Katniss Pov
I collapse on the floor next to where I vomited. Peeta walks over to me and slips his arms underneath my legs and back, cradling me in his arms. He lifts me, and when the elevator door opens, he rushes us to the room. I feel like I'm suffocating. I press my nose into his chest. It's bare so I can smell him. Not the scents of the capitol. He smells like him. Dill and cinnamon with a hint of roses from the showers.
I close my eyes and focus on breathing.
He sets me down on my bed. I open my eyes to meet his. He hands me a cold wet rag and a cup of water. I thank him.
He goes to walk away but I grab his hand. "Please stay."
He shakes his head, not meeting my eyes. "I can't. Not tonight."
I'm disappointed but I understand. Tomorrow our hell starts. I don't sleep. I spend hour after hour tossing and turning until finally I get up and walk around the floor.
It's the same place we stayed before the games. The tribut center. First I walk into the dinning area. Everything in here is blue, green, and purple.
I pass by a little bar where Haymitch spends most of his time. I reach for a bottle with a copper liquid. I unscrew the cap and sniff it. This will do.
It burns going down my throat but the warm feeling in my body is welcoming.
Before I know it, I've downed the whole thing. My hands reach for some sweets but my hands don't do what I want and I knock over the bowl. I laugh as the candies scatter across the floor.
I walk over to an armless statue and put my arm around it. "I'm so sorry you're missing your arms. Peeta doesn't have a leg, maybe you two could be friends. But not to close, because he's mine."
"Katniss?" I hear from behind me.
Peeta stands at the foot of the hall in a thin robe. I smile when I see him. He's so pretty. Such a pretty boy. I can see why all the ladies are after him.
"Katniss, you're drunk."
I didn't realize it, but I had said that out loud.
"Am not!" I say throwing my arm out. The bottle slips out of my hand and shatters as it hits the floor. I cover my mouth and giggle.
Peeta sighs.
I run towards him but my feet and my mind aren't on the same track. I stumble down the stairs that lead to the living room.
Peeta runs over to me and grabs my hand. "You're bleeding."
I look at my hand. He's right, I landed in the broken glass from the bottle. When did that happen? Peeta seems to be spinning.
I place a hand on his face and say,"why are you spinning?"
His hands goes underneath my body and lifts me into his arms. "Come on. You're drunk. I need to take care of your cuts."
"Peeta how are you so beautiful?" I ask him. I see a hint of a smile on his face. I place a hand on his chest and run it down towards the strings holding his robe together.
"Katniss, no!" He scolds.
"You're body is hot. H.O.T. Hot! Seeing you in that speedo made me hot."
"Sit." He says putting me on the toilet. Why is he ignoring my complement?
He takes my hand and I wince in pain. "This is going to hurt." He says before pouring a clear liquid on it. It burns. Then he takes a bandage wrap, and wraps my arm.
"Thank you,"I say then leaning in to kiss him.
He pulls away after a second. Then he stands up and helps me to his bed. "Come on, let's get you to bed." I sit down on the bed and before he can walk away, I wrap my arms around his waist and pull him down to the bed.
He lands with a thud against the mattress. I run my fingers through his hair and tug his lips towards mine. He bites my lip and kisses me one last time before pulling away. "Time to sleep,"he says.
I wake up with a pounding headache. I groan in pain.
Peeta walks in to the room with two cups and hands me one. "You'll need this. I had it specially ordered."
I drink it and instantly feel a thousand times better.
"What happened?" I ask looking at my hand.
"You drank a whole bottle of liquor by yourself. When I walked in you were telling a mannequin how pretty I am. Then you dropped the bottle and stumbled down the stairs."
"Ugh, I feel like I've been hit with a pound of bricks. What else?"
He smiles and shakes his head,"you got a little handsy."
"What!" I loom at him horrified.
"I couldn't sleep because you kept trying to force your hands down my pants."
"Oh no. I'm so sorry," I say.
"It alright. Your prep team is waiting for you. I begged them to let you sleep and extra half hour."
"Thank you."
After hours of being plucked, bleached, and filed, my body reminds me of one of those Barbie dolls the capitol was advertising for little girls.
I'm put into a simple black dress. Only my underwear is completely lace and see through. Peeta comes out in a black suit. You would think that we were going to a nice dinner party or something.
"Got the pills?" Haymitch asks us.
We both pull out the containers.
"Good luck. Remember, greet your guest. Be polite,"Effie says as if we were hosting a party. She fixes a stray hair. She looks more worried than usual. Not as perky.
"Thank you, Effie." I say.
She smiles a fake smile. Or maybe it's the only genuine smile I've ever seen from her. It's hard to tell sometimes with her.
