As a child have you ever fallen off the swing set?

That split second of fear followed by a hard impact.

But the fall isn't the worst part.

It's the loss of breath. The constriction in your chest. The feeling like you'll never be able to breath again. The fear that life won't be worth living anymore. That everything you've done up until that point no longer matters.

I'm not talking about falling off a swing anymore.

I held my arms across the my chest. If felt like my heart had been pulled out of me and my chest was trying to collapse into the empty space. I wanted to cry, but even more than that I was angry. I was so angry that I was being made to feel this way. He took away my home. He ruined everything for me. I want him gone. Out of my life, out of my mind, all of it. I want to be fucking gone.

"Hey, are you alright?" Chloe asked.

Not. Even. Remotely.

I whipped around at her, "What are we doing?"

"Excuse me?" Chloe asked confused.

"Last I checked, you're supposed to be Chloe Price. Yet we've been ditching now for hours and we haven't even gotten wasted yet," I said stepping up to the girl, "That's got to be against some school ditching rule."

"I don't know I might still be hungover from last night?" Chloe said, backing down.

No you don't get to turn back now.

"Wrong answer!" I barked, "You don't ask a girl out and then not buy her a drink." I turned away from her and started to walk away. I headed to the nearby picnic area and I saw there was a couple having a meal with a bottle of wine. I turned back, and wrapped my arm behind Chloe as I walked her closer to the picnic area.

"They have a bottle of wine." I told her, " Let's steal it."

"Uh okay," she started, "Or we could go try to find a liquor store instead?

"No. You shouldn't bring alcohol to a public park if you're not willing to share it with everybody, right? And… Fuck it, I just want to take something that's not mine." How's that for honesty

Chloe held up her hands in defeat.

"Alright, I'm going in. Try to keep up." I told her.

I slowed my walk as I started to pass by the table the two were sitting at catching their attention.

"Um, can we help you?" A short haired woman asked.

I put my hand over my chest and feigned difficulty breathing. After a few labored breaths I allowed myself to collapse onto the ground.

"Oh my God." I could hear the woman, and man get up and move over to me. Now it was up to Chloe. All she has to do is swipe the bottle and step away before they notice.

"Oh thank God," the guy said, "Please, this girl is in trouble, go get help."

I could hear the woman getting impatient, "What are you waiting for? Go!"

I guess Chloe isn't the sneaking type.

"Don't look at me, look at Baywatch over here. 'Uh, I don't remember how to do CPR, waahh.' It's time to nut up or shut up." Chloe bullied

CPR? Fucking christ Chloe just grab the wine.

"Watch out," the guy said over me, "I'm going to check her pulse. That's on her neck, right?"

Wow guy, good thing I'm not actually dying here.

"I still think you should go get help," The woman chimed in, "There's a ranger station on the other side of the park."

"Good point." The guy agreed. "We'll keep watch while you go."

"Er, Look at all the time we've wasted already," Chloe said with a poor attempt at panic in her voice, "This woman needs mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, stat."

"Uhhhhnnnnoooo." I moaned out. Seriously Chloe?

"Yup, definitely needs mouth-to-mouth." I didn't have to open my eyes to see her smile. I could hear it.

"Okay, okay. You can do this." Now the guy was trying to psych himself up.

I could sense the shadow change as he leaned over me…

"I can't do it!" he let out backing off again.

"Pathetic…" The woman said. "Look, he's clearly useless. This woman needs help from someone who actually knows what they're doing."

"Hey!" Yelled Chloe, "Look at me! Do you want to be locked out of the car of life forever? Or are you ready to break in there and seize the keys to your potential?"

Car of life? What the hell is she yelling about? I'm going to have to just get up this is getting ridiculous.

"Oh, my god. You're right!"

Seriously… that worked.

I could hear the guy take a deep breath. He slowly started to lean over me. I could feel his breath on my face.

Yea, no, that's not happening. I quickly pushed him away and stood up. Alright now to play this off for the getaway..

"Hey, wow, I'm all better now. You saved my life. From the bottom of my heart, thank you." As I spoke I could see Chloe holding the bottle as she backed away.

"Yeah, good work everyone. Peace out." Chloe added holding the bottle on the far side of her body hiding it from view of the picnickers.

We both turned and ran off back down the path we'd come up from and didn't stop until we got to the parking lot. That went less than ideal, but at least Chloe did manage to swipe the bottle. I really need the drink.

Once in the clear I took the bottle from Chloe, popped the top, and tilted back several mouthfuls. I straightened myself out and held the bottle out for Chloe.

"Here, you earned this."

"Thanks." She laughed accepting the bottle and taking a few sips. Once she stopped I reached out and took the bottle back to continue my attempt to drown my brain in alcohol.

"I could use a drink after trying to keep up with you." she confessed

I downed the wine until I needed to stop to take a breath.

