AN: Thank you very much for reading this story! This is the last chapter
III
And at last I see the light
And it's like the fog has lifted
And at last I see the light
And it's like the sky is new
And it's warm and real and bright
And the world has somehow shifted
Emma woke up disoriented, her sleepy mind trying to get its bearings. She hadn't recalled making it to bed the night before, her last clear memory of her and Killian reading by the fire, her eyelids getting heavier and heavier as the seconds passed and she felt the warmth of his body enveloping her in a safe cocoon.
A different, fogged memory came to her mind. Strong arms carrying her to the bed, and her own body protesting as the warmth left her, her hand reaching to pull that body next hers and her voice softly pleading.
Had she asked him to stay? Had he actually stayed in bed with her?
She seemed to recall strong arms pulling her to him, a nose buried in her hair, but she couldn't discern whether it was a dream or a memory. She slowly rose up and her eyes scanned the room. Killian wasn't there and the rug by the fire showed no clear signs of being used, the blanket was carefully folded and placed on the armchair, the pillow laying on top of it.
She sighed, running a hand through her messy ponytail. She wasn't sure what had gotten into her this weekend, but clearly the fresh air had been messing with her head. Emma had never before felt the need to have Killian's arms closing softly around her waist, his body spooning around her. Not until she tossed and turned in the bed for half of the first night, imagining how him laying next to her would feel.
It was ridiculous. It truly was. This was not who she was. This was not what Killian and her were, they'd never been anything remotely close to the type of friends that shared a bed. Much less the type of friends that felt the need to do more than just sharing a bed.
She'd known the moment they met that he wasn't her type. True, he was unfairly attractive, all dark hair, blue eyes and lilting accent. But she was a 'hit the bar and enjoy a wild night out' type of girl and he was all books and silent nights by the couch. She knew by now that the flirting he'd usually resorted to from time to time was just a facade to cover someone whose heart had been broken in the worst possible way and he just didn't feel like putting himself out there again.
And she knew what that meant, because while he'd resorted to crazy innuendos and closing off into his books and lonely nights; she had chosen one night stands and never getting close to someone again. She'd been heartbroken too, and she didn't need that again in her life.
Which is why, when she saw how much the whole 'bring a date' ordeal with his company was affecting him, she'd jumped in and offered to help. It was really just a few nights here and there, and he wasn't bad company after all.
It turned out to be the opposite. She felt more at ease at his company events than at hers and slowly, she'd come to appreciate the silent and calm lifestyle he led. This weekend had been anything but a revelation to her. Instead of going down and doing shots and dancing the night away, she'd chosen to sit by the fire and read next to him, warm and comfortably nested in their room.
And she'd liked it.
The sound of the door startled her and she lifted her head as Killian came in. He was dressed in jeans and a blue sweater, his black hair slightly disheveled. He looked at her shyly, "Good morning, Emma."
"Good morning. You were up early."
"Aye. I needed to sort a few things early this morning." He reached to scratch behind his ear nervously, his eyes avoiding hers.
"Oh. I'll get ready quickly and we can have breakfast," Emma offered,
Killian sighed, "I actually had breakfast already, lass. I'm just going to load the car with my stuff while you finish here. I'll come back and pick your bag while you have breakfast and we can be on our way after you're done."
Emma's heart skipped a beat, a sense of dread at the pit of her stomach at his distant attitude, but she quickly hid her feelings, masking her features. "That sounds great, I can't wait to be back home," she lied.
She quickly showered, changed and put everything back on her travel bag. She ran into Killian when she was leaving the room to get breakfast but he'd avoided her with the pretext of getting her bag.
Emma grabbed a cup of coffee and a bear claw to go, deciding it was better to head home as soon as possible and go back to normal, to a place where all these strange feelings would go away. She said her goodbyes to Will and Belle, and once again refused Merlin's attempts to offer her a position in the company.
Killian was standing by the car, silently fidgeting with the hem of his sweater.
"Ready to go home?" he asked.
"I've never been more ready to go back to normal," she said as she got into the passenger side.
/-/
The ride had been silent, both of them lost in their own thoughts. From the corner of her eye, Emma watched Killian fidget a few times, as if he were about to say something. But he'd stop himself, his jaw clenching and his attention focusing back on the road.
When they finally reached her house, he got off the car and insisted to carry her bag to the door.
"Thank you, Killian," she said as she leaned on her doorframe, "I guess I'll see you at movie night."
"Actually," he whispered nervously, reaching to scratch behind his ear, "I have to leave town for a while." He looked at her, his blue eyes almost indecipherable, "that is why I was earlier at breakfast. I needed to talk to Merlin. I have to go tend some business for an important client and we feel it's better for our image if I stay there for a while, to work with them on certain things."
"Oh," Emma said sadly.
"But you can certainly go, Swan," he offered, shuffling with his feet on her porch.
"I am not going to go to your company's movie night without you, Killian," she protested.