"Let's go,"she says softly. She looks like she's about to cry.
We arrive at building I don't recognize. Inside there are two smaller waiting rooms where Peeta and I will be separated. They both lead into the room where we'll be 'performing'.
"Right this way, Ms Everdeen." A lady says leading me into the room. A man takes Peeta to the other one.
Inside there is food and water bottles. I can imagine wanting to eat before this. There's a silk robe hanging on a hanger. A note and white rose lays on the table. I walk over to look at it.
"Ms Everdeen, congratulations on your first patron. The money will be sent to your home. Please keep this robe as a token to remember this night. I look forward to seeing how it goes. May the odds be ever in your favor.
-President Snow"
I feel sick.
I take one of the water bottles and pop the pill in my mouth. Time to get this over with. Behind the robe is a set of white lingerie. It says wear me on a note attached to it.
I quickly change and put on the robe. I look in the mirror and don't even recognize myself.
A knock on the door tells me it's time.
With shaking hands I open the door. Peeta walks out just as I do. The patron sits on a couch that rests facing the bed. It's a big bed.
I swallow hard.
"Welcome!" The patron says,"I know it's both of yours first time. So I want you to take as long as you need. I'm patient as long as you put on a good show." He winks. "And you might feel a little awkward, but don't worry. Act as if I'm not here. I'll give you some pointers though."
Peeta is the first to speak. "Thank you," he says softly. But not in the soft way he uses with me when we're together, but a timid scared soft.
Peeta takes my hand and looks me in the eyes carefully. He leads me to the bed and leans in to whisper in my ear. "Just follow my lead."
He starts out kissing my lips. Then my neck. His hands reach out to caress my cheek. His lips feel mechanical against mine. I wonder if this is how it felt when I kissed him during the games. Fake.
He moves his hand to my thigh and pulls me closer to him. He takes his time with each kiss. As if he was trying to postpone everything.
"Take her robe off."
Peeta tenses and his fingers move to slip the robe of my shoulders. I do the same to him. Peeta kisses by my ear and says,"I'm going to lean you back. And kiss you. I want you to whimper."
He does Ashe says, and as he kisses my stomach and legs, I let out a fake soft whimper. It sounds horrible to me but it must sit well with the patron because he lets out a soft groan.
"Take it all off."
Peeta sits up slowly and takes off his underwear. I know he's doing it to distract him from forcing me out of my clothes.
"Wait a minute, you aren't even hard yet? With a girl like that, how could you not be? Want some liquid courage?" He holds up a bottle like the one from last night.
Peeta sits uncomfortably and clears his throat,"just give me a minute. It's a lot to take in."
Peeta slips the pill in his mouth before the guy can notice. Then he grabs himself and slowly starts to move his hand. I try to avoid looking at his body. I focus on my hands.
"Wait, I want her to do that."
I look at Peeta in terror. He guides my hand to his thigh and whispers,"just wrap your hand around it. Then move up and down."
I brace myself before I reach out and grab him member. I don't look. It's softer than I thought it'd be. Peeta closes his eyes and bites his lip. He's trying not to feel pleasure, I can tell. He tries to still his hips from thrusting into my hand, but every once in a while he slips. He grips the sheets.
"I think we're good," he says after about two minutes.
I glance down for a quick second out of curiosity. It's thick and pink. There's a clear liquid coming out of the tip. It's a lot longer than I thought it'd be. And I'm suddenly scared of how it's going to fit.
Peeta stands up and moves in front of me. He reaches for the clasp to my bra and fumbles with it for a minute. When he gets it, he continues to cover me.
He helps me onto the middle of the bed. His hands cup my breasts and his fingers ghost over my nipples making them hard. I could be the pill kicking in, but I feel my center starting to get wet and hot.
He bites my neck and whispers,"I'm going to get close to um.. down there. Every once in a while moan my name and grin my hair or the sheets."
I want to ask him why but I know that I have to trust him. I'm guessing the look I gave him is concerning because he says,"please trust me."
He moves down my body slowly. His hands slip into the top of my panties, and I become very tense. I know he's going to see me. All of me.
No one beside my mom and my prep team have seen me naked before. His movements are gentle and he makes eye contact with me, making sure I'm okay but I can't meet eyes with him for long. It's too personal.
Intimate.
His hands brace my thighs. Then he moves his thumb to run down my slit. I bite my lip. It's extremely sensitive.
"You're so wet,"he says out loud. I know it's for show but I can help but feel self-concious. Then he slips a finger into my fold and I squeak.
"Spread her wider. I want to see her."
Peeta tenses and closes his eyes before slowly moving away and spreading my legs wider. I want to scream and run but for the sake of Prim, I stay there and try to think of anything else.
