Disclaimer: Do I look like I own the movie/book? I'm still trying to remember if I actually read the book long ago, cause I honestly cannot remember (and the more I think about it the more I don't think so) since the movie was so good it's what I remember. And now after re-watching after years (I had forgotten about it until I came across it a few days ago) I love and appreciate it a lot more. Anyway, basic point: ownage honor belongs to SE Hinton.

A.N: I'm not a medical person. I know basics, and had to ask about that so that it was somewhat believable. So I apologize if the medical stuff isn't exactly 100%.

Summary: Instead of cutting the Soc, what if Johnny had rushed with all his might back to get Ponyboy's brothers? Would they make it back in time to save Ponyboy from the Socs? Would Johnny forgive himself for leaving his best friend to fend for himself?


Chapter 3: Pass around the guilt

Sodapop continued to stare at Ponyboy. Darry was in a chair across from him also watching Ponyboy. His older brother sighed and ran a hand down his face. Sodapop glanced at Darry who had not met his eye since they arrived at the hospital. He knew that Two-bit and Steve were quietly playing a card game at the table in the corner. It helped to know that they were there even though they couldn't really do anything. It had been several hours since the incident. It was way early in the morning…..Sodapop wouldn't be surprised if it was nearing 6'o'clock but he didn't care about the time.

And it seemed neither did anyone else.

Sodapop was tired, so much had happened that night.

Too much.

At Darry's order, he had run across the street and banged on a neighbor's door. The man that answered was annoyed but after seeing the wide-eyed of Sodapop and a quick explanation he had no qualms with allowing Sodapop to borrow his phone. Sodapop would have to remember to go over and give him a proper thank you since after the phone call he rushed out of the house with a barely audible thanks, intent on getting back to his brother.

When he got back he told them that the ambulance would be arriving in five. Darry was still begging and pleading with his brother to fight as he continued to administer CPR. Sodapop watched with growing alarm and tears in his eyes.

The thought had passed through this head that they could lose Pony and it near made him come undone. But he kept it together as best he could.

It was only a few seconds later when Ponyboy gasped and choked up water. Darry and Sodapop laughed with relief as the former rolled Ponyboy on his side allowing him to spit up the excessive amount water. By that time, sirens could be heard in the distance.

Sodapop had remembered Johnny at the moment when Ponyboy was throwing up water and looked up to tell him Ponyboy's alive. But he saw that Johnny had started to gasp. The strain he had placed on his body and probably thinking that Ponyboy was gone made him pass out a moment later. Sodapop and Darry had become frantic again but relaxed when they realized Johnny didn't quit breathing.

The ambulance had pulled up and the medics began rushing around. Ponyboy had slipped back into unconsciousness. They had to rush him to the hospital to make sure there was no more water in his lungs as well as worry about infection that was probably already settling. They had hooked him up to oxygen as well. Ponyboy wasn't out of the red yet.

Johnny had to be rushed to the hospital as well since he had passed out from stress. Since there was no more room, Darry and Sodapop ran back to their house and to get the keys to the car. With Darry driving with little regard for the road laws they arrived at the hospital in seven minutes...where they had discovered that Ponyboy had crashed. Since the ambulance had made it on time after Ponyboy breathe, they were able to regain Ponyboy's life back with ease. Infection had begun to settle in and antibiotics were promptly administered.

Yet still it was the stress of knowing they had lost their youngest brother two times that made the oldest brothers come undone.

And now, staring at Ponyboy who was hooked to various machines to make sure he was breathing properly and fight infection, Sodapop blamed himself. And in the process made himself sick:

Sodapop was barely able to get to the toilet before he threw up.

He had lost his brother not once….but twice. It was a scary thought. What if…what if they hadn't been able to get to him on time? What if the ambulance hadn't gotten there on time and Ponyboy crashed there? What if….

What if?

Sodapop let out a cry as he shut his eyes tightly though that did nothing to prevent the tears from escaping.

"Hey, hey, hey….." Steve murmured pulling some paper towels out of the dispenser, "It'll be okay." He kneeled and wiped Sodapop's mouth before tossing the paper in the garbage.

"I could have lost my brother tonight, Steve", Sodapop cried hanging onto the toilet. "I might still could. He developed infection in his lungs…."

"I will not have you talking like that! Do you hear me?" Steve snapped. Sodapop sniffed but didn't say anything. Steve continued gentling his voice, "Come on, man! Ponyboy will bounce back. The kid is tough", he reassured.

