Akashi woke up at the sound of his alarm clock but didn't get up. The tiny box hadn't stopped ringing, but he was far too deep in his thoughts to listen.

'It's today.'

She's coming back today.

Akashi didn't know how to feel about that.

He had expected to feel pain, the pain he was so familiar with, once he let himself go through the archives filled with her. He didn't though, and it surprised him. Instead he felt…normal. He's a bit anxious about their first meeting in five years, but he didn't feel anything else.

It seems, just as he was with everything else, he became too good at shutting her out.

Evergreen couldn't stop shaking. The whole time she was in the plane, she kept asking for water because her throat kept running dry. She kept looking out the window, checking her watch, counting the time until she could see him again.

It was too long.

Too long.

A chauffeur was sent to fetch her from the airport, from there she'd go to her house to change before coming to Akashi's house.

Every luggage she had looked like it's been ransacked by bandits by the time she finished looking for the right clothes. The maids had laughed at her because she kept restyling and restyling her hair, putting and removing make-up.

In the end she let one of them do it for her, because her hands were shaking too much; she kept on smudging her face with mascara.

Back in the car, it took all she had not to vomit. She was so nervous!

What would he say? What would he think of her? Would he find her pretty? What if she didn't suit his standards?

She had been receiving pictures of Akashi once a month, as per her request, but she didn't know if he had asked for the same thing. What if he forgot about her?

She had kept her doubts at bay when she was at school, because she wouldn't have been able to take it. But now that she was thirty minutes away, all the negativity she had pushed away had come rushing back to her in one painful wave.

She tried so hard not to cry.

Akashi was dressed as casually as he could. It was daytime, and they didn't have plans for a fancy lunch, so he wore faded jeans and white printed shirt. It was summer after all. Once he combed his hair, he was as good as done, and all he had left to do was wait for her.

Wait for her as he had done for five years.

He still wasn't feeling anything except the same mild anxiety he had when he woke up. When he thought about it, he realized her memories were all those of a child. The way she cried when she left was the cry of a child. The way she smiled during their games was the smile of a child.

But he wasn't a child anymore, and she couldn't be either.

He laughed when he realized he didn't even know how she looked like anymore. He remembered the child, but that was five years ago. She'd have gone through puberty by now. She'd have grown taller, fuller, more… more what?

What did he know about her?

What did he feel for her?

He didn't remember.

Five minutes before they arrived, Evergreen managed to calm down. She had collected herself, and she made for a look that's been taught to her for ages. Straight back. Calm face. A warm smile.

She remembered how she hated practicing that smile. She had thought, "Why should I have to practice smiling? Shouldn't it come naturally? When I'm happy?"

It wasn't long before she realized happiness was hard to come by in the world, and appearances meant more than feelings.

It didn't sit well with her that she's doing that fake smile now, but it was better than being the mumbling mess she was just earlier.

She wanted to look good.

The butler called him from his room at exactly 10:03. He just about begged his heart to beat faster, to be nervous, to care…because his indifference hurt more than anything he ever felt before. He felt like he lost something, but he couldn't get it back.

He sighed and went for the door. He felt his heart beat just a little faster, and smiled.

He hadn't lost everything yet.