Stay with Me
Spa Day
Casey had dragged himself out of bed when his alarm went off. He headed straight to the coffee pot when he arrived at the firehouse only a few minutes before roll call. The aroma of freshly brewed coffee filled the air as he poured the dark liquid into his mug. He felt as if he was living on the stuff lately, although it was doing nothing to help increase his energy levels. At least he didn't feel at all lightheaded and hadn't since he was working on the ladder.
Severide was at the counter grabbing an apple from the fruit bowl. He saw Casey's arm as he lifted the pot to pour himself a coffee. "You been in a bar fight again?" he said teasingly, nodding at the dark purple bruise on Casey's left arm.
Casey put down the mug and looked down at his arm, pulling a face, unable to recall what he'd done to cause it. "Must have knocked it on the door handle when I was getting ready this morning…" he said, but with no conviction.
"Looks like you got it knocked by more than a door handle." Severide chuckled. "Sure things didn't get a bit rough last night?"
Casey just rolled his eyes tiredly. Normally he would laugh at Severide's humour but now he didn't have the energy. He picked up his coffee and just about as he was about to turn and head for the meeting room.
Severide gave his arm a tiny but friendly nudge. "Hey, did you manage to get some rest? Not normal to be as tired as you are. You really should go see your doctor, get a blood test, you're probably anaemic or something?" He tried not to sound too concerned, tried to keep it light.
"Bought some iron tablets," Casey answered simply.
"Ah, skipped the middle man," he replied.
"Exactly," Casey said.
"Well, if you're feeling better, fancy going for a run this weekend?" he asked Casey.
"Sure, Sunday morning? I'm working tomorrow and it'll probably take most the day," Casey responded.
"Sunday's good, and I like this."
"Like what?"
"Us getting along, it's been a good few months… generally," Severide answered.
"Yeah… won't last long if you keep telling me to see a doctor though," Casey answered smartly, smiling as he turned to leave for the briefing room.
"You're going to the fundraiser, right?" he asked Casey as they walked side by side.
"Of course, why?" Casey questioned, glancing at him.
"Are you going with anyone?"
"No, why?"
"I didn't know if it was a date thing or…" Severide began slowly.
"It's the 100 Club fundraiser with stuff set up for kids, I don't think it's 'a date thing.' Struggling to choose one of your many of your sexual exploits?" he asked grinning at him as they walked into the room.
"Yeah, too much choice," Severide retorted quietly, standing next to Casey at the back of the room, just close enough for their shoulders to touch slightly.
"Heather and the boys will be there," Casey told Severide.
"Yeah?"
He nodded. "Spoke to her the other day. The kids are looking forward to it."
"Good to hear…" Severide responded as Boden strode into the room, ending their conversation.
Casey and his crew were called out to a high school late in the afternoon, there were reports of an explosive noise coming from the building, and another 911 call from within the building. Fortunately, the students had gone home but there were still a small number of staff members inside. Truck 81 and Ambulance 61 pulled up right by the front doors. It was a multi-storey building set right among the apartment blocks. One of the windows by the entrance was boarded up but there was a maintenance van outside. The whole place struck Casey as a typical run-down inner-city school as he jumped out the rig.
He was met by the school principle as they entered the lobby. The man was flustered. "Something went wrong in the boiler room…"
"Take us there," Casey said quickly and the man led the firefighters along a corridor. "Is there anyone in there?"
"Yeah, our security officer is with the maintenance guy, he was just fitting a part, nothing big, just something he hadn't managed to do before we opened up on Tuesday…"
Casey nodded, grabbing his radio. "61, we've got two guys down in the boiler room, don't know the situation yet."
Shay's voice crackled back. "Copy that."
"Mills, get a couple of backboards and c-collars," Casey ordered.
The school principle was still talking as Mills turned and left. "The amount of time it's taken to get this part in… should have all be sorted before the school year but of course this place has a near-ancient boiler system…"
They reached the door to the boiler room. Casey could hear the steam under pressure before he opened the door, and he could already feel the heat. "Stay put," he told the principle. "Herrmann, with me," he said just before putting his mask on.
The noise was almost deafening as he and Herrmann entered the boiler room. Highly pressurised steam was jetting out from one of the pipes by the floor. The place was small and cramped because of debris that lay around the place now. Squinting Casey spotted the security officer by the corner. They strode over to him, realising why he hadn't left the room. He was holding up an old piece of plywood protecting the maintenance man.