"It's all my fault!" Sodapop cried after a moment of silence had passed with just his sniffing to interrupt it.

"Soda…." There was a warning in Steve's voice.

"It is!" Sodapop snapped.

"Fine, I'll humor you. How is it your fault?" Steve asked.

"Cause, I shoulda gone after Ponyboy."

"What are you talking about?" Steve was confused.

"Ponyboy came home late. He slept in the lot with Johnny and lost track of time. Darry had been worried and he was mad when he came home. Darry and Pony got into an argument and I tried to break it up. Darry yelled at me and then Pony yelled at Darry for yelling at me. Darry snapped……and….."Sodapop sniffed.

"And what…?" Steve asked feeling some dread.

"And then Darry pushed Ponyboy!" Sodapop cried, "Ponyboy ran out the house. If only I had run after Pony…..if only I had kept my trap shut and let the two duke it out as always. Then Ponyboy wouldn't have ran away….he mighta just when to bed angry. I shoulda done something! Anything!" Sodapop started sobbing, burying his head in his arms on the toliet.

It was a moment before Steve could get over the shock. He shook his head to get rid of said shock.

Then he reached out and clutched Sodapop's arm, making him looking up. His voice was firm when he spoke, "Soda…this isn't your fault."

At this Sodapop let out a keening sound before opening his mouth, "I don't want to hear it, Soda" Steve cut off the protest that was beginning to build and continued, "Darry messed up and I know he feels bad about it. But there isn't anything you could have done. You cannot blame yourself, man. It's those Socs. Regardless of what happened, those Socs shouldn't have jumped Ponyboy or Johnny…in fact they shouldn't have been in our neighborhood to begin with."

He paused and Sodapop sniffed. "If anyone is to blame it's those Socs."

Steve may have had a point but it didn't make Sodapop feel any better. He still felt it was somehow his fault.

He blinked away the tears he thought he had run out of as he continued to look at Ponyboy. The doctor had told them that he was lucky to be alive. It was way too close of a call. But now they had infection to deal with. The antibiotics should fight it but it would be awhile before any headway was made. That and they had to make sure that Ponyboy was getting enough oxygen.

"I'm gonna go check on Johnny", Two-bit said quietly as he stood up, just as Dallas came striding in.

Everyone's head snapped up.

"Hey, Johnny…?" Darry was cut off before he could finish asking.

"Calm down…he awoke but he was out of it so they gave him a sedative. I waited a few moments but he should be down for little while. Thought I'd check on everyone here", Dallas said leaning on the door frame.

There was a collective sigh of relief.

"What do you mean, he was out of it when he woke up?" Steve asked.

"I think he thinks that Ponyboy is dead and is blaming himself", Dallas answered.

"He passed out as I was trying to tell him Ponyboy was okay. I don't think he heard me", Sodapop spoke up not taking his glaze off his younger brother.

"I think the stress level had gotten to him by then, but he is not to blame", Darry said, "If anything, we owe him...big. He was the one that ran all the way back to get us. If he hadn't…."

Silence reigned for a moment.

"Speaking of, we could actually tell two others in here that they aren't to blame either", Steve said glaring at Sodapop in particular.

"Hey, if I hadn't pushed him, he wouldn't have left", Darry justified.

"And if I had either kept my trap shut Pony wouldn't have left or if I had gone after him I might have done some good", Sodapop murmured.

Darry looked up at Sodapop surprised evident in his face. "Are you serious? Why are you blaming yourself for this?"

"What?" Sodapop looked at him.

"You are blaming yourself for this? Don't be stupid man!"

"Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black?" Two-bit asked with a small growl flipping a card continuously in his hand.

Darry glared at him, "That is different. I pushed Pony. I never raised a hand to him. Never. I never hurt him like that. I never wanted to. I just snapped, but it's no excuse…and to think that if I hadn't had the chance to apologize, to make it right...I would have never forgiven myself."

"And if I had kept my mouth shut you never would have yelled at me, which made Pony yell at you which made you snap", Sodapop said slinking down in his chair, despair coming off him in waves, "Or gone after him, and maybe could have stopped the fight long enough to get Pony and Johnny to safety…whichever."

"Sodapop…I won't let you blame yourself for this!" Darry said firmly glaring at his other brother across the bed of his youngest.