I hear a groan coming from his direction and I try not to look, but I have to. The patron is rubbing himself and now I really wished I didn't look. Peeta returns to his place and mouths "don't look."
I focus on the ceiling and count tiles.
He pushes another finger in, this one a little deeper. I bite my lip. This pill is making everything sensitive to his touch.
I let out another fake moan.
He goes in deeper.
Another moan.
Slowly he moves his fingers in and out. My hips start to move on their own with his fingers. And for the first time I let out a real moan.
"Peeta,"I gasp.
Then he leans his head in and I feel his lips touch my core. His nose presses against a spot that makes me actually have to grip the sheets. That's when his tongue slips inside me and I reach down to grab his curls.
This actually feels kinda good. I'm sure it would feel a thousand times better if we were doing this on our own. If we weren't forced to do this, I would hope that someday Peeta and I can do this out of want and love. But we don't have that luxury.
His tongue runs across my whole slit and back in. I moan his name again and my hips thrust against his face. I inwardly curse myself for that.
I hate how good this feels. Just another thing for Snow to take away from me.
He groans against my core, sending shocks through my body. He sucks on that spot where his nose touched earlier and my legs start to shake.
He inserts his fingers back into me and thrusts them a little faster than before. I try not to scream too loudly. Or maybe I should. It would make a great show.
Peeta starts to pull away from me. He comes back up to my head and presses a kiss to my lips. It's weird kissing him, knowing where he's been.
And honestly, I'm a little afraid how he knew how to do that so well.
"Good job," he whispers. I meet his eyes and they look blank. No expression or feeling.
"Now it's her turn." The man says.
Oh no. I don't know how to do any oth this.
Peeta says,"just lick it a few times and put it in your mouth. You'll want to bob your head up and down."
But the guy catches what he says and comments,"she's never sucked you off before?"
Peeta shakes his head.
"This will be good. I love coaching." I tense even more.
"Get on your knees,"the man says,"and put your hand at the base of his cock."
I do as he says hesitantly.
"Spit on your hand."
I look up to Peeta but he just nods. So I do that too.
"Now move your hand like you did before, like this," the guy says showing me on himself. I don't watch, I just focus on Peeta, whose hand is making circles on his thigh.
"Now put your mouth on him and lick it." His skin tastes salty.
"Suck on the tip."
The guy gets up and stands near us. I feel even more uncomfortable but I keep reminding myself that he can't touch us. We have a deal.
I put the tip in my mouth, careful not to scrape my teeth against him. I don't want to hurt Peeta. That's when I feel a hand push my head down. He hits the back of my throats hard and I chock.
"What the hell! You can't touch her!" Peeta says angrily. The man backs away and says,"just showing her how to do it. Peeta continues to glare at the guy.
"Are you okay?" Peeta asks me. No but I nod anyways.
I start to bob my head on his member for a little bit. Peeta bites back moans but they slip out. His hip snaps up, forcing him in my throats a little farther than appreciated, but I don't chock.
This doesn't go on for long though. He stops me and says,"I won't be able to last." I don't understand his meaning, but I do as he says.
Peeta lays me back down ont the bed and says,"time for the real thing." I look at him terrified. "I'll be gentle."
He climbs in between my legs. I watch as he lines himself up with me. I close my eyes tightly as he starts to push inside me. It hurts. I feel like I'm being torn in half. Tears slip from my eyes as he breaks a barrier inside me. I whimper and he freezes.
"I'm so sorry,"he whispers. I open my eyes to find him crying. I wipe a tear from his cheek to let him know I'm okay and it's not his fault. He pushes in more until he can't go anymore. Peeta starts to pull out, and then thrusts back into my slowly. He stops again to let me adjust.
Once I'm more adjusted, he starts to thrust more frequently. I watch as he bites his lip and close his eyes. He suppresses a groan.
This goes on for a while until his body stills and I feel his member twitch inside me before a hot fluid fills me.
Peeta collapses on me but quickly rolls to the side. He pulls me into his body, trying to protect me. "I'm sorry,"he whispers.
But I'm just numb to everything.
As we walk to the elevator, I notice the looks Peeta is giving me.
"Stop looking at me like I'm a hurt child."I gumble.
"Sorry. It's just- you're limping. And I know I'm the reason. I'm so sorry."
"Stop. If we're going to get through this, you have to stop apologizing. It's not your fault. You were raped just as much as I was. So stop apologizing. We're in this together."
He nods. The rest of the walk is silent.
When I get into my room, I close the door before Peeta can follow me. I need to be alone. I rest against the door and slide to the floor. I sigh and that's when I start to cry. I have to remind myself my will to live; Prim.