"Herrmann, get him out of here," Casey told him, taking the plywood from the officers scalded hands.
Herrmann took the security officer out whilst Casey pulled the maintenance man out of harm's way, trying to assess his condition, and shielding him as much as possible from the boiling hot steam with his own body and the plywood. His turnout gear would protect him for a short time.
Cruz appeared a few moments after Herrmann had taken the security man out. Casey fixed the c-collar onto the unconscious man, then they got him onto the backboard. Casey ditched the sheet of wood and they carried the man out into the corridor where Casey handed his side of the backboard to Mills.
"Otis, let's get it shut off," Casey said, watching the activity. He then secured his own mask again before he re-opened the boiler room door.
It wasn't long before Casey had figured out the system and they got it turned off together, they exited the boiler room, pulling off their masks, breathing heavily. Casey could feel sweat pouring down his back now they were out in the corridor. He pulled off his gloves and ran a hand through his wet hair as he and Otis gathered themselves. He felt as if he was sweating buckets and was still feeling the massive adrenaline rush he'd got when they had first arrived at the scene.
He grabbed his radio and spoke. "Mouch, inform the city they need another maintenance crew down here to check the system…"
"Already on it," Mouch responded.
"Good," he said, smiling a little at his well-oiled crew. He turned to Otis. "Sweep the area then get out of here…"
"Cold shower would be nice right now," Otis replied, rolling his eyes and wiping at his face.
"Just got ourselves a free spa day in there." He chuckled.
Casey's real level of exhaustion didn't hit him fully until the adrenaline wore off during the journey back to the firehouse, when he began to feel the cold from sitting in the wet sweat soaked clothes under his turnout gear. As the rig pulled up on the apparatus floor, Casey jumped out and made his way straight to the locker room to take a hot shower, whilst the rest of his team bundled back into the common room amid various cracks about their free spa and steam room experience.
Severide's eye's remained on Casey as the passenger side door opened, he watched as the tuck lieutenant wearily got out of the rig, hanging his turnout coat on the door handle. He knew Casey was cold, he could tell just by the way he was standing. He's eyes followed him as he walked across the apparatus floor to the double doors, Severide saw how his shirt was wet and he heard the rest of his crew talking, and he figured out what had happened at the high school. He knew Casey would go straight for the showers, he always liked to shower after a call even if he'd just been standing around. Casey enjoyed his showers, especially hot ones, and Severide had no doubt that the temperature would be cranked up to its highest point.
The image of Casey walking so wearily wouldn't leave Severide's mind, so, he waited a respectable length of time then he stood up and strolled casually off to the locker room. Walking past the doors to the common room he could see the rest of 81 had decided to sit around and rest. He was glad of that. He wanted to catch Casey alone. He could hear the jets of the shower stream as he entered and went over to his locker. Opening it up and giving it a tidy until he heard the water stop. He soon heard Casey's footsteps on the linoleum flooring. Severide stood up from the bench and walked around the block of lockers. What he saw shocked him, he was speechless for a moment.
Clad in just a towel around his waist, Casey was bent over, rummaging at the bottom of his duffel bag. Although his muscles were still well defined, he did look leaner than usual and there was little body fat left. The usual natural softness had gone. That didn't look right on Casey. Severide just gazed at him as he slipped his white vest top over his pale skin. There were more bruises though, two of them, paler than the one Severide had spotted on his arm that morning.
"Matt…" he began, without really considering what he was going to say next.
"What the hell, Severide? Trying to give me a heart attack?" Casey spun around, clutching his polo shirt to his chest, a disgruntled scowl on his face.
"I just… I… I was sorting my locker out and I heard you…" he stumbled.
"What do you want then?" Casey questioned somewhat harshly, slipping into his polo shirt now.
"You look…"
"You have no right to comment about what I look like," Casey retorted defensively before Severide could get another word out.
"But…" he stopped himself. Nodding in agreement. "Yeah, sorry." He gave Casey a tiny smile before walking by him and leaving him alone. Casey opened up his locker and stared at himself in the mirror on the inside of the door. He knew he looked tired. His eyes were dark with almost bruise-like circles around them. He ran a hand over his wet hair, trying to arrange it into some sort of tidy state, then he pulled on the rest of his clothes, his arms aching a little from the call, and went out to see what Mills was sorting out for dinner.
