I can't tell if you're laughing,
Between each smile there's a tear in your eye.
There's a train leaving town in an hour — it's not waiting for you,
And neither am I.
"Back so soon?" Dr. Romano stepped into the examination room where Emma was uncomfortably seated as she awaited the first OBGYN visit of her third pregnancy.
"Well, clearly we weren't planning on being here," Emma twitched, feeling judged.
"Oh, honey, it's alright. These things happen. At least your babies won't be nine months apart. Trust me, I've seen it," The doctor chided, "Well, you know the drill, so let's go ahead and get started here."
Will stroked Emma's hair while the doctor went through the usual procedure, chattering away at how everything looked normal. "So how's your oldest doing with the new baby?"
The loaded question came as no surprise, and Will answered something they'd rehearsed for anyone who asked to hear. "She's still adjusting, but she's going to be okay. Lily's a strong girl, she's making her way."
"That's good, that's good," Dr. Romano measured Emma's stomach before placing a hand on her knee. "You know what's next."
"I do," Emma huffed, lying on her back while Will made faces to entertain her as the doctor took a look between her knees.
They left with an ultrasound and a pamphlet on raising multiple babies, which Emma had read front and back twice by the time they arrived home.
"Do we have to pick up our children now?" Will asked as they pulled into the driveway that same Monday afternoon. Lily had a preview day in her new preschool, where Mrs. Klark showed her around and introduced her to the other children in the class before she would officially start the next day when her paperwork would go through the proper offices.
"It's probably the right thing to do," Emma groaned, wanting more alone time with her husband. They'd been doing marvelously at spending quality time together since their fight two weeks previous, but that didn't mean they were completely satisfied.
"How about you pick them up and I'll start dinner?" He offered, taking a manila folder of information in his hand as he opened his car door. Emma met him at the other side with a kiss, agreeing to the suggestion and headed next door to pick up her son and daughter.
She rapped on the door lightly before letting herself in, panicked at the sight of Scott sitting on the sofa with a bloody rag under his nose while Sarah nursed his injury, giving a glance in Emma's direction.
"Oh, oh gosh, what—"
"It wasn't Lily," Sarah assured her, "He was standing on a stool, helping me with dinner and he fell face first into the counter. This kid has the worst luck, I swear, Child Protective Services is going to be after me if he's got one more bruise on him. But he's fine, right, buddy?"
Scott held his thumbs up and gave a barely audible, "I'm good!" Through the bloody cloth on his face.
"Thank goodness," Emma's heart rate decreased and she took time to notice Luke on the floor, reaching in front of himself for a stuffed elephant. "Hi, baby," She moved to sit next to him, taking his excited frame into her arms, kissing his cheeks and nuzzling her nose into his neck. "Where's Lily?"
"She is being serenaded by Nick in his room," Sarah said with a laugh. "He's learning to play the recorder at school and she's in love with him now. He's played Happy Birthday about twenty-eight times since he got home, so I asked them to close the door. You can call them both out, Nicky needs to clean up for dinner."
Emma placed her son back on the carpet, not wanting Lily to be upset with his presence as she made her way down the hall, slowly opening the door furthest to the end of the hall, revealing a teary-eyed Lily and a comforting Nick as he attempted to soothe her.
"What's wrong, guys?" She asked, assuming it was something minor.
Nick looked up, feeling guilty. "I accidentally stepped on her toes. I didn't mean it, it was just an accident. I stepped backwards and I didn't know she was so close."
"It's okay, it's okay," Emma smiled gently, sitting to pull Lily into a hug and ruffle Nick's blonde hair. "I know you didn't do it on purpose. Lily does too, right?"
Lily nodded, sucking her bottom lip into her mouth. "But it still hurts really bad!"
"I'm sure it does, baby." Emma rubbed the toes, which were only the slightest shade of pink in pain. "You'll be fine in about two minutes, I'm sure. But I'm glad to see you're not crying. That's such a good job of my big girl."
"I'm sorry, Lil," Nick rubbed the back of his head. "Do you forgive me?"
She nodded and reached out to give him a hug, which he returned. "That's nice of you to do, Lily," Emma praised, giving her child as much positive reinforcement as she possibly could. "Nick, Mom says to wash up for dinner." He scampered out of the room and Emma lifted her daughter to her hip as they moved down the hall. "Would you like to go home and see Daddy?"
"Scott!" Lily gasped when she arrived in the living room, scrambling out of Emma's arms, her toes forgotten, and rushing to the boy's side. "What happened?"
Sarah had replaced the soiled washcloth with a fresh one, which was still soaking up small amounts of blood as she responded, "It's okay, he just hit the counter."
"I'm sorry!" Lily cried, her face twisting into hysteria which both mothers worked to prevent. It was clear to both of them that she was associating his injury as a result of something which she'd done, just as she actually had the week earlier.
"It's not your fault, honey," Emma insisted, hugging the girl tight and finger-combing her hair. "Baby, you didn't do anything!"
Lily shook her head and moved to the doorway, where she slid on her shoes before holding onto the door handle. "I'm sorry, Scott. I wish—" She was cut off when the door swung open, nearly crashing her into the wall, making her forget all about the connection she'd made to Scott's bloody nose being her fault. Paul's face dropped into shock when he caught sight of her wide, terrified eyes, then his son's bleeding nasal cavity.
"Exciting day here, or what?" He pried Lily off the wall, ensuring she hadn't been hurt before lifting her into his hold, where she nestled into his shoulder, sucking on her index and middle fingers. "Did you teach Scott another lesson?" Paul teased, tickling Lily's side.
"No, he fell face first into the counter," Sarah corrected, giving her husband an eye. "We don't encourage violent behavior, remember?"
Paul shrugged and sat next to his son, inspecting his nose. "You look good, kid. Real champ. Where's Nicholas?"
The eight-year-old sprinted out of the hallway, shouting something inaudible and kung fu-like and Paul barely had time to put Lily down before Nick attacked him, jumping into his lap and mock-beating his dad, who fell back dramatically. "Ah! He's got me! He's got me!"
"Dad, come on, seriously? You're not even going to fight back?" The green-eyed boy pouted with his arms crossed until Paul lunged forward, taking them both to the ground, careful to avoid Luke, who watched with curious eyes as the two wrestled.
"Oh my lord." Sarah rolled her eyes and finally finished tending to her youngest. "Go wash your hands, Scottie, no, don't—Paul really?"
The father had swiped his son and pulled him into the pile, wrestling both his boys while Sarah fretted over her baby's nose.
"He's fine, I'll be careful," Paul insisted as Nick jumped his legs.
"Welcome to the circus," Sarah blinked at Emma, who watched the rough and tumble play with laughter. She longed for the day when her family's home could be so carefree.
