Disclaimer: Doctor Who does not belong to me.
A/N: For the record, I wrote this chapter way back on the 05/09/13 and this story has been living in my head for several years. Seeing the new mini-episode prompted me to post this chapter. I'm amused that this mad idea I had of a dissociative regeneration getting the Doctor through the Time War is now something that sorta looks like its canon. Just to clarify, this is Nine and not the War Doctor. (And since the Time War is finally going to be explained, I guess that makes this story AU)
x
Tempest
His new orders come from the very top. He thinks he should be flattered.
He isn't.
"Are you displeased with your new body, Doctor?" Romana asks afterwards, standing in the conference room of the Ascendant.
She isn't there, not really. The President of Gallifrey is far too important, far too involved in the war effort to have the time to check up on one newly regenerated Time Lord. The Not-Doctor isn't exactly sure of how they've accomplished it, its classified information after all, but he is fairly certain he is speaking to a Possible Romana, a Time Lady that could be or could have been.
Is he displeased with his body? He studies himself in the shiny metal interior of the Ascendant. His body is thin, wiry; it is not the body of a soldier at first glance. But the Not-Doctor knows to look deeper, knows that there is a well of energy and endless possibility that awaits his command. It's always been there but the Doctor has never seen the need for it.
Never used it.
Never touched it.
But he will. It's his life, the very source of Time for this regeneration and he is going to use it, drain it away and give himself an early death.
Because that's what this body is, this existence.
Disposable.
A may-fly existence for a Time Lord's life.
The Doctor's always been rough on his regenerations, he'd gone through them at a ridiculously fast pace. But he has never sought death; the short length of his lives had been accidental and the result of living in a dangerous universe, far away from Gallifrey's safe serenity.
The Not-Doctor's creation had been deliberate. Not the time of choosing but the nature of the regeneration. Had Romana had a hand in this? Had the Doctor chosen this? He wonders. It seems an unlikely act for the Doctor, to allow this. He would not allow another to do what he could not do himself.
Everything would have been so much easier if he'd never broken the programming.
You are the Doctor, his mind had said upon waking. A Time Lord from the Planet Gallifrey. This is you. This is your life. You stole a TARDIS, escaped to Earth and have trampled all over Time and Space.
This is you, the Doctor and there is a Time-War that needs you. This is your mission.
And this? This is your Time. You can use it for anything.
Use it for the War.
A Time Lord instinctively refused to use their time -their life-force- for anything other than what it was. Because it could be exactly that, anything. It was Infinite Possibility and it could reshape the universe as the Time Lord saw fit. But it comes at a cost, the price is the Time Lord's very own lifeforce and Possibilities.
That the Not-Doctor's mind had wanted to use his Possibility immediately suggested that his natural instincts had been overcome. The Doctor had heard of this, whispers and rumours about dissociative regenerations for Time Lords unable to cope with battle and the realities of war. The regenerations were short-lived, immeasurably powerful and guiltless, able to commit atrocities all in the name of the mission without a flicker of regret.
Regeneration may change a Time Lord, it was a new existence that walked away in a new body always. But these ones broke the core components that made a Time Lord, that immeasurable thing that remained even after death and rebirth. Instead it allowed empty killing machines to take their place, capable of mindless slaughter.
And perhaps even more soul chilling was that the original Time Lord could be restored at the end of it. The regeneration was still gone, a number down in their mortal thirteen. But it allowed someone else to take their place and commit acts in their name, fully believing themselves to be real. And the original Time Lord wouldn't remember any of it; their memories would be dulled and twisted of this faux persona, to something acceptable within their moral code.
He leans up close and the metal warped his features as he studies his eyes. Were those the eyes of a Time Lord who could killed billions all in the name of war and not feel a thing?
The Not Doctor straightens and turned to face Possible-Impossible Romana. "Have a rank, me," he reminds her sharply, the first words out his new mouth bitter and cutting. He is a soldier now and whilst the Doctor may have indulged himself in friendship and other frivolities during these times, he will not.
It might be his imagination but Romana looks resigned and regretful. "My apologies, General," she says and fades away like the impossibility she is.
The General places both hands on the cool metal and rests his forehead against the wall. Anger builds in him, fury at the Doctor and what he has done. How dare he try to avoid this war, avoid making the decisions that would see Themos Five and countless more dead and razed from Time itself. He could not hide from this, the atrocities to come would be on them both, the General would not deny the Doctor his role in this.
When the times comes, the General decides, his thoughts dark and spiteful. When the time comes for the Doctor to return, he will not be spared a moment of this regeneration.
That will be the price to get through the Time War.
