A/N: Whoops, nearly forgot to post this. Keep getting phone calls distracting me.

So, this chapter, more emotional than the last couple, bit more somber, but then, there is always duckling Barry to make us smile. ;) Hopefully it'll pull together the threads I've laid out for this story so far. Fingers crossed.

Thanks so much for reading as always, and hope you'll join me for the final chapter after this one.

Cuddles…

CHAPTER THREE

"I know that you love me but…?" Oliver pushed her.

Felicity bit her bottom lip, seeing Oliver was upset, and not wanting that, but she had to tell him the truth. "But I was relieved when I wasn't pregnant."

Oliver's jaw tightened. "Because you don't want me as the father of your child?"

There was so much pain in those words it broke Felicity's heart. "How can you ask me that? Of course I do, Oliver. You're the only man I could ever imagine being the father of my child."

A look of relief washed over Oliver's face. "So, what are you saying, not yet, is that it? It's too soon?"

"It's not too soon," said Felicity slowly. "I mean, it doesn't have to be too soon, not if we don't want it to be—"

"I'm hearing another but coming up." Oliver leant forward over the table, distractedly ushering duckling Barry away from the edge of that same table. "What is it? Talk to me, Felicity, please."

Felicity watched Oliver instinctively protect the baby duck's safety as they spoke, not even aware he was doing it. That was so him. He was always looking to protect the helpless, it was part of the way he defined himself, while not even realizing it. Which was why it was hard for her to say what she was going to say next, because she knew this was a sensitive subject - the time when he hadn't protected the helpless. It was a subject they'd both been studiously avoiding. She held his gaze unflinchingly. "Do you know what a nuclear family is, Oliver?"

"Of course, it's two parents and the children."

She gave a little shake of her head. "No, it's two people doing the work of a village."

A look of puzzlement flitted across his features. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying I was raised by a single mom, and don't get me wrong, she was amazing. I had a good life. Mom worked really hard for both of us, but, in the end, it was just the two of us, and that could get lonely sometimes, for my Mom too, I'm guessing." Felicity reached out and took Oliver's hand. "When we have a child, I want them to have a village to call their own."

Oliver suddenly looked troubled. "Felicity—"

"A baby is a huge thing, Oliver. I know we could do it alone, but the truth is, I don't want to. When we have a child, I want to be able to bring that baby back to a family who loves them just as much as we do. To people who'll take care of them, guide them, be a friend to them when we're just dumb old mom and dad who don't know anything. I want them to have their Aunt Thea, Uncle Diggle and Aunt Lyla. I want them to have cousin Sara to play with. I want them to have it all." Felicity bit her bottom lip. "If we have a baby, Oliver, I want that baby to be born into a home." she confessed quietly. "This—" she waved a hand around at their surrounds, "this has been amazing. The happiest I've ever been in my life. Every second is precious to me, but one day, it's going to have to end, because, well, life's not like this. We'll have to get back to the real world. We'll have to engage in that world again at some point." Her hand tightened on Oliver's. "And when we do, I want to have our family around us, supporting us."

Oliver's expression was somber as he looked at her hand on his. "Felicity, you know I'd do anything you ask of me, without hesitation—"

"He said, hesitating," said Felicity unevenly.

Oliver looked at her, eyes full of anguish as he put his other hand over the top of their linked ones. "But I don't know if I can give you this, because it isn't down to me. I broke my relationship with Diggle. I hate that it happened, and I really hoped he'd understand why I did what I did, like you have, but he hasn't, and I don't think he ever will." His lips pressed together, full of regret. "And I can't do anything about that. Diggle feels like he does, and I can't blame him for that, but I also can't fix something he doesn't want fixed."

"How do you know Diggle doesn't want this fixed?" asked Felicity quickly.

Oliver screwed up his face. "He was pretty emphatic on the subject at the time. And we haven't heard from him since we left Starling. A reconciliation between the two of us looks pretty much impossible from where I'm sitting."