"I... am excessively sober right now." I said and started walking back to the tracks. Any chance for a train to come take me away. No?

How about to run me over?


I don't know how long I walked on the tracks for. There were sporadic moments I became aware of the world around me and each time it was completely different. Even the sun was setting now. I didn't know what to do next. I didn't want to go home. I couldn't possibly face him. With each sip from the bottle I hoped a little more of him was burned from me. I wanted my thoughts and memories to dissolve away. Chloe continued with me walking along the metal rail, but something caught her eye.

"Whoa, Hey, check this out!" she said.

"What." I turned to see a junkyard. Old cars piled up and left to rust. Signs for business that no longer existed. There was even a school bus sitting in the middle of the mounds of garbage.

Chloe held her arm out presenting it as if it was some work of art.

"Great. It's a pile of trash."

"Uh, yeah, an awesome pile of trash. Let's explore."

"You have fun, Chloe. I'm gonna go sit down." I walked away farther into the junk looking for someplace that could be bug and disease free.

Looking at all the discarded items… Maybe this is where I belong. I could feel the tears start to form in my eyes. I held them at bay focusing on finding someplace to sit. An old wooden crate off to my right looked safe enough. I sat down and bought my hand up to my face to wipe away the small bits of moisture that had been accumulating at the bottom of my eye.

I probably could just stay here and never go back. Who would miss me? I wasn't close with anyone at school. Mr. Keaton would just be pissed I ruined his show. Victoria would be thrilled to take my place in shows and clubs. I'm a good student but none of the teachers really know me. My family for the most part is back in California and apart from the obligatory family gatherings there's no real love there. And as for my dad… well… who gives a shit what he thinks. He doesn't get to feel anything for me. Even mom sometimes, how she'd cover for his absences from plays or science fairs. She'd probably stand by him. I wonder how hard they'd look if I just disappeared today. If I just never go home. A day… A week… A month… would they even care to find out what happened to me or where I went. Would anyone even really care about Rachel Amber.

Chloe sat down on the hood of the car behind me. I turned to her and she was just sitting there like a puppy waiting to be played with.

"Chloe, I'd really like some space right now."

"Okay…" she responded getting up from the car. "Actually, no. I thought we were having a great day together. Why are you acting like this all of a sudden?"

"I'm not acting like anything. I just want to be left alone right now."

"No. I don't understand. You can't just turn on me for no reason."

"I'm sorry, turn on you? I guess I forgot," I stood up from the crate, "It's always about how you feel, isn't it? 'Sad Chloe's fucking sad again.' Maybe you should try giving a shit about other people for once."

"Are you serious right now!" she snapped

I don't need this shit right now Chloe, "Fuck!" I threw the bottle away and and it smashed against a barrel across the way. I turned away from her sitting back down on the crate. Both anger and sadness flowing inside me trying to escape simultaneously.

Turn on her. Because, yea this is all my fault. I didn't force her to come with. She wanted to hang out with Rachel Amber, is this not living up to her expectations? Well fuck her then.

Wetness began to form again at the bottom crest of my eyes.

"Hey, check it out." I heard Chloe and turned out of reflex to see what it was now. She picked up an old beer bottle and was holding a baseball bat. "I don't always drink beer. But when I do, I prefer to drinking it next to an old toilet." she said as she placed the bottle on top of a toilet tank. She took a step back and gave a one handed swing knocking over the bottle.

"Home run." she said looking out into the distance.

This was getting annoying. Why couldn't she just leave me alone. I stood up from the crate and started walking toward her.

"Can I see?" I asked her.

"Sure," She replied holding out the bat.

I grabbed it and tossed it away, "I asked you to leave me alone."

"Are you kidding me? I know you're the school princess and all, with the DA daddy and the perfect grades and all the perfect little Victoria Chases kissing your perfect ass, but seriously - fuck you."

Fine, fuck me.

"Great. I'm leaving. See you around, Chloe" I turned to head back to the tracks.

"You can't leave!" She called.

"Watch me."

"Rachel, wait! Don't go." She pleaded.

I stopped walking. 'Don't go?' Why not? There's nothing here. Just a bunch of assholes living their asshole lives. My dad, that woman, even you Chloe, what do I matter in any of that. I turned around.

"Why not?" I verbalized.

"Because… because I don't want to ruin this the way I ruin everything else in my life." She confessed.

I took a few steps toward her. I could see the loneliness and pain in her eyes. On some level I could relate. We both don't really have friends. We both have certain expectations of us to play our parts. We both don't really have our dad's, but what does she want from me.

"And what is 'this' exactly?" I asked.

"I mean… fuck," she nervously swayed around, "Are you actually going to make me say it?"

"Say what, exactly?

Her eyes now focused on mine. Embarrassment, sadness, pleading, hope, all of it was in her eyes. "You know. Like, a friendship. But… more."

