Story 16: Not Alone
Chapter 3: Unexpected
After that, Merlin was in Morgana's chambers nearly every night. It was the only time it was safe for them to practice magic. It's a good thing that they were so sneaky. They didn't even want to think about the rumors that would start if someone saw a man sneaking into her chambers in the dead of night. Uther would have his head if he found out.
Every night, Merlin came prepared with something to teach Morgana. At first it was small things, repairing the items she inadvertently break while she was sleeping, put out the fires she accidentally started. He also helped her practice non-verbal magic. Helping morgana with non-verbal magic was very difficult for Merlin, because it was something he had always had. He didn't remember being out of control like Morgana often got, because he had control over his magic by the time he was a child. But Merlin persisted, because he hadn't had anyone to help him with that and he could remember how frightening it would be when he was about to fetch something and then suddenly that something was floating towards him. Or when he got frustratedly and suddenly things started to break. It was a terrifying experience. After a little over two months, Morgana was able to control her magic fairly well. She only struggled when she was particularly emotional. Merlin had decided to move on to incantations.
He didn't expect it to happen, but somewhere in the nights that he spent with her, he fell in love. Perhaps it was the joy that crossed her face whenever she practiced using magic. She looked like she felt so in touch with her magic, so at peace with who she was in those moments. Or maybe it was the moments they spent after she had practiced magic. The moments where he sat in a chair by her bed and they talked. Merlin learned so much about Morgana through their stolen conversations. The more he learned about her, the more he fell in love. He couldn't help himself.
Merlin hadn't been prepared for it and he would have been more than prepared to pretend that his feelings for Morgana didn't exist. There was no way anything could ever happen between them. She was the king's ward and he was just a servant. Something like that may not matter to Morgana, but Uther would execute him if he even suspected that Merlin had feelings for her. So Merlin was entirely ready to ignore the pounding in his heart whenever he saw Morgana.
But then Morgause came.
Morgause arrived and challenged Arthur to a duel. Merlin had been so preoccupied with Arthur, he hadn't thought that Morgause might have an ulterior motive for spending the night in the castle. That night, she visited Morgana. What Morgause was unaware of was that when she spoke to Morgana, Merlin was hiding behind her changing screen. They had heard a knock on the door and Merlin had ducked behind the first thing he saw.
"Hello," Morgause said softly. Through the crease in between the panels of the changing screen, Merlin watched as Morgause looked over Morgana. "I wanted to introduce myself. I am Morgause."
Morgana stared at Morgause for a moment. She couldn't stop the nagging sensation that suggested she knew Morgause from somewhere. "Do I know you?" Morgana asked. "I feel as if we've met before." From the moment Morgana had first seen her, she had the strangest feeling that she knew her. She had talked to Merlin about it, but he couldn't understand how she was feeling. He tried to help her, but he didn't have the answers that she needed. When he had suggested that perhaps she had seen someone who looked similar to Morgause, Morgana went along with it, not because she agreed, but because she didn't believe she would be able to figure it out.
A pained look crossed Morgause's face. "I fear not. I haven't been in Camelot since I was just a baby. Shortly after Arthur's birth, I was smuggled out of here," Morgause explained.
"Oh," Morgana said, taken aback. Arthur was two years her elder, so if Morgause left Camelot right after he was born, Morgana had definitely never met her. "I suppose I wouldn't know you then." Morgana couldn't help the disappointment that crept into her voice.
"Not from memory," Morgause clarified. "But it heartens me that you recognize me. I am told I look much like my mother, though I do not remember her. I hope that what I hear is true because then it would mean I have a piece of my mother no one can take away from me."
"Do I know your mother?" Morgana asked confused. She went through a list of all the women married to men of nobility and couldn't recall any that looked like Morgause. Morgana felt she would have remembered that. Morgause had many distinguishing features.
"I'd imagine you knew her very well," Morgause said, getting a far off look in her eyes. "I can tell you about her if you'd like to hear it."
Morgana nodded. She wanted to solve this one last mystery. It would tug at her patience until she figured it out. "I'd be happy to hear about her," Morgana agreed.
"Everything I am about to tell you, I have heard from others," Morgause began. "I have not seen my mother since she arranged to have me escorted out of Camelot. I was just a baby then so I cannot recall what she looked like. Several months after I was smuggled out, I was left in the care of the druid camp. It wasn't until I was older that they began to tell me about the life I had left behind. I am told that not long after the first anniversary of my birth, my mother had fallen in love again. The man she had fallen in love with was a man of noble blood, one much more suitable for a woman of her standing. After three more anniversaries of my birth, my mother had another child. A half-sister I desperately wanted to meet once I found out about her, but I had been told it would be too dangerous."
"I'm sorry," Morgana said sympathetically. She couldn't imagine how difficult it would be to never know your mother. Her mother had passed away before she had reached her fifth year, but Morgana still had some precious memories of her stored deep within. On top of losing her mother, Morgause had been denied the right to meet the only family she had. Morgana felt her heart break for the strange woman she knew nothing about, yet felt strangely attached to.
"Don't apologize. My mother was happy and I was in a better place. The druid people cared for me and schooled me. I learned much from my time with them," Morgause explained. "On the eve of my ninth year, word reached the druid people that my mother had passed away. It was then that they told me everything I have shared with you and it was then that I decided that I would do everything within my power to be united with my sister."
Merlin's heart began to pound. He couldn't be right. He just couldn't be.
