Disclaimer: I do not own Gintama.

Chapter 3

Before you decide to be handcuffed to someone, you have to consider how you will change your attire.

"Hijikata-san, why is your face so red?"

"Sougo, why…" He gulps before he continues, "Why did you need to buy that lotion and why did you accept that?" Hijikata points to the lubricant that I'm currently holding with my right hand.

"Ah, Hijikata-san, I have an itch on my wrist because of these handcuffs, so I need both the lotion and the lubricant to heal my wrist and prevent further itching," I explain to him as I apply lotion to my agitated wrist. Then, I rub the edges of the handcuff with some of the lubricant.

"Ah…I see." The scarlet color on his face dissipates. Wait…Hijikata has failed to explain why his face was red as a Shinigami's eyes earlier. Unless…no it can't be. That's disgusting, but then again, it's Hijikata, so it's possible. Sadist mode: Change.

"Hijikata-san, why was your face so flushed earlier?" I ask while looking for my bazooka. It's in a barrel near the club in which Otae-san works. Hmm…where is it? Aha! There it is! I slowly pace towards the barrel waiting for Hijikata's answer.

"Err…the sun is giving me a little bit of skin rash," Hijikata quietly replies. LIES!

"Hijikata-san, the sun cannot give you a skin rash during the winter. You were having filthy fantasies about Ane-ue, weren't you?" In one swift stroke of my right arm, I take out the bazooka out of the barrel and aim it at Hijikata. I shall avenge you, Ane-ue.

"No, Sougo! That's—"

"Off with your head, Necrophile-san," I mutter before firing at Hijikata.

Unfortunately, I miss, and I accidentally hit Madao…and a taxi he seems to be cleaning…huh, I didn't see him there before. Oh well, he'll probably be happy to be visit the hospital again.

"Toshi! Sougo! What happened now?!"

Hijikata and I turn around and find Kondo, whose face were marked by Otae's punches, emerging from the club.

"Hijikata-san was having wild fantasies about Ane-ue so I felt that it was necessary to punish him," I stoically explain to him.

"Sougo! I was not having any sort of fantasies about her, and you do realize that you've just extended this chaining period, right?!" Hijikata seems to be telling the truth…if he's being honest, then what could possibly have made him flush? Huh…

"Ah, Toshi, thank you for reminding me. Your time together has been extended to twenty-one days or if you prefer to look at it this way...three weeks," he tells us with a wide smile and three fingers up.

Then, Otae-san emerges from the club.

"Huh? You two are an item now? Easy on Sougo now, Hijikata," she gives us a small laugh. It seems that Hijikata has fainted. Oi, author, why are you making Hijikata so out of character today?


12:43 P.M. Shinsengumi Headquarters

"Hijikata-san, wake up, we have to change our clothes," I say to him as I rapidly slap his head.

He groggily stands up and starts removing his Shinsengumi jacket as I look for my favorite kimono. There is a sudden tug on my wrist, and I am pulled towards the mayonnaise addict. Unfortunately, my head lunges towards Hijikata's chest, and he is thrown off balance with his back on the matted floor and my head still on his chest.

"Hijikata-san, are you planning to injure my head?"

"No, I was trying to take off my jacket, but this chain keeps getting in the way," he replies.

"Hijikata-san, why don't we just wait for Kondo-san to come with the key?"

I stand up, but I unfortunately trip on the entangled chain and cause Hijikata to land on top of me. Ow…damn these handcuffs.

"Hijikata-san, please get off of me, you're heavy," I mumble, but before Hijikata moves, Kondo enters the room.

"Toshi! Sougo! Sorry I'm late, it's just so hard to leave Otae-san. Toshi, what are you doing to Sougo? Oh, maybe it's better if I leave now, here are the keys! Careful with Sougo now, Toshi!"

"Kondo-san, I will commit seppuku before I even think of touching this bastard in that way," Hijikata determinedly tells our commander as he unlocks the handcuffs.

"Kondo-san, this chain just caused us to be placed in this very provocative position. I would never let Necrophile-san molest me," I tell Kondo, who seems to feel guilty for thinking…whatever he was thinking…

"Ah, sorry, I just thought…haha…I'll just be going now, make sure to put the handcuffs back on before you sleep. Good night," Kondo scurries away with a giant sweat drop behind his head.

"Sougo, for the last time, I'm not a necrophile. I wasn't thinking about her. It was a skin rash. A SKIN RASH. Now if you don't drop the subject, I'll skin you alive, mince you into tiny pieces, and bury your body parts under this floor," Hijikata-san says as he adjusts his kimono.

"Ne, Hijikata-san, won't you be consumed by guilt and eventually confess your crime if you do that?" I question as I take off my uniform and grab my kimono. I glance at the silent Hijikata-san, who seems to look very pale. That's unusual.

"Hijikata-san, time to relock the handcuffs," I wave my hand in front of his eyes after I finish putting on my kimono. He blinks, and he quickly locks the handcuffs.

"Goodnight," he mumbles as he puts his blanket above his head.

Hijikata is so out of character today.


Dear Reader,

If you're reading this note, I'm thinking that you have read all three chapters so far. I must commend you for your patience and kindness. Thank you!

On a side note, I feel really uneasy with the way I have written this story so far. Is this common for a typical beginning fan fiction writer or are there really numerous errors in this story?

Sincerely,

Snow Cover

Edit: Changed "Anewe" to "Ane-ue"

"Ane-ue" means "older sister."