Casey didn't go home and just relax when their shift ended, he had work to do, he wasn't someone who liked to sit around too much, not when there were jobs to be getting on with. After he had been working outside all day laying a large amount of decking, the final touches to a house he had been working on for the past week, he took a long relaxing shower and made his way over to Molly's. He felt a little better, as if he had more energy, even though he didn't think the iron tablets would have kicked in yet as he hadn't really been taking them long enough. Herrmann and Otis had insisted that he should come along to try one of the home brews they had made and Casey wasn't about to turn down any free beer, especially on a Saturday night when he wasn't working the next day.
As soon he entered the crowded bar he spotted Severide over in the corner with Capp and Tony. When he spotted the woman he was talking to an indignant beast rose up in his chest, he had to look away, his lips pursed together as he made his way over to the bar.
Casey was sitting at the bar in Molly's nursing a glass of the very potent home brew when Severide sidled over to him, standing next to Casey as he ordered a couple of drinks. He turned to Casey. "Any good?" he asked, looking at the glass in his hand.
Casey simply nodded his head in response, taking another mouthful.
"Still on for tomorrow?" Severide questioned.
"Why wouldn't I be?" He was actually surprised that Severide still wanted to go for a run with him after the way he'd treated him yesterday.
"'Cause you look like a strong wind could knock you over…" Severide just grinned at him, handing over some bills to Herrmann behind the bar.
Casey stared down at the bar, gazing into the beer glass, distracted by Severide's remark.
Severide realised what he had said and back peddled straight away. "Sorry. You know how alcohol loosens my tongue."
He chuckled at that. "Doesn't just loosen your tongue…" he commented quietly.
"Come join us," Severide invited, yanking his head in the direction of where he was sitting. "We're going over to Berlin later, Shay's meeting us over there."
"Berlin?" he questioning, smiling at the image of Severide in that club having a good time.
Severide made a face. "I like Berlin. Berlin is cool."
Casey almost spat out his mouthful of beer as he laughed. "Do Capp and Tony think Berlin is cool?" he asked, eyes widened, questioningly.
"Ok, well, they're not coming…" Severide admitted.
"Yeah, I'm not coming either," Casey told him, sipping his beer again. Severide took his change from Herrmann and picked up the two drinks from the bar.
"All right, if you change your mind, heading over in an hour or so," Severide told him. He went back to his table but all Casey could think about was getting out of Molly's and heading home, so he finished off his glass of beer, thanked Herrmann and set off back to the comfort of his house.
Casey was sweating and panting as he struggled to keep up with Severide as they pounded along the lakefront the next morning. Every time Casey's feet hit ground his head pounded, his vision blurred and his chest heaved breathlessly. Suddenly he found himself falling. He only just managed to get his hands in front of himself to break his fall, and stop his head smacking onto the concrete.
Severide spun around to see Casey on the ground on his hands and knees. "Shit, Casey!" he called, running back the few feet that separated them.
Casey just looked up at him and laughed. "Just wanted to see your face…"
"What?" Severide replied, taken aback, bending over, checking Casey over.
"Wanted to see how concerned you would be," Casey teased. "I faked it," he added when the expression Severide's face remained the same.
Severide's face was somewhat stony. He didn't believe Casey for one minute. "Your hands are bleeding. And if you faked it; why aren't you getting up?"
Casey just looked up at him, he didn't have an answer, he didn't have any answers. He was silent as he got up onto his feet, and looked at his hands. His palms were grazed and tiny stones were embedded in the torn flesh.
"Knee's bleeding," Severide remarked, nodding down at Casey's right leg where there was a bloody graze on his kneecap, it seemed to bleed more profusely than it should have done.
"Damn..." he heard Casey say under his breath. Severide sighed, folding his arms across his front as he stood in front of Casey. "Matt, what the hell is going on with you?"
"I…"
"Don't bullshit me," he warned.
"I don't know," Casey answered truthfully. "Just been really tired lately."
"You're not sleeping?" he pressed.
Casey just shrugged, really not wanting to go into all this now. And besides, he was able to sleep, but no matter how much or how little sleep he got, it made no difference. He still felt constantly exhausted and his head felt heavy.
