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Shego and Company - Like, Totally Lame

(Author's Note: Inspired by an earlier review, this takes place immediately after Chapter 2, Over the Edge, and ends in the middle of the upcoming Chapter 4. This is mainly to give Camille Leon more meaning in the series, especially to why she stays with Lynn and Shego.)

Ugh, I still can't believe the nerve of that washed out has been. Bagged coffee? From a store bought brewer? As if. If I'm going to get coffee, I'm going to have it served to me by professionals, with professional machines and professional beans, not some over the counter shit like an ordinary yokel. I'm above that kind of thing, don't those dykes see that? I'm Camille Leon, they should start treating me with some damn respect, I saved their loser asses from Global Justice. Yeah, those bitches totally owe me. I should remind them who's in charge when I get back.

Gah, I hate this, seriously. Walking around looking like someone else, such a drag. I should be fucking worshiped like before and not have these hicks treat me like some criminal. I mean, just because I stole some stuff doesn't mean I still don't deserve the star treatment. Why couldn't I get the Winona Ryder slide? Whatever, I need my Starbucks.

I go inside, make my order and wait for these Barista brats to screw it up. Takes forever but at least they get it right. I know they want me to put a tip in their little bucket but fat chance of that happening. I go to the condiment stand and some jackass just bumps me. "Hey, asshole, watch it!"

I turn around and some blonde dick in shades with a girl's voice tries sounding hard. "Bitch, you move your fat ass."

Wait, I know that girly voice. "Chino?"

Takes him a while to figure it out but then again, he always was a bit stupid. "Camille?"

We both squeal, I can't believe I ran into Chino! Of course, everyone's looking at us so we take our coffee to one of the outside tables. "Oh my god, Chino! It's been, like, forever! What are you doing here? How's everything? You still with Hoodie and Espadrille?"

I've been so meaning to catch up with the Fashionistas, I'm so lucky I ran into Chino. "Ok, ok, don't pop seam. I'm here because we're keeping a low profile. We wanna keep under radar until the upcoming summer lineup. Then, we're gonna meet up in Paris and totally steal everyone's design, it's gonna be major!"

"That sounds so hot, I want in."

That's when things went a little sour; he totally hesitates and puts on this weird face. "Well... no offense girlfriend, we don't need your kind of heat on us right now?"

"What?!"

"You're too hot and I don't mean Clooney hot. You were part of that whole massacre thing, you're poison right now."

"I didn't do shit in that prison, Shego and Lynn did! I just snuck out the first chance I got."

"Sorry, you know how it works. Doesn't matter if it's true or not, if People says you did it, you did it, end of story."

"Oh, that is such total bullshit! It's bad enough I have to live with those two bitches but now they're ruining my life! It's daddy all over again."

"Woah, wait, did you just say you're living with them? Shego and Lynn are here in L.A.?"

"Yeah, so?"

"Wow, no, I'm just surprised. Two psycho bitches lead a massacre and they hide out here? You'd think they'd be hiding out in redneck land where no one watches T.V. or read New York Times."

"Oh god, if I had to hide out there, I'd kill myself, I swear to God, I would. That's why I picked here to hideout."

"Well, at least you still got your priorities straight."

"So there's no way I can join you guys? Hell, I can look like anyone."

"Sorry, getting caught with you after what happened would give us serious jail time and I so do not want that."

"Oh please, don't act like you don't drop the soap on purpose. Jail for you is like speed dating without the small talk."

"Oh, fuck you bitch! You can rot in hell!"

He gets up and leaves after he throws his hissy. Fucking faggot. Those bitches think they're too good for me? Fuck 'em! I don't need the Fashionistas, I don't need Shego and Lynn. I'm Camille Leon, I'm the heir apparent of the Leon fortune! Sure, my parents pretty much stiffed me but I won't let that stop me. I deserve riches, I deserve fame. It's my right to live in the lap of luxury, even if I have to take from someone else. Hey, that gives me a totally great idea.