Lily tip-toed around the chaos, stopping at Luke and lifting him to sit on his bottom, where she carefully dragged him under the armpits to Emma, not wanting her baby brother to get hurt, no matter how much she didn't want him around. Emma's heart swelled with joy at the action while Lily raised a brow towards the door, indicating she'd like to leave the madness.
"Thank you for keeping your brother safe," Emma kissed her cheek as she gathered Luke into her arms. "Ready to go home?"
Emma thanked Sarah and the two quickly went over the plans for after-school the following afternoon then parted ways for the evening.
A half hour later, Lily was staring at her plate with disgust, trying not to cry while Luke ate from a bottle, watching his big sister with interested eyes.
"If you can finish all your food early tonight, you can come downstairs with me and we'll make some music," Will offered, knowing Lily loved the recording equipment in the basement.
"I want to dance," She said grumpily, crossing her arms as she glared at potatoes.
"You can dance if you want to," Emma said in a sing-song voice, to which a smile finally broke across her daughter's face.
"You can leave your friends behind! 'Cause my friends all dance and if they don't dance, then, they're no friends of mine!" Lily sang, standing up in her seat to move her little hips back and forth, making both of her parents laugh and clap.
"Wahoo!" Emma clapped one hand against her leg as Luke popped his bottle out to holler along with his family. "That was cute, Lil. If you eat all that up before bath time, we can all go downstairs and dance to that song if you want."
"Okay!" She suddenly became agreeable, stuffing vegetables into her face and finishing before even her parents did. "I'm putting a sticker on, let's go, let's go!"
"How about you go get one one of your dress up costumes on while Mommy and I finish, and we'll join you in a bit?"
"Can we put a costume on Luke, too? And he can dance!" Lily said excitedly, twirling in circles on the kitchen tile.
Emma nodded, more than encouraging Lily to interact with her brother. "Find him something that's little. Maybe your peapod hat will fit."
She scampered to her room and Will took his wife's face, kissing her lips in excitement. "Is this actually happening?" He asked, smiling brightly as he finished his dinner and began to clear the table.
"Don't get too excited, this could totally backfire at any moment," Emma warned, standing to assist while she placed Luke in his high chair where he babbled away. "But, yes, this is really happening."
Lily returned in one of her princess dresses with a pair of fairy wings, her ballet slippers from the year before covering her tiny feet. "I brought this for Luke!" She said holding up a hood that was a part of a lion costume.
Emma lifted her up so she could reach her baby brother, placing the headpiece on him, making the baby attempt to look up to see what was covering his hair. "Aw! He looks so cute, Mommy!"
"He sure does," She agreed as Luke giggled in his seat, reaching out for his sister. "Will, we can clean up later?" Emma offered and he turned, taking Luke from his seat and grabbing the camcorder off the counter near the door before walking the family downstairs.
Lily sprinted towards the center of the floor, begging for music. Emma took a few steps behind the bar, turning on the surround sound that was built into the ceiling, finding an appropriate mixed CD for Lily to dance to while Luke was placed on the floor, reaching for his big sister. Will turned on the camera and recorded Lily giving into the wishes of her baby brother, hugging him tightly. "This is my baby, his name is Luke William," She told the recording device as she pulled away from the boy, sitting next to him and pulling him into her lap, where he tipped over a little bit, grunting to be assisted up. Will reached forward and helped him sit upright, leaving Lily to stare at the baby before continuing. "Anyway, he is...Daddy, how old is Luke?"
"He's five months old, honey. Almost six, actually."
"He is five months old," Lily repeated dramatically. "He's getting to be so big. He's heavy. And he is sometimes a bad boy when he cries. But I cry sometimes, too. I'm a bad girl a lot because I run away and hit and bite people. You can't do that. But I sometimes do it."
Will pressed his lips together before asking, "If you know you're not supposed to do it, why do you?"
"I don't know. My head knows the rules. It says to stop. But I just can't stop. I just can't. I hurt Scott, my best friend last time. His blood came out of his arm. I cried a lot."
Emma watched the interview from behind the bar, perplexed as to why Lily was bringing the topics up on her own, especially for an audience of her parents and whomever would watch the video.
"'Cause I was so bad, I have to go to a new class. I don't like it."
"Why don't you like your new class?" Will questioned his daughter.
"Because Scott's not there! And Mrs. Klark said we do always have to try new things. I don't like that."
"You don't like to do different things? How come? Isn't it exciting?"
Lily hugged her brother close and shrugged. "It's scary. I don't like it. When you don't know what to do. It's scary."
"Oh," Will sympathized. "You like to have a routine, right?"
She bit her lip, shaking her head. "I just don't like to mess up. I cry when I mess up. And sometimes I get scared 'cause I mess up, so I run away."
"Do you think running away helps?"
"Daddy, I think we should dance now," She ignored the question, standing up while holding Luke under his arms, trying to get him to stand as well. Will met his wife's eyes with a shrug of his own, curious at the unknown origin of Lily's monologue. "Can you make Luke walk?"
Emma turned on the music before helping her four-year-old, taking Luke's hands. "I'll help him stand while you dance all by yourself, okay?"
The little girl smiled and Emma sat on her knees, helping Luke bounce up and down while Lily enjoyed spinning in circles, alternating with jumps and stretches, waving her arms gracefully. "Daddy, can I go to dance class again?" She asked the camera, putting on a pouty face.
Will cringed. "How about we talk about it another time, okay?"
She was surprisingly agreeable as she twirled away from him, continuing the pre-primary ballet steps she'd learned in dance the year before. Lily was actually quite coordinated, and her instructor had said that she could advance into the kindergarden program if the four-year-old would be returning in the fall.
The family danced and laughed in the basement for nearly an hour until bath time approached, when Lily declared, "We should do this every night!"
With their fun behind them, the Schuester's were able to enjoy their first cooperative, peaceful evening since early April.
"Are you ready to go in?" Emma asked Lily, who had planted her feet to the ground outside of her classroom, eyes wide with panic. "Come on, it'll be fun." She felt like she was lying to her child, but Emma intended on going along with the suggested approach to her daughter's behavior, until she saw proof that the special education classroom was not working.
The little girl shook her head, the pigtails that Emma had tied into her hair swaying.
"Hello, Lily," Mrs. Klark exclaimed as she stepped into the hallway, a welcoming smile on her face. "I'm glad you're here today. Let's go inside and put your things away."
Emma lifted Lily onto her side, encouraged to see her not acting out in rage, but clinging to her as she usually would have. The behavior wasn't desired, but at least it wasn't as bad as it could be. "Let's find your cubby, Lil," She stated, "Tell me when you spot your name."
They walked down the row of the open, blue storage devices along the wall of the early childhood special education wing, which was two classrooms divided by a shared hallway of cubbies and bathrooms, until they arrived at the last one, where Lily pointed. "Good job noticing. This is it! Can you hang up your backpack?" Emma asked, crouching to her knees so Lily's feet would touch the floor.