"But you do impossible things all the time," she reminded him emotionally. "Your whole life is built on the impossible, and you know what, you turned those impossibilities into good things, things which have made you happy, made me happy."

"But this isn't about me," said Oliver unhappily. "It's about Diggle, and the fact he has every right to hate me."

Felicity could see how much saying those words hurt him.

"And I don't even know if I have the right to take that away from him." Oliver moved his shoulders restlessly. "I deserve his hatred."

Felicity could see Oliver was intent on adding his broken relationship with Diggle to the collections of crosses he bore, because some part of him still believed he wasn't quite worthy of real and complete happiness. That was an unacceptable thought to Felicity. "Oh, the comfort — the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person," she said softly, "having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away."

Oliver looked at her in amazement.

"It's a quote from a book I read once, 'A Life for a Life'." Felicity looked at him with compassion. "And it always stayed with me. What we have, I feel like that's how we are together. It's not that we don't hurt one another, it's just what we chose to hold onto going forward with our lives." Felicity reached out a hand and stroked his face. "And that's what I think you and John have too."

"Felicity," said Oliver painfully, "how do I say sorry for what I've done? How can my words take away John's feeling of betrayal? What would be enough?"

"That's up to Diggle," said Felicity quietly. "But I think it's important for both of your sakes that you try, no matter the outcome."

"And if I can't mend what's broken?" asked Oliver apprehensively. "What does that mean for us?"

"It means that I love a man who is willing to try in this life, even when the outcome is uncertain," said Felicity softly. "It means I'm building a life with a man who knows when and where to use his strength. A man who knows how to keep on loving even when that's not easy or convenient. That's the man I'm in love wit—oh!" As she been giving her earnest speech to an emotional looking Oliver, out of the corner of her eye she'd suddenly seen duckling Barry disappear off the table as he wandered too close to the edge.

Oliver's hand snapped out on instinct, catching the duckling before it hit the ground. The tiny creature shook its head, regaining its bearings as Oliver held it in his hand, bringing it back up to table height.

"A man with quick hands," said Felicity unsteadily. She looked at him admiringly. "You saved Barry."

Oliver screwed up his face. "And in thanks he's just pooped in my hand." He brought his hand closer to his face to check properly. "Yep, definitely a poop situation going on there."

Felicity's lips twitched. "To be fair, if I'd fallen that kind of height, that'd be pretty much my reaction too."

Oliver half-smiled. "I'll remember that for future reference."

"You'd save me anyway, involuntary body reflexes aside," said Felicity confidently.

"Yes," said Oliver huskily, "I would."

"Then save Diggle," she urged him. "Save him from thinking you don't care enough about your relationship with him to at least try and fix this. You have to try, Oliver, even if—"

"Diggle ends up pooping in my hand?" asked Oliver wryly.

Felicity smiled. "Yes, even then… because that's who you are, that's the kind of man you are."

Oliver sighed heavily, and looked at duckling Barry. "I need to wash my hand… and Barry."

"You do what you think is right, Oliver," said Felicity, not talking about Barry right then. "And if you want my thoughts on this—"

Oliver arched an eyebrow. "Haven't I just gotten your thoughts on this?"

"In my experience, you often have shaky starts, but you're a strong finisher." Felicity smiled lovingly at him. "So, go and wash duckling poop off your hand, for both of your sakes."

"I'd kiss you now if things weren't trickling down between my fingers right now. I think Barry's peed as well now."

"That means he likes you," said Felicity confidently as Oliver stood up headed towards the sink.

"Let's hope that's not going to be Diggle's way of saying he likes me," muttered Oliver.

"Life isn't about guarantees, it's about taking chances and seeing where that takes you."

Oliver looked back over his shoulder as he washed his hand and duckling Barry off. "How's that working out for you so far?"

Felicity's face lit up with a warm smile. "No complaints from me."

"I love you," said Oliver huskily.

"I love you too… even if you do smell like duck poop."

Oliver's lopsided smile was back. "Then I guess this must be the real thing then?"