"Let's walk back, take it steady," Severide suggested, seeing Casey's discomfort following his fall.
"I can keep going…"
"Not sure you can," Severide responded. "You know… we have our differences and stuff has got in the way too, but you can talk to me, I know I can be a bit of a dick sometimes… if you're having nightmares though, well, it's something we all go through I think, and I know… I know you saw… you saw Andy die, and we see a lot of shit, so it's no shame to need help. Because, well, it's starting to show, Casey."
"Don't need a shrink…"
"So talk to me?" Severide pushed.
He shook his head. "I've got nothing to talk about."
Casey turned up to the CFD Winter Fundraiser wearing a pair of worn stone washed jeans, a red checked shirt and his old leather jacket, which hadn't gotten much wear lately but he'd spotted it hanging at the back of his wardrobe and decided to wear it for a change, and it fitted nicely now. The fall weather was still pleasantly warm but Casey grew cold easily, especially when he was tired and he'd not recovered from the run yet. As he walked along he spotted Shay, he headed over towards her.
"Nice jacket." She grinned at him, passing him a beer from the cooler.
He just gave a little shrug in response and accepted the beer. "Is Severide around?" he asked casually, taking a mouthful, his eyes searching the area for the subject of his query.
"Yeah, we came together, he's around somewhere… why?"
He gave another shrug, and drank some more beer.
"How was your run this morning?"
"Huh?"
"Severide said he went out with you," she pried.
"It was fine," he answered.
"Uh huh… you didn't trip over then?"
"Oh that, it was nothing," he insisted, looking anywhere but at Shay. "Heather and the boys are here," he announced as he saw the three of them walking beneath one of the big CFD banners.
The two of them went over to greet the Darden's. The two boys were ecstatic to see Casey, since it had been a few weeks since he'd been by to visit. He took them over to where one of the live bands were playing whilst Heather and Shay accompanied each other over to the bar area, engrossed in conversation as they went.
"It's really good to see you, Heather," Shay began as they sat down at a bench with their drinks. They had a good view of the small stage and they could see Casey with Ben and Griffin. "How have you been?" she asked sincerely, both of them focused ahead on the boys and Casey.
"Some days everything's normal and fine, other's… well, it is what it is," she responded, offering Shay a small smile. "I've considered moving away but then I think the boys would miss Chicago, and everyone has been so great, making sure things are always taken care of. And I'm fairly settled with the new job I have. I would miss all of you, but don't get me wrong, sometimes things like this just remind me too much of Andy… Matt has been so great though, the boys would miss him. He is family to them."
"He comes around a lot?"
"Not as often as before but I understand that. He needs to move on from what happened," she answered.
"He loves spending time with Ben and Griffin," Shay responded.
"Yeah, he really does, and I don't think I can take that away from them. Not yet anyway," she added. "Talking of Matt…" she began, broaching carefully.
Shay glanced across at her before responding. "I'm keeping an eye on him."
Severide was sitting at a picnic bench, beer in his hand, surrounded by his crew. His focus was on Casey though, and not the conversation that was buzzing around him. Severide realised that Casey had spotted him when he'd taken Ben and Griffin over towards the stage area, and he also knew Casey would try to avoid him after what had happened on their run together earlier. He wasn't going to try and push his luck, not in here in front of everyone, not when Casey's hot Irish temper seemed even hotter than usual. Besides it was nice to see how Casey's mood had brightened up with the boys, making him look younger than his years, making him radiate with boyish happiness now he was with them. Severide wasn't going to put a damper on the afternoon for him, he wasn't going to raise any more worries about his fall earlier, if Casey said he had it handled then he just needed to believe that. He took another few swigs from the bottle, finishing the beer.
He wanted to forget about him, to let Casey just get on with his own life. Severide needed to realise that his actions had consequences and he reckoned Casey would never truly forgive him for what happened after Andy's death. He'd probably never fully trust Severide again, not with his personal life. But still he couldn't get Casey out of his mind lately, their animosity had almost vanished in the past few months and things almost seemed to be returning to normal. Severide wasn't sure they'd ever completely get past what had happened though, not after the damage he himself had caused. Now he was worried about Casey though. As much as he tried not to be, there was concern growing inside him every time he saw the man. The man he had kissed back. Sometimes he wished that had never happened, because if it hadn't maybe things wouldn't be so hard now.
TBC
