Disclaimer: I don't own 'em.
Mistakes will be updated next. Meanwhile, enjoy some romance :-) And by romance, I mean smut.
Olivia carried the groceries into the house forty-five minutes later, and started putting things away in the fridge.
"Lex? Do you want me to try not to burn spaghetti, or do you want to go out?"
"Let's stay in tonight and just relax, okay? I can help with the spaghetti if you want. I manage to not burn things, mostly."
"I've got it, Lex. You relax. Want to open the wine, though?"
Olivia put some water on to boil as Alex poured two glasses and sat down at the bar with a crossword puzzle. "I always feel better as soon as I smell the ocean," Alex said, as she opened the sliding glass door out onto the deck. It was overcast and cool, but the breeze smelled nice and salty.
"Yeah, it's nice to come out here to get away," Olivia agreed. "There's something about the ocean… and of course, it's much nicer here than at Coney Island."
Alex snorted. "That's hardly a beach. This is a beach."
She sat back down to watch Olivia heat up some frozen hamburger and pour a jar of tomato sauce into the skillet. "So far, so good," Olivia said, watching Alex watch her. "It's not burning yet."
"I'm so proud," Alex said dryly. Her phone buzzed on the counter.
"I thought you turned it off when we left," Olivia said.
"It's on Do Not Disturb mode, so only my favorite contacts can call or text. You, Bill, Liz, or Abbie." Alex explained. Olivia rolled her eyes at the fancy setting. "I told Bill we were coming and he wants to know if we want privacy or company. He says they'd love to come down to see us tomorrow or Sunday if we're up for it." Alex shrugged. "What do you think?"
"Up to you, sweetie. Might be nice to see them, but it might also be nice to curl up, just the two of us."
"I'll tell him maybe Sunday, and we'll let him know tomorrow afternoon how we're feeling. I kind of want some quiet time just with you, too. We haven't had much of that these past few weeks."
Olivia nodded and stirred the sauce once more before taking two plates from the cabinet and serving.
After a mostly silent dinner, they brought the rest of their wine into the living room, where Alex started a fire. Olivia pulled out a knit blanket from the closet, and bit her lip as a tiny blue sock fell out when she unfolded it. She sat back on the couch against the armrest, turning the sock over in her hands.
"I wonder how they're doing," Olivia said as Alex leaned back against her.
"Rosalie and Noah?" Alex asked.
Olivia nodded. "Yeah," she said, reaching over to put the sock on the coffee table and hand Alex her glass of wine. "I hope they're doing okay."
Alex took Olivia's hand and settled back into her arms. "Is it bad that sometimes I don't? There's a very small part of me that sometimes hopes that it's harder for her than she thought and that she regrets taking him back. That she feels like a bad mom. Does that make me a horrible person?"
Olivia chuckled and kissed Alex behind her ear. "If it does, I'm a horrible person right there with you," she whispered.
"I just hate how much this hurt you. Hurt us," Alex said.
"It was her right to take him back," Olivia said. "Even after 57 days. We knew it could happen."
"Yeah, but it still sucks. We didn't expect her to change her mind after that long."
"No, we didn't." Olivia pulled Alex in closer and held her tight. "I thought…" she began, then shook her head.
"What, Liv?"
"I thought the worst feeling in the world was when we lost our babies, and the second time when I almost lost you, too." Olivia wiped a tear from her eye and kissed Alex's cheek. "But when she took him back… I finally had the family I'd always wanted, and then… I just feel like my guts were ripped out, you know? And they got ripped out again today."
Alex sniffled and squeezed Olivia's hand. "Yeah, I know."
"If I didn't have you, I'm not sure I would feel anything right now."
Alex shifted in Olivia's lap and put her arms around her neck. "I can make you feel things," she whispered in Olivia's ear, running a finger down her arm.
Olivia smiled weakly and kissed Alex on the cheek, holding her close. "You make me feel so many things," she said softly. "But right now, all I need to feel is this." She brought her hand up to Alex's chest and held it over hear heart. "I'm not really in the mood for anything else right now. Is that okay?"
"Of course," she said, bringing her own hand to Olivia's heart.
They laid there for a while, watching the flames and holding each other close until the wine was gone and it was time to go to bed.
"Liv?" Alex said as they undressed and crawled under the covers.
"Mmm?"
"I've been… talking about it in therapy. The adoption process and the miscarriages. But will you come with me before we go to the doctor so we can talk about it together? I want to make sure we're going to be okay if it doesn't… if we never… you know."
Olivia nodded and snuggled in closer. "Hey, we haven't broken yet, have we?" she asked, running her fingers through Alex's hair. "Of course I'll go with you if you want me to. But I promise that no matter what happens, I'm not going anywhere."
