It was the day after Voyager's narrow escape from a nova explosion. Everything seemed almost back to normal. The crew were safe, repairs were almost complete, and there were mounds of data to analyse, so everyone was busy.
The turbolift opened and Tom Paris walked onto the bridge. "Sorry I'm a few minutes late Capta… Commander," he apologised, seeing, with surprise, that it was Chakotay in charge this morning, not the Captain. The pilot also saw that his place at the helm was occupied by Baytart. His eyebrows rose. "Has there been a change of plan Commander?"
"Paris, I didn't expect you to be up this early." The Commander scrutinised Tom Paris's appearance. He looked all right, but after last night Chakotay suspected he could definitely use a day off. "The Captain asked me to change the rosters so…"
"The Captain, of course," Paris said coldly. "So you spoke to Janeway last night? After I left? Where is she?"
"Actually I haven't spoken to her," Chakotay admitted. "She left me a message about the rosters. That's all. I'm sorry about the mix up. I assumed she left you a message too."
"I didn't check." Tom paused aware that the whole of the bridge was listening, but decided to continue. He stepped toward the Commander and spoke more quietly. "Chakotay, I'm fine. I'm fit for duty. The Doctor didn't say I wasn't. There was no need to change my shift!"
"Paris, you're acting as though this is some kind of punishment! Take the day off. You deserve it."
"Where's the Captain?"
"She has the day off too."
"Oh, because she deserves it!" Paris said a bit too loudly, causing the rest of the bridge crew to glance at them.
"Tom, do we need to talk in private?" Chakotay asked sternly, wondering what was causing the pilot's attitude. After the celebrations last night, he had hoped that a good night's sleep was all Paris needed. Apparently there was more to it than that.
Tom lowered his voice again. "It's not you I need to talk to, it's the Captain. Do you know where I can find her?"
"She wanted some time alone. I'll let her know when I see her at lunch. I'm sure she'll get back to you. Okay?"
"Fine." Paris turned and walked back to the turbolift.
"Enjoy your day off," Chakotay told him, but got no reply.
Chakotay met the Captain in the mess hall for lunch. He was about to broach the subject of Tom Paris and his attitude on the bridge that morning, when the Lieutenant himself strolled over to their table, and stood with his arms crossed. He was out of uniform now, having taken the day off. Here's trouble, Chakotay thought. But at least he might find out what was going on.
"Captain," Paris said.
"Yes?" Janeway looked up from her coffee, apparently unfazed.
"Can I speak with you in private?"
"I'm sorry Lieutenant I'm a little busy. Maybe later this afternoon, or tomorrow would be better…"
"Now!" Tom said urgently, putting his hands on the table. He was not about to be brushed off so easily. "I need to talk to you now!"
"Fine! Then speak!" Janeway said challengingly, setting down her mug.
"Okay," Tom was taken aback, and spoke more quietly, aware that half the crew were in the mess hall at this hour. He took a deep breath, and began uncertainly. "It's about yesterday. About what happened on the bridge."
"What about it?" Janeway asked. Chakotay wondered the same thing.
"Well actually, I'd like you to fill me in," Tom explained, glancing at Chakotay who pretended to eat his soup.
"I don't know what you mean, Mr Paris. You were there." Janeway replied. "You flew us to safety."
"No, I got us most of the way through the asteroid belt. It was Chakotay," Paris glanced at the Commander who almost choked on his soup at the mention of his name, "who flew Voyager to safety. I lost consciousness. So there's this blank. You were with me, right? Care to fill me in on what happened? Next thing I remember is waking up in sickbay."
"That's right," Janeway said, remembering. She appeared lost in thought for a moment, then shook her head. "Tom, please, we all made it through in the end, so it's not important. Let's not go over it."
"Oh, so its nothing to you then?" Tom took offence.
"What's nothing?"
"That I almost died to save Voyager!" Tom's voice rose and several heads turned.
"Is that true?" Chakotay interjected suddenly, but was ignored. A few things Paris had said last night had already lead Chakotay to wonder if the pilot had been more seriously injured yesterday than he had realised. Any sympathy he felt for Paris however, did not appear to be shared by their Captain. Chakotay wished he knew what had happened and what was going on between them.
Calmly furious, Janeway stood up. "Tom Paris, I expect all my officers to be willing to do the same. I would die to save Voyager, myself and if…"
"I'm not questioning your loyalty to Voyager!" Tom exploded, "I'm questioning my loyalty to you!"
There was a silence. "I beg your pardon, Lieutenant?" Janeway's tone was threatening.
Paris appeared to have shocked himself with his outburst, along with everyone else in the mess hall. Paris appeared more uncomfortable than Chakotay had ever seen him, and he'd seen the pilot in some tense situations. The whole mess hall must be listening now, Chakotay realised. When Tom spoke again his voice was deathly quiet, and Chakotay had to strain to catch all the words. "Captain, I've put my trust in you. You know I have. I have trusted that if you were to sacrifice my life for Voyager, that it would be justified."
"And you don't think it was yesterday?" Janeway surmised grimly. "Well, I'm sorry Tom, but it was my decision to make, not yours and…"
"I know!" Tom interrupted heatedly. "I know it doesn't matter what I think. You're the Captain. It was your decision. I know that. So I'm asking you. Was it justified?"
Janeway said nothing.
Paris spoke again despairingly. "Obviously you don't think so, or why have you been lying to me?"
"I never…"
"You deceived me, and you've kept it secret! Captain I know you ordered the Doctor not to tell me."
"Tell you what?" Chakotay asked.
"How did you…" Janeway began.
"How did I find out? I read my medical file, Captain. Did you forget I had clearance?" he said in disgust.
"So now you know," Janeway sighed.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Tom raged.
"I was going to!"
"Yeah, right." Tom spat. "When? Captain, you've been ignoring me since it happened!"
"You think I've been ignoring you?" Janeway was incredulous.
"Yes! Pretending like nothing happened!"
"What happened?" Chakotay still wanted to know, along with every crewman in the mess hall. He glanced from Paris to Janeway, hard pressed to decide who was angrier. They both still ignored him.
"Tom," Janeway said furiously, "you're the one who's been pretending everything's fine. I didn't realise you knew, but now that I do, the way you've been acting so cavalier… Tom you're angry at me for keeping this quiet, and yet you hate betraying any vulnerability, you'd rather none of the crew knew what really happened!"
"You're right." Tom admitted, looking pale all of a sudden. "But if they do find out, I'm not the one who has anything to be ashamed of."
"Enough!" Chakotay bellowed. Things had gone too far. "Paris, I don't know what this is about. What I do know is that you, Paris, and you, Captain," he turned to Janeway, "You both need to compose yourselves, so we can discuss this in a civilised manner. And, if it's not too much trouble, I'd like to know what the hell is going on!" The mess hall was silent. Everyone had stoped eating.
Janeway paused, placing her hand to her forehead. "Chakotay, let's not discuss this in public any further," Janeway almost pleaded.
"Well I asked to speak privately didn't I?" Tom reminded her before backing off and turning to leave.
"He did," Chakotay agreed as the mess hall erupted in chatter. Crewmen began to discuss what they had heard and what it could mean.
"Where are you going?" Janeway called out to Tom over the suddenly noisy mess hall. Chakotay's hand was on her arm, preventing her from following him. She knew he would not let go until she had told him what had happened.
"To sickbay." Paris told her. "Is that okay with you, Captain?" his voice filled with sarcasm, "Somehow I don't feel so good."