"Mommy," She muttered, turning her face into her mother's neck, letting out a loud wail.
"Oh, no," Emma rubbed her back, kissing her cheek, relieved that the girl hadn't gone running out of the room yet, but not taking chances by holding her tightly. "Come on, honey. You've been to school before. You know it's not that bad. And these are some new kids who are going to be very good friends for you," Emma said as she felt herself betraying her true emotions while trying not to stare at a boy running across the room flapping his arms excitedly. She closed her eyes and squeezed her daughter tighter. "It's going to be okay, my sweet girl. I promise you, Lily, I promise, it's going to be okay. The first few days are going to be really hard. It's going to be hard to learn about being in a new room. It's going to be hard to learn new rules. It's going to be hard to meet new people. But I promise you, it's going to be okay."
"Promise?" She shrieked into Emma's shirt.
Emma opened her eyes and pulled Lily out to look at her face. "I promise. How about we go in and see what you're working on today?"
She stood and was able to see through the window above the cubbies, at a height which the four and five year olds in the room wouldn't be able to. She noticed that four children were playing on a rug with blocks — rather, one was actually building with them, a long legged, dark skinned boy with a toothy smile. The others included the boy who had just flapped past Emma and was sitting next to the one building, watching him while continuing to move his arms up and down, a sandy-haired deviant with a mischievous glint in his eyes as he watched the tower being built taller, and finally, a little girl of asian descent who was curled into a ball, her thumb in her mouth as she sat separated from the group, despite the attempts of a classroom aide to get her to join in.
As Emma prepared to step in, Mrs. Klark moved in front of her. "Actually, we don't have parents enter the room when saying goodbye. We feel it's more peaceful to do it out here. Lily, give your Mommy a big hug, and we'll go in and join the other kids."
"I don't think that's going to happen," Emma said with an authoritative glare in the teacher's direction. "She's already upset enough."
Mrs. Klark opened and closed her mouth. "Mrs. Schuester, I know you have reservations about me teaching your daughter, but I guarantee that I know what I'm doing. Seventy percent of my kids over the past three years have been placed into general education classrooms for kindergarden. Usually, I even have a few every year who go to a regular preschool class by second semester."
"And what about the other thirty percent?" Emma shook her head. "What if my child is one of the ones who doesn't make it?"
The teacher forced a smile. "We're going to do everything we can to ensure that doesn't happen. We're going to be starting in about two minutes. If you could say your goodbyes," The woman turned on her heel and greeted three additional students who had entered the room, welcoming each of them.
"Mommy, please, no," Lily shook, her shoulders heaving.
"Baby, I've got to go. I have to. But you know that I'll be back in three hours. You know that."
Mrs. Klark ushered the rest of the children into the room, then, with the assistance of second aide, detached a screaming Lily from her mother. Once the aide had her in the room, Mrs. Klark nodded to the window. "This is an observation window. You can stay and watch as long as you like without Lily knowing you're here. We're going to help her, Mrs. Schuester. I hope we can work together on this." With those words, she walked into her classroom, singing a song to have the children meet in circle time as she closed the door, watching out of the corner of her eye as Lily kicked, scratched and bit at the assistant holding her.
Emma bit her thumb and willed her tears to stay back as she watched her daughter's struggle, sniffing silently while Sarah entered the hall, carrying Luke on her side. "How was the goodbye?"
The redhead leaned into her friend, sighing heavily. "They wouldn't let me in the room. I don't like this, Sar, I don't like it at all."
Sarah bounced Luke, who reached for his distraught mother who was in no mood to hold him. "Hon, it's going to be okay—"
"I'm tired of it being okay!" Emma exasperated, bringing up her thoughts from the week previous for the first time verbally, "I just want things to go well, to be normal, for us to be happy. Is that so much to want?"
Sarah swallowed. "No, it's not. Every family deserves to be happy. Unfortunately, sometimes circumstances make that difficult. You've got to find your own happiness. It's like that bumper sticker, 'Don't wait for the storm to pass, learn to dance in the rain.' You're stuck in a situation you have no control over. All you can do right now is to make the best out of it."
"I know, I know. But Sar, I just...she's in this class...I mean, look at the kids she's with. The little brown haired boy clearly has autism, and that one, with the blue shirt has some issues with aggression, and I just don't see how grouping them all together is going to help any of them, not just Lily, learn how to behave properly! At McKinley we put kids with special needs into regular classrooms so they can model the behavior of their peers. They'll be doing the same thing in this room, only it won't be positive modeling, and — Oh my god!" Emma gasped, covering her mouth with her hand as she saw Lily dive out of the aide's arms and crash her head into a shelf, letting out a howl of pain followed by massive tears. Mrs. Klark paused in getting the children to take appropriate seats and let the first assistant take control of the group on the circle while she dashed towards Lily, taking the hysterical girl into her arms and analyzing her head, sending the helper to the hall for an ice pack. The woman caught Emma's horrified eye as she took the ice from the freezer in the hallway.
"There's no blood," She assured the mother, "She's going to be fine. We'll get her taken care off," She said hurriedly as she closed the door to the room once more and gave the pack to Mrs. Klark to apply to Lily's forehead.
The teacher carried Lily, who's crying had faded to light pants, to the carpet, sitting in front of the rest of the kids with their new classmate in her lap.
"Good morning, boys and girls!" The teacher said cheerily, "As you can see, our new friend, Lily is here this morning. She just got a small bump on her head, so let's try and make her feel better by singing the good morning song!"
Emma turned away from the window, feeling a wave of nausea come over her, and she wasn't sure that it was morning sickness. Sarah followed her down the hall to an appropriate bathroom, holding her hair back with one hand while she kept a tight grip on Luke with the other as Emma let her breakfast meet the toilet.
She groaned when she stood, thankful that she carried mouthwash in her purse since she discovered the pregnancy, refusing to throw up in public without ridding her mouth of any traces of sick.
After she'd washed her hands, Emma decided she wanted nothing more to do with watching her daughter's miserable day, and allowed Sarah to escort her to the other woman's van, where they both sat for several minutes in silence before Emma declared, "I need a break from my daughter. I need her to...to just...be someone else's kid for a few days. I can't...do this. If this stress keeps up, I'll miscarry. And as much as I'm not prepared for this baby, I wouldn't know what to do if I lost it."
Sarah took a deep breath. "I think you shouldn't put too much effort worrying about that, okay? You're one of the healthiest people I know, so you've got that going for you. Stress is the biggest danger you have, though, and you're right, a break would be a good idea. Why don't you talk to Will about a break this weekend? Maybe he could stay home with her while you visit your mom and dad?" She suggested, starting to drive.