—
Olivia woke up early on Saturday morning to go for a run on the beach, and came back to find Alex still asleep in bed. After taking a shower and putting on her robe, she started the coffee, and went back into the bedroom to press kisses to Alex's lips until she woke up.
"Good afternoon, beautiful," she grinned, propping herself on her elbows above Alex when she finally opened her eyes.
Alex looked panicked until she turned to see the time on the clock radio. "It's only 10:30," she groaned. "Meanie."
"Is it? I've been up for hours." She kissed Alex again. "And I wouldn't have woken you up if I hadn't brought you a chocolate chip muffin from Nona's. It's still warm."
Alex sat up in bed and Olivia handed her her robe. "I suppose you're forgiven, then."
They ate breakfast on the porch swing, looking out at the ocean, and spent the day walking around town, browsing the bookstore and the art galleries, and having an ice cream on the beach, in spite of the cool weather. Since summer was still a while away, the streets were uncrowded and shops closed early, and before long, they were back on the porch swing, watching the sun set over the water.
Olivia wrapped her sweatshirt around Alex when she shivered, and pulled a small bag out of the pocket.
"I got you something this morning," she said, pulling out a small black box. "This last year has been really hard on us, and especially on you. I know the inseminations were uncomfortable, and you were so sick, and then the miscarriages… I know that you were doing all of that for me, for us, and I love you for it, and I don't ever want you to forget how much."
Alex pulled the cover off the box to reveal a white gold necklace with a heart-shaped pendant inscribed with their names.
Olivia kissed her on the cheek and pulled Alex's hair to the side so she could clasp it around her neck. "This isn't an anniversary present, because that's in a few weeks. This is just an 'I love you' present."
"I love you too, Liv," Alex whispered as she leaned into Olivia's arms and kissed her. "Thank you."
"I made a reservation at that seafood place you like for 7," Olivia said. "But I can cancel if you'd rather have my leftover spaghetti."
Alex chuckled. "Seafood sounds good."
"I thought so." Olivia agreed. "Is Bill coming tomorrow with the kids? What time did you tell him?"
"I said not before 11 in case we want to sleep in," Alex said. "Since someone woke me up early this morning."
"Early? 10:30 is early?" Olivia teased.
Alex smiled. "It is if you got to sleep really late." She winked, and Olivia felt her stomach drop.
"Well, the sooner we go to dinner, the sooner we'll be home," Olivia whispered in Alex's ear. She stood up and held out her hand for Alex to take.
"I just want to get changed into something nice," Alex said, taking her hand and jumping off the swing.
"You look gorgeous," Olivia said, pulling her in for a kiss. "The place we're going to isn't fancy. You can wear that."
"I know I can wear this, but we never have time to go out on dates in New York. If you're taking me out, I want to get dressed up."
Olivia smiled. "Okay, then."
They went upstairs to change out of their jeans and sweaters into slacks and blouses, and held hands as they walked to the restaurant.
"Liv?" Alex said about halfway through their walk. "I want… I'd like… if it's okay… if you want… I want to try something new tonight." She let out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding since she'd started thinking about it on the swing.
Olivia stopped and turned to face Alex, and took both of her hands. "Sweetie, I'm willing to try anything you want. But only if you're sure." She brushed the back of her hand against Alex's cheek.
"I'm sure," Alex said. "I've been thinking about it… I think I've been ready for a while, but I wanted to wait for a special occasion, or when we had enough time and weren't rushing…"
Olivia stepped forward and looked into her eyes. "Anything you want," she whispered. "Tell me." Alex took a step towards her, blushing, and whispered something in her ear, and Olivia smiled. "Sounds amazing, Lex. Are you sure you want dinner?" she asked with a twinkle in her eye.
Alex swatted her playfully. "I think if I'm going to put out I should get a date once in a while."
"Fair enough," Olivia said. She kissed Alex on the cheek and let go of one hand, turning to walk towards the restaurant.
They ate in comfortable silence, exchanging shy smiles and blushing.
"Liv, you've…done this before, right?" Alex asked quietly over dessert. She blushed and looked away, downing the last sip of her wine.
Olivia reached across the table and took her hand, smiling reassuringly. "I've been on the giving end quite a few times… but I've only been on the receiving end with one person."
"Oh," Alex said. She stirred her coffee and put her spoon down, looking straight into Olivia's eyes. "I want to do this together. Either we both do it, or neither of us does."
Olivia nodded. "I want that, too," she replied. "You're sure you're ready?"
Alex nodded.
"How do you imagine it going?" Alex blushed and looked around to make sure nobody was nearby. "Lex, sweetie, we need to be able to talk about it," Olivia said.
Alex swallowed. "I think… I don't want it to be in the bed. I'd rather… I'm worried about not feeling in control," she admitted.
