Thank you all for your support! I will be finishing this fic, I apologize for the long delays between posts.
"Jo, wake up!" A gruff voice floated into her head. "If she isn't conscious in the next two minutes I am calling an ambulance." Jo felt awareness coming back to her slowly. She was so tired. With her eyes still closed, she could tell that she was lying on her bed. She could feel her scratchy comforter underneath her fingertips. What had happened? Was she hurt? Was the baby? Worry overcame her and her hands automatically moved to her stomach. The baby chose that moment to kick reassuringly. Thank God. A small gasp escaped her lips.
"Sam, go wait in the hall, she's waking up" The voice she now recognized belonged to Dean Winchester.
"Dean-" That other voice. Terrifyingly familiar. My daddy shot your daddy in the head. Sam. Oh god, Sam Winchester was here. Her memory came flooding back, and she felt her body tense involuntarily. She curled protectively over her stomach.
"Go wait in the hall Sammy. You saw how she reacted to you last time." A short pause, then Sam sighed in acceptance.
Jo heard the bedroom door open and close, relief flooded through her body. He was gone. She opened her eyes. Dean Winchester was sitting on the chair next to her desk, watching her warily. She slowly eased her self up into a sitting position on the bed.
Jo remembered the last time she had seen Dean. And back then, even in the wake of her attack, she remembered how much his indifference toward her had stung. I'll call you later. He had been so focused on finding his brother. Dean hadn't noticed the bruises on her wrists, the raw bite marks half hidden underneath the top of her blouse. Dean looked almost exactly the same as last time she saw him. He wore a faded pair of blue jeans over scuffed boots, a old green button up over a black shirt. Her eyes finally traveled to his face. His cheek was dark with stubble, his green-hazel eyes were fixed on hers and filled with questions she knew she would have to answer.
Dean cleared his throat. "You okay?" She forced herself to nod in response. At least she thought she was okay, as far as she could be.
He paused again. She could tell he was fighting the desire to shout at her for being so stupid, for disappearing and worrying Ellen, for dragging him and Sam to Boston to come check on her. The more chivalrous part of Dean held him back from yelling at a knocked up girl, even if that girl happened to be Jo. Mostly what stopped him was his need to know what was going on. His hunter's instincts seemed to let him know that the only way to find out what was going on was to not scare Jo from talking to him. And Dean knew something was up. She could see it.
All of this, Jo could read from Dean, until finally he calmly said "You are going to tell me what is going on."
His face held calm certainty and expectation. She couldn't hold his gaze and her eyes slid to the bedspread. Dread curled itself in her stomach like a snake as she realized there would be no way to get him to leave without her story. Her mama had always said that any hunter was a dog with a bone when it came down to finding out information. She could clearly see Dean would be no exception.
No one knew the truth about the baby but Jo, and it was a heavy burden to carry by herself. She knew she couldn't complain. She had chosen to walk this road alone. Jo had wanted to keep her mother and Ash safe, and most importantly, her child. Now, despite her best efforts she had been found by the hounds her mother had sent after her.
Jo knew that the Winchesters would report her whereabouts and condition to her mother and everything she had gone through would go to waste. She had wanted to disappear, to give her child a chance at a normal life. The news would get out, and Jo felt certain that some, demon and human alike, would have an unhealthy interest in the baby. Someone would come for them, one day. But if Dean knew the truth, if she could convince him of the importance of her disappearance.. maybe it would still be okay. Dean and Sam could pretend that they had never found her, or even better, say that she was dead. But, unfortunately, she knew that the brothers would not do squat for her without some explanation. She would have to tell them the truth and hope to god they believed her.
It might even feel good to talk to someone, even if that someone happened to be Dean Winchester. She had kept it all bottled up for so long... she had always known that eventually it would eat her alive unless she talked to someone.
Dean glared at her, his impatience getting the better of him "Dammit Jo, you better-"
Jo cut him off before she would lose her nerve.
"It happened in Duluth." She began. Her throat closed up. Jo should have known that this would be hard after so long a silence. She coughed to clear it.
"Sam came in to the bar I worked at, I didn't know he was possessed". She could feel Dean's eyes on her. He knew this part of the story already.
"He was acting so strange, I thought he was high or something" Jo unconsciously clenched and unclenched her fists.
"We talked for a bit. He made a pass at me and I asked him to leave"
Jo still couldn't admit the part about Sam making fun of her for her "crush" on Dean. It was probably best to keep the story simple anyways. Besides, it hardly mattered, the parts of her that had ever felt anything for Dean had been burned out of her by the pain caused by her attack. But, by god, she had to keep going.
"I was so stupid." Her nails dug into her palms, her jaw was clenched so tight her head ached.
"I turned my back on him. He grabbed me and I tried to fight him off but..." She swallowed, forcing herself to continue even as horrific memories flashed through her mind in quick succession.
Strong hands trapped her wrists.
"He musta hit me pretty hard, because then I woke up and I was on the floor" Her heart was beating so fast, and she couldn't look at Dean.
