(Chapter 3: Poker Face)

A/N: Please note again that this is chronologically chapter 3; the second of the two chapters I decided to go back and write in. This one is lined up roughly with the end of 5x12 ("Allegiance").

Rating: M. No snarky comment. Just M.


Lock it down, Blye! She'd caught herself looking again at the picture Deeks had sent of himself. Kensi knew she should not be this flustered and worked up about someone on the other side of the planet. She needed to focus on the here and now. She was in a war zone, for God's sake! Granted, at the moment she was secure in the relative safety of the Marine forward operating base. But every now and then, the insurgents launched a Soviet era mortar shell their way. And the thin metal walls of the shipping container-turned operations center would do little to protect her from a direct hit.

In the long couple of months she had been in country, they had certainly kept her busy: the hunt for the 'white ghost,' the investigation into the NCIS field team that already seemed predisposed to distrust her, and occasionally being called up to provide overwatch cover for military operations in the region. Apparently snipers were in high demand and low supply at the moment.

The investigation of the last couple of days had actually been a welcome change of pace. Looking into anonymous money from the US that potentially financed a local terrorist group fronting as a medical clinic had almost been like a regular case from back home. More so because she actually got to work with her team, albeit from a very long distance.

It had been good to see the crew from OSP on that video call earlier in the day. She'd really missed their faces. Especially the one she hadn't seen. Deeks had been away with a witness at the end of the day when the rest of the team had appeared on screen to wrap up the case. She hadn't even realized how excited she was to see him for thirty seconds until she caught herself fluffing her hair and wishing she didn't look like she hadn't showered in days.

It was foolish, really. She talked with him on the phone fairly often, and they chatted online on days they couldn't speak. But there was something about the idea of actually seeing him; hearing his voice and seeing his lips move. The way he'd smile at her. How he probably would have ruffled his hair. Maybe he would have even laughed. She longed to hear his laugh. Oh well, she'd just have to wait until she could hear it in person.

She needed to at least appear as if she was keeping it together. Though truth be told, being in Afghanistan— away from her team in general and her partner in specific, was starting to get to her. She was pretty sure Granger could see right through her. With any luck though, he didn't know exactly what was troubling her.

She curled up tighter in the thick blankets she was wrapped up in. Kensi still had a rack all to herself: with a bunk to sleep in, and another for her rifle. Her nightly routine now always included flipping through pictures from home. At first it was a variety of photos: Monty, nights out with Nell, hanging with the guys, and the occasional pic of her family or a nice wilderness landscape. But she could no longer deny that the vast majority of the images she viewed more recently were of her partner's face.

Not for the first time, she found herself thinking about their one night together with regret. Mostly she lamented that they'd only had a single night to be with each other. If ever she regretted having slept with him, it was only because now she knew what she was missing and it made her feel the sting of their separation that much more acutely.

Kensi had never considered herself a woman who needed to be touched. Which was a good thing really, given how seldom her job really allowed her the opportunity to date (even if she didn't despise the process). Or how unheard of it was for her to actually establish a satisfactory physical relationship. And how disappointed she typically was with her handful of infrequent one night stands.

And yet, here she was. Several weeks removed from the last time she'd felt a sweet release, and several thousand miles from the man who'd brought her to it. Admittedly, he had been good. Fantastic, really. But that may have also been because of the tension and heat between them. She was very anxious to put this theory to the test, but it would have to wait.

In the mean time, what did she need him for? She needed relief now, dammit! And she was more than capable of getting things done herself. She only wished her fingers weren't so cold. With one last look at a pic she had snapped of Deeks shirtless on the beach with his surfboard, she closed her phone and set it down on the ledge with her pistol.

With the last of the lights in the small room extinguished and her vision dark, Kensi tried to clear her mind as well. She let one of her hands drift down her torso, lightly dragging her finger tips against the cloth of her shirt. Even through the thick layers, she managed to stir a shiver down her spine.

She toyed briefly with the drawstring of her sweat pants, then slipped her hand beneath the sweater and base layer shirt she had been sleeping in. She traced her hand in small circles back up over her belly, ghosting her nails along her skin. When her hand reached the valley between her breasts, she pushed it across her chest until she had completely cupped one of the soft mounds in her palm. She massaged the smooth skin even after her nipple perked up, then moved on to the other breast.

Kensi's free hand had been drawing patterns on the flat of her stomach, she then sighed deeply and slipped it down beneath the elastic of her sweatpants. She felt the textured fabric of her camping underwear, and briefly rubbed at the flesh between her legs before sneaking her hand below that waistband as well.

Back and forth she massaged with two of her fingers, until they delved between her folds. She jerked slightly when the pad of one made contact with her clit. But after just a few moments of increased pressure, the sensation was gone. She tried to clear her racing mind, but no matter what she thought about, her subconscious kept conjuring up worse case scenarios to run down mentally.

Kensi then decided to do something in desperation she usually tried hard not to do: imagine the strong hands of her partner touching her. In an instant, her heart fluttered and a jolt ran straight from her gut to her core. She had never focused so specifically on one man's face before while doing this. But for some reason she wasn't fully prepared to admit, this time it was working for her.

She remembered the way they had kissed in his apartment, and in his bed. She could picture his face so clearly: the reverence in his blue eyes, the worry in his brow, the pinkness of his flushed lips. Her tongue turned over in her mouth at the thought, and the tingling heat between her legs was rekindled.

Her one hand continued to fondle herself, taking turns rolling each of her breasts in her palm. The other rubbed in circles around her clit. She did so slowly, still sensitive to the touch and building up to the perfect level of arousal. The thought of Deeks' hard body hovering over her helped her get there rather quickly.

She remembered how he had worshipped her body— how he had wanted to warm her up with his mouth first. She regretted now that she had stopped him. But she had thought there would be more time. Instead, when they had finished, they fell asleep in each others arms, blissfully unaware of how their world would be torn apart the next day. But Kensi forced those memories from her head. She was too close to dwell on them.

Instead she focused on him; on how he had made her feel. When she recalled how it had felt to have him inside her, she pushed her fingers further down until two were curling up and into her pussy. It wasn't the same, but if she pretended hard enough, she could almost make herself believe that he was the one bringing her this pleasure again; that he was the one pushing into her, his hard cock filling her completely.

She was breathing more sharply now, and had to actively work at preventing herself from moaning softly like she had each time Deeks pounded into her. "Oh God, Kens!" he had growled against her neck. His words still burned into her memory, and replaying them in her head had almost the same effect her now as they did several weeks ago.

Her toes curled and her shoulders tensed as she neared her climax. She pushed her fingers in further and curled them up to stroke the sensitive, spongy ball of nerves nestled deep within her inner walls. Finally loosing control, her face contorted with the effort of remaining silent and she bit her lip harder than she should have. She welcomed the pulsations of pleasure that coursed through her, and felt her muscles relax.

Immediately she shivered from the cold again. She gave herself a moment to calm down, longing for the warm body of her partner to snuggle against. Her mind was otherwise finally clear, and she felt ready to really sleep. Almost. She first padded off to the head to wash up a bit. No one else was up.

When Kensi returned to her rack and plopped back on her crappy mattress, she smiled to herself sadly and whispered the words she said almost every evening, "Good night, Deeks."

Finally, she drifted off to sleep. But despite being alone and cold, she slept with pleasant dreams of warm California nights spent in bed with her shaggy surfer.


A/N: The next installment will be chapter 15, and will pick up where we last left off: in the middle of season 6. Thanks for bearing with me, especially as my schedule makes it harder to get a chapter out every couple of weeks.

Update: this has since been moved to where it's supposed to be. Ch. 4 is next.