"I...I'm not, um...speaking with them right now, actually." She looked down, fiddling with the lace at the bottom of her top, moving her hand up and down over her barely-existent baby bump. Sarah didn't respond and Emma took the moment of quiet to stare out the window, wishing she could find the answers she needed on her own.
Lily ran into the staff room at McKinley at full speed, her eyes frantically searching out her father. Once she spotted Will, sharing a table with Shannon, she attacked his middle with a fierce hug, making him jump.
"Hey, baby," He smiled, placing his sandwich on the table and hugging her back before lifting her into his lap. "How was your first day? Oh, Lil," He cupped her chin, eyeing the goose-egg that had formed forehead. "What happened to your head?
She leaned forward, her face on his chest. "I was super mad and jumped out of Miss Carly's arms and hit it on a shelf."
"Ouch, that had to have hurt, huh? Guess you better not be fighting teachers anymore, huh?"
Lily pouted as Emma sat herself down in the seat between Will and Shannon, with Luke on her lap, babbling loudly.
"Hey, Em. Hi, buddy!" Shannon said in a parentese tone, waving at the baby, who smiled brightly and reached for the football coach. Emma laughed and passed him over, where Shannon tickled his belly, earning a high-pitched laugh from the boy.
"I didn't realize this was an episode of Little People Big World," Sue said sarcastically from the doorway, clad in a tracksuit for the first time since returning to McKinley. "I find it detestably unprofessional that you bring your miscreant children into the workplace so often, William."
"And I find it deplorable that you're wearing a sweatsuit to teach in," He chided while one of his arms rubbed Lily's back.
"Oh, I'd never be so lax in the classroom. No, this little number is for this afternoon. When I'm coaching."
Emma cleared her throat, "Coaching what, exactly?"
"Three guesses, Elizabeth," Sue smirked, taking the seat directly across from Emma.
"They're letting you back on to coach the Cheerios?" Shannon raised a brow while bouncing Luke on her knee. "How the heck did you pull that off? We had a perfectly capable coach!"
"Coach Daphne took a terrible tumble down the bleachers after practice yesterday. Oh, it was tragic. Sprained both ankles and is experiencing some memory loss from the concussion. The school needed a replacement, and while I was indignant, knowing my responsibilities with the foreign languages are my top priority, I forcibly accepted the offer when Figgins made it."
Emma rolled her eyes at the blonde and stared at her daughter in Will's arms. She'd come to tell her husband about the disaster at preschool, but didn't want to mention their struggle in front of Sue, lest she have new information to taunt him with.
"So, little one," The newly-reinstated coach addressed Lily, "How was school today?"
The girl's parents shot the woman a look of disgust, which she in turn gave a wide smile.
"Bad," She said in response, forcing Emma to sigh out loud, placing her elbows on the table and rubbing her temples with her hands. "I was bad."
Will kissed her forehead and sat her up. "You don't have to talk about it here, Lily," He said quietly, hoping the four-year-old would pick up on the social cues of his expression that he did not want her speaking to or around Sue.
"Aw, let the munchkin talk. She wants to share with her Daddy. What sort of parent deprives their child of quality conversation?"
"You know what?" Emma laughed sarcastically and stood up, reaching for Luke from Shannon's hold. "I'm not going to sit here and let our child be hounded by an evil dictator. You're not wanted at this table, you can leave."
"Pretty powerful words from someone who doesn't even work at this school." Sue stood, "And a real fine example you're setting for your kids...you're both pretty bad at that, actually. Well, I've had all I can take of this creepy creature staring at me anyway," She referred to Luke, who giggled in her direction, craving attention. "No, I will not hold you, don't want to get...lice or the plague, whatever it is you infants carry these days. Adios, Schuester. I'm headed to post my try-out dates and sign up...right next to the one for the Glee Club. Want to make a bet on who's has more by the end of the day?"
She didn't give him time to respond and as she left the room, Will pounded an angry fist on the table. "I've got to get out of here," He shook his head, "I need some air."
"I can take the kids to my office for a few minutes if you two want to talk?" Shannon offered.
"That, um, that'd be lovely," Emma said with a genuine smile, passing Luke back to the football coach. "Lily, can you go with Aunt Shannon for a few minutes? I'll be back in just a little bit."
She nodded and climbed off of Will's lap as the father packed up his food, having lost his appetite. After placing his leftovers in the fridge, he closed Emma's hand in his and led them outside, where they both took a deep breath.
"Emma, I don't know what I'm going to do. I really hope Glee brings me the happiness I'm looking for in this place. I'm losing it."
"Me too," She shook her head. "School was a full-blown nightmare. And I'm just going to come right out and say it...I'm afraid that all this stress is going to make me miscarry."
Will swallowed and turned to face her, "Is there anything you think you can do to stop that?" He asked, raising a brow, "I mean, prevent the stress from...you know?"
She squinted against the sun, "I don't know. I need a break, Will. I need a break from Lily. If I go one more week with her screaming, I'm going to lose it. I have to have some time away from her."
"What do you suggest?" He questioned, raising a brow.
Emma looked down, feeling ashamed that she needed to rid herself of her daughter for a few days to relax. "I just feel so selfish asking...but I think that...maybe, this weekend, you could take her up to your cousin's? In Columbus? I mean, they wanted you to come all summer, and I know the only reason you didn't was because you were afraid of leaving me, but now...I mean...Lily's going to be awful, but...I have to be rid of her for a few days. Luke I can handle just fine. But—"
Will cut her off with a kiss. "I'll call them after school. I don't want anything to happen to our baby that we could have prevented. If you think that this is what's going to help you, then I'm all for it. And if Dan's girls are going to be home this weekend, I could probably bring Luke, I know they want to see him, and they'd be great at keeping him entertained."
"Are you sure you'd want to make the drive with both kids?" She cringed, feeling guilty.
"It's only two and a half hours. Three with stops for Lily. It'll be fine. I don't want anything happening to you or my next child. I understand. I'm glad you brought it up instead of letting it eat away at you." He kissed her forehead. "So how was school?"
"Oh, my gosh, Will. First of all, Mrs. Klark was quite...forceful with her methods, and Lily was simply having none of it. She cried the entire day, screaming in the quiet corner and throwing anything that was presented at her to try and do. When I came to pick her up, she ran into my arms, begging me not to send her back."
He wiped a hand over his face as they walked around the perimeter of McKinley, where students were enjoying lunch outside in the warm fall afternoon. "It's going to get better. It was just the first day. At least she didn't run out of the room like she was with Miss Kaypee. It'll get better, Em."
She felt another threat of morning sickness and did everything in her power to keep it at bay. "...So, you already posted Glee auditions?"
Will rubbed the back of his neck with the hand that wasn't holding hers. "Yeah, not till next week. I'm doing them during lunch and free period for now, nothing after school. In fact, depending on what kind of kids I end up with, free period Glee club might be the best route for all of us to take. That way I'm not away from home for too long."
