It was only when she flinched at the way he clutched her shoulder that he remembered that this was not what she needed right now.
"Deanna." He whispered.
"It's alright." She moved her lips back to his.
"No." He pressed his forehead to hers. "It's not."
"Will."
"Something's wrong." He exhaled slowly leaning his head back until he could look her in the eye. "I got your light duty forms today."
"Will.." Her voice was softer this time, apologetic.
"The Captain and Beverly signed off of them over a week ago." He was using that low near whisper of a voice he used when he was hurt. Deanna bit her lower lip and reached out her empathy to meet the soft feelings of disappointment and concern that were seeping out from underneath the closed door of his mind. She collected it into her allowing the her guilt to touch him.
"I asked them for time to tell you on my own. I didn't want you to find out about it in some briefing." She took a deep breath. "I kept trying to tell you, but I just couldn't seem to bring myself-."
"Deanna.."
"Will.. The bruises, nothing happened. Not with Worf.. or anything like that. I'm-." He cupped her face with one large palm, brushing the tears off her cheek with his thumb. "Will, I'm sick." He looked at her, his head shaking in unspoken questions. "Beverly's doing what she can." She brought her hand up to cover his, taking a deep breath and stealing her deep brown eyes on his. He felt her calm wash over him, trying to ground him for what was about to come. "But it could be fatal."
…
"I owe Worf an apology." He whispered softly, his breath tickled the skin on her temple. "Jesus."
"It's okay. He understands." She stretched her fingers out and back again in reassuring strokes.
"You don't know what I said.." He rubbed his hand across his face.
"You don't know what I said." She sighed.
"What do you mean?"
"He was with me, when I found out." She winced at the pang of jealously that shot though him, her hand fluttering up and caressing his cheek. "We were in Beverly's office, I was just reacting.."
"I'm sure it was fine."
"It wasn't." She smirks, her head swaying carefully from left to right.
"Deanna, this illness."
"Beverly's willing to answer your questions." She said softly. "I told her to tell you what ever you wanted to know."
"You said there was a treatment?" He felt the change in her emotions, the guilt slipped away as the fear moved in. Fear and something else he couldn't quite put his finger on.
"Yes." The word slipped out of her in a whisper. "It's.. unconventional."
His mind was reeling now, thinking about trips to star bases, or even earth. Yes, she'd go to Starfleet Medical. Or a hospital on Betazed. He'd take leave and go with her. Beverly would manage her care when she could, but there would be specialists, new treatments.
"The treatment isn't a guaranteed cure." She pulled herself up and looked at him. "And it.. It comes with it's own consequences."
"Consequences?"
"Will.. the best chance I have at recovery.." She stilled, pressing her lips together tightly as if she was afraid the words would slip out. Will suddenly remembered one of Beverly's last unconventional treatments. He remembered Ambassador Alkar, he remembered Beverly and the hypo spray of dylamodon. The gentlest way. His chest tightens and Deanna inhales sharply at the force of the memory. "Will..?" She reached out her fingertips and touches his cheek right below his temple. He shakes his head.
"The treatment?" He guided her back, trying to force that particular day and that particular illness from his head.
"Will.. Beverly feels that if I were to.." This was why she'd waited, she realizes, why she couldn't bring herself to tell him. This was the moment when she had ended things with Worf, this is the moment that she fears she will end things Will as well, despite the differing reasons. "Beverly feels that the only cure is.."
"Deanna?"
"Pregnancy."
...
He knew he should say something.
He's not sure what, but he was sure that the soft grunting noises of surprise he's making are not therapeutic.
Deanna's eyes, swept carefully over the wall, the floor, her lap.
The word hung out there, untouched.
"Pregnancy?" He stammered after a few minutes.
"Yes." She said softly.
"As in.." He grunted again.
"As in getting pregnant, Will." She rolled her eyes then. It was too hard not to. "As in with a child."
"A child." The word sounded both magical and terrifying on his lips. She nodded. "How will that..?"
"Fetal Stem cells passed between the mother and child during pregnancy." She said softly. "Beverly feels that it can repair the damage that the disease process has caused to my body."
"It's the only way to-?" He sounded like this is unbelievable, like it was something made up. He didn't feel that way, but it's how he heard the words leaving his lips.
"She's been treating me, but it's difficult to know where the stem cells are needed. it's been a race against the clock and she is constantly playing catch up. The link between mother and child would instantly send the cells to the correct locations, when they were needed, in the correct amounts. Something Beverly can't do." Deanna stopped, her eyes taking him in for the first time since she'd let him in on her dilemma. "Believe me I understand how it sounds."
"So you're-?" He looked instinctively down at her midsection. He thought of Worf and swallowed hard.
"I haven't decided on anything yet Will." She said quickly. "It's not a decision one makes lightly." She pulled back from him and stood gingerly. "It's not like Beverly can just inject me and be done with it." Will snorted loudly and Deanna shot him a look. He helds his hand up, attempting to stop the burst of laughter, or her burst of anger, she can't be sure.
She joined him after a few seconds.
"You know what I mean." She giggled, before leaning hard on the back of a nearby chair. Will's laughter stopped, remembering how sick she is. He lifts himself from the couch and goes to her side.
"Easy Deanna." He sighed, his hands resting against her shoulders to steady her. "You okay?"
"I'm tired Will." She whispered, her head leaning forward until it's settled against his bicep. He grimaced and pressed his palm against her cheek and then her forehead.
"Your fevers back." He reported, she groaned against him. "Let's go see Beverly." She started to protest but it dies on her lips. "I have some questions for her anyway."
..
He had to carry her the last few feet into Sickbay. Crusher looked up in alarm when he enters.
"Will?"
"Another fever." He reported. "She's dizzy too, seems dehydrated."
Beverly nodded over the hum of her tricorder, pointing at the bed against the wall. Will laid her down carefully, brushing the light curls from her face. She closed her eyes and leans toward his palm.
"Deanna I'm going to give you something to help you rest." She murmured, going to work on the opposite side of Riker. Will raised an eyebrow at Deanna softly and she smiled at him, tracing her fingers over the hand holding hers. Beverly watched her readouts. "I'm going to give you another treatment as well."
The Betazoid nodded softly before fixing her gaze back on Will. He stroked her forehead as Crusher injects her, watching her eyes drift shut.
"Just relax Deanna." She told her. Will felt her grip loosen before switching his glance to Beverly. "She told you?" He nodded. "She'll be asleep for a while. Why don't you come to my office? I can answer your questions." The doctors blue lab coat swayed as she made her way out the door.
He pressed his lips to Deanna's forehead before following in Beverly's wake.
