Zim's Wonderful Fanfic to Beat all Fanfics!
Ryan: Was that the original title?
De: No.
Chapter Two
Disclaimer: What is it with your humans and redundancy! I have already stated the fact that I own absolutely nothing and yet I must write one of these ridiculous things at the beginning of every chapter! The stupidity of you human stinkbeasts never fails to amaze me.
De: You might just want to consider your audience when you say.
From now on just refer to the Disclaimer at the beginning of the fic for it applies throughout the rest of the fic. That is all!
Ryan: How come you authors don't do that?
De: Some do, I don't.
Ryan: Why not?
De: Do we really have to discuss this now?
Zim: Shut your noise tubes human worms! I am trying to create a masterpiece!
Author's Note: Watch as I amaze you all with my natural ability at story telling! For I, ZIM, am now in control of the keyboard and everything that is written!
De: That's what every new author thinks… at first.
Zim: What are you implying female fic writer? Are you saying that I do not have the ability to guide this story?
De: I'm just saying that no one ever knows exactly how a story will turn.
Zim: *scoffs* That's because I've never written a fic before. Just sit back and watch human, I am a master.
De: Fine. *goes over and sits on the window sill next to Ryan*
Ryan: *whispers* He has no clue does he?
De: Nope.
Now on with the fic!
So it was that the two great Kings hired an army of genetic engineers to create the perfect soldiers for their goal. And sure enough, within a few months the first Invaders were brought into the world. The Kings were very pleased with the results of the genetic engineering and decided to hold a giant banquet in honor of the occasion, complete with buffet table and a band to play some 'light music'. They invited everyone within reasonable traveling distance to the banquet, everyone except for one evil sorceress.
De: *to self* Oh no, trouble on the way.
Zim: *obviously has an idea in his head, one that is cause for much malicious grinning*
The evil sorceress Diblina who lived in the middle of a giant swamp on the edge of the Kingdom was not invited to the banquet. Not only were the Kings worried about the food bill but also the sorceress was annoying. She had a habit of launching into long-winded speeches about the existence of aliens and why she was not insane in the least. She also had very poor personal hygiene and no social skill so to speak of. The Kings had not wanted such a pathetic slob at their party, but being the disgusting blob of human that she was she decided to show up anyway.
Ryan: Are sorceresses human?
De: You know there are a lot of Dib fans probably reading this.
Zim: Silence you! *laughs* Such nonsense, people preferring the Dibhuman to me. Now let me continue with my masterpiece.
Diblina: *pacing back and forth in her tower lab* Fools!
Ryan: *mocking Zim's voice* Dib doesn't talk like that? Perhaps I should execute you for pretending he talks like that.
De: And what's with the sudden switch to script format.
Zim: The worm baby switched to script format in the middle of last chapter so I can too! *sticks tongue out and then turns back to the computer*
Diblina: I can't believe they forgot to invite me!
Diblina's hapless slave Max: Maybe they didn't 'forget' to invite you.
Diblina: What are you implying! That I have poor social skills! That people don't believe that I'm not insane! That my head is so hideously large that they don't want to associate with me!
Max: Yes. *gets fried*
Diblina: That's it! I am so crashing their party. *storms off*
~*~Meanwhile~*~
It was the day of the celebration at last and everyone in the kingdom had come. Even the fairies that lived in the forest at the edge of the kingdom had come to offer their blessings. And when the time came for the Kings to present the Invaders the fairies stepped forward with their gifts.
Maniacal Dragon: How'd I end up a fairy?
De: Draft.
M. Dragon: Oh well. Hey what am I supposed to do about this gift thing?
Zim: Aargh! Use magic!
M. Dragon: Um….okay. *steps up to the platform where the Invaders and the Tallest are standing* You will never be killed in battle!
Audience: *stares blankly*
M. Dragon: Hmmm. *thinks* I know! String cheese for everyone!
Audience: *ew's and ahs*
Zim: Where did that come from?
De: Told you, stories are unpredictable, especially in script format.
Zim: Now what do I do?
De: Go with it? *hands Zim a can*
Zim: What's this?
De: Highly caffeinated soda, an author's best friend.
Zim: Hmm. *takes a gulp of soda and continues typing*
Red: *looks at Purple* It's practical.
Purple: *looks at Red* And I like cheese.
Red: We approve! Thank you very much for your gift!
Audience: *cheers*
M. Dragon: *bows and steps down from the platform and the next fairy steps up* Wow, that was easy.
Cyn Arrix: *steps up to the platform* Darn! I was going to give them cheese. Well… *thinks* I know! Your cereal will never get soggy in milk!