Emma smiled and kissed Will's cheek as they walked, "I'm glad to hear it. And who knows, maybe it'll be a bigger hit than Sue's Cheerios? I mean, she doesn't really have a positive reputation around here with this group of kids, and you do."
"We can only hope," Will smiled and squeezed her hand while a nearby bell rang, signaling the five minute warning before classes would start again. "I've got to get to my class. Let's go pick up the babies."
"Mommy, please!" Lily begged the next morning when Emma pulled her little body on to hers in attempt to wake her up for preschool. "Don't make me go!"
The mother carried her daughter to her pink bedroom, finding an outfit for the four-year-old. "Are you in a pink or purple mood today?"
"Black," She pouted. "Black is angry. Like me."
Emma pressed her lips together at the profound observation from her little girl. "You're angry? Can you tell me why?"
"Cause you're making me go to school! I don't want to go!" Lily crossed her arms over her chest and kicked her leg against the back of Emma's thigh.
"Lily, don't kick me," Emma retaliated sharply, giving the redhead an intense stare. "Come on now, you know you have to go to school. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. It never changes. You go for just three short hours and you're done. It's not so bad...You don't really have any black clothes, honey."
Emma dressed her daughter in a similar fashion to herself — bright colors, ruffles and bows being the staples of her wardrobe.
"Yes I do!" She pushed her way out of her mother's arms and opened a drawer on her dresser, pulling out a pair of hot pink and black stripped leggings and a black, long-sleeved shirt she'd worn under her halloween costume the year before. "See!"
Emma cringed, not wanting her daughter to leave the house in such dress. "Lily, can we find—"
"Oh, and this!" She hopped on one foot with a smile on her face to the dress-up trunk beneath her window, opening it to pull out a black skirt that flowed into large pink ruffles on the bottom, and a pink sash the color of the stripes on the leggings around its middle.
She quickly took off her pajamas and pulled on the outfit she'd chosen, standing up with her hands on her hips and looking like a pint-sized punk. "Mommy, I did it!" She said with a hint of snark in her tone.
"Lily, we don't wear dress up clothes to school—"
"If I can wear it, I won't cry!" She promised, bringing her hands together under her chin. "Please Mommy, I won't be bad!"
"Oh, lord," Emma mumbled and dragged her hands down her face. "You know what? Fine. You can wear it. But I'm bringing you a change of clothes, because if you start crying when we get there, I'll be very disappointed that I let you wear this. Understand?"
"Yes, Mommy! Can you put my hair in buns?"
Emma sighed and took her hand, leading her to the bathroom and sitting her on the counter where she split her curly hair in half and tied each side into a high knot, securing both with a bright pink ribbon from the basket of many accessories Lily had accumulated. "Now don't move, I've got to take a picture for your Daddy," She commanded the girl and pulled her phone from her pocket, snapping a picture and sending it with the caption: At least she's going without a fight. I had no control over this.
"Okay! Let's go!"
"Hang on, sweetie. I've got to pack up Luke and you need to eat breakfast."
Lily crossed her arms again. "Not hungry."
"Don't even start, Lil," Emma warned, wagging a finger at the four-year-old. "You know you have to eat and that it's not a choice," She stated firmly. "Now, would you like cereal or fruit?"
"Fruit," she muttered, letting Emma assist her to the floor and sulking to the kitchen.
The mother placed a bowl of fruit salad in front of the girl along with a plate, so she could separate the food by type and size. "Can you sit here and eat like a good girl while I get your brother?" Emma questioned, meeting Lily's eyes.
"I won't cry," Lily shook her head, making a promise, "And I'll eat this."
Emma smiled and kissed the top of her daughter's head. "Good girl, Lily."
She moved to her son's room, watching as the little boy greeted her with flailing arms of excitement. "Hi, baby! I'm so happy to see you!" She laughed, lifting him up and kissing his face repeatedly. "Oh, you're such a cutie pie! Are you excited to visit grandma today?" She was taking Luke to the nursing home with her father-in-law after dropping off Lily that morning, spending much-needed time with the woman riddled with Alzheimer's disease, who rarely got to see her family.
She changed Luke into a polo onsie and khaki pants from the GAP that the grandmother they were visiting had picked out for the boy on their last outing together. "You're my handsome man," Emma cooed, tickling his pudgy baby belly, making him laugh and reach his arms for his mother. She kissed his cheeks and sighed deeply, saying her never ending prayer that her son would stay as happy as he was.
Emma packed his diaper bag with enough supplies for the morning, then carried the baby to the kitchen. "Alright, let's see if your sister touched her breakfast, shall we?" She asked rhetorically, placing the baby on her hip and carrying him with the bag to the kitchen, where Lily had consumed nearly half of the original amount of food placed in front of her. "Good job, Lily!" Emma stated proudly. "I can't believe that you're eating all that by yourself."
Lily shrugged, looking at Luke. "Is he going to eat mushy stuff?"
"We'll probably try some tonight," Emma responded in regard to question about baby food. "Would you like to help me feed him when I do?"
"No, thanks," Lily shrugged again, sucking a blueberry between her lips. "How come Luke doesn't eat blueberries?"
"Because he doesn't have any teeth, sweetie," Emma replied. "Can you finish up real quick so we can go?" She asked as Luke downed a bottle of formula.
They were out the door in ten minutes, with Lily complaining about being buckled into her car seat, as she did every morning without fail, then warning Emma to drive carefully as she backed out of the garage.
Emma carried Luke's seat on her arm, knowing she'd need to set him down while saying goodbye to Lily, despite her promise that she wouldn't toss a fit, Emma knew better than to expect her to go into the preschool classroom willingly.
"Okay," Emma encouraged Lily to step forward into the hallway, "Let's go in."
Lily's body froze when Emma lightly pushed her forward, "Mommy, I can't do it," She panicked, running quickly around her mother and into the regular hallway, only to crash into Mrs. Riley, who'd come to prevent such an event.
"Well, good morning!" The psychologist beamed, lifting the girl into her arms, "I came just to see you, my little Lily-flower! Look at your outfit, too cute. Did you pick this out?" She asked, picking at Lily's skirt. The four-year-old struggled to be placed down, but nodded in response to the question. "How are you today?"
"Down!" She demanded, trying to kick her legs, but Mrs. Riley had one arm wrapped around them tightly.
"I will certainly put you down if you answer my question. How are you today?"
"Mad!" Lily shouted, "Mad, mad, mad!"
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," Mrs. Riley sympathized. "Why are you mad?"
"'Cause I'm at school!" Lily shouted and gave up her struggle and sighed. "Can I please go down, now?"
"Sure," Mrs. Riley responded. "How about you give your Mommy a hug goodbye, and then guess what?"
Lily's eyes grew, "What?"
"You don't have to go into your class. You get to come with me in my office instead. We're going to play some games today." She placed the girl on her feet, and Lily immediately run into Emma's arms.