"Ah…" was all I had for her. I get it Chloe, I'm the awesome Rachel Amber, but that's not me. I can't be what you want me to be.

"I know. Weird, right? It's just, today was the best day I've had since…" she took a moment to gather herself, "...since my dad died. And when I almost ruined it just now, the way I ruin everything, it made me realize… Whatever's going on between us is special."

I… I didn't know what to make of that. Here I was standing in a junkyard after ditching school to catch my dad cheating. The hole in my chest gave a throb as to remind me it was there. Chloe I just…

"Come on, say something." she pleaded.

"Chloe I... I-"

"You know what? Forget it. This was really stupid. I mean, you're Rachel Amber and I'm Chloe Price." she said dishearteningly.

The way she said it. Like she was nothing and I was like some Goddess of perfection. I've always played the character, but hearing it come from her… hurt.

"It's not that." I said fighting tears. "It's just... hard right now, and I can't talk about it."

"Why not." she demanded.

"Because I can't, I know it isn't fair. But it's how it is." Life doesn't owe you anything Chloe. I stepped toward the girl placing my hand on her arm and looking into her eyes I could see her tears. I caressed the side of her face and wiped one away. I am sorry Chloe. I didn't bring you out here to hurt you.

She looked into my eyes, silently pleading for me to stay.

I'm sorry Chloe, but I can't do this anymore.

I took a few steps backwards, "Goodbye, Chloe."

And I turned and walked away. From her, from my dad, from everything.


It wasn't until I saw the park in the quickly fading light that I realized I walked all the way back to where the shit show started. I can't explain why but I walked toward the tree I saw my dad and his woman under earlier. It was an odd tree, twisted and mangled. It bended in strange ways as the wind roughly brushed through it. Everyone else had left the park it was just me and this tree.

My mind blanked as I stared at the tree. There was nothing but the cold wind and the songs of the crickets around me. I closed my eyes. I could see all the people in my life and between them nothing but lies. And I… wasn't innocent in it either. My whole life has just been an act to get to a bigger stage. I even lie about things that don't matter, just because the truth is too strange to me. I don't think I can keep this like though. I can't be alone in all this. And that's what lying does to you. It keeps you alone, and I pushed that on Chloe.

The dark began to swallow the park. The moon and stars concealed behind the murky clouds. The only movement was from the wind on the trees and bushes. Like a small storm the wind battered away at the tree until one leaf was torn from it. No, not a leaf, not with the blue hue it had. I watched as it flapped its wings, it was a butterfly. The blue butterfly fought the wind and forced itself toward me. I watched it fly right at me as it fluttered and landed right on my leg. I just stared at it and I think it was staring back. I took in a deep breath which caused the butterfly to take off again. Dancing it's way over to the creek.

So you're going to leave me too huh.

I asked you to leave me alone.

I guess I forgot it's always about how you feel…

And what is 'this' exactly?

Goodbye, Chloe.

I guess it was only doing what I asked. Chloe deserved much better than what I did to her. She came along with me, followed me to this park, played my games. She even managed to steal a quarter back from a broken viewfinder for me. Apart from…him... No one's supported me like Chloe did today. I was too busy being pissed off to see you Chloe and I'm sorry.

I heard a few steps behind me and looked over my shoulder.

It was Chloe.

Even after all this she came for me. I felt the tears start to streak down my face.

"You came." I said trying to maintain what little composure I had, "I'm glad."

"Hey," she said stepping forward, "I couldn't let the day end with… whatever this afternoon was"

I kept my back to her. I couldn't face her. Not after everything I did to her, but I could finally be honest with her.

"Chloe, I want to talk to you about something, but… I don't know how to talk about this." I could feel empty void in my chest pull.

"You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to." she said.

How are you always giving me more than I deserve Chloe. It's time I give something back.

"You remember that guy we saw under this tree with that woman." I began to explain.

"The ones that were making out?" she questioned.

"That was my dad."

"Oh, alright." Chloe said. I could hear the confusion in her voice.

"And that woman," I began as I turned to finally face her, "was definitely not my mom."

Chloe winced as she finally understood, "Oh" was all she let out.

"The worst part is," I continued, "I'm not surprised. I've felt like my dad's been lying about something for a while. I just… I didn't know what it was. So when I saw he got a text from an unknown number… asking him to meet… I thought I could catch him, or something…"

Chloe looked stunned. I had to turn away. I was going to break down crying if I continued to see her reactions.

"I'm so sorry, Rachel. I don't… I don't know what to say."

"Neither do I… Chloe, I loved my dad. I love him, and I never want to see his fucking face again."

"When my dad died, I was so mad at him. For months, I felt… wrong, because half the time I thought of him, I wanted to scream. And the other half, i forgot-"

"-Forgot that anything had changed." I finished.

