia.

"What?" answered Cullen sharply, obviously confused at the boiling face of the King.

"Alistair … not now! He is my templar, yes. But … Don't look at me like that for goodness sake! He is a friend, someone you can trust. Please!"

Alistair could not help but size up Cullen. Cullen flinched as the King measured up to Cullen. Both the men similar in height and stature, both Templar trained and strong willed. Amilia couldn't help wonder if that was the reason why both men had a place in her heart.

Cullen the tortured unloved soul, Alistair the trodden down joker.

"Alistair, leave him alone! Please!" She lifted her hand to her forehead as she groaned, why did you have to be just outside Cullen?

He turned back to her and told them to come into the study. There were things to be discussed that were for their ears only. Alistair ordered Zevran was to find Wynne, Oghren and Greagoir and only then would things be discussed extensively.

Cullen dreaded being left alone with both of them he'd offer to find Greagoir but the elf had already vanished he cursed silently. He entered trying not to look directly at the King or Amilia.

Maker strike me down … please …

~v~

Once everyone had congregated Amilia thanked them and what Alistair and her had to say was not to leave this room.

"I mean it Greagoir. If I so what as hear that you've spoken about this I will come and kill you myself," growled Alistair as he leaned against the desk.

"Alistair!" Ami exclaimed, glowering at him, "That is not exactly the attitude that's going to win him over!" she growled quietly.

"Fine. Fine. Its only the future of a child we're deciding on!" he waved and sat on the desk, "Please continue."

Ami sighed and turned back to her guests.

"As you well know I am now with child, Alistair's child. But instead of returning to Denerim I am remaining here. Alistair will return and continue as King, seeking out a wife and heir."

The truth panged at her chest but she continued.

"This is so our child can live in peace and relative safety." She turned her eyes on Greagoir. "I know what happens to a child born of a mage and would ask discretion from you Greagoir and your men. I know many and I know that if you asked them this they would gladly follow if you wish it."

She paused waiting to see if he bit back an argument about the Chantry. He merely sighed and pursed his lips before answering her.

"Warden, you have done more for this Circle than just save it. You have returned to help restore it and have brought hope for the future. I would gladly see anything done for you and against my better judgement," he sighed, looking between Wynne and her before continuing "the Chantry will not be informed of this, you have my word."

Alistair was surprised, his gapped mouth open as he stared at the templar.

"Really? That's it. No Chantry this Chantry that?"

Greagoir looked indifferent to Alistair's jibes.

"Ser she has done more for me than ever asked. I think it would anger the Maker himself if I were to turn away someone he sent who saved us when she asks for help."

"Thank you Greagoir. You have no idea what this means to us." Ami smiled tilting her head.

He smiled and stood, taking his leave of the gathering.

"So, this is our plan. The reason we have asked you all here is that we need people who we can trust with this. People who will be around to help protect our child. Unfortunately I am not immune to the Grey Wardens call unlike Alistair so this is why we have asked if any or all of you would consider helping us."

It was Wynne who spoke.

"Child we have been through to the very end of the world with you. We shall always be with you on your journey and you need not ask us. We shall be with you all."

She smiled and took her leave.

Zevren and Oghren both laughed and nodded before leaving. All that was left was Cullen shuffling his feet.

"So? You want us to protect your child. From possible threats that would seek to damage both of you both emotionally and physically. So that both of you can continue your duties to the rebuilding of Ferelden and the Grey Wardens?" he asked looking at Ami.

"In a nutshell, yes. That is what we wish to happen." Amilia spoke quietly.

"Very well. You have my support Ami." He nodded.

He stood and as he was about to walk out Ami touched his arm making him turn to face her.

"Thank you Cullen. I know … I know it's not been easy for you but thank you." She smiled as he held her gaze and nodded leaving her with the King.

She sighed and turned to Alistair.

"So our child will be surrounded by those we trust and love the most. Good."

She looked at Alistair his face unreadable but curious.

"What?" she said smiling.

"He calls you Ami? How much of a friend is he?" he looked at her and the hinted at the door.

"Alistair! It's my name! So what?" She gaped at him.

"Still … I've not forgotten that he confessed to being in love with you."

"Y-You're jealous!" she raised her eyebrows and laughed. "Oh for Andrastes Sake Alistair! He's a templar. It's against the rules."

"Yet we're breaking them?"

"That's beside the point." She flustered, blushing slightly. "This is a ridiculous conversation. I've more important things to think about than my bloody love life!" she shook her head and busied herself with clearing her desk.

"Ah so there was another motive for leaving me," he smiled and walked towards her.

Ami's hand stopped in mid-air and she looked at him with hooded eyes.

"Don't joke about that Alistair. Just don't. My future is decided nothing will change that. What are you doing?" she sighed.

He wrapped his arms around her and nestled his head into her neck. He missed her so much and hated how things had turned out. To be given something so special and have it taken away because of politics and the law and then be given more. It was torture, a pure evil torture that she would have to endure. He breathed in her smell and remembered the days back at camp, before the landsmeet, before things were so complicated and it had just been them, together.

"I love you" he whispered into her ear, "and I will always love you. But I can't help but knowing that both of us will have to learn to love again even when we're still connected. I don't know how I will explain when it asks us why we're not together."

He felt her nod and sigh deeply. She turned to face him, still in his arms and rested her head on his chest. Maker, how he missed this.

"By then I think we would have figured it out. I-I love you too Alistair." Her throat tightened as she spoke those words.

Alistair closed his eyes and repeated her words over and over in his mind.

"But I understand what you mean. For myself I don't think I will have that luxury being in a tower and all." She lifted her head.

"It just means you need a knight to rescue you my dear princess," he laughed but she merely just smiled and then kissed him.

His mind savoured the moment until she pulled away and broke the kiss. It would be the last one they would share and they both knew it. Their eyes met and when the silent agreement between them was done the broke the embrace slowly. Alistair said he wanted updates and notice to when the baby would roughly arrive. Ami nodded and said she would let Wynne know and she would take care of it.

He began to walk to the door.

"Alistair"

"Yeeeeeeees?" he spun around looking at her.

"Take care of yourself. I mean it. You know I'll send Zev after you if you do anything stupid." She said, trying to hold back the tears.

He looked at her meaningfully and nodded.

"I will my love. I will. I don't need to ask you to do the same because I know you will. Goodbye for now."

With a wave he was gone and the hallway empty. Ami felt herself slump into the chair and a few moments later she was sobbing. Again she had been forced to choose but this time she had been left with something, something that represented true love and hope. She hugged her stomach. It would be the beginning of the future.