"What kind of games?"
"Well, you'll have to come with me to find out! But I promise it'll be really fun. Sound good to you?"
"Can my Mommy come? She loves to play games with me!" Lily declared, taking Emma's hand.
Mrs. Riley shook her head. "I think it'll just be you and me, today. But your mother is more than welcome to walk you down to my office and say goodbye there."
Emma agreed and lifted Luke back into the crook of her elbow on one arm while Lily's hand remained in her free hand. After a brief goodbye that didn't have any tears associated with it, the mother was out the door.
Before driving off, she composed a text message to Will: It's eight twenty-five and I'm out the door with no tear stains on my sweater. Successful morning.
"Is that my little prince?" Will's mother squealed as she caught sight of the baby in Emma's arms as she stepped into the room. "Oh, he's just darling."
Emma smiled and took a seat at the table across from her mother-in-law, "How are you, Donna?"
"Oh, you know me. Always up to something! Last night, the larkod came in to dance with us!"
Emma pressed her lips together. Donna often spoke in words that made complete sense to her, but not to anyone else in the room. "Did you enjoy it?" She asked, not bothering to ask for elaboration that she likely wouldn't understand or cause the elder woman more stress than she needed.
"It was magical! How is Lily?"
"She's having a rough time with preschool. She doesn't like going but we're hoping she—"
"Will is firing," The busty woman interrupted, pointing to Luke.
Emma raised a brow and looked at her son, who had a trail of formula coming out of his mouth as spit up. "Aw, Luke, come on now, all over your clothes?"
"Oh, Terri, he's just baby," Donna laughed, reaching behind her for a tissue, handing it to Emma. "He washes up."
Emma never corrected the woman when she was called by the name of her former daughter-in-law. "I know. He's actually a very good baby. Much easier than Lily was."
"Will is a good baby, too. He never needs a spanking. Ah! There's Ricky! Ricky!"
Her husband entered the room with a weary smile on his face, waving at his wife and greeting Emma with a kiss to her cheek. "How are you, dear? Heard you're having a hard time with school?"
"Yes," She admitted, shaking her head. "Lily's been moved to a special classroom. For kids with emotional disorders—"
"Lily's crazy!" Donna shouted, "I always know it. Line up those dollies, oh, always."
"Yeah, um," Emma looked down, hugging Luke closer to her chest. "She's just having a difficult time. We had a good morning today, though. No major crisis."
"Glad to hear it," He rubbed her shoulder affectionately. "I'm sorry," He nodded and she understood the meaning behind his apology.
"Can I hold Will?" Donna asked, pointing to her grandson. "He's always a good baby. No spankings."
"No, we do not spank baby Luke," Richard corrected, placing the baby in his wife's lap carefully. "Em, I'm going to grab her breakfast, do you want anything?"
"N-no, I'm good, thanks."
Several minutes of strained conversation on Emma's part later, she was thankful that Richard returned swiftly with a bagel for his wife and a bowl of steaming hot oatmeal for himself. Emma looked at the dish and attempted not to gag, as she knew it wouldn't be long before the mushy oats would be the only food she'd be able to hold in her stomach.
"Ricky! I need my drink!" Donna said in an agitated tone, and Richard went to fetch her one. "Terri, dear, could you pass me the knife, please?"
Emma did so without thought, giving the silver cutting tool to her mother-in-law, who neatly sliced her bagel open. Emma turned to the boy in her lap, who was growing fussy from being cradled and wanted to sit up. While adjusting the baby in her arms, Emma did not see Donna's attempt to stow the knife away.
"Donna!" Richard screamed upon reentering the room, opening his palm. "You can't have that!"
"I need it!" She sobbed suddenly, trying to fight the cutlery away from him as he approached her fast. "I need it! I need it! And you won't ever give me one and I need it! I need it!"
Her screaming reached a new height and Richard turned to Emma, nodding her out of the room as a team of nurses joined him.
She stood in the hallway, a single tear rolling down her eye as she watched the struggle ensue, with the woman who'd given birth to her husband becoming a stranger, clawing and screaming and attacking everyone within her reach.
After nearly ten minutes, a nurse was able to restrain the woman, injecting her with a high-dose depressant, causing the woman to slump over in seconds.
Once she was placed in her bed to rest, Richard left the room after picking up his grandson's diaper bag and car carrier, then swiftly walked Emma to the door, where they went outside and both collapsed on a bench.
"What...um...what just happened?" She begged to question, not sure if she wanted the answer.
"It, it's getting worse. About two weeks ago, she um...started cutting herself...I guess...self-mutilation is very common among the Alzheimer's population. She's supposed to be under a twenty-four hour surveillance, but it's impossible. I'm looking into other facilities that can keep a better eye on her."
"Oh, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry, I didn't know, I—"
He placed an arm around his daughter-in-law with a heavy sigh. "It's fine, Em. You didn't know, darling. You didn't know. She's just...losing her mind completely. She's so aggressive, and her memory is in shambles. Mornings used to be good, but...you saw what happened in there. I can't...I can't do this much longer."
She leaned against him, not sure if she should bring up her own troubles. "I know how you feel," She said quietly. "Lily started pulling her hair out two weekends ago, then she stabbed a little boy in school. It was just a pair of blunt scissors and he was alright, but still. It's so hard, Richard."
He rubbed her arm and sighed again. "It feels like you're living someone else's life, doesn't it? Like...these things only happen to other people. Other people have wives that go crazy. Other people have kids that need help. It just doesn't seem real."
Emma's tears rolled freely down her cheeks and dribbled onto Luke's head, forcing the boy to look up at his mother, his face full of mimicked concern. She forced a smile and turned him around, kissing his cheek and placing him on her shoulder. "Every day, I pray. All day, that Luke and the new baby won't turn out with the same issues that Lily has."
"New baby? You're...pregnant?" Richard pulled away slightly and Emma nodded her head in shame.
"We are. It was a total accident, obviously, as we're in no shape to handle another child, emotionally or financially. I don't know what we're going to do...but at the same time, I'm so worried that all the stress is going to cause me to miscarry, and I just, I couldn't, I—"
She cried hard, with long, panting breaths as Richard rubbed her back. "I just don't know what to do anymore. I've only just gotten Will halfway back on the same page as me," The elder man nodded in understanding, as he and Emma had spoken often over the summer about their thinning marriage, "And I'm so paranoid that all this is going to make us fall apart, and—"
"Hey, hey, honey." He sat her up and brushed the tears off her face as she held her son close. "Will isn't going anywhere. I know he's been distant from you, but he's not going anywhere. If he even thought about it, you sure as hell better believe I will put him right back in line. You've got nothing to worry about in that regard, alright? Yeah, he's just as stressed as you, but he loves you, and Lily and Luke. He's not going anywhere."