Since I can't get back my money and my fame, I'll take someone else's. I'll hit up the Hollywood hot spots as Britina and just put everything on her tab. Hell, it won't be the first time I go parading as that wannabe. I duck out of sight the first chance I get and make the change. Remembering a picture of her on Entertainment yesterday; new taste in clothes, different hair style, I'll look like that. I stroll my way into Hollywood and it's obvious that my Britina is flawless. All these people, these little people, just clamoring for my attention, wanting my autograph. This is what I deserve. But these tasteless peons think I'm Britina so it's her autograph they want. I blow them off and keep going, I even shove one down to the ground. No skin off my nose, it's Britina's publicist that'll have to deal with that. Ha, get mad loser, who you gonna cry to, US weekly?

Gotta keep my priorities straight; pushing over little people is fun but high fashion is a must. Just go into the boutique, clean out the top shelf stuff and put it all on this whore's tab. I saunter inside, I give the floor worker the old act; the squealing hello, the air kiss on both cheeks, the mindless small talk. Seems to be working so far, she isn't suspicious. "So how can I help you today, Britina?"

"Oh, just give me everything worth getting, sweetheart." What she gives me was just to die for. I can't believe how much I missed since going to jail and hiding out with those two. It takes almost two hours to try each of them on. Sure, there were some pretty bleh pieces compared to the premium stuff but I'm not paying for, so I'll take them. I go up to the counter and make my move. "Oh, I just love them all! Put them on my account."

The girl at the counter made a face and hesitated. "Umm... sure, just show me your ID."

What did she say? "I don't think you know what you're doing, I'm Britina."

"Yes and we are thrilled to have you here... it's just your agent told every store in California to ask that you show ID before buying anything, ever since your little incident with Camille Leon. Sorry, just a formality."

Oh, you have got to be kidding me. "Oh, well since she went to jail, I've been feeling real secure now, don't worry about that silly little rule."

She awkwardly sucks in a breath. "Still... I'd feel much better if you showed me your ID."

Fuck, I'm parading around as the flavor of the month and I'm catching flak from some retail bitch. Forget it Leon, just make a break for it, they'll probably end up thinking the bitch's gone Britney. I snag all the clothes under one arm and bolt for the door. Little bitch sounds the security alarm and a rent-a-cop tries to stop me. I hate the idea of touching this slob but I change into the current governor back in his action flick days and shove the pudgy bastard right out of my way. Now, I should've known, looking like a juiced up Austrian with an arm full of dresses, I was gonna catch attention but damn it, there's three real cops already coming straight for me. I make a dash for it but there's too many damn rubber neckers in the way, I can't break through them fast enough.

I throw the clothes to the ground, they swarm like flies to get a hold of one and it helps slow down the cops. I duck into the first alley I find and change shape, laying low till the cops move on. Damn it, I couldn't even rob a damn boutique, I'm so pathetic! I could've done that easy if I pretended to be any other celeb but no, I had to pick Britina because she was on a fucking magazine cover. I can't do this on my own, not while everyone knows about my shape shifting deal. I need... damn it... I need those two after all.

It takes a while to make sure the cops aren't still following me, at least I was able to do that right. I walk all the way back to the apartment, go up the stairs and I just hope they aren't mad at me or something. I mean, we're friends, why should they be mad at me? Because I treat them like shit, that's why. I take a breath before I reach for the door knob but it opens by itself. Now I'm looking at Shego and Lynn and they're dressed up like they're ready to go out. Did I miss something? "Umm... girls, I sorta need-"

Shego cuts me off and they walk right past me. "Can't talk, going out for drinks," she says.

Today's been really shitty and I don't think I can stand being blown off now, I need... fuck, I need my friends. "Wait, hey!"

Shego turns to me, looks at Lynn and then back at me. "You wanna come?"

Damn it, I need some damn support, don't be so fucking aloof you green bitch! Oh well... I guess some drinks might help me. "Umm... sure." I change myself one more time and we all go out for drinks. Me and my best friends. These are my best friends... that is so depressing.