"You seem to enjoy those things more than I do anyway, lass. And they seem to like your company more than mine," he finished in a whisper.
"That's not true… and you know it."
"Aye." He ran his hand through his hair as he stood awkwardly at her door.
"So.. I'll see you when you get back?" The question left her lips on its own accord and she hoped he didn't notice the desperate tone in it.
"Probably at the next rendez-vous at David and Mary Margaret."
He must have noticed her smile faltering, because he took a step closer, as if to touch her. But he quickly changed his mind and pulled back, "I - I have to go. Goodbye, Swan."
She watched him turned around and leave, fighting the tears as she tried to understand why they were coming to her face.
/-/
She noticed his absence on the second day, when she walked through the deli she's always picked up food from on her way to his office.
Belle texted her about movie night, telling Emma that she was welcomed, regardless the fact that Killian had gone to such length to avoid the activity that he'd requested Merlin to stay out of town for longer than planned. Emma tried to ignore the pain in the pit of her stomach at those news and she'd told Belle she couldn't make it this time.
She spent that Friday night with David and Mary Margaret, but she was silent most of the time.
"Emma…" Mary Margaret asked, "is everything alright? Did something happen with Killian on the company retreat?"
Emma averted her eyes, "Nothing happened. Everyone just assumed we were dating and it was a little awkward, that is all."
"Emma…" David pressed.
"We are not dating, David." Emma defended herself, "We are too different. We would never get along…. it would never last," she finished in a whisper.
"It's lasted for two years, Emma." Mary Margaret put her hand reassuringly on Emma's arm, "You shouldn't be afraid anymore that it wouldn't work, because you two have made it work already." Mary Margaret sighed, "I just wished you could see yourselves in the way we see you…"
Late that night, she tossed and turned in her bed, her thoughts playing tricks on her, making her wish things she'd never wished before. She closed her eyes, conjuring in her mind the feeling of being curled up against Killian in front of the fireplace, letting that warmth envelope her. It was only when she evoked how his arms would feel around her, holding her tight against him in the bed, that she was able to finally drift to sleep.
She spent her Saturday holed up in her house, reading a new book by the fire, a cup of tea by her side. From time to time, she'd stopped her reading, wishing Killian would be next to her so she could point out a paragraph of the book she was reading.
God, she missed him.
The doorbell brought her out of her thoughts and she lazily walked towards the front door. She opened it and her breath caught in her throat at the sight of Killian standing on her porch.
"Killian!" she smiled surprised.
"Is it a bad time, Swan?" he asked nervously.
"No, come in," she moved to the side to let him in.
He walked a few steps until he was standing on her living room and she followed him. She could tell he was nervous by the way his hand fidgeted and he averted his eyes.
"Killian, is everything alright?"
He lifted his head and his blue eyes met hers, "I've spent all this week out of town not just because of work.. I - I was trying to figure something out."
"Figure what out?" she asked nervously, her hands rubbing on her thighs.
"Something happened on that trip, Swan," he said in a strained voice, "When I carried you to bed that last night, you - you asked me to stay."
She could feel her cheeks blushing and she averted her gaze, "I'm sorry, I was asleep, I didn't…" She tried to turn around but he was quickly by her side, his hand softly grabbing her arm and making her face him.
"No, Swan, it's ok. I just," he sighed, running his hand through his hair before his eyes bored into hers, "I didn't see it before… you were so close, we were so close that I couldn't see it. But when they told me, when I started to see it - us - through their eyes. It was so clear, it made so much sense."
She could feel the surprise coming to her face and he seemed to read it, because he quickly added, "I know that we're different and I know you think that if it didn't happen, we can't force it. That we'll regret if we do…" His hand moved to caress her cheek.
"Killian…" she whispered, her own hand moving to cover his as she leaned softly into his touch.
"Swan…" he leaned closer to her, his nose nuzzling hers, "All I know is that if I don't kiss you right now, I'll regret it for the rest of my life."
His lips brushed her lightly, hesitantly. She leaned in, capturing his lips with hers and it seemed to be what he needed because in that moment he was pulling her closer to him, his arm around her waist as he tilted his head and deepened the kiss. Her hands found a home in his hair, as her mouth moved rhythmically with his, drowning into him in the best way.
He smiled softly as he pulled away, biting his lower lip, "I don't think we'll ever regret doing this, Emma." He kissed her softly one more time and she pulled him closer to her, smiling into his kiss.
He cleared his throat, "Do you - do you want to go out, have a bite to eat? Hit a pub or something?"
She smirked at him, her hand intertwining with his and she pulled him towards the interior of the living room. "I have a better idea. I might not have rum, but I have tea, a fireplace and the couch is quite comfortable. And I just bought a series that I think you'll enjoy."
The next morning, when she drifted awake in her bed, strong arms were pulling her tight against his chest, his hand softly caressing the skin on her hipbone, as he nuzzled his nose in her hair before turning her around and kissing her.
All at once everything looks different,
Now that I see you