I reached into my pocket and pulled out the photo of my dad and I on our hiking trip. It felt heavy in my hand.

"It's silly, but I've carried this photo around with me for years." I explained. " It's from Mt. Hood. My dad took me hiking there when I was ten. It started raining, and I fell and broke my arm three miles from the car." I handed the picture to Chloe. "I remember screaming like I was gonna die. But my dad… he carried me down the mountain. I still remember the smell of his coat, and how calm he was," I could hear my voice start to break, " and the sound of his voice, and… He was just so strong, you now? I felt safe." I started to wipe the tears from my face.

"You trusted him."

"Completely."

"Here," Chloe said holding the picture out for me to take back.

I took the picture, "Chloe, I owe you an apology."

"Hey, we were both kind of the queen of shitty." she said empathetically.

No way Chloe, no more covering my bullshit. I fucked up.

"No, I mean it. Whatever's going on between us, it's… intense, and new, and awesome, and… You had the courage to tell me that you feel it too. And I treated you like shit." My mind flashed to Chloe's pleading eyes just before I told her goodbye.

"Courage?" she questioned, "I don't know if I'd call it that. More like blind desperation."

Dragging strangers on a train and taking them miles away is blind desperation…

"And maybe a slight buzz from that wine." she finished.

"I just want you to know… I'm lucky that you were with me today. You're a badass, Chloe Price." and a much better person than I could ever be.

"What?" her face shocked.

"Remember that biker asshole who wouldn't let you into the mill? You talked your way right past him."

"You saw that?"

"And those skeevy douchebags who followed you upstairs? You dropped that one guy with a bottle to the face." The memory made me smile a little.

"Only because you showed up at the last minute and-"

"What about Drew?" I said cutting her off, "when he was picking on Nathan? You got right in his face and called him out."

"That was pretty sweet, actually" Chloe said in mild agreement.

"See? You're the real thing, Chloe. I don't know anyone like you. Plus you came along with me, no questions asked."

"Well, I don't really need a good reason to ditch school." Chloe confessed

Right, ditching school.

"I guess tomorrow there'll be hell to pay." The thought of it all gave me chills.

"My mom might skip grounding and just go straight to the death penalty."

"And my dad will definitely punish me with-"

"Fuck your dad." Chloe said cutting in.

"Fuck him." I agreed.

"What I wouldn't give to leave this place and never look back…" Chloe said.

"What's stopping us."

"Us? Are you serious?" Chloe asked.

"There's nothing keeping me here. Not anymore."

"So if I came to you tomorrow and told you to pack your bags…" Chloe asked with soft bit of hope

"I'm serious. Let's do it, Chloe. Let's leave this place forever." We can leave all this bullshit behind.

A smile came to Chloe's face as she responded, "Okay."

She was all in. Just like at Firewalk, just like when I asked her to jump on a train with me. You are truly overwhelming Chloe. I looked down at the photo I was still holding. I guess there's something that needs to be taken care of.

"Can I borrow your lighter? I asked her.

She gave herself a quick pat down before producing a lighter.

"Thank you," I said taking the lighter from her and stepping toward the garbage can under the tree.

I took a look at the photo. I will burn all of you out of me for what you did. I lit the photo and watched the flames slowly spread. I held on and watched the picture burn before the heat became too much on my and and I let it go where it engulfed the rest of the trash ablaze.

I watched the fire crackle and spark in the can. Even now watching it all burn I could still feel it. The gaping hole in my chest that he did to me. I still felt broken and it angered me.

"Come on." Chloe said as she took a few steps away from the fire.

Burning the photo didn't change anything. My dad was still an asshole and I was still crushed. And… And this stupid fucking fire wasn't helping. I was just another thing that was a lie.

The scene played out like photographs.

I stepped up to the can.

I gave the can a hard kick.

The can knocked over.

I watched the flames spill out onto the ground and the embers up into the tree.

Setting the whole tree on fire.

And I just… Screamed. I yelled until my throat hurt, and then I really started to cry.

Just why. Why did things have to be like this. What did I do.

It all just hurt so much. I screamed again and then… nothing.

I watched the fire spread from the mangled tree to the bushes and other trees around it. The flames and embers infecting the park. It was mesmerizing. I watched the light shine higher and higher. Almost everything in front of me was a swirl of oranges and yellows. The breezes from the wind carrying the warmth to me. This was it. Time to get rid of it all. All the lies, and liars. All the bullshit. Just burn it all down.

Until it's only me and Chloe in the ashes.


A/N and so concludes the first in-game chapter of Before the Storm. Thanks to everyone who reads and those who follow/favorite, and especially the reviews It's all very motivating for me. This chapter was difficult to write as It got a little personal for me, but I hope you all like it, or at least not hate it. For updates/previews/questions you can follow me on twitter ( Wessssssss). Thanks again you all.