Audience: *cheers*
Red: Thank you very much!
Purple: Finally! A gift I can use!
M. Dragon: *to Cyn* Show off.
Cyn: *steps down and lets the last fairy step*
The Slayer: You know, I hate being referred to as a fairy. Well anyway, what would be a good gift?
Purple: I know! An unlimited supply of cherry soda!
Slayer: Alright! May-
Then suddenly there was a crash like thunder and a puff of smoke and Diblina was standing in the middle of the great hall. Flies buzzing around her and…
De: Alright! That's it, get on with the story.
Zim: *sniffs* Fine. But don't think you can tell me how to write my fics.
De: Just get on with it! Man these interruptions are bad for plot development.
Ryan: Wow De, I didn't think you knew what a plot was! I'm impressed!
De: Very funny. Can we just get back to the fic now please!
Diblina: *starts choking from all the smoke but recovers quickly and stomps off towards the platform* Try and exclude me will you! Well I won't take this lying down! A curse on you! *waves arm and another puff of black smoke this time accompanied by what looks like blue lightening*
M. Dragon: *whispers to Cyn* Why does he get all the special effects?
Cyn: *whispering* Don't you mean she?
M. Dragon: But Dib's a guy?
Cyn: But Diblina's a girl.
M. Dragon: Fine, then why does it get all the special effects?
Cyn: *shrugs* Got me.
Diblina: *totally oblivious to the other fairies* In exactly 11 years there will be an explosion when a laser machine falls on a smoke machine. The resulting fumes will kill you all! *evil laughter* Hey, does this sound harsh to anyone else?
Zim: *guzzling soda* Silence! *hic* Earth stink! I'm *hic* in control of this *hic* fic!
De: Oh no.
Ryan: You just had to offer him some soda didn't you. *smacks forehead*
Red: Hey! Why should we, the Kings of half the universe, believe you, the sorceress who lives in tower in a swamp?
Purple: Yeah! You don't even have good taste in clothes! I mean, who wears black to a royal celebration! Hello!
Red: *rolls eyes* Thank you so very much for your support Purple.
Purple: No problem Red!
Red: *smacks forehead*
Diblina: Fools! Don't doubt the validity of my curse! It's part of the plot!
Purple: Oh. *turns to Red* Is that true?
Red: *shrugs* I think so.
Purple: Oh. Then that would be bad.
Diblina: That will teach you not to invite me because of the way I look!
Purple: *to Red* I thought we invited her because of the way she smells… ow!
Red: *after elbowing Purple* Quiet, we're in enough trouble as is!
Diblina: *cackles and disappears in a puff of smoke*
The Slayer: *still standing on the platform* Well that was weird. Is there anything I can do to help?
Red: Nah, we'll just get rid of all the smoke machines.
Purple: *eyes get big* What! Why don't we just get rid of all your lasers!
Red: Oh come on! Smoke machines are stupid; lasers are what the people want!
The Slayer: Okay, I think I'll just try to remove that curse anyway. *attempts a few random spells* Well I can't stop the curse completely because then this story would have no point but I can change it so that you all just go to sleep.
Purple: Man, that doesn't help- ow!
Red: *has elbowed Purple again* Thanks anyway Slayer, we'll just look into getting rid of those smoke machines.
Slayer: Alright. *retreats quickly*
Purple: Would you shut up about getting rid of my smoke machines! We should just throw out your lasers!
Red: No way!
Purple: Well I'm not getting rid of my smoke machines.
Red: Well I'm not getting rid of my lasers! That's for sure!
And so the argument continued for the next 11 years until the whole origin of it was forgotten…
Ryan: *laughs* Told you making fun of the Tallest was fun!
Zim: *snorts* I wasn't making fun of the Tallest, the debate of Smoke machines vs. Lasers has been going on ever sense they came to power. It's practically mandatory.
De: Weird… Anyway, why don't you go over and do some revisions and then post this thing.
Zim: *scoffs* I have no need for these revisions!
Ryan: *to De* He doesn't know what they are.
De: *to Ryan* Definitely.
Zim: I shall post this immediately and watch you turn green, so to speak, with envy as I triple the amount of reviews your pathetic brother got!
Ryan: *mutters* That shouldn't be too hard, my chapters only got two reviews so far.
Zim: *totally oblivious to what Ryan just said* Yes! You shall all bow to Zim as your fanfic King!
Ryan: Think I liked him better on a sugar high.
De: Whatever happened to posting this immediately.
Zim: *snorts* I'm getting to it.
AN: Well what did you think of my masterpiece! Review now or face the moose!
Zim: How was that?
De: Very good.