Emma sniffed until her composure came back. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to lay it all on you, obviously you've got your own things to deal with—"
"No, Emma, no," Richard kissed her forehead. "We're family. We'll work through this all together, okay? How about you come over and we'll get both of us something to eat?"
Will watched his daughter through the observation window the following morning as she cried while being moved from playing with Little People to a quiet corner after throwing a tantrum over not wanting to join the rest of the students on the rug.
Emma kept her eye on her husband's reactions towards their daughter's behavior, the corners of his mouth curling downwards and his chest heaving in frustration being the keys that he was on his last bit of patience with the issue.
"I know that behavior doesn't change in three days," He started, shaking his head, "But when the hell is this going to stop?"
Mrs. Riley caused them both to jump when she said, "I'm afraid we can't have a target date set for behavior modification. I hate to say it, but every child is different...I'd like you two to join me in my office, if you have a minute."
"Sure," Will nodded and followed the woman down the hall, Luke's seat tight in his palm while the baby slept, his wife's hand laced in his other. They each took a seat with nervous anticipation as she cleared her throat.
"I don't have much hope to offer either of you right now. I'd like to show you both this," She said, pulling out a sheet of paper. The top said IDEA, and both Will and Emma were well aware of what the document would contain. "As educators, you both know that this is the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act, and that in order to qualify for services, Lily would have to meet one or more of the characteristics of having an emotional impairment, as stated by this."
Emma crinkled her brow, knowing what the requirements were for such circumstances. "And...she doesn't meet...any of them?"
"On the contrary," Mrs. Riley cleared her throat again, turning the page where several sentences were highlighted. "In the three weeks I've been with Lily, I've observed six out of ten of these characteristics with her behavior."
Emma's mouth fell open and her eyes immediately read through the list that she'd seen multiple times in her experience with counseling, never having imagined it applying to her own life.
An inability to build or maintain satisfactory interpersonal relationships with peers or teachers
Inappropriate types of behavior or feelings under normal circumstances
A general pervasive mood of unhappiness or depression
A tendency to develop physical symptoms of fears associated with personal or school problems
Is consistently exhibited in two different settings, at least one of which is school related
Behaviors are extreme, chronic, unacceptable
"This...this...oh my god. How could this be? Maybe...they're all just temporary behaviors. How could my daughter possibly...I just...I don't understand. It wasn't like this last year! I mean, she was grumpy...and upset, often...but she didn't act out like this."
Mrs. Riley swallowed. "I'm really baffled by her behavior. It's clear to me that she comes from an extremely loving home. There are no signs of physical abuse on her. Her stature is small, but she's not malnourished. She's not neglected. Unless something else happened that the two of you aren't aware of, like...if she was left with a relative for a long period of time or a neighbor, that maybe one you thought you could trust—?"
"No!" Will slammed his hand on the arm of a chair. "She stays with my dad, or two of our other babysitters whom we trust implicitly and know with full certainty that they have the best interests of our daughter in mind. This isn't from any sort of abuse!"
"Okay, alright," The psychologist cringed. "It's just...with her symptoms, this just seems like the most likely cause. With you stating she wasn't aggressive before, and that she is suddenly detached from you rather than showing an extreme fear of separation."
"Well, what are the other causes?" Emma asked, trying to keep an open mind.
"Sometimes these behaviors manifest after a child was exposed to drugs when develop—"
"No," Emma glared at the woman before her. "Absolutely not. I was the most cautious woman—"
"That's why I didn't suggest it and that the symptoms likely would have arose sooner," Mrs. Riley defended herself. "The other potential causes include parental stress, inconsistent expectations and rules, confusion, and turmoil over long periods of time. And if we've ruled out the possibility of abuse, that's all I've really got to go on at this point. I don't know what your marriage is like, and I don't know if it could have affected Lily. If there's a lot of arguing, it very well could have. If you've never had a set form of discipline, you know, this is Lily's way of acing out because of it. And given the episode of PTSD last fall, I'd say she's been under a fair amount of confusion and turmoil, with a new baby distracting from the attention that she used to receive. These things can all add up into creating the behaviors we see today. I'm not calling you bad parents. I just want you to understand that if these are the causes of Lily's severe anxiety, you can work on reversing them. It won't be easy, as you see the magnification of them, but they are solvable."
Will and Emma were both quiet as they took in the new information.
Neither had given much thought to the possibility that they were the cause of their daughter's disability.
"So...this is...our parenting? This is our fault?" Emma questioned quietly, playing with her fingers in her lap.
"I don't know that I would consider it your fault," Mrs. Riley stressed. "I think that there's simply forces in your lives that none of you could control. I know you've just had a second child, and that causes a lot of stress for the older sibling, especially one with preexisting anxiety like Lily. I think that she truly believes that you love Luke more than her. I tried to get her to talk to me more about it yesterday, but she became extremely upset."
Will huffed in his seat as he caught sight of the time. "I honestly want to stay to discuss this, but I've got to get back to McKinley," He said standing. "I'd like to have another official meeting, soon. With the whole...team of people."
"We do them once a month, usually," Mrs. Riley stated. "It's hard to get everyone together, but we'll do our best to have one as soon as possible."
"Thank you," He mumbled quietly, dropping a kiss on Emma's forehead before giving his son a longing look. "I'll see you when I get home."
She waved without enthusiasm, turning to face the psychologist once more. "What can we do, now, to try and help this?"
"What needs to be done, across the board, is having a specific, set discipline. For home and school. There need to be clear expectations for Lily, written out, with pictures, so she knows the rules. You need to go over them with her constantly, and we will do the same here. You tell her what the consequences are for breaking them, or for following them. Setting these will help eliminate the second part of what I was talking about before. You and your husband will have to work on the parental stress. I don't know what goes on in your marriage, so I really can't help you there."
"Thank you, Mrs. Riley," Emma said after a few moments of silence. "I'm going to...take Luke and try and think about all of this."
"You're welcome, Mrs. Schuester. I'll see you next week."
When she got home, Emma woke Luke up and placed him on his stomach on the floor of the living room, atop a blanket with toys scattered around him. After playing with him for nearly fifteen minutes, her phone rang, revealing a familiar number.
"Emma? This is Dr. Romano."
Emma swallowed hard as a rush of nerves surged through her body. "Hi...Is, um...is everything alright?"
"Well, I'm just looking at the results from the blood we drew on Monday...and I'm confused because you said you weren't trying to get pregnant?"
"Gosh, no," She responded quickly. "We just went...one night without protection. That was it."
Dr. Romano shuffled a piece of paper that carried over the phone. "Our results indicate you have an extremely high level of TSH in your blood. This is usually only considered normal when the mother is taking fertility drugs. Are you sure you weren't taking any over-the counter herbs or vitamins that might have caused this?"
