Sasuke's No Good Very Bad Teammates

Summary: Naruto and Sakura have gone insane.

Or: Just after becoming Team 7 Naruto and Sakura go through a massive shift in personality, leaving Sasuke out of the loop and wondering what in the name of sanity could have happened to them. His only consolation is that Kakashi is just as weirded out as he is.


Chapter 3

Sasuke felt his eye twitching. He counted to ten, taking a deep breath.

"Why don't we hang out with Ino and her team?"

"Eh, I don't know."

His teammates were ridiculous.

"Come on, Naruto, it'll be fun! They'd like you, trust me!"

"I don't feel like it. Let's do something else."

Completely and utterly ridiculous.

"Oh, I know! I could come over to your place and help out a bit. I could teach you how to cook."

"I know how to cook! Why wouldn't I?"

"I mean real cooking, not just ramen."

They'd been going in circles for ages now, trying to come up with something to do after training. If they wanted to spend time together so badly, why didn't they just do it? What did it matter what they did? They kept talking past each other.

It was like watching a bunch of kittens, clumsy and stumbling around each other awkwardly.

"How about we go train some more?"

"But we just did that!"

"Yeah, but we can do more! I can help! Don't you want to become a stronger shinobi?"

"Becoming stronger isn't everything, Naruto. Come on, we could make friends with Team 10! Shikamaru and Chōji are super nice, and Ino isn't as much of a prick as she wants you to think."

"But Sakura–"

And on it went. Ridiculous and absolutely frustrating to listen to. Sasuke had enough of it. "Just invite them to have dinner at your place. You can show him how to cook then!"

There was silence, both of his teammates staring at him.

"That's… actually a good idea," Sakura said, looking at him wide-eyed. "Thank you, Sasuke."

"Hn." He crossed his arms, turning to head home. He should have left ages ago, but listening to those two dancing around each other had been painful. "You were getting on my nerves."

"Wait! Sasuke!" Naruto yelled after him. "Don't you want to come too?"

As if he wanted to spend more time with his crazy teammates. Sasuke ignored him and kept walking.

The biggest incident by far happened just a few days later, its aftermath witnessed by the entire village. And while Sasuke had no proof, he just knew Sakura and Naruto had something to do with it. They had to.

It all began with a shady old guy with bandages around his head and covering one eye. Sasuke felt like he knew him from somewhere, but he wasn't sure. He saw Naruto talking to him, casually on the streets and forgettable if it was anyone but Naruto. Because Naruto didn't interact with adults, excluding Iruka and Kakashi, unless he was being scolded for some prank he pulled.

Even then, he still didn't think much of it at first. But Naruto started to disappear for long periods of time. Always after training or missions, always when Kakashi and Sakura were elsewhere. He knew, because more than once Sakura asked him if he'd seen Naruto anywhere. She obviously didn't know what he was up to, either.

Sasuke caught him once, looking around suspiciously as if to make sure nobody was following him. "Naruto?"

"A-Ah! Sasuke! Sorry, but I don't have any time right now. Training, you know."

Sasuke frowned. "But we already finished for today."

"Oh yeah. Not with Kakashi."

"Wait. You're training with somebody else?"

There was that grin again. Like Naruto knew something that he didn't. "Let's just say that somebody is really interested in my… skills."

How Sasuke hated that grin. And please, what skills could Naruto possibly be talking about? Maybe Naruto had been quick to pull off Kakashi's chakra exercise (Sasuke was not still salty about being the last of their team to master it. He wasn't.), but they were still genin. What special skill could Naruto have that would be of interest for somebody other than their genin instructor?

It was only a bit later, walking with Sakura in the evening that he saw the shady old guy again. He was walking with the Third, leaving the Hokage's office, and Sasuke remembered. He even forgot his efforts to ignore his teammate. "Isn't that the council guy? Next to Hokage-sama?"

"Hmm?" Sakura looked over, surprised to hear him initiate a conversation.

"I saw him with Naruto once. Didn't remember until now who–"

"With Danzō?!" Sakura gaped at him, eyes wide with… was that panic? "Oh no, he won't!"

With that she dashed away, leaving Sasuke feeling like he'd made a horrible mistake.

The next day Konoha woke up to an uproar. Literally. Noises had dragged Sasuke out of his sleep deep at night, and only the ANBU dashing past his window stopped him from investigating himself. This looked serious.

His assumption was proven right in the morning, on his walk towards their usual meeting place. Konoha was a mess. He stared at the craters that had opened overnight, blocked by fences and ANBU. Even from his viewpoint he could see the tunnels underneath, and if the rumors flying around were true, those weren't the only revelation by far.

"They say a stranger uncovered the hideout by punching straight through. They fought Danzō one on one!"

"–incredible, Danzō is said to be an elite shinobi. What strength–"

"–you hear? Danzō is supposed to have the Sharingan! Stole it back before the massacre happened, they say–"

"–that freakish arm of his. How was he even allowed on the council?"

"–disappeared as soon as the ANBU came. That's right, left Danzō behind just in time to be shipped off to interrogation."

He let the snippets of gossip wash over him, paying more attention than he'd want to admit.

The only thing everybody seemed to agree on was that Danzō had been arrested and nobody quite knew what to do with him.

Sasuke meanwhile took great care not to think about the mysterious stranger too much, and kept going to their usual training ground. He arrived just in time to walk in on a conversation between his teammates.

Or rather an argument, from the sound of it.

"–didn't know! I thought Danzō had gotten to you. How could I have known that you're... well, you!"

"It's called infiltration, duh! And you ruined it!"

"It worked out, didn't it?"

There was a moment of silence. Sakura and Naruto looked at each other like they were seeing each other for the first time.

"I can't believe it's you! Why didn't you say anything?"

"I thought you were acting differently because I was acting differently! Why didn't you say anything?"

"...Same here. Does that mean–?" Naruto paused, and it sounded like he was afraid to form the next sentence. "What about Sasuke?"

Sakura looked at the ground. "No. I asked him before. Sort of."

A sigh. "Yeah, me too. Guess we're on our own then."

And alright, that was about as much weirdness as Sasuke could handle. He turned around, not faltering in his steps once. He would just tell them he'd been sick or something.

Sasuke knew it was getting ridiculous. He couldn't keep avoiding them like this for much longer, and he knew he should talk to someone about their insane – and worrying – behavior. But not yet.

Sasuke left, leaving his teammates behind and doing his best to ignore the gigantic crater in the middle of Konoha.


A/N: You can check out my profile or my tumblr page (xxgwenstacyxx) to keep up to date on when the next chapter will be posted! I've started putting the dates up, there. :)

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~Gwen