"Tough luck!" Sodapop snorted, "You're blaming yourself so I get to blame myself."

"Well it is my fault…."

"No it isn't!"

"Yeah...it is. If anyone gets to take some blame it's me."

"Don't be stupid, Darry."

"Helllllllo, what about the Socs? Can't we put some blame on them, too?" Steve interjected mad that everyone was forgetting the real culprits here.

"Of course we do. They are to blame as well. I'm just saying if I hadn't pushed him…."

"Or if I injected……or just ran after him…."

"I can't believe we are going through this again", Two-bit moaned holding his head.

"Well it's true…." Sodapop argued.

"Little brother, I will not have you doing this to yourself. You already look sick", Darry said noticing the slight lack of color in Sodapop's face.

"Yeah, barely made it to the bathroom before it came out", Steve said.

"What? Sodapop, you cannot blame yourself. You are making yourself sick. You made yourself sick. I won't have it" Darry said with a small growl.

Sodapop's eyes flashed, "Yes, I can….if..."

"SHUT THE HECK UP!"

The room got silent. Crickets probably hushed up too. Every one snapped their heads towards Dallas' direction. Dallas had listened to this conversation and started getting more and more angry.

Didn't help that he already had a slight headache.

And when it seemed the conversation was getting ready to go in a circle for the umpteenth time he blew up.

"I'm itchin'….positively itching to bash both of ya'll heads in", Dallas growled at the Curtis'. "Keep it up, and trust me, I will."

Darry and Sodapop exchanged glances. Steve looked smug and happy while Two-bit was still blinking at the outburst.

Dallas pushed himself off the door frame. "You people are getting on my nerves with all this guilt tripping. Johnny is blaming himself, Darry is blaming himself and Soda is blaming himself. When the heck does it end? Huh?" he glared at the latters before looking at Two-bit and Steve as well including them in his next train of thought.

"If anything we should be coming up with a plan to beat the crap out of those Socs."

"Preach on, my bro'ther!" Steve called out in an exaggerated southern accent, raising his hand slightly. Two-bit sniggered at this.

"That's who the blame lays with."

"Amen!" Steve injected again, hitting the table for emphasis. He nodded vigorously, before looking intently at Dallas to see what else he says. Two-bit gave a bark of laughter at Steve's antics. Briefly amusement shone in Darry's and Sodapop's eyes.

Dallas stared at Steve a moment with a raised eyebrow, before he rolled his eyes and looked at the oldest greaser in the room, "Darry, you messed up…guess what…you deal with it! When Ponyboy wakes up, and he will, you deal with the mess you made. No excuses, no nothing…if you gotta grovel for the kid's forgiveness, guess what, man, you grovel!"

He turned to Sodapop, "And Soda, you cannot spend the rest of your 'effing life dealing with what-ifs. That will kill you, okay? What happened, happened. Who the heck knows what coulda happened if you ran after Ponyboy? Maybe you could've gotten hurt too, I don't know. If you had kept your mouth shut, Ponyboy and Darry might have still been at odds with each other right now. I don't know. And if Johnny hadn't ran to get you two, he might have gotten hurt and then Ponyboy still might have gotten hurt. I. Don't. Know. And the basic 'effing point of this is, guess wha? You. Don't. Know, either! So come off it man!"

Dallas growled, "Now, you all need to come to grips with reality and deal with what is going on. When Pony wakes up he'll need you two. And when Johnny wakes up, he'll need us as well."

Dallas breathed once and ran a hand through his hair, "Now I've got an 'effing headache from dealing with ya'll's 'effing guilt trips that don't make a lick of 'effing sense. Now…… I'm gonna go back to Johnny's 'effing room, before I 'effing kill someone and land myself in 'effing jail……AGAIN!"

And with that Dallas stomped out of the room.

The room was stunned for a moment until...

.

.

.

.

.

"AAAA-MEN!" Steve gave a whooping cry, standing up, raising an arm with a clench fist in the air for emphasis.

Two-bit cracked up laughing like a hyena at this. He near fell out of his seat.

And suddenly Sodapop and Darry could no longer hold back their laughter as they joined in.

TBC…


A.N: ROFL! I don't know about anyone else but Dallas cracked up me up at the end and Steve too. I was laughing writing it.

I know we've been missing Johnny. Don't worry, he'll be back and we'll get him straighten around.