Cool air around her lower body. Bare legs sticking to the bar floor. The smell of whiskey.
"My jeans were gone, and my..." Her voice caught.
"I didn't have nothing on below the waist." Her face was in her hands now.
A warm heavy weight pressing her down.
"He saw I was awake, said he wanted me to be awake to enjoy this"
Struggling. Raised fist. A thud then pain. She saw colored dots when she squeezed her eyes shut.
"And I tried to fight him! I used every god damned trick I know and I couldn't get him off of me."
The distinctive smell of a man.
"He let me think that I had the upper hand but then he would just slam me back on the floor, laughing"
Those pretty eyes above her, filled with malice.
"He said that he'd drawn this out long enough, and that maybe I would grow to like this Winchester as much as the other"
Hot, panting breath on her neck. Pressure. An explosion of pain.
"He raped me." Her hands were tangled in her hair.
"When he was done, he made me get dressed and tied me to the support beam."
"He told me.... told me that John Winchester shot my father in the head and then he....he laughed about how Harvelles keep on getting screwed by Winchesters."
"I guess you know the rest." Her throat closed up again. I didn't cry. In a way, she was proud of herself.
A heavy silence filled the room. Jo kept her eyes down. She couldn't bear to see the pity and disgust she knew would be clear in his face. Now he knew the truth of how weak she truly was. Jo fought her fear and forced herself to look at him, he could think her weak but he would not think her a coward.
Jo gazed at Dean, bewildered. There was no disgust or pity in his hazel eyes. Just sadness, and a tenderness... she had never seen there before. She remembered when she had dreamed that he would look at her with tenderness, but how could he not be disgusted by her? Where was the sarcastic "I told you so..." ?
Dean reached out to lay a hand on her shoulder and Jo instinctively withdrew from his touch, instantly sick to her stomach. His hand hung in the air for a moment before he let it drop into his lap. Her nausea faded. She still couldn't stand the touch of a man. She had actually vomited when she had at first tried to go to a male obstetrician.
"I'm sorry." She whispered softly. "I've been trying to stop doing that, but it just won't take."
His eyes were somber, full of a sympathy she had never seen there before, and couldn't bear directed at her. His mouth formed a grim line. For the first time that Jo had ever seen, Dean didn't know what to say.
Finally he spoke. "Why didn't you say anything? When you patched me up- you never let on ..."
Jo's shoulders drooped in relief, at least he believed her.
"I think I was still in shock at that point. And even if I hadn't been, I would have been too ashamed. Afterward, I left Duluth as fast as I could. I didn't find out I was pregnant until eight weeks later. "
Dean kneaded his forehead, eyes far away.
"The baby...its?"
Jo nodded.
Dean fingered the charm that hung on the cord around his neck. " Sam deserves to know"
She looked down at her belly. "Do I have a choice?"
Dean chose not to respond as he got up slowly, "I will tell Sam, unless you want to...?"
Jo met his eyes, "I can't Dean. You can't ask me to."
"Fair enough-" He moved to leave. "You aren't going to try and bail, while I'm out in the hall?"
She gazed at him tiredly. "I can't exactly fit through the window".
Jo forced herself to keep her head up until Dean closed the door behind him. Then she buried her face in her hands. But she wouldn't cry. She never would, never again.
Dean stepped out into the hall, heart pounding in his ears. Jesus Christ. It had taken all of his self control to keep himself calm during the mounting horror of Jo's story. Her stricken face was burned into his mind. He remembered distinctly how she had been when he had first met her. Jo Harvelle had been energetic, honest but headstrong. Now she seemed weary, frightened, and anxious.
And Sam. He knew his brother, and knew this news would destroy Sam. Sam, despite all protests, had the gentlest soul of anyone Dean had ever known. Dean needed to somehow convince Sam that it wasn't his fault. How could it be Sam's fault? Sam had been possessed at the time of the rape, both brother's had then had no knowledge of the protection symbols that would disallow possession. Dean frowned, Sam would never forgive himself when he found out. But at the same time, Dean knew that he couldn't keep a secret like this from Sam.
Dean had no other option. He couldn't keep the knowledge from his brother. All that was left was the truth that Jo had been desperately been trying to hide. Dean had to tell Sam, and then the two could decide what to do from there. One thing was for sure, Jo shouldn't have to deal with this on her own. But how would he tell his baby brother that he had technically forced himself on Joanna Harvelle? That he was going to be a father...
"Dean?" Sam had wandered into the hall, wondering what was taking Dean so long after he had heard him exit the room.
Dean met his brother's gaze as levelly as he could manage. Sam's expression changed as soon as he read his brother's eyes.
The pair made their way to Jo's modest living room and Dean sat carefully on the edge of an armchair. Sam remained standing.
Dean gazed at Sam, completely at a loss at how to start.
"Dude, you are starting to scare me... please... what is going on?"
Dean swallowed then began to tell his little brother the truth.
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