She smile widened into a grin, happy that they'd finally talked this out. "I guess so." What happened next was up to Oliver, but she knew ultimately he'd do the right thing, because that was who he was. Sometimes you just had to point him in the right direction first.

#

Felicity's word had stayed with Oliver all of that day, and the next. They'd rolled around in his head, and Oliver had done battle with himself over whether he even had the right to ask forgiveness of Diggle for what he'd done. Last night he'd made a decision. Very early this morning he'd gotten on a private jet, and flown back to Starling City. Those were the parts he had control over. Now he had none, so Oliver did the only thing he could, he told the truth. "I'm here because of Felicity."

Diggle frowned. "You said she was alright."

"She is, but something happened a couple of weeks back." Oliver took a deep breath. "We thought she was pregnant."

Diggle hesitated. "But she isn't?"

"No, it was a false alarm. But there was this short period of time that we thought she could be, and in that time, she had a fall, ran into a table and knocked herself off her feet." Oliver tried to find the words to let the other man know how that had felt. "It was only for a few minutes, where I thought Felicity was hurt, that our child could be hurt, but what that did to me, the need I had to protect them both. It was… it was—"

"Pathological?" offered up Diggle calmly. "Like you'd rip off your skin if that was what it'd take to save them? Like you had no limits all of a sudden?"

"Yes," croaked Oliver.

Diggle's expression was hard. "And then when you thought about it days later, it was even worse, because you couldn't stop reliving that moment, and all that fear and helplessness you felt, imagining your life without them?"

Oliver closed his eyes. "Yes," he said painfully.

"And that was all over a child that was never real. You hadn't seen the love of your life bring that child into the world. You hadn't held your baby in your arms. You hadn't seen her look up at with you with so much trust and love that you thought you'd explode on the spot."

The enormity of what he was asking of Diggle washed over Oliver anew. That was what he'd been contemplating these last couple of days. He knew how it had felt for him when he thought Felicity might be pregnant and hurt. It was a new level of anguish that Oliver hadn't experience before, and he'd experienced a lot of levels so far in this life. But when it came to Felicity and their potential child, a whole new layer of existence had been opened up to him. "I thought I knew, I thought I understood your pain, your anger," said Oliver quietly. "I'd suffered, I'd lost, I'd sacrificed, I thought I knew." He shook his head slowly. "I didn't understand, John, not even a little bit. Not until I had the smallest taste of it with Felicity, and thinking she and our child might be threatened."

"So, now you know," said Diggle coldly. "What does that change? You did what you did, Oliver. Understanding it now, getting what you did to me, to my family, what does that change between you and me?"

"Because now I truly understand what I'm apologizing for." Oliver took a step closer to him. "I know why what I did was crossing the most sacred line you know, John. I was thinking big picture, but you, you were thinking about the only picture which truly matters – your family. I risked Thea and Felicity, thinking that it was the same thing, but it wasn't. They chose this fight, this world, your daughter didn't. I tried to minimalize the risk to her as best I could, but I still chose to put her at risk in the first place. That was me, I did that."

"Yes, it was."

Despite what Oliver guessed were Diggle's best intentions, he heard the pain in the other man's voice.

"I was best man at your wedding because you thought you could trust me to guard over your family like you would, and I failed you, John, and for that, I'm deeply sorry."

Diggle looked away for a moment, and Oliver had a flicker of hope that he'd heard the utter sincerity in his voice, and would accept his apology.

Diggle looked back at him, expression set in stone. "You said what you had to say. I think we're done here."

Oliver's heart sank, but he wasn't quite done yet. "There's something else I need to say."

Diggle's lips tightened. "Then say it, Oliver. Lyla and Sara are waiting for me."

Oliver held his impatient gaze without flinching. "When we first met, when I made you the offer of fighting beside me, I don't think you came on board because you were looking to save the city. That was my crusade, it was never yours."

Diggle just regarded him steadily, expression inscrutable.

"I think you joined my crusade because you were looking to save me."

Diggle's lips tightened slightly.