Olivia squeezed her hand. "Hey, you don't have to remind me what he did to you," Olivia said softly. "But it's just us, okay? Just you and me. And you'll be in control the whole time. The second you say stop, we stop. You know that."
Alex nodded. "I trust you, Liv," she whispered.
"Are you ready to go?" Olivia asked after she signed the check. She held Alex's coat and kissed her cheek before they walked out of the restaurant and back towards the house, hand in hand.
When they got back to the house, Olivia poured two glasses of wine and brought Alex out on the porch swing, wrapping an arm around her. "I love how many stars we can see out here," she commented, caressing Alex's side with her thumb.
"Mhm," Alex agreed, leaning her head on Olivia's shoulder.
"You're trembling, sweetie. Are you cold, or nervous?" she asked gently.
"Yes," Alex answered.
Olivia wrapped her arms tight around Alex and rubbed her back to warm her. "Tell me what you're nervous about," she prompted.
"I haven't had a flashback in a long time, and I'm worried I'm going to have one and ruin this for us too."
"Hey, sweetie," Olivia reassured her. "We've dealt with your flashbacks before. If you have one, we'll stop, and I'll help you out of it, and we'll talk about it and go to sleep, like we always do. It won't ruin anything, it'll just mean we come back to this another night." Olivia kissed her temple. "If you're worried, we don't have to do anything tonight."
"You've been so patient with me."
"Lex, I am totally, 100% satisfied with our sex life the way it is, and I don't want you to feel pressured to do new things that you're not completely comfortable with."
"I'm just nervous, Liv, that's all."
"You want this?"
"I want this," Alex confirmed.
Olivia led her into the living room and put another log on the fire, before wrapping her arms around Alex and kissing her deeply, for a long time, until she felt some of the tension in Alex's body dissipate. She tugged at the hem of Alex's shirt and pulled it off, before unbuttoning her pants and slipping them down long legs. She let Alex undress her, and when they were both in their bras and panties, she sat down on the couch, pulling Alex down to straddle her.
"I love you," she whispered over and over, kissing along Alex's neck and jawbone until her breath was short and she was pushing herself closer to Olivia.
"Oh, Liv," Alex gasped as Olivia unclasped and removed her bra, and ran a trail of kisses across her collarbone and chest to her breasts, teasing her nipples with her tongue.
"Mmm," Olivia moaned and began caressing her side and flat stomach with her free hand.
She continued to lavish attention on Alex's body until she looked into Alex's eyes. "Liv, please. I'm ready," she whispered, pulling Olivia in for a deep kiss.
Olivia flipped them over gently and laid Alex back on the couch cushions, straddling Alex as she ran trails of gentle kisses and nips down her body, paying special attention, as always, to Alex's scars on her shoulder and the tops of her legs, and to the fresher surgical scar on her abdomen. She kissed up Alex's inner thighs, and, seeing that Alex looked ready, she hooked her fingers into the top of Alex's panties and looked up, asking for permission to remove them.
She grinned as she pulled them down to see Alex's most intimate parts in front of her. She had seen Alex before, touched her, but this… Alex had shaved for her. Olivia took Alex's hands and looked up into her eyes.
"Watch me, babe," she whispered, keeping their eyes locked as she pressed a kiss to Alex's inner thigh. "It's just you and me."
Alex gasped as she lowered her mouth and ran her tongue along her lips and lightly across her clit, flicking it gently. She let go of Alex's right hand and wrapped her arm around Alex's back, pulling her closer to the edge of the couch. She teased her opening, waiting to make sure Alex wouldn't tense in pain before pressing forward and curling the tip up, eliciting another series of soft moans.
Olivia alternated between flicking and gently sucking, letting go of Alex's hand to gently insert the tip of her index finger. When she felt no resistance, she pushed in as far as she could go, curling forward on the sensitive spongy part inside. Alex tightened her legs around Olivia's shoulders and held on to the blanket, overwhelmed by the sensation of Olivia touching her everywhere at once.
"Liv," she gasped, the muscles in her stomach tightening.
"I've got you, Lex," Olivia whispered, curling her finger forward again. "Let go for me. I've got you. I love you." She wrapped her lips around Alex's clit one final time, sucking and flicking as Alex held on and collapsed back against the cushions.
Olivia immediately wrapped her arms around Alex and laid them down on the couch, cradling and soothing her, and wiping away the tears that were falling from her eyes. "That was amazing, Lex," she whispered in Alex's ear, running her hands up and down her bare back. "You are so beautiful. I love you so much. Thank you for letting me do that for you."
"Liv, I…"
"Shh, baby. I know," Olivia soothed, kissing Alex gently as she rocked her. She reached for the blanket and pulled it on top of them.
"What about…"
"My turn can be tomorrow, sweetie," Olivia whispered. "Right now, let's just rest."
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