"No, I really haven't. Like I said at the appointment, all I had was Xanax once and very few caffeinated beverages. I've been very careful."
"Alright," The doctor sounded unconvinced. "I'd like to see you back sometime next week, though, so we can redo the tests and see if there was a human error. This just isn't adding up."
"Is, um...is it dangerous? To the baby?"
"No, your baby will be fine. Just please stop in sometime in the next week for a redo."
She hung up after a quick goodbye and Emma shook her head, willing the universe to give her a break.
The following afternoon, Emma paced anxiously along the grass of their driveway as Will buckled a crying Lily in, who was less than excited to spend the weekend away from home. "Are you sure you want to take them all by yourself?" Emma questioned. "I can take Luke, I really—"
Will cut her off with a kiss, insisting he had the weekend under control. "I'm not going to call you if things get crazy. I want you to just relax. Take the next two days to do nothing but breathe and anything you need to do to de-stress. I love you and I will see you on Sunday night."
He kissed her again and she promised her love to him as well, waving as her family backed from the driveway for their trip to visit family.
Her night was spent cleaning and taking a long bath — her old methods of relaxation which she'd never quite given up. Classic rock blared throughout the house, and despite a small sense of missing her children and husband, Emma hadn't felt at such an ease in a long time.
She felt herself getting lost in the music, singing along with Billy Joel or dancing with her mop to the sounds of Guns and Roses. She'd forgotten what it was like to get so wrapped up in the music, to be lost in it while becoming one with the melody at the same time.
Perhaps Will taking Glee back would bring them something they'd been missing. Maybe having the music back in their lives would be the calming force they'd needed for the last four years.
Before turning in early for the night on Saturday, Emma took hold of the manilla folder from the obstetrician's office they'd received earlier in the week. She laid it across the quilt on her bed, opening it with a hard swallow when she saw the picture of their third child. It was blurry, as the embryo was tiny, barely the form of a human yet.
Her eyes misted over as she traced the outline of the life on the page, wishing she'd waited a few more weeks before getting an ultrasound. Nine weeks was too soon to see anything clearly, and Dr. Romano had suggested they wait — but Emma needed a picture of her child. She needed a daily reminder, besides the inflation of her stomach and the nausea she endured throughout the week, that this was her baby. It wasn't something she could forget about, despite every other stressor in her life. Her body was once again not her own, as it sheltered the life she and her husband had created.
A tear slid down Emma's face when she contemplated the new baby, which wasn't made out of love as her first two children had been. It was conceived in frustration and anger; through a selfish motive and a careless abandonment of protection. The child itself would stand for everything that was wrong in Will and Emma's marriage; their breakdown in communication and intentions gone wrong.
She took the picture and slid it into the wooden panel that held a full-length mirror to the wall of her bedroom, careful not to let the corners bend. Slowly, she undressed, until her reflection depicted her as she truly was. With both hands, she cupped her belly, which was barely showing signs that a child was beneath the skin.
In a cracked voice, Emma nodded and stated, "Hey, baby number three. I, um...just wanted...to talk, a little bit. Lately, I'd been...hiding how I really felt and covering up my emotions, but I can't do it anymore. I'm going to give it to you straight, because I think you're strong enough to hear it without crumpling, like I probably would. You're different from me, in that way. I know you're going to be a little fighter. I can tell because you're still here, despite the emotional and physical stress I've put on my body in the past few months.
"I've got to be honest, I'm really not ready for you. Your Daddy and I are just now getting along, and I'm really worried that when you come along...we're going to lose that. It happened with your big brother...wow, it's hard to picture Luke as somebody's big brother...but, um...I just really hope history doesn't repeat itself.
"Not that any of this is your fault, of course. You're innocent. Completely blameless. Perfect," Emma paused as she choked on the last word, rubbing the bump a little faster. "And no matter, if you're a boy or a girl, if you've got...ten toes, or eleven...or nine, if you're gay or straight, anything that society doesn't want you to be...it doesn't matter, I'm going to love you with all my heart. You, and Lily, and Luke, and Will...you're my entire world. I'm not saying it's going to be easy...with your sister...and her...difficulties, and Luke being so close to you in age...It's going to be really hard, sometimes, for me to show you just how much I love you."
Her eyes stared deep into the ultrasound picture and Emma sighed. "But I promise, no matter what happens with Lily, or Luke, or your Daddy and I...I will always love you. I'm your mother, and just because I wasn't ready for you, doesn't mean I don't want you. And who knows...you might just be the saving grace we've been looking for around here."
"Hello?" Emma mumbled into the phone late that night, barely recognizing the fact that her father-in-law wouldn't be calling her if it wasn't an emergency.
"Emma? I-I need...Will, please...the hospital, and—"
"Richard?" Her voice became panicked as the man was making no sense. "What's going on?"
"D-Donna...she...she...emergency room...and—"
"I'm on my way," Emma responded, "Just...try to stay calm, I'll be there within minutes."
She hung up and darted around the room, pulling on a pair of yoga pants and one of Will's sweatshirts, toeing shoes on and pulling her hair into a ponytail in the same motion as she grabbed her purse and opened the garage door, flying down the road to be at the Lima hospital within nine minutes of receiving the call. She asked at the front desk for Schuester and was directed down a long hall, where her father-in-law was propped up against a wall, his hands covering his face as his shoulders shook.
"Richard!" Emma shouted, running towards him, taking both his arms in her hands with concern. "What's going on?"
"Where-where's Will?" Was all the elderly man could blubber and Emma shook her head.
"He's up visiting Dan and Cat with the kids, Richard, what is going on?"
"D-Donna...she...she got a hold of...a...a knife and...and...no one had checked on her in hours...and they...they don't think she's going to make it, so much blood, and—"
"Oh, god," Emma breathed, wrapping her arms around the man tightly. "Oh, god, Richard..." She had no idea what to say and they both lent on one another, crying in a prayer that a doctor would come out with good news.
Unfortunately, the good news never came.
And here you thought things were looking up. (Again, I am a troll. I apologize.) Is it angsty enough for you, yet? Nothing else bad can happen now, right? ...I'll just go into hiding now.
Thank you all for reading and thanks once again for the reviews! The vote was nearly unanimous to keep the chapters long (this, of course when I'm having difficulty getting the next one past 7k, but really it's the editing that takes forever, not the writing). It means a lot to see most of you believe this is realistic. I'm doing my best to keep it believable. (And by my best, I mean sitting in my professor's office for two hours while we diagnosed a 'hypothetical child with a serious anxiety disorder...let's call her Lily' using various scales and tests, then determining=g what the best course of action for treatment would be, spending hours on the internet researching Alzheimer's disease and speaking to a psychologist about the manifestation of accidental suicide in such patients, and so on, and so on — in short, I'm doing the best I can to make this believable!)
Next Chapter: The straw that breaks the camel's back and the burial of more than just a body.
