A/N: Thank you again guys for the reviews, follows and favs! I greatly appreciate it! So the story is going to start getting…darker and most likely triggering. I have warned you…

How Do You Get That Lonely by Blaine Larsen

The weeks kept flying by and Maura was drinking more and more to the point where the saying 'its five o'clock somewhere' ruled her life. She was carrying small travel bottles in her purse, her glove box, the desk drawer she was even carrying a thermos that was some days vodka and orange juice to right now as Christmas was coming around eggnog with rum, whiskey and brandy.

Today she was off work and sitting down in the living room with her family, looking around she only heard bits and pieces of the conversation because she filled it with Jane's voice. Her hands were shaking, her body was withdrawing, she hadn't gotten the chance to drink since she woke up it was going on twelve hours. She couldn't take it, a sweat was breaking out her anger, and pain was welling up. She wanted it to stop, so she stood up and excused herself.

Once in her room she reached under the bed and removed the shoe box that held a bottle of Captain Morgan removing the lid she took a huge gulp allowing the spice to hit her. Releasing a breath she could feel the heat of the alcohol, the holidays were the worst. Looking around everything brought back memories, the dresser where one night they couldn't make it to the bed. The standing mirror where she stood one day when she was pregnant with Andy and Jane walked up and wrapped her arms around her, whispering in her ear how much she loved her and how beautiful she was.

Standing up Maura walked towards that mirror, standing in front of it she wrapped her arms around herself. Feeling the loneliness even more she took a double gulp, giving a moment to take both gulps down she finished off with a third and began to release the tears. When did she get this way, when did she become a person that needed the bottom of the bottle, turning to the dresser she opened a top drawer and removed a lock box.

Taking an old Chanel compact from her piles of makeup she opened the compact and revealed a key, she removed that key and unlocked the lock box. Inside sat Jane's gun, removing the clip and the gun Maura shoved the clip and made sure the safety was off. Turning back to the mirror while taking another gulp Maura felt her heart race, she shut her eyes and allowed the memories to wrap her up. As they flooded in she began to feel those strong, warm arms.

How did she get so lonely, how did she get to this point opening her eyes she turned on the radio to drowned out her thoughts. Another sad country song pierced her ears, Blaine Larsen's southern voice hit her heart the words how do you get so lonely caused her to chuckle. It was easy, all it took was losing her other half one final swig from the bottle left Maura realizing her memories weren't going to fade. Rage spilled out, for once in her life Maura allowed her anger to rule her.

The bottle hit the mirror causing the mirror to break with a loud crash, she had forgotten about her family downstairs. None of them mattered in that moment, all she wanted was Jane. All she wanted was for the loneliness to fade away.