The tiny movement told Oliver he was right. "So, save me," said Oliver quietly. "Not because I deserve it, not because of who I am, but because of who you are, the kind of man you are. The kind of man Felicity deserves, and I aspire to be."

"You're your own man, Oliver," said Diggle tightly. "I can't live your life for you."

"No, but you can make that life better by being in it." Oliver took another step towards him, tone becoming more urgent. "I want to give Felicity everything in this world, be a partner to her in every sense of the word. I want to be a good father, and I don't think I can do that properly without my brother."

"You betrayed out brotherhood," said Diggle painfully. "You put everything I hold dear at risk."

Oliver's stomach tightened. "I know."

"And you expect me to shrug that off, like it was nothing?"

"I don't expect anything, John. All I know is that grace by its very nature is undeserved, and that's what I'm asking for, your grace." Oliver shifted his weight from one foot to the other. "I can't take back what I did. I can't find enough words to communicate the anguish I feel over doing what I did to you and your family. I just know that if there was a way to make amends, I'd do it, but there isn't. All I can do is ask for your forgiveness."

Diggle's hands clenched and unclenched by his side. "You're asking too much of me, Oliver."

Oliver gave a small, sad grimace. "I understand." It was to be expected, but it still hurt. He turned to leave, but then hesitated briefly. "I just wanted to thank you for all that you have given me, John. I was never easy, even before this. You changed my life in the best way possible. I'll always be grateful to you for that." Oliver gave a slight inclination of his head at the still stoic-looking Diggle, knowing he'd said all he'd come to say. He turned, and walked away, wishing he was taking happier news back to the island and Felicity.

#

Felicity stirred a little as she felt the bed dip beside her. She blinked open blurry eyes, smiling sleepily up at the silhouette leaning over her. "You're back," she mumbled happily. She didn't know what time it was, but it was late. Felicity had intended to wait up for him, but couldn't help falling asleep.

"I'm back," Oliver agreed huskily, bending over to kiss her gently on the lips.

"I got your note." Felicity had woken this morning to find Oliver gone. At first she'd assumed he was out on his usual morning run, but then she'd found his note.

'Mercy dash – the very fabric of the universe is being threatened – back soon… Oliver'

Technically it was her note, he'd just signed the bottom of it. Felicity had known without him telling her where he was, and what he was doing.

Felicity rolled over onto her back, smiling up at him sleepily as she stroked his arm. "You know, for future reference, if you could make your notes a little less dramatic, that'd be great. A girl could get worried."

Oliver smiled as she returned his previous complaint back at him. "Duly noted."

Felicity searched his face in the dim light. "Does a girl have reason to worry?" she asked softly.

Oliver hung his head and shook it. "Diggle didn't want to know." He looked up, and met her compassionate gaze. "I get it. What I did was unforgivable."

"I'm sorry, Oliver," said Felicity huskily. "But you did the right thing by trying."

He gave her a pained, half-smile. "No guarantees in this world, right?"

"I can guarantee you a warm bed with a woman who loves you tonight… and every other night for the rest of our lives." She smiled up at him lovingly. "How does that sound?"

"Like all my dreams have come true," said Oliver, voice strained with emotion.

Felicity held out her arms to him. "Then come here you."

Oliver didn't hesitate, moving into her arms. Felicity hugged him to her, willing all his pain and disappointment to go away with the force of her love. Oliver lay his head on her chest, and Felicity stroked his hair, the rest of their bodies tangled up in each other. She pressed a kiss to the top of his head. "I love you, Oliver Queen," she said quietly into the night air.

Oliver's response was to hug her more tightly, murmuring his response into her skin. "I love you too." He drew in an unsteady breath. "Never leave me, Felicity. I need you so much."

Felicity smiled, that was an easy promise to give. "Okay," she said simply.

Oliver rubbed his cheek against her breast. "Thank you," he said gratefully.

He'd thanked her like there was some kind of option for her to leave him now. He was adorably deluded. Felicity knew where she wanted to spend the rest of her days, and it was by this man's side, no